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Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Number of Replies: 501
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:04 pm
Author : dataimport
How you feel about your own body translates into how sexy you feel and how your partner perceives you. What do you do to feel sexy?

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October 11, 2005, 11:35 am CDT

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: latingirl

Sorry Guy but you need to let go of what ever image you think you want.  If you love this girl as much as you say you  do, then why on Earth would some girl at store catch your eye that much that you would insult your girl and tell her to gain weight.  She NEEDS to be happy with herself and it's overly selfish of you to expect her to step below her own standards to satisfy your personal attraction.  No way should you make her feel like she is not good enough, and that is what you are doing.  You will drive her away with this attitude.  She wants someone that will love her for her and not care what her weight is!  I am sure you are not perfect, as none of us are.  So please for the sake of her feelings and self worth, STOP with the nonsense. Or let her GO and you can go find what you need and then realize, looks and weight don't make one happy.
yeah I would dump his butt
 
October 16, 2005, 8:59 pm CDT

Body Image & Sex Appeal

I have gained over 70 pounds after the birth of my daughter who is now 9 years old. I have tried to lose the weight but it has never fallen off. I feel very unattractive. I feel like a fat slob. I don't feel sexy at all. I don't feel my husband thinks I am sexy. When we are intimate, I turn the lights off so he cannot look at me.I feel ashamed of my body. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don't see how I can be sexually satisfying to my husband. This insecurity is probably ruining our sex life and our marriage. I don't know what to do.
 
October 18, 2005, 3:41 pm CDT

lose weight?

Quote From: jgarret1

I have gained over 70 pounds after the birth of my daughter who is now 9 years old. I have tried to lose the weight but it has never fallen off. I feel very unattractive. I feel like a fat slob. I don't feel sexy at all. I don't feel my husband thinks I am sexy. When we are intimate, I turn the lights off so he cannot look at me.I feel ashamed of my body. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don't see how I can be sexually satisfying to my husband. This insecurity is probably ruining our sex life and our marriage. I don't know what to do.
First off it matters how you feel about yourself.  You seem to not think much of yourself, heavy or not?  First off, making us feel sexy about ourselves is within us.  But maybe changing your physical appearence will help the inside too.  I too gained 60 lbs when I was prego............and felt fat.  But I always felt sexy and fine with myself.  I just thought I could lose some weight but still thought I was ok.  However, I wasn't 100% happy with  my weight, so I went to weight watchers and lost it.  And I feel good about myself.  You can too.  But you need to work on your inner and your outter self
 
October 25, 2005, 9:17 am CDT

KEGEL ... as if I didn't know, I am Woman hear me ROAR

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting when I'm HURT... 

  

Straight to the point. My husband, of 3 years and a 10 month old baby :o), comes home, late, last night and tells me I should do those vagina exercises. Where in the heck does that come from?  

  

Apparently, he was discussing (and how my vagina comes about in a conversation ??????) this with his GAL PAL.  IT'S MY VAGINA. Where does he get off bringing this topic outside of our marriage?  

  

I thought the past few weeks of our relationship were starting to mend after all the emotional and hormonal unbalances I was coping with. We were starting to reconnect with one another. To find out that he thinks my vagina is a gaping hole. Damn. And he couldn't come to me and tell ME, his WIFE.  

  

Am I not a female? I know all about kegel exercises, yes I was doing them after I had our baby. But the 6 weeks I had to wait before I could make love with him.... when we did and I noticed he wasn't enjoying it, I stopped doing those vagina exercises. 

  

I feel violated. Embarrassed. I know this is a normal thing to have happen after pregnancy, she is my fourth baby, why couldn't he find it in his heart to ask me, to tell me another girl. I feel like he cheated on me.  

  

Does she now feel proud? They do have this flirty kinda relationship, and I never said anything about it, nor do I care, but there is no justification to discuss my vagina with her, a buddy okay I wouldn't feel this way I would take it as helpful info....I'm so hurt   

  

The biggest question on my mind is how this conversation came about, did he ask this to make me look bad? 

  

I've told him all this, but he just sees it as being helpful, for his own satisfaction/pleasure, I'm guessing.  

  

Now what happens when I see her? Is she going to be thinking... did she tighten up her situation or is her vagina still flabby? 

  

Oh did he talk about his personal problem with her...No! That might make him look like less of a man. I have never ever told anyone, not even my bestest friend about his problem. I have tried to discuss it with him, but he just ignores the topic, even though, and from the beginning of the relationship, I took notice of it.  

  

I can't believe this.   

