Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Oh man, I feel so bummed for you.

Your husband is showing some real controling behavers. Has this been accompanyed by any other controling moves? Not liking your friends & getting angry when you see them? Fighing with your family & being cold to you after you go visit them?

If so get into couples councling right away. It's a red flag for me that he wont do you but "insists" you get him off. Also admiting he maniplated you with sex to be in the relashionship is very strange & telling. If he would manipulate you in such a strange & needless way what else is he willing to do to get what he wants?

 

Let me just say, there is nothing wrong with your cycle. In fact having sex, orgasims, & getting yourself off will help with cramps.

Ask him who told him"normal" people didn't do it? Maby he is really into it & became embaresed because it was turning him on so much & somone told him it wasnt normal. I think someone already mentioned this, actualy.

Ask him, why is this so importent to change? & if this is something thats not going to change let him know that if he wont get you off than he dosn't get any sweetsweet either.

 

Also you are SO young to be maried & in a 4 year relashionship. My goodness. Please remember you change so much in the next 6 years. Whatever changes happen to you, & to him are going to be natural. Growing apart may happen, & you may be one of those couples that stay together forever, good luck on that. But for that to happen your husband needs to learn that you are his treasure & manulaption is not healthy.

Wow. If he wont have sex with you then the problem is NOT in your head. It's real, & you are right to address it.

You have been married 2 years & have only made love once, you pleasure him I'm assuming with the ways that are not full on sex, hands & mouth. So basicly you are his slave. If you want to be in a sub position with him then embrace it. But if this is a problem like you say it is you need to lay down the law right away.

He dosn't do you, you don't do him. Sure this can develop into a war of Attrition but it's already so bad in my eyes if it comes to that, leave. You deserve better. If you can't leave you need to gain some of your selfrespect back. Being his sexual slave is nt a way to instill hope & respect. If you have a weight problem, he knew this when you were dating. Did he do you then?

There are a lot more questions I want to ask but I hope you start with speaking up tp him & telling him that this is hurting your bady image, your heart, & your soul, & you wont stand for it anymore. If he is willing to go to councling then thats a great first step & you can strt working on some of thesexual issues. If he can get off & your getting him off, he should be returning the favor. If he refuses it's a control game. See the last post I made in this thread & ask yourself if thats whats happining to you.

You are a person, with a heart & soul, just because you are fat, at the moment I might add, dosn't mean you don't deserve respect & an orgasim now & again.

Toss away that scale & go by how your clothes hang. Think how envyous others will be when you say "Oh I lost some weight...How much? I'm not sure, I just know I went down 3 sizes." Gigglingn on your way to the dressing room with your new stash of clothes!

Hey

This is my first time doing this.  I have a daughter that is 14 months old, and she's the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I love her very much, and my husband and I are very happy.  I feel like I'm stuck in a rut though.  I still can't manage to lose the rest of my baby fat, and it's embarasing.  My husband still thinks I'm sexy, but it's hard for me to think of myself the same way.  He's very loving, but I hate the way I look.  I've tried walking a couple of miles everyday, and I try to eat better, but it seems like nothing helps!  If anybody has any ideas or encouragement I would love to hear from you. Thanks!

Hey guys. I have been reading up on circumcision, in preparation of the birth of my child--incase it's a boy. My husband wants him circumcised because he doesn't want him teased. After reading up on it and seeing pics of the procedure, I think he will have to pry the child from my cold dead hands before I let it happen. He's still out of town, so I will wait until he gets back to broach the subject.

It's funny that only about 83% of males world wide are NOT circumcised, the majority of those who are are American. It started in the 1880s when wacko doctors, thinking masturbation caused illness such as blindness, etc. encouraged circumcision to de-sensitize the penis and discourage masturbation. Circumcision as a cure for masturbation!! Come to find out, with the glans exposed and rubbing against clothing, it does de-sensitize and toughen the penis, but that leads to MORE masturbation and harder thrusting during sex. Men with natural penises have more nerve endings, the head is protected and sensitive, so they get more sexual gratification from intercourse...supposed to help the lady keep wet and enjoy more shallow gentle stroke.

I was wondering who out there had partners with or without foreskin, how they felt in bed and if either seemed more prone to porn/masturbation or not. I am really curious. I have only been with four men, all circumcised and none were exceptional, sensitive strokers.

I am a man not circumcised. (european that explains a lot =) ) And well it is true that a penis is less sensitive when circumcised. The procedure is not necessary, so when not doing it out of religious reasons I would advice against it. (I like it the way I am.) (every procedure brings a little risk with it even if it is only a very tiny risk there is a risk.)

 

The masturbating or watching porn has more to do with sexdrive and personal preference then cicumcision I guess, even though I have no evidence to support that theory. As for the partner thing well I couldn't say anything on that, I'm not homosexual so... =)

My wife says the same things and don't tell her she needs to lose weight. 

I love my wife but she keeps turningme down for sex because she doesn't like her body.

NEWSFLASH... Most guys don't care about how much you weigh as long as you are having sex with him.

