Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

First off I'm sorry you got all those reactions on those teenage boards. It is not fun to get those kind of reactions offcourse. Don't worry though they are usually 13 year old boys (or so) who never kissed a girl before either and who think that the anonimity of the internet allows them to bully. In real life they probably wouldn't even think that about you but it is easy to hurt someone you don't know.

I think that you can attract girls, really. (I'm 21 too btw and I know how hard it is) But what I see in your post is that you fill in what girls will think for you. You think they will think negatively about you and would never be interrested in dating you. This negativity in turn will be noticable in how you present yourself. Maybe not on a consience level but certainly subconciensly you will leak out this negativity.

You also assume that women are just the same as men and well they aren't. We men fall for appearance while women are more auditive. You can make up for a not so great body by being funny and well spoken. And seen you have a lot of women friends who think you are an amazing friend I think you at least got that part right.

What I also want to suggest is to read the following "tuturial" about flirting http://sirc.org/publik/flirt.html (it is written towards for the UK and there are differences in culture but in general it will apply)

Then I can say that what women love most is a confident guy (or one who's faking it because we all have our insecurities, especially when it comes to dating.) So instead of focussing on the negatives, try focussing on what you can do and do well. I want you to take a bloknote and write down two things a day. 1 you write down something you like about yourself (e.g. I am very social or I am a good trumpet player) and 2: you write something down that went well that day (e.g. I played a terrific game of poker or I helped mary to stand up for herself.)

Now for your OCD (though that is unrelated, I have seen a lot of men and women with OCD who have relationships) I suggest you go to a psychologist, Cognitive behavioural therapy and Drama therapy work well to cure or reduce the symptoms you have. I won't say it will be easy but I does help, really! And the sooner you get help the better it can be treated (so don't wait another 20 or so years ;-) .)

I hope that I helped you a bit and If you have more questions I am happy to help.

Oet Gäöl

Hey one tip I can give you is this: don't watch your weight but measurre your waist. Why? Well fat is lighter then muscle tissue so in the beginning you might gain a bit of wait before you start loosing it even though your body starts shaping up. You might have lost musscle tissue during your pregnancy because you weren't as active as before.

And as the other message says do it in moderation, it takes a while. fasting or diëting is a bad idea anyday, in the long run it is bad for your health and will make you gain weight.

I think lingerie helps alot. I used to feel much better about myself until me and my partner were discussing sex a few days ago. She asked me if I felt I was doing everything to please her. (we've only been together a few months, but we're seriously involved). I said I didn't really know what she likes. She started to bring something up, then said "nevermind." I asked her what it was, but she refused to tell me. We got off the phone. I texted her (I knew she would tell me this way) and she said my physical flexibility was the only problem. (I'm pretty much a big girl). When I asked if it was about weight, she said I was overreacting. After interrogating her, I got the truth, and that was she wished I was smalled, but that didn't mean she didn't want sex.

Since then, I really dont feel sexy at all. Only self-conscious. I'll have sex because she wants it, but the whole time I can only think that something is wrong with me

I agree. this is true too. Thats why I wish more people would love with their hearts, not their eyes.

Well, I think that loving with your eyes is part of loving with your heart. Just as much as your nose, sense of touch, hearing and taste are. Your senses determine together if you like someone or not. Maybe in the first instance you will look at a partner and see a confident person, see a face with certain key-elements wich display youth and health.

Then you'll approach them and you will talk to them hearing a vioce you feel comfotable with, a voice which interests you. The eyes see a person that is displaying interest in you. A smile on a face.

You will smell their body odor, subcounsiously getting information about there imune system and consiously getting a smell which give you a pleasent feeling.

You touch the person liking how the feel they touch you indicating they are really interrested.

You kiss, approaching their face you can see the details of theirs. the lips touch you close your eyes so that you can feel taste smell and hear the other person even better.

You see loving is done with your senses, including the eyes. that doesn't mean that you need to be skinny as a woman. Not every man likes the same kind of woman. It is much more about confidence. You need to display your interrest in the other person, 70% of communication is done without speaking you know.

www.sirc.org has an extensive guide to flirting if you are interrested.