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Topic : 11/14 Sisters at War

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Created on : Friday, November 10, 2006, 09:18:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
You’ve heard the old saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” Dr. Phil’s guests are putting that adage to the test! Colleen says her sister, April, committed the ultimate betrayal by trying to fix up her boyfriend and father of her children with another woman. April says her sibling is no angel, and claims Colleen dragged her out of bed and punched her in the face! After spending time on stage with the women, Dr. Phil sends them home with a special assignment: to watch their bad behavior on tape. Now, one month later, Colleen and April join him in the studio again. Does one sister owe the other an apology, or are they both to blame for their ongoing feud? Will the women find a way to move on and become sisters again, or is this relationship beyond repair? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 12, 2006, 12:02 am CST

topic 11/14 Sisrers at war

Quote From: twrdbalnce

I have a sister that cheated with my ex-husband.  I suspected it and was told how jealous I was to the point that I felt like something was wrong with me.  Kind of funny that I would think like that as my father told me my whole life to "trust my instincts", they are always right.

 

The truth was driven home one day when my children ages 5, 7, 9 came home from a weekend with their father and asked most innocently, "Mumma....... why does Daddy sleep with Auntie )(*&&%).  I didn't know what to say because my reality of intuition and the shock of deception hit me like a ton of bricks yet I knew I had to answer my sweet angels with something not so hateful.  All I could think to say was, "because their stupid" , that must have been good enough for them at the time because I've never heard another word about it and they are 24, 26 and 28. 

 

What is kinda funny now is (not really funny) but the kid's think I messed up their lives by leaving the jerk.  Any way, I thought I had forgiven my sister............in reality I felt it in words, in deeds and in every day life but I never truly felt it until our father was dying of leukemia.  It will be a year on November 27th. 

 

She, along with another sister and I carried our dying father to his bed so he could "hold my mother one more time"  although he wasn't really able to I'm sure in his mind he was.  We shared and mourned one of the most bittersweet things anyone could.  The memory of what happened between her and my ex is now a non-issue. 

 

I can look at my sister as a sweet loving soul who is like me dancing on this earth for a short while.  When she went along with my ex she had to be searching, hurting, and hopeless.  How can I hate her for that?

 

 I have 2 sisters one, 11 yrs older, one 3 year younger. we lost our Dad when I was 7, my mother remarried and had one more child. we grew up in a very dysfunctional family. we  were suppose to be invisable in our house. we were not allowed to participate as a family with my Mom, s-Dad and brother. we were not even allowed to eat with them! you would tthink this would bond my younger sister and I , it did not, we could barley tolerate each other as children and it never really improved, although we have both tried to find that missing sister-hood we haven't. we are in our 60's now!! we've gone years without knowing where the other one lives or how we were! we have tried to help each other out in times of crisis, but we always wound up dissagreeing on something, and shutting down communication. we are very diffrent, with diffrent out looks and feelings about our Mother and family members. I don't know who is wrong or right. but I doubt if we will ever really feel like sisters.

 
November 12, 2006, 1:00 am CST

WOW

Quote From: jandlb

I am writing this on the second day of my sister's death.  She died yesterday (Friday) and I already miss her so much.  We did not always get along and she made choices that were not the healthiest or the smartest, but she was my sister.  I could always count on her to give hugs that were a little too long, her capacity to love with all of her heart and the knowledge that we loved each other.  When I found out that she was in the hospital, in the ICU unit, I opted to wait to call her the next day (Friday), however that call was never made because she past away in the early morning.  I will always have that regret that I didn't get the chance to acuse her of wanting attention or just trying to get out of house work(with a smile).  My family (mother, father, brothers, husband) and I knew that she was sick but didn't realize how ill she was. 

Quite honestly, I thought that "Sisters at War" was a silly topic when I saw the preview, because all of us have disagreements with our siblings but I would give anything to be "at war" with my sister right now instead of having to plan her memorial service and help her kids get through this.

The most ironic part  is that this episode is scheduled to air on her birthday, she would have been 37.

My regards to you and yours.  I can not imagine.  And I have a sister that I am close to also.  According to the old addage, Time heals all wounds.  God Speed!!!
 
November 12, 2006, 1:08 am CST

Life is really too short.....

