Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

 I don't understand why some men think anything other than a tight vagina isn't good. Perhaps it's him that can't quite measure up. Men who think a tight vagina is what they want are probably the same guys who think large breasts are a way to measure a woman's sexiness. But then, as I always say, some men think that sex is like NASCAR racing, the bigger the engine the sooner you cross the finish line.
Let's be honest here, just because you've had four babies doesn't take away from your sexiness, your intelligence, your warmth, love, creativity. Actually, having children enhances a woman. (When my ex was pregnant, she became sexier to me.) You are more than a vagina or breasts. You are a person with wonderful qualities, and it's a fool who doesn't see that.
And if he still insists that you do the kegel exercises, tell him that he doesn't measure up to you. In fact, tell him that when he's inside you hardly know he's there. I have to wonder if your husband is the type of guy who thinks sex is putting his penis inside you and then pumping away. Wow, great action honey, just hope you enjoy it.
And is his focus just on his own orgasm? Another stupid husband only interested in getting off his rocks? Why is it that this husband doesn't understand that sex is a two-way street, giving and receiving to mutual satisfaction. Or, how about him just giving satisfaction without thought to himself or his desires? Wow, that would be a novel approach.
I wouldn't worry your vagina or how your husband feels about it. If he has a problem, tell him to have four children through his penis or butt and see how he feels after. I'm sure he'd have a different outlook on your vagina. Finally, as for telling his gal pal: I'd worry why he's confiding so much information in a gal pal. Doesn't sound like that's healthy for your relationship.

I would just like to say that my body image has greatly depressed me and has a very negative affect on how I perceive myself, what I feel my partner perceives of me and SEX APPEAL??? What sex appeal?  I am a fairly attractive young woman who just turned 30 years old, a California blonde, who looks just fine as long as I am completely clothed.  Unfortunately, I suffered from a chronic illness (ulcerative colitis) from the time I was 15.  In January of 2000, I had to have an emergency colectomy due to the severity of my disease which has left me with irreversable, absolutely disgusting scars on my abdomen.  My abdomen is so disgusting, I find it hard to be nude in a room by myself.  My body sickens me and every time I see myself nude in the mirror, I am constantly reminded of the horrific surgery and the terrible job my surgeon did in "chopping me up".  Perhaps if the surgeon were a woman, I might not have been left so deformed.  My scars have a very dramatic affect on my sex life.  I refuse to allow my fiance to see me in the nude if there is ANY amount of light in the room.  It pains me to have to "deny" him of my love for him and/or interest in making love to him if there is any form of light, unless I have some sort of T-shirt or other item to cover my stomach.  I would give anything to be able to feel more attractive to him and make love to him as often as I/he would like to, however, my scars and self image are a major barrier to our relationship and our sex life.  I am EXTREMELY self-conscious and INSECURE with my body and would do ANYTHING to be able to have a body that was worth looking at even if it's just a little candle light. 

Belly Dance is the key to body image and sex appeal! 

  

Almost everyone considers Belly Dancing an erotic art, but it was actually started as a dance for women to entertain themselves amongst one another. Just a fun, casual for of entertainment (plus it can definitely be cardio too!) 

  

If you get a good teacher, you can come out of Belly Dancing completely in tune with your sexuality, your body and love the rolls and jiggles you have because they help you move. You get into these classes of all women and you learn that you can make your body work for you! It's not always about perfecting the art so that you can perform but it's about moving and having fun and being sexy because you want to be! 

  

I've never belly danced for my partner, I'd feel too silly, but my new confidence positively effect the way we interact and the way I think about myself. I feel feminine and beautiful, and being able to turn to myself for that acceptance takes the pressure off my partner to have to reassure me.  

  

And jingle belts are incredibly fun to wear around the house...  

It's understandable why you feel so depressed about your body, after all, we're daily bombarded by media hype about our bodies, our appearance. Reality is that sexiness has nothing to do with body, after all, the naked body is not sexy. It's the perception that allows us to see something as sexy. So, sexiness is an attitude.

First, if you feel sexy, then it carries over to yourself. But the first step is to work through the attitude of the scars. Scars are a natural part of healing. Unfortunately, the more we "pick" on the scars or scabs the more we bleed and open up a new wound.  I wonder if your constant "obsessing" about those scars opens new wounds?

Second, when my ex was pregnant, she started getting stretch marks. I didn't care because they were part of her and her pregnancy. But she applied some type of butter that helped lessen the stretch marks. I don't know what's available on the market for your surgery scars but I'm sure there's something. Also, my exgirlfriend had breast augmentation, heaven knows why because for me her breast size were not an  issue (breast size does not measure a woman's sexiness or her intelligence, it's a guy thing), She was scarred and regretted the surgery. But I didn't care. Again, it's who she was as a person, who she was that remained after the surgery that was important.

Third, so your body is scarred, you're still the same wonderful, sexy person you were before the surgery. Perhaps this is just me, but when you're making love, aren't there more thrills in looking at your partner's face, looking into her eyes? And when you're making love, even with the lights on, aren't you wrapped up in kissing her body up and down, going crazy with delurium and passion that you forget about the small scars and minor flaws?

