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Apathetic
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April 11, 2009, 3:48 pm PDT
Body Image & Sex Appeal
Quote From: ezeltjieWell, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be. I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at. I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old. The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm. It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body. He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear. This doesn't really help my self-esteem. This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him. He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me. Is the problem with me? Am I making unnecessary strife between us? I cannot help the way I feel. As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday. It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life. I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general. But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room. He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing. It has an effect on us, and our sex life. He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off. Is there something wrong with me? Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here? Have you seen the Valerie Bernadelli commercial or People Cover? She is 48 years old and a mommy and looks like a Playboy model. Now, not everyone is her and can afford Jenny, and a personal chef and trainer. BUT if you really want to lose the weight, it is called "ganas" in Spanish. It means "the desire"....do you really want to leave the Dr. Phil Show behind and go to the gym, and get on the Treadmill for an hour? Do you really want to give up the rich desserts and the McDonald's treats 4 times a week? I had someone who was once special, and she gained 40 pounds after the pregnancy. I am going to sound like a real jack*** here, but the bottom line fact was, as much as I loved her, the desire just wasnt there anymore. She really couldnt turn me on, and this affected our relationship DRAMATICALLY, especially when I would see my friend's and relative's spouses hitting the gym after 2-3 kids and maintaining the body of a 22 year old. Their hubbies were NOT complaining, and they had great relationships. It sounds superficial and hateful, but taking care of our bodies REGARDLESS of jobs, kids and pregnancies is flat out RESPECTFUL of ourselves and our spouses/signifigant others. She would often complain when I spent a lot of time at the gym. So I stopped going, put on weight, and guess what? The little snide comments about my additional weight started right away. I flat out feel better when I weigh a certain amount and fit into certain favorite jeans. It makes me feel sexier, and more outgoing, interested in life. I happened to run into an old friend from 20 years ago, high school, and her body was still the same as then. Guess what? She defintley triggered me sexually. Get yourself a gym membership and an even once every pay period personal trainer, Eat healthier, your sex life will thank you for it.
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