Quote From: niccijoWell, I was married back in October and have the most wonderful husband!!! He makes me feel wonderful and has always let it be known that he loves me and my body. I however, have a different opinion. I have always had a very low self esteem when it comes to my body. Starting in the 6th grade when kids can be brutal, I experimented with eating disorders. I have battled both anorexia and bulimia ever since. I have destroyed my body on the inside from this and have nothing positive to show on the outside for it. My husband knows that I have been battling these problems and is very supportive in trying to help me overcome them....But he doesn't understand that it just isn't that easy. Even when he tries to tell me that i'm sexy or that he wants to be with me, it makes me feel sick inside. I guess mainly because when I look at me I can't see anything appealing so I can't imagine that he would. It's frustrating for him, and even more so for me because I want to badly not to even worry about it ever again. I have lost a little bit of weight recently and it made a big difference in how I viewed sex and myself, however I still think I have a long way to go and I'm worried that if I can't overcome these problems psychologically that I might push him away. Any advice from people who have been through similiar things???
hi there, i know almost exactly the way you feel. i battled with eating disorders for the majority of my life. i have only really been in control of my eating disorders for about 11 months now. i, like you I am married to the most amazing man and we have a beautiful one year old son together. i hid my eating disorders from my husband for the first year of our relstionship, even now he doesnt know the full extent of it, but it is painful to relive that time in my life because i see it as a total waste. i was diagnosed with anorexia at 14, at 16 i was hospitalised, by the time i was 18 i was full blown bulimic, by 20, a compulsive eater! i am now 23 and i look better than i ever have in my life. while i was pregnant with my son i began to control my eating for his sake, not mine, my intention was to revert back to my previous behaviors once the baby was born. after 3 months of morning sickness i had a different view of food, in february last year i gave birth to my son, with no complications and i felt amazing, powerful and beautiful. I still feel that way. i walk with my head held high now. before my pregnancy i hid under the covers and wouldnt let my husband see me naked. he felt that there was something wrong with him and that i wasnt attracted to him and it put pressure on our relationship. noiw we play badminton in the living room with not a stitch of clothing on. we skinny-dip in the pool and we bath together more often than not. i dont have a perfect figure at all. but i love my body. after my son was born i made the decision that if i could have made it through the pregnancy, labour and birth, i could just stop worrying about eating and the size of my body, i had done it for my entire pregnancy so i proved that i could do it. you just have to make that decision for yourself, dont worry about actively losing weight, rather concerntrate on being happy and loving yourself. the weight will fall off without you having to try. if i could do it, so can you. your marriage will be all the better for it, and you will have a renewed view on yourself and life, that brings about a kind of confidence that only the people that have been through what you and i have, can really understand. it is hard and you will need your husbands support, but its not as hard as you think.
please do yourself a favour and put it behind you, make the decision today not to be riddled with eating disorders anymore. if you want my email address, i will gladly give it to you, you can contact me anytime for support.