When your boyfriend fell in love with you, didn't he fall in love with you with your clothes on? What made him fall in with you fully clothed that changes when you're nude? If you're that same person now, being nude doesn't change his love for you. Does it?

Finally, if you still worry about what your boyfriend sees of your body, try wearing lingerie. A nighty with crotchless panties that cover the scars.

Live well...

Hi: 

  

I have been in a 12 year relationship with an older man.  For the last 8 years we have had separate bedrooms so there has been no sex at all and I have waited around hoping for things to get better, but they have only gotten worse.  He has asked me to find another residence so I have sold everything that is precious to me and have purchased my own home.  The problem that I am facing is that it has been so long without any kind of affection I am afraid that I will not be able to get on with my life and be able to enjoy sex again.  Does anyone have any advice that may be helpful for me? 

  

    I watched this show and the commercial following the opening was for a cream to help make you look younger. I got pencil and paper and counted TOO many commercials aimed at women. Color you hair, buy a cream, loose weight. Sit down and count just during one show. We let ourselves get caught up in this. If women would put the money towards changing our world. Just think what it would be like. Billions of dollars are spent each year. To make us look younger and why are we doing this? Just to please a man. Do they worry about how they look?  

My Dear Lady, 

  

I have been where you are, and I know what a scary place it is.  It's not even the fear of being alone - some relationships can be so much lonlier than being alone - It's actually more a fear of NOT being alone.  Am I right?  It's been so long since you've had real intimate contact with another, that you're not sure you're still capable of those feeelings, or of opening up to someone.  

  

You are very vulnerable right now, so be cautious about contact with men.  You may be so hungry for that contact that you end up getting involved in something too soon... and both you and the man involved have the potential to get hurt if you're in the wrong thing for the wrong reason.  Conversely, you may be so scared that you don't let anybody close... which is not the healthy way to live your life either.   

  

I know it's easy for someone else to say, but try not to even worry about it.  Just concentrate on rebuilding the other areas of your life.  As for love, you find the best things when you're NOT LOOKING.  And when a man comes into your life unsolicited and unexpectedly who makes you feel genuinely appreciated, believe me, you will still enjoy lovemaking just as much as you did before the years of deprivation and emotional damage.  The flood gates will open, and there will be healing passion, if you wait for the right man who will make it feel like the precious communion that it can be.  But if you go out looking for it right now, well... the kind of hunter that picks off a wounded bird is not usually anyone that you're likely to be able to respect.  Please keep to yourself and take the time to heal and rebuild first. 

I am pretty sick of having sex shoved down my throat by talentless media executives and writers who apparently have nothing else on their minds. It is true: sex sells. Have Americans become so self-absorbed and feeble minded that we are going to let a few unprincipled ad executives decide what we are to read, hear, and watch. A few years ago showing women in underwear on TV would have resulted in heavy fines and revocation of broadcasting privileges. Now, it is a requirement for ratings. Here is a real thought provoker: If you are busy thinking about sex or your appearance, you are too busy to think about how the unholy alliance of government, big business, and the fundamentalist religious movement is planning to take over your life for you. If you believe otherwise, their campaign of misinformation and propaganda is working. These overpaid, undertalented girls look like they are starving to death, and obviously have been enhanced by surgery. Real women have curves and personalities, and as far as I know don't spend their time dancing around in their underwear, though I might not complain about it if they did. As Dr. Phil likes to say: GET REAL!!!  

Thank you very much for your input.  The way I figure it is now that I have purchased my first home (closing date is 12/22) and will be living alone for the first time in my life, I need to take plenty of time to get all aspects of my life in order, and make sure I am financially stable.  I sure hope you are right about the right person when I am not looking because I am for sure not looking at all.  I am not sure that I can go through this kind of pain inflicted by a man again and that is what is scary.  I don't want to turn into a hermit who is afraid to interact with people which could be very easy for me to do as I am a medical transcriptionist and I work full-time from home and really never need to leave my home except to go to the grocery store.  I did purchase Dr. Phil's book Self Matters and hope to start reading it just as soon as I get into my home.  It is my understanding that it is an excellent book.  It will be a hard road of emotional healing and trying to find trust.

I've been seeing someone for the last two months that I dated 24 yrs. ago before he and I married.  His wife died three years ago and I divorced after a 23 year marriage ( not my choose).  I'm ready to get on with my life.  A strange problem has come about that I have no answers for.  We are both very committed to our faith and church.  We now live in different states.  He has been dating a woman from his church for over a year.  During that time she has become handicapped.  Now he does not what to let others in their church know they are no longer a couple.  Will not take me to church with him when I visit.  He has told this other woman about me, yet feels obligated to her in some ways because of her physical limitations.  When do I say enough, either back a clear break from this woman and take me to church with you or were done or do I need to give it more time.  We have only been dating again for two months.  (we both travel and see each other about every two weeks).  Am I expecting to much to soon?  Is it only right to give him time to slowly change their relationship in the eyes of their church family slowly?   

  

Lastly, am I being to "easy" to get?         Thanks,  

  

Sincerely, New at this.