 
October 25, 2005, 9:28 am CDT

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: flitrflies

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting when I'm HURT... 

  

Straight to the point. My husband, of 3 years and a 10 month old baby :o), comes home, late, last night and tells me I should do those vagina exercises. Where in the heck does that come from?  

  

Apparently, he was discussing (and how my vagina comes about in a conversation ??????) this with his GAL PAL.  IT'S MY VAGINA. Where does he get off bringing this topic outside of our marriage?  

  

I thought the past few weeks of our relationship were starting to mend after all the emotional and hormonal unbalances I was coping with. We were starting to reconnect with one another. To find out that he thinks my vagina is a gaping hole. Damn. And he couldn't come to me and tell ME, his WIFE.  

  

Am I not a female? I know all about kegel exercises, yes I was doing them after I had our baby. But the 6 weeks I had to wait before I could make love with him.... when we did and I noticed he wasn't enjoying it, I stopped doing those vagina exercises. 

  

I feel violated. Embarrassed. I know this is a normal thing to have happen after pregnancy, she is my fourth baby, why couldn't he find it in his heart to ask me, to tell me another girl. I feel like he cheated on me.  

  

Does she now feel proud? They do have this flirty kinda relationship, and I never said anything about it, nor do I care, but there is no justification to discuss my vagina with her, a buddy okay I wouldn't feel this way I would take it as helpful info....I'm so hurt   

  

The biggest question on my mind is how this conversation came about, did he ask this to make me look bad? 

  

I've told him all this, but he just sees it as being helpful, for his own satisfaction/pleasure, I'm guessing.  

  

Now what happens when I see her? Is she going to be thinking... did she tighten up her situation or is her vagina still flabby? 

  

Oh did he talk about his personal problem with her...No! That might make him look like less of a man. I have never ever told anyone, not even my bestest friend about his problem. I have tried to discuss it with him, but he just ignores the topic, even though, and from the beginning of the relationship, I took notice of it.  

  

I can't believe this.   

that is so far out of line, i can't even think of a word to describe it. the fact that he thinks you need to do more kegel excercises is not even the most disturbing part to me. it bothers me that this was discussed with your friend. why were he and she together without you (discussing your personal business?) how would he feel if you were to talk with his friends about his private parts?
 
October 25, 2005, 12:01 pm CDT

I Feel Like You Feel Too SOmetimes

Quote From: ezeltjie

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be.  I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at.  I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old.  The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm.  It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body.  He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear.  This doesn't really help my self-esteem.  This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him.  He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me.  Is the problem with me?  Am I making unnecessary strife between us?  I cannot help the way I feel.  As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday.  It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life.  I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general.  But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room.  He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing.  It has an effect on us, and our sex life.  He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

I too have had a baby 10 months ago, my fourth child, second marriage. My husband is 6 years younger then I. So you can assume, he points out those younger, solid, voluptuous girls all the time. I think they're sweet too, but, I too feel ashamed of my body. I was 125 lbs before pregnancy, I went up to 200 lbs, and now I'm somewhere around 160, I hope. I don't weigh myself.  I beat myself up, internally, everyday. You are so right, it's very difficult to deal with body image changes, especially after child birth. With all the changes the relationship goes through because of the baby changes and between you and your husband. But trust me, time, you need time. Your body is a temple, after all can he have a baby.  You are special, your body grew a baby, your body feed that baby for nine months, if you breastfeed...until your baby eats food, you, your body is keeping your baby ALIVE....  good gosh, isn't that the most spectacular wonder of the world. Your body is beyond miraculous my dear!!!  

  

Sure he looks at porn, look at it with him. What makes you think that any other female could ever compete with you, you born his child!  Sure he thinks the girl's are sexy....take his thoughts and turn them into  your  fantasizes. Tease him!  

  

do what works for you!!! don't wear sexy underwear....i don't wear underwear, my butt hangs out of it. yah i wear granny undies when I'm cycling, i don't like underwear.  you can imagine after 4 kids... i gained ALLOT ALLOT of weight! and then i lost it all when my body and mind were at peace with each other, girl let me tell you.... my daughter is 11, my son 9, my son 5 .....i didn't feel sexy for 6 years, from when i got preg the first time until my second son was 4  then.....,I FELT SEXY!!!!  Then I got pregnant again, all the same fat feelings came back! it's okay... another 2 years went by, i gained 90 lbs with my 3rd child.... i was fat.....when everyone was making smart ass fat jokes and thinking they were doing me some 'negative'' justice........i am a mom of 3 and i am a wonderful mom, the best, so screw them....because i when i was ready,  girl..... you'll be able to love you because of your accomplishments with all you've done and losing all that weight when you're ready! Now....yah I'm fat again, but I know that my hubby isn't going to get better then me because I am the total package and i will be average (thinnish) again .... and he better watch out!!!!! 

