Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

i will admit that i am kinda easy on the eyes, it didn't help my significant other left me for someone else. there will always be someone prettier out there. I feel hopeless. i don't want to "get back on the horse" bacause this is too much pain. I don't want to die alone...HELP!!!!

I'm currently overweight and have been for several years.  I'm in the process of trying to lose the weight, but it's a slooooow process.  My husband will not be intimate with me.  We've been married two years and have made love once.  We are both 45.  We kiss, hug and cuddle alot but that's as far as it goes.  I feel that I repulse him.  He says he just has no sex drive and that it's not me.  I do things to "pleasure" him, but it is never reciprocated.  I don't believe that he doesn't have any sex drive.  I do believe that he just doesn't have one with me.  Help....what can I do.  When I'm around my husband I feel repulsive and disgusting.  He tells me I'm beautiful and thinks the problem is in my head. 

Well then don't for the moment. Take your mind off of him. Live the single life for a little while. Go out with friends have fun etc. You'll know when it is time to go on and date again. Or maybe it just happens while you are having fun, who knows...

That is the way to go for now, you still have a long life ahead of you so still have time to find someone you can grow old with. Don't worry, it will be alright even if it takes a little while.

 

xx Oet Gäöl

After having two children my body is not the same at all i am larger and i have stretch marks and i'm just so unhappy, my husband tries to tell me that it's beautiful but i see him look in disgust when we are about to get intimate. Recently i just met a guy who will not date anyone that is skinny he loves big women and has been flirting like crazy with me the other night we kissed and my head was in the clouds....I love my husband but this man just makes me feel like i'm the most important person in the world........Please help

if you truly do love your husband you should talk to him about whats going on in your world, and definately not betray him by hooking up with some one who isn't him. And if your husband compliments you and you don't believe him, but a stranger to you does, What is that saying??? this guy could probably not care anything about you except having sex with you. Do you really want to risk losing the life you have now and losing your husband for a fling or some  guy who's flirting with you????

And if you're unhappy with your body, you could always go on a diet and go to the gym, couldn't you?????

To me, SEXY  is a state of mind, not just how I look...I  have days where I'm lucky enough to get up, look in the mirror and say  to myself "Ok, I'm  lookin good today"...Then there are those days, and we all have them when we get up, look into the mirror and say "Who the hell is that???" She doesn't "look" familiar to me...I understand that looks have a lot to do with sexual appeal to my partner, but I find it's my attitude and "sensuality" that attract him the most...I can be all dressed up to the hilt, makeup, hair, perfume, nails, sexy attire, but if my demeanor isn't eluding sensual appeal, I'm not looking sexy...There are many times when even though I'm wearing a pair of old jeans and a T shirt, my husband looks at me and says "Ohhh My!!!" It's the way I might look at him, smile at him...Maybe it's just the way I look "comfortable in my own skin" that entices him, but it's all about my allure, not my appearance...And at my age, him being 7 years younger, I seem to be holding his FULL attention...That works for me...When a woman looks confident, assured, and comfortable with just who she is, that's SEXY...The dress, makeup, and such are just "props"...

My husband and I have been married for 7 months today, and we have been together for almost 4 years.  While we dated, whenever i was on my period he never had a problem making love to me, in fact he insisted most times even when I didnt feel up to it but after a bit i really got into it.  Well literaly over night, 2 months befor the wedding he decides we cant do that anymore.  I pushed for an answere for so long and a couple months ago in a fight, he yelled that its disgusting and he only did it to keep me! I dont understand at all, since he is the one who insised on it to begin with!  He claims that other "normal" couples dont do it! But i remind him "honey, since when are we normal?"  when i reminded him of that he just got quiet and said he just doesnt have an answere.  Now when i am on my period, he insist i pleasure him to "get him by" till im off, yet i dont get anything anymore when throughout our dating relationship, i basically was conditioned for it now im getting cut off.  What can i do to either help him return to how he was, or get him to help me understand why he is doing this?   Im 19, going ot be 20 October and he is 20.  We dont have kids and for awhile i thought that was the reason, a period is a failure, but he insist its not the reason...help me

Well when he says that other normal couples dont have sex on thier period, that isn't true. My boyfriend and I have period sex all the time. Maybe he was talking to a friend and made him feel gross for enjoying period sex. Men at a young age can be very impressionable by thier friends.  As for him "getting" by untill your off your period.... Hay if I was in your situation... You get what I give you, if you dont want to have sex with me then use your hand. That's me, this may not be a good tactic to use in your relationship.

Oh man, I feel so bummed for you.

Your husband is showing some real controling behavers. Has this been accompanyed by any other controling moves? Not liking your friends & getting angry when you see them? Fighing with your family & being cold to you after you go visit them?

If so get into couples councling right away. It's a red flag for me that he wont do you but "insists" you get him off. Also admiting he maniplated you with sex to be in the relashionship is very strange & telling. If he would manipulate you in such a strange & needless way what else is he willing to do to get what he wants?

 

Let me just say, there is nothing wrong with your cycle. In fact having sex, orgasims, & getting yourself off will help with cramps.

Ask him who told him"normal" people didn't do it? Maby he is really into it & became embaresed because it was turning him on so much & somone told him it wasnt normal. I think someone already mentioned this, actualy.

Ask him, why is this so importent to change? & if this is something thats not going to change let him know that if he wont get you off than he dosn't get any sweetsweet either.

 

Also you are SO young to be maried & in a 4 year relashionship. My goodness. Please remember you change so much in the next 6 years. Whatever changes happen to you, & to him are going to be natural. Growing apart may happen, & you may be one of those couples that stay together forever, good luck on that. But for that to happen your husband needs to learn that you are his treasure & manulaption is not healthy.

Wow. If he wont have sex with you then the problem is NOT in your head. It's real, & you are right to address it.

You have been married 2 years & have only made love once, you pleasure him I'm assuming with the ways that are not full on sex, hands & mouth. So basicly you are his slave. If you want to be in a sub position with him then embrace it. But if this is a problem like you say it is you need to lay down the law right away.

He dosn't do you, you don't do him. Sure this can develop into a war of Attrition but it's already so bad in my eyes if it comes to that, leave. You deserve better. If you can't leave you need to gain some of your selfrespect back. Being his sexual slave is nt a way to instill hope & respect. If you have a weight problem, he knew this when you were dating. Did he do you then?

There are a lot more questions I want to ask but I hope you start with speaking up tp him & telling him that this is hurting your bady image, your heart, & your soul, & you wont stand for it anymore. If he is willing to go to councling then thats a great first step & you can strt working on some of thesexual issues. If he can get off & your getting him off, he should be returning the favor. If he refuses it's a control game. See the last post I made in this thread & ask yourself if thats whats happining to you.

You are a person, with a heart & soul, just because you are fat, at the moment I might add, dosn't mean you don't deserve respect & an orgasim now & again.