Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: sillygirly

• hello everyone, i have a question to ask. i want to know if i should dump my boyfriend of almost 9 years because of this problem we have..i found i letter that my boyfriend wrote and this is what it said......

 

"I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 8 years. She is a very pretty girl and she is also my best friend. We get along and agree on everything. We enjoy most all of the same things and I am very much in love with her. There is only one small little problem, She is skinny as hell. I mean she has a very nice shaped body, it is merely to thin. She is about 5' 3" and weighs between 115-117 Lbs. I always thought in the back of my head she would gain weight over the years, but she has not. Her mother is large and so is her brother, most everyone in her family except her. She always opts for low calorie foods and has a very small appetite in general. I however am suffering in a big way because I am VERY VERY attracted to fleshy, chubby women (whatever one wants to call them). I see them in stores, at the park on the streets, wearing their tight shirts and jeans. And as I notice the large soft supple beauty I feel my stomach go into knots because I know there is no way I can ever be with a woman of this caliper. I never have been able to touch and most likely never will *tears* You might notice the quagmire, MY best friend /love of my life or soft luscious beauty. Of course I am not so shallow, I need my best friend and I love her and do not want to leave her, but my craving for what I need on a sexual level is growing almost unbearable. Anyways, I tried to talk with her about it. She knows exactly how I feel but absolutely will not try to change anything to gain weight. She finds the whole idea to be repulsive and some form of self mutilation. She hates when I encourage her to eat or gain.  The funny thing is , I love BBWs as much as the next guy but I am so desperate here that I would be really happy and consider it a huge improvement if she were to simply gain to like 130/140 Lbs Which is much better then 115Lbs. She will not even consider it. She actually loves me so much that she has fought with herself over this and occasionally caves out of frustration and says "I will do whatever you want" but that always lasts only for about a day. A day that feels very unnatural, I might add. She is miserable the whole time and It becomes very militant like I have her in boot camp. Not the kind of loving, feeding, nurturing I would like to share with her, as if it were to just be that way naturally. Some guys are so lucky just to have a chubby girl anyways and not have to be in this situation. I truly am burning with envy for all you lucky bastards, ( think of that next time you get to caress your womans soft belly roll in your hand. ) Atleast if I had that I could silently appreciate her chub even if she hated it. OHHHH I am sooooooo depressed. This has been a constant struggle in my head for 8 years. Please somebody help !!!!! Questions, comments , suggestions ,similar stories!! Anything would be GREATLY appreciated." 

 

 

 

• now my concern is that i dont want to be oblagated to change my body type. i wounder if im being selfish or to vain. this as become such a problem that, i think we may be better off not together. i dont really know what to do

Quote From: ezeltjie

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be.  I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at.  I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old.  The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm.  It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body.  He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear.  This doesn't really help my self-esteem.  This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him.  He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me.  Is the problem with me?  Am I making unnecessary strife between us?  I cannot help the way I feel.  As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday.  It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life.  I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general.  But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room.  He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing.  It has an effect on us, and our sex life.  He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

Quote From: ezeltjie

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be.  I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at.  I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old.  The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm.  It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body.  He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear.  This doesn't really help my self-esteem.  This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him.  He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me.  Is the problem with me?  Am I making unnecessary strife between us?  I cannot help the way I feel.  As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday.  It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life.  I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general.  But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room.  He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing.  It has an effect on us, and our sex life.  He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

Quote From: blush_

this is so unatural but its true. 

  

ok im 14, grade nine 5' exactly and one other thing. 

  

im 80 pounds. 

  

Its sounds gross, but i dont have a eating disorder and i dot have any bones sticking out of my body. Im picky eater. but i eat alot. especialy fatty foods 

  

i dont know whats wrong with me. 

  

You see all these people on dr phil with there weight problems. 

  

Does weight problems only mean you need to lose weight? 

  

like i wish i could gain weight, i try. i eat alot. 

  

YET! 

  

im so skinny. 

  

Quote From: latingirl

Sorry Guy but you need to let go of what ever image you think you want.  If you love this girl as much as you say you  do, then why on Earth would some girl at store catch your eye that much that you would insult your girl and tell her to gain weight.  She NEEDS to be happy with herself and it's overly selfish of you to expect her to step below her own standards to satisfy your personal attraction.  No way should you make her feel like she is not good enough, and that is what you are doing.  You will drive her away with this attitude.  She wants someone that will love her for her and not care what her weight is!  I am sure you are not perfect, as none of us are.  So please for the sake of her feelings and self worth, STOP with the nonsense. Or let her GO and you can go find what you need and then realize, looks and weight don't make one happy.

Quote From: jgarret1

I have gained over 70 pounds after the birth of my daughter who is now 9 years old. I have tried to lose the weight but it has never fallen off. I feel very unattractive. I feel like a fat slob. I don't feel sexy at all. I don't feel my husband thinks I am sexy. When we are intimate, I turn the lights off so he cannot look at me.I feel ashamed of my body. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don't see how I can be sexually satisfying to my husband. This insecurity is probably ruining our sex life and our marriage. I don't know what to do.

Quote From: flitrflies

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting when I'm HURT... 

  

Straight to the point. My husband, of 3 years and a 10 month old baby :o), comes home, late, last night and tells me I should do those vagina exercises. Where in the heck does that come from?  

  

Apparently, he was discussing (and how my vagina comes about in a conversation ??????) this with his GAL PAL.  IT'S MY VAGINA. Where does he get off bringing this topic outside of our marriage?  

  

I thought the past few weeks of our relationship were starting to mend after all the emotional and hormonal unbalances I was coping with. We were starting to reconnect with one another. To find out that he thinks my vagina is a gaping hole. Damn. And he couldn't come to me and tell ME, his WIFE.  

  

Am I not a female? I know all about kegel exercises, yes I was doing them after I had our baby. But the 6 weeks I had to wait before I could make love with him.... when we did and I noticed he wasn't enjoying it, I stopped doing those vagina exercises. 

  

I feel violated. Embarrassed. I know this is a normal thing to have happen after pregnancy, she is my fourth baby, why couldn't he find it in his heart to ask me, to tell me another girl. I feel like he cheated on me.  

  

Does she now feel proud? They do have this flirty kinda relationship, and I never said anything about it, nor do I care, but there is no justification to discuss my vagina with her, a buddy okay I wouldn't feel this way I would take it as helpful info....I'm so hurt   

  

The biggest question on my mind is how this conversation came about, did he ask this to make me look bad? 

  

I've told him all this, but he just sees it as being helpful, for his own satisfaction/pleasure, I'm guessing.  

  

Now what happens when I see her? Is she going to be thinking... did she tighten up her situation or is her vagina still flabby? 

  

Oh did he talk about his personal problem with her...No! That might make him look like less of a man. I have never ever told anyone, not even my bestest friend about his problem. I have tried to discuss it with him, but he just ignores the topic, even though, and from the beginning of the relationship, I took notice of it.  

  

I can't believe this.