Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

I know my earlier post is strictly on the scientific level - but you sound like your being very hard on yourself.  Yes - your man probably does notice other women, but so do the husbands of Halle Berry, Angelina Jole and Selma Hayek.  Like I stated it is engrained in our DNA.  What isn't engrained in our DNA is who we choose to love - and your man has chosen to love you!!  From you post, it sounds as if he is still very attracted to you.  From your picture your appear to be an attractive woman.  I'm obviously no doctor but it sounds like you might have some serious self esteem or maybe even a type of body dismorphic syndrome where all you can do is concentrate on the little things that you perceive as wrong with your body and not all the things that are right.  As far as toning your stomach and breasts - have you tried resistance training (i.e. weight lifting).  You'd be surprised how quickly you can tone up muscles with resistance training.  Just don't hurt yourself!  Bottom line is it sounds like your man loves the way you look and more importantly he loves you!!  My hope and prayers for you achieving your goals and happiness .  Take care - Kman

Thank you for all your responses to my problem.  I feel alot better.  I just wish I could one time...look in the mirror...and think....that is a hot woman looking back at me....lol...you know?....

I will get over it I guess....maybe not....but I want to thank each and everyone of you for your help and concern...

God Bless you all,

Angela

this is my first time, so here goes...

 

i was married for 23 years.  my ex left me in october 2005.  found out shortly after that he was having an affair with our oldest daughter's friend, 26.  we officially divorced in november 2006.  i don't think a whole month has gone by this whole time - up to present - that we haven't slept together at least once.  lately, it's been weekly.  i don't know if i still love this man or not.  sometimes i hate him.  i keep telling him it has to stop but i can't say no.  we recently have had short discussions about him moving back in, but after the sex he says he can't.  i feel like such a pushover.  i've actually dated a lot in the past eight months - and, yes, slept around a lot, too.  my ex knows this and doesn't seem to be bothered by it.  i must admit, i love sex and i feel like i need to feel needed.  i know this is getting me nowhere, but i just can't get my crap together.  in 23 years of marriage i probably drank a couple of dozen times, now i drink daily.  i need to drown out my feelings of loneliness and sadness.  i'm a wreck.  i just don't know where to begin putting my life back together and get happy on my own.  i think cutting ties with the ex is the first step, but just can't seem to be able to.  anyone else in the same situation or been there and know how to stop?  i used to be so strong - i hate myself for being so weak now.

But you know that already.   It's the daunting task of cutting him out of your life that's the problem.     I don't think you're alone in this one.  How many women over the ages have struggled with the problem of being drawn to men who were bad for them?

 

Eh, too many to count.  So don't feel too bad about yourself here.   But DO listen to that inner voice that's telling you to stay away from him.    Look at him as if he's a drug and "Just Say No".   

 

I know it doesn't seem that simple, but maybe it will be easier if you make it that simple anyway.    No matter how you feel when he calls....Just Say No.  

 

No matter how lonely you feel on a Friday night and long for his company...Just Say No to the urge to call him.

 

Find something else to keep you busy.  Take up a new hobby, join a reading group or writer's group and an AA group, just to nip you're new found love of drinking in the bud.   

 

You can do this. 

 

You're a woman and women are strong...we bear so much in our lives....you can bear this first stop to being free of this addiction.

 

Best of Luck to you.

I have one question...how would you feel if he wrote the following remark about the woman he had the affair with, what would you think:

"I keep telling her it has to stop but i can't say no."

If you wouldn't buy that from him about his affair, don't sell it to yourself.

Well well well...I've learned and I always share with other women that what you think of yourself will greatly affect your self and body image and if other people telly you differently it won't change a thing because you have already convinced yourself. If you feel awful in an outfit or naked, if someone else tells you you look ravishing it won't make you feel any less shy or uncomfortable. I know how many times I get dressed and then other people tell me Oh my gosh you look stunning but then I don't really feel comfy...what they said didn't change until I changed what I said to myself.