  

I do the same things you do, my husband isn't allowed in the bathroom either, but when I'm groomed, smooth and silky, and smelling pretty, I put on something I know I look good in.... it comes right off and that's when I know ...... I'm his pretty, sexy girl!!!  

 
October 25, 2005, 12:08 pm CDT

Kegel

Quote From: aurelia

that is so far out of line, i can't even think of a word to describe it. the fact that he thinks you need to do more kegel excercises is not even the most disturbing part to me. it bothers me that this was discussed with your friend. why were he and she together without you (discussing your personal business?) how would he feel if you were to talk with his friends about his private parts?

she's more his friend. they have been friends for years. he goes into her work for lunch and i guess they chat. i wouldn't do that. i know how he would react. 

  

thanks for your support!!! 

 
October 28, 2005, 9:48 pm CDT

I am SHOCKED

Quote From: flitrflies

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting when I'm HURT... 

  

Straight to the point. My husband, of 3 years and a 10 month old baby :o), comes home, late, last night and tells me I should do those vagina exercises. Where in the heck does that come from?  

  

Apparently, he was discussing (and how my vagina comes about in a conversation ??????) this with his GAL PAL.  IT'S MY VAGINA. Where does he get off bringing this topic outside of our marriage?  

  

I thought the past few weeks of our relationship were starting to mend after all the emotional and hormonal unbalances I was coping with. We were starting to reconnect with one another. To find out that he thinks my vagina is a gaping hole. Damn. And he couldn't come to me and tell ME, his WIFE.  

  

Am I not a female? I know all about kegel exercises, yes I was doing them after I had our baby. But the 6 weeks I had to wait before I could make love with him.... when we did and I noticed he wasn't enjoying it, I stopped doing those vagina exercises. 

  

I feel violated. Embarrassed. I know this is a normal thing to have happen after pregnancy, she is my fourth baby, why couldn't he find it in his heart to ask me, to tell me another girl. I feel like he cheated on me.  

  

Does she now feel proud? They do have this flirty kinda relationship, and I never said anything about it, nor do I care, but there is no justification to discuss my vagina with her, a buddy okay I wouldn't feel this way I would take it as helpful info....I'm so hurt   

  

The biggest question on my mind is how this conversation came about, did he ask this to make me look bad? 

  

I've told him all this, but he just sees it as being helpful, for his own satisfaction/pleasure, I'm guessing.  

  

Now what happens when I see her? Is she going to be thinking... did she tighten up her situation or is her vagina still flabby? 

  

Oh did he talk about his personal problem with her...No! That might make him look like less of a man. I have never ever told anyone, not even my bestest friend about his problem. I have tried to discuss it with him, but he just ignores the topic, even though, and from the beginning of the relationship, I took notice of it.  

  

I can't believe this.   

 My God, all I have to say is, Where the hell does your husband get off talking about your vagina with another woman??? Girl, you have every right in the world to be incredibly pissed off.

I can't even imagine being ASKED to do kegel excerises! I am a horribly insecure person and being asked that would devistate me... my first reaction would be "Go screw yourself then, if I'm not good enough for YOU".

I'm sorry I'm ranting about this, I hope I am not saying anything to offend you. I am just furious at you husband for doing this to you!

I would take this as a HUGE red flag about his little relationship with his gal pal..... that is just not right to talk about your spouses genitals to a friend of the opposite sex! From what you said, he has his own "problems" down there (not too sure what they are), but  you don't make that public knowledge out of respect for your marriage!  In my opinion, he has disrespected you and your marriage, and you have every right in the world to ROAR. I know I would.

He must have some reason for doing this, and I really don't think it was to intentionally hurt you... but what could be the reason? I'm sorry, but some men (and women for that matter) do STUPID THINGS for STUPID REASONS. You need to tell him exactly how this makes you feel (if you haven't already).

Did you talk to him about it? What did you say to him when he walks in late at night and tells you that?

I am so sorry that you are so upset. You are a woman, a strong woman, and you don't have to take that bullsh*t!

Best Wishes,
Nat
 
October 30, 2005, 2:15 pm CST

Who do they think they are???

Quote From: flitrflies

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting when I'm HURT... 

  

Straight to the point. My husband, of 3 years and a 10 month old baby :o), comes home, late, last night and tells me I should do those vagina exercises. Where in the heck does that come from?  