Quote From: tstuthers

My husband and I separated in 98 during the holidays. We had been married for 15 years at the time. We were a mess, the kids were a mess, life was a mess.  My husbands sister invited him to her house on New Years Eve... 2 weeks into our separation.  She had a suprise waiting for him. One of her good friends who she thought would be perfect for him.  I never felt so betrayed in my entire life!!  We went to counseling and worked on our marriage and this summer celebrated our 23rd anniversary. But I can never forgive his sister.  She is indifferent, and felt that she had a right to make her brother happy. Let's not talk about the fact that I was her "sister" for so long. To this day, I will be polite at family functions, but I will never trust her and have no respect for her whatsoever.  My husband couldn't understand why she would just "throw me away" at the blink of an eye.  She tells anyone who will listen that I am unforgiving and over emotional on the subject. As long as she continues with that thought process she will never be embraced by me or my family again.
for any kind of hate.  Before you know it, you will be of age and she will also and what have been accomplished but the hate.  I read somewhere that hate turns years on your mental and physical phyeee. (sp)  Let it go, breathe and know that you got your husband back.  My aunt, who had been married to her husband for 60 years, told me the other day, that his family never and still don't like her and perdict that their marriage won't last.  duhhhhh  They are both over the age of 83.  Life is tooo short.  Enjoy your time and not forget, but forgive in your heart.
 
November 12, 2006, 6:21 am CST

WOW! Sounds like my moms sisters already

This is starting to sound like my moms life already, I know what Im about to type may be a long post( sorry all but I do have to tell this for my mom) so here goes:

 

My mom was married to my father at the time, both her sisters slept with my father, she divorced him, later down the road( about 7 years later) she married a wonderful man that fell in love with her ( they later had my youngest  sister), 6 years later when one of my aunts moved in, she also slept with my step father while she(mom) was having knee surgery and her duration of the stay in the hospital( she was sharing a bedroom with me at the time, and wasnt sleeping in the room while my mother was gone,DEAD GIVEAWAY here is that my brother SAW them both walk out of the bedroom at the same time with ONLY a towel wrapped around them both, then later even after my mom got home from the hospital my aunt was hanging all over my step father more and more even us kids started noticing this, this is when i was 13) they later divorced(6 months later).

 

Now for the past 6, soon to be 7 years, mom and me are treated like outcasts of our family, NOONE calls, writes, or even comes over( but yet they can travel 2 hours to see another family member that lives on the way to that faily members home). My mother has made her peace with her mom and my mom and us kids ARE PAYING THE PRICE(the "ripple" effect sort to speak), some say it dont effect or "ripple" down to the kids, BOY ARE THEY WRONG!!! IT DOES! I KNOW first hand it does. And IF we do receive a phone call its usually harrassment by one of the aunts being hateful(we havent even seen her for over 9 years) we dont bother them why are they harrassing us like that? We WANT to be left alone just like we have done with them, we havent called and complained or anything of the like. the ONLY thing we can figure out why they are doing this to us is that the following reasons:

 

1. We are the ONLY ones of our family that graduated high school and went to medical training(Im a CNA, mom is a firefighter/paramedic).

 

2. We earn a honest living( we work full time and long hours) and have paid for everything we own with our hard earn money.

 

3. They are a money oriented family( in order to borrow money u have to play their so called game of if u want money suck up(talk to them) THAT ISNT the way I want respect for me or anyone else. They have shown favortism as well, if my cousins ask for moeny from them they recieve it with no problem but when I have asked to borrow gas money with the intention of paying it back I get looked down on( my cousin has his rent paid for quite awhile by my mom's mom but i cant ask for any without getting a BIG let down like im no good)

 

4. Maybe that they are jealous that we actually earn our way through life and they cant have the finer things.

 

5. WHO KNOWS!!!! what other reasons there are.

 

Sorry to bother anyone with this. Every year around the holidays its like this. They bother us with harrassing phone calls and we get upset over it every time. IT'S REALLY STARTING TO SUCK!

 

 

 
November 12, 2006, 6:27 am CST

sisters.brothers,family.

 i feel that sometimes even  within a family   if all else fails then you can grow seperately without growing apart. sometimes a sister or brother is at the other end of the spectrum in the way of thinking or beliefs so rather than try to change each others views  and to keep peace within the family you just have to move on but also be there for each other in times of need. you do not have to be best friends  with your sister or brother but that does not mean you have to dsirespect them either. to each his own and i feel you can love from a distance, a love that may feel within or deep down rather than a everyday emotion but it is still there because you are and always will be family.
 
November 12, 2006, 7:14 am CST

Sister Gone (died)

My Sister and I were mostly at odds with each other .

But I loved her.

She would not let me be friends with her...but she loved me .

We had a  really good talk before she died suddenly ....a few years back.

I MISS HERE SO MUCH, & WISH WE COULD OF BEEN FRIENDS & GOOD SISTERS TO EACH OTHER .....

i TALK TO HER EVERY DAY NOW , TELLING HER HOW DIFFERENET THINGS SHOULD OF BEEN BETWEEN US .

Life is so short, to short to  fight , Lord while you can  stop it now ,and be friends, and good sisters to each other .