 

To answer the question - well i already have. When I look in the mirror I love what I see, I wear what I feel comfortable in and it's not necessarily revealing, I feel sexy and self confident, I walk with confidence I talk with confidence and no matter what people say as long as I am happy with how I look. Ladies short and less doesn't equal sexy - It all starts with YOU. No matter what try to see yourself as beautiful inside and out. Change what you say to yourself. You hear your own voice most of the time so start reinforcing some POSITIVE SEXY AURA! :) Peace out and remember you're a goddess in your own rights... emphasis on the YOU in YOUR ;-) CIAO

  I feel the same way, I had a baby boy 8 months ago and I have horrible stetch marks and just a fat belly, it is discusting.  Everything that you said I feel too, my boyfriend and I really don't have sex because I am not comfortable with the way my body looks.

I too used to have a nice body and I was thin and now I am 25pounds heavier than I was before I got pregnant.  I want to start working out or do something but being a mom is very stressfull and you are always lacking sleep so the last thing that you want to do is work out when you are alredy so tired you know!!?  No there is nothing wrong with you, I understand.  I just wish I could be one of those women that go right back to the way they looked before they had there child, they suck!!!

It is nice to talk to some one that feels the same way I do. 

 

I feel like my boyfriend says he doesn't care what I look like but in the back of his mind he is discusted with my boby too!!

Pull it together girls!  Yes, things will never be the same, but you are what you are now.  Work out, walk, eat right and get the weight off soon.  Skin will continue to reduce for up to 18 months from the time you start losing weight.  That is alot of time, but not if you stay how you are.  After you think you have done all that you can do, then you have to learn how to be happy with how you are now.

 

Exercise will help with the stresses you are experiencing also.  If it is too hot or too cold out, go to the local mall and walk.  Do not wait around, precious time is ticking away for you to get after it.  Make sure you break a sweat and get your heart rate up.  Push the baby in the stroller.  Work out videos worked for my wife, she did them in the afternoon while the babies (2 at the same time) were sleeping.  She did not go back the way she used to be either.  Nice, properly fitting clothing can get rid of all your worries when you look great again.  That only leaves the one other person that sees you, the husband or boyfriend.

 

As for boyfriend or husband being disgusted with your body, they will have to get over it.  Giving birth is not easy on you ladies.  Good men will get over it and be joyous in the new life you have started by having a precious child to bring up.  If they are really good men, they will help you out and give you time to sleep, exercise, support eating more healthy, and even do it with you.  What are you waiting for, go get going and make a difference for yourself.

OK, so here is my story. My boyfriend and I went out this weekend, we decided to go over to one of his friends house. Well everything was fine and it was getting late so we decided that we would get ready to go. Well I wanted to use the restroom before  I left so I did. Well we home and I get in bed, well I hear my boyfriend go back outside to his truck. This make me think, so I get up and go to the bathroom. Well on the way to the bathroom I look in the living room to see what he is doing and he is looking at some type of magazine. I watch for a bit and see that he hides it under the couch. So I go to the bathroom and he got in bed. I finally get the courage to ask him what he is hiding from me, and his reply was what the playboy. So of course I was mad at him for hiding something from me and then acting like it wasn't a big deal. So I slept on the couch that night and the next morning I gave him the silent treatment. Well knowing that sometime he was going to sometime he was going to want to move the magazine from under the couch, I went outside and was talking on the phone. Well when i got back in I could tell that the couch had been moved. So I looked and I knew that he had moved it and he was downstairs starting a load of clothes. So I automatically knew that he was hidden it down stair. Well later that day we were arguing about it, and he has left the house. So I decided to go looking around downstairs, well I found his hiding spot and to my surprise there was another Magazine there too. I looked through it and it made it all worse. It was full of naked playboy girls. Well I didn't say anything about it that night but this morning when he left for work. I went down and got the magazines and hid them somewhere else so he couldn't find them. I then decided to text him and ask him if the magazine that I seen him hid was the only one that he had, surprising he admitted that there was another one. I am so upset I don't know what to do. I told him that he had to chose me or the smut magazines. He told me that he would through them away but I am still upset. What am I not good enough for him, so he has to look at that smut stuff. Please help me.. What should I do .. If he could hide something like this is he able to hide other things more hurtful??

   LOL!!! talk about a bimbo!!! I simply cannot believe I just read that utter load of drivel: please write something meaningful if you expect people to read your messages in future.