  

Apparently, he was discussing (and how my vagina comes about in a conversation ??????) this with his GAL PAL.  IT'S MY VAGINA. Where does he get off bringing this topic outside of our marriage?  

  

I thought the past few weeks of our relationship were starting to mend after all the emotional and hormonal unbalances I was coping with. We were starting to reconnect with one another. To find out that he thinks my vagina is a gaping hole. Damn. And he couldn't come to me and tell ME, his WIFE.  

  

Am I not a female? I know all about kegel exercises, yes I was doing them after I had our baby. But the 6 weeks I had to wait before I could make love with him.... when we did and I noticed he wasn't enjoying it, I stopped doing those vagina exercises. 

  

I feel violated. Embarrassed. I know this is a normal thing to have happen after pregnancy, she is my fourth baby, why couldn't he find it in his heart to ask me, to tell me another girl. I feel like he cheated on me.  

  

Does she now feel proud? They do have this flirty kinda relationship, and I never said anything about it, nor do I care, but there is no justification to discuss my vagina with her, a buddy okay I wouldn't feel this way I would take it as helpful info....I'm so hurt   

  

The biggest question on my mind is how this conversation came about, did he ask this to make me look bad? 

  

I've told him all this, but he just sees it as being helpful, for his own satisfaction/pleasure, I'm guessing.  

  

Now what happens when I see her? Is she going to be thinking... did she tighten up her situation or is her vagina still flabby? 

  

Oh did he talk about his personal problem with her...No! That might make him look like less of a man. I have never ever told anyone, not even my bestest friend about his problem. I have tried to discuss it with him, but he just ignores the topic, even though, and from the beginning of the relationship, I took notice of it.  

  

I can't believe this.   

My husband told me once when I asked him to do a certain sexual position that "he didn't like doing that........it was like a entering "black void"!!  Well, didn't that make me feel special?  It didn't matter that for me that was the position where I had the most feeling.........it's always about him.  When he wants it, how he wants it, etc. etc.  I am almost 10 years older than he is and I try very hard to always look great, wear attractive clothing, keep my hair cut and coloured, etc. etc.  And, do you know what he does??  He strikes up conversations and relationships with other women, arranges meetings for tea at the local donut shop - which I might add, I interrupted and told him that if he wanted to continue acting this way, he could do it as an unmarried man!!  He had a "breakdown" a week later complete with tears and some semblance of remorse, and told me that he would rather work on what was wrong with our relationship than throw it all away.  Three weeks later I found out that he is still calling and emailing the other woman, even as we were attending counselling!!  How is that supposed to work?  Right now, I am so angry at him, but the "poor baby" is sick with pneumonia and I don't have the heart to tell him that I called the other woman and she said that it was him calling her and not her calling him like he told me!!  We have our next meeting with the psychologist on Tuesday night - think I will let him know then that he is a liar! 
 
October 30, 2005, 3:42 pm CST

I'm sorry

Quote From: willy07

My husband told me once when I asked him to do a certain sexual position that "he didn't like doing that........it was like a entering "black void"!!  Well, didn't that make me feel special?  It didn't matter that for me that was the position where I had the most feeling.........it's always about him.  When he wants it, how he wants it, etc. etc.  I am almost 10 years older than he is and I try very hard to always look great, wear attractive clothing, keep my hair cut and coloured, etc. etc.  And, do you know what he does??  He strikes up conversations and relationships with other women, arranges meetings for tea at the local donut shop - which I might add, I interrupted and told him that if he wanted to continue acting this way, he could do it as an unmarried man!!  He had a "breakdown" a week later complete with tears and some semblance of remorse, and told me that he would rather work on what was wrong with our relationship than throw it all away.  Three weeks later I found out that he is still calling and emailing the other woman, even as we were attending counselling!!  How is that supposed to work?  Right now, I am so angry at him, but the "poor baby" is sick with pneumonia and I don't have the heart to tell him that I called the other woman and she said that it was him calling her and not her calling him like he told me!!  We have our next meeting with the psychologist on Tuesday night - think I will let him know then that he is a liar! 
 I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. It breaks my heart to read what you are going through.

You said that you are angry with him, well you have every right in the world to be. So, is he persuing a sexual relationship with this other woman, or is it more of an emotion thing? I would say that your counselling session would be a good place to talk to him about this other woman, and the fact that you talked to her. It's good to have a "mediater" I suppose.

You are very strong for dealing with this... I don't know how I would be able to do it. Let me know how everything is going. There's always a shoulder to cry on just around the corner

Best Wishes,
Natalie
 
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