I have recently been reading "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by the guy that did "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".  He writes about a couple of really good points.  Women need to feel love to want sex and men feel love while having sex.  Basically though having sex he feels closer to you and more love while you are needing him to make you feel loved to make you want to have sex.  Perhaps by thinking about what he is telling you by wanting to have sex with you... he wants to be with you and wants to feel connected to you... on the flip side you need to find a safe way to tell him you need more... generally men are really bad about taking hints and arguing just provokes the tough guy thing.... I don't know him so i can't say how to handle it but in my mind he still loves you and wants to be with you you just need some outside help in getting the communication thing going  .... try counselling

I have an odd issue.  I am overweight at 235 lbs and 5'3.  My boyfriend/fiance is also overweight, but much more so, at 350 lbs and 6'2.  I think he weighs more and is lying, because he is just expansive.  He flesh doesn't even know where to go anymore, it just folds everywhere.  I, myself, have self esteem and body image issues due to my weight and now I exercise (walk or bike) everyday for an hour.  I have lost 15 lbs since I started and weighed 280 a little over a year ago.  However, he says he is losing weight and I'm just not seeing it.  What I see is him bringing home groceries and rushing a bag to his room as if I don't know he has sweets in it.  I find wrappers of Ho-Ho's and other bad-for-you trash in his room.  He tries to hide it more, but it is obvious.  We went to mom's house and he made two types of dips (he's a great chef) and then devoured three plates of it, then went back an hour later to snack on it, barely leaving any for my sleeping brother.  We are sexually active, but it is getting difficult for his eating habits and weight to not affect how I see him sexually.  I couldn't even get turned on after giving him a massage because I made the mistake of asking him to shed his clothes in the light and saw every bit of him in the unforgiving illumination. I know I am fat as well, but I am just completely disgusted by him. I love him, and I want to marry him, but I don't know if I will be able to stay with him if he does not get healthier.  He thinks his work is enough exercise (wrapping DVD's at a factory) and I've never once seen him physically exercise (I work from home).  I also don't see him maintaining a habit of eating small portions unless I am up his arse.  This is getting tiring, I don't want to look at him, let alone talk to him because I am so angry and disgusted.  I have always had hot, lean men and he is the first big man I've ever been with.  I keep trying to look past it, and in every other instance of our relationship I can, but I can't when it comes to sex.  I just can't. I don't care what anyone says:  I know I'm fat, too, and that he looks past it, but I'm just not that good of a person.  I wish I could get Dr. Phil's opinion on this. I've been trying to be nicer about it to my boyfriend and not nag him on his eating habits as much, but then I just see them worsen instead of improve.  Does anyone else in the world have this issue, I know I cannot be alone in this.

My first marriage my husband raped me and did some of the things that my father did to me as a child.  When I had my first daughter is when I found out about the abuse.  I started going to therapy in regards to being sexally abused since birth through 12 years old.  Not only did my husband rape me, but mentally and physically abused me.  I waited before I got married for the second time.  I had different things that I was looking for.  I knew that I needed to truly trust the next person that I was with.  Well I have been married to my husband for 8 years now and dated for 1 year prior.  I have 5 children, luckily no stretch marks and had a great sex life with him until I got pregnant with our first child together.  He mentioned to me while I was pregnant, that he didn't find pregnant women attractive.  He also doesn't find overweight women attractive.  This all happened back in 2001.  I was 5'11 and 135 before this child.  I gained just about 80 pounds and lost most of the weight except for about 40 pounds.  No problem with sex at that time, but not as frequent.  

 

Now last year in October I had to quit smoking because I was having breathing problems.  No doctors have been able to figure out anything.  At that time I had lost about 40 pounds.  Was feeling and looking good about myself.  About 2 months later my stomach started to bloat out and am now at a whopping 215 pounds.  I am not overeating in fact I hardly eat, I have lost my appitite.  My husband and I have not had sex since November of last year.  Wow kind of a coinsidence.  He has an excuse for everything.  He says that his prostate hurts or the kids have been up or whatever.  A couple of weeks ago I came out and asked him does he not find me attractive because I am fat now.  I am still going to therapy  for 3 years with during this marriage and feel that a lot of my problems keep coming back to this situation.  I found someone that I fully trusted with sex and now like a child he has taken the cookie jar away.  Right now it is hard to find a job, I am looking and filling out applications everyday.  As I know that I need to get out of this marriage.  I have grown and with him thinking that therapists are quacks he hasn't.  There are many other ways to  have sex than with his protate if you know what I mean.  I am tired of bringing this up all of the time and feel that he is  not telling me everything. This is now causing me grief as I am hating him for what he is doing to us.  This is why most people get married, meaning that you assume you are going to have sex with your husband.  I am not interested in an affair and I no that he isn't either.  He doesn't like toys, even though I went and bought one.  It isn't the same.  How am I supposed to get out of this depressed and anxious state living like this.  I know now through therapy that it isn't me.  He has some sort of disfunction.  I guess I just needed to get others opinions on this as I believe that I am pretty and deserve some loving.  Let me know what you think.  PS.  We don't even go out on dates.  All he does is work, watch tv or sleep.