Christmas time is here, make it a special  one this year. Become the  sisster you need to be to each other .

 

 
November 12, 2006, 7:14 am CST

11/14 Sisters at War

Quote From: jandlb

I am writing this on the second day of my sister's death.  She died yesterday (Friday) and I already miss her so much.  We did not always get along and she made choices that were not the healthiest or the smartest, but she was my sister.  I could always count on her to give hugs that were a little too long, her capacity to love with all of her heart and the knowledge that we loved each other.  When I found out that she was in the hospital, in the ICU unit, I opted to wait to call her the next day (Friday), however that call was never made because she past away in the early morning.  I will always have that regret that I didn't get the chance to acuse her of wanting attention or just trying to get out of house work(with a smile).  My family (mother, father, brothers, husband) and I knew that she was sick but didn't realize how ill she was. 

Quite honestly, I thought that "Sisters at War" was a silly topic when I saw the preview, because all of us have disagreements with our siblings but I would give anything to be "at war" with my sister right now instead of having to plan her memorial service and help her kids get through this.

The most ironic part  is that this episode is scheduled to air on her birthday, she would have been 37.

I am so sorry for your loss, she will always be with you, watching over you...
 
November 12, 2006, 5:59 pm CST

i wish

Quote From: ceildh1

Right after seeing the PREVIEW, I called my sister just to tell her how much I loved and appreciate her being a part of my life, wow I couldn't imagine that much animosity, after all once our parents are gone, we are all we'll have left.
i wish i could tell my sister how much i loved her but she gets on my nerves so much!!!!!!  she is only 14 and i am only 13 but still the fighting can be pretty rough.  s
 
November 13, 2006, 6:41 am CST

I moved closer because i missed my sisters BUT!

I moved to Sardis Georgia Two years ago from Newark N.J. because i missed my family.  I thought that it would be great living near them after being away from them for so long (10/11 years) Boy! oh boy! was i wrong! NO ONE... I MEAN NO ONE!! here gets along!  I have two sisters here, one older & one younger.  The older sister wants to tell you what to do, how to wear your hair, what color to paint your house and who to talk to. I'm going to call her M.  M doesn't do any thing for anyone unless she is getting something in return and always questions your motives when u do something for her or someone else.  M has a very nasty way of talking to people and never ever See's her wrongs in anything.  The younger sister who I'll call D thinks everything should be given to her on a silver plater she is very spoiled (the only one of my mothers 7children that she raised from birth) very self center and blames everyone for her problems( which she has a lot of) even when you try to help her out, she will curse you out  because it's your fault that she's has this problem in the first place.

I have try-ed so hard to be there for them, BUT every single time that I do I get slapped in the face. I just can't take it any more so i just stay away from them I don't call them or go see them.  It's just like living back in N.J. But at least I had friends there that I could visit and talk too and share my thoughts with it hurts so bad, especially around the holidays. Back in the days, My mother &  I always used to throw dinner parties on the holidays (which i missed very much when they all moved away) Now it is so different we can't do it now because it will definitely be an argument.  I am the only one that will be there for them ALL the time when ever they need me but I'm getting so tied of being hurt until I just want to move far away as possible so that when and if we see each other again we might be happy.

BUT who knows!!! 

I'm so unhappy here when it comes to my sisters!!! 

I'm would be lost if i didn't have my children!!!

 
November 13, 2006, 8:28 am CST

I have had the same feelings

Quote From: zblake

for any kind of hate.  Before you know it, you will be of age and she will also and what have been accomplished but the hate.  I read somewhere that hate turns years on your mental and physical phyeee. (sp)  Let it go, breathe and know that you got your husband back.  My aunt, who had been married to her husband for 60 years, told me the other day, that his family never and still don't like her and perdict that their marriage won't last.  duhhhhh  They are both over the age of 83.  Life is tooo short.  Enjoy your time and not forget, but forgive in your heart.

We had been married 37 years when my husbands family who never liked me brought in an old girlfriend while he was visiting for hunting season, a yearly trip, to break us up so he would move there, several states away, and get rid of me all in one swoop.  It almost worked.  I still don't talk to his family , I don't consider them family.  Funny they won't speak to him, except for one sister he talks too.  The others feel he betrayed them after all their efforts.  What a joke.

 

I'm sorry, I can't forgive his family in my heart yet, it still causes me great pain at times.  We will be leaving on a cruise next month for our 40th anniversay and renewing our vows, with our children.

 

It will take time and maybe some day I can forgive, but you know that song that says,  "I just want to stay mad for awhile" .  I don't  want you to not forgive because I haven't, I just want to let you know that you are not alone.  I learned the hard way just how devious family can be and that probably is what hurts more than anything.  I was raised that Family doesn't act like to to each other.

 

 

 
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