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Topic : 11/14 Sisters at War

Number of Replies: 152
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Created on : Friday, November 10, 2006, 09:18:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
You’ve heard the old saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” Dr. Phil’s guests are putting that adage to the test! Colleen says her sister, April, committed the ultimate betrayal by trying to fix up her boyfriend and father of her children with another woman. April says her sibling is no angel, and claims Colleen dragged her out of bed and punched her in the face! After spending time on stage with the women, Dr. Phil sends them home with a special assignment: to watch their bad behavior on tape. Now, one month later, Colleen and April join him in the studio again. Does one sister owe the other an apology, or are they both to blame for their ongoing feud? Will the women find a way to move on and become sisters again, or is this relationship beyond repair? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 14, 2006, 7:27 am CST

The *telling* moment for me was ...

 when April said " "We grew up in an angry home. Our parents fought just like this. We went through a whole lot as children, and now we’re re-enacting their behavior."  

Colleen refutes this. "April, as children, before Mom and Dad got divorced, we had everything we ever wanted," she says. "

It's like right there, they are on opposite sides of the fence.  I think that until they figure out what "really" happened in their family, they won't be able to ever be really close because this disconnect will keep tearing them apart.

BUT once they both know the truth about their childhood, and can both accept the truth along w/ each other's experiences as children, I think they will feel safe in being really close again.

This is what's tearing my family apart, my very real memories of how I grew up in absolute fear of angering either of my parents ... and my "gangleader of a younger sister constantly saying that everything was "fine", that our family was "perfectly loving", yadayadaydad.  I wish!  I would have loved to come from a healthy family unit!!! 

My experience is that trusting anyone this deeply in denial is dangerous ... because until they admit and own it, they DO replay the meanness, the cruelty, the backstabbing ... they become just like they who hurt them.  And like their attackers, they go around subconsciously hurting everyone around them.  I know they do this because they are so scared of who they've become that they feel they dare not let anyone get truly close to them ... but my family at least has shown me that they will tell any lie about me just to look good to the world.

And so my best defense is to hope that one day they realize I'm not trying to be mean in what I know happened, but that after living so many years of trying to flee my past only to have it be in my face time after time after time ... I've learned that the only way to free ourselves from our past is to face it, to deal and heal, and them let it all go.  Only the truth can set us free.
 
November 14, 2006, 7:30 am CST

11/14 Sisters at War

Quote From: horselady4

My Sister and I were mostly at odds with each other .

But I loved her.

She would not let me be friends with her...but she loved me .

We had a  really good talk before she died suddenly ....a few years back.

I MISS HERE SO MUCH, & WISH WE COULD OF BEEN FRIENDS & GOOD SISTERS TO EACH OTHER .....

i TALK TO HER EVERY DAY NOW , TELLING HER HOW DIFFERENET THINGS SHOULD OF BEEN BETWEEN US .

Life is so short, to short to  fight , Lord while you can  stop it now ,and be friends, and good sisters to each other .

Christmas time is here, make it a special  one this year. Become the  sisster you need to be to each other .

 

I am so sorry for your lose.  I can only pray that God gives you peace with the holidays being just around the corner.  I lost my aunt in October of this year and still wish I could have told her how much I loved her .  It's in God's fhans now and I have to rely on him.  I still have all my 3 sisters they all under the age of 18 and I love them so much and b/c of your posting I will tell them more instead of just assuming they know.
 
November 14, 2006, 7:31 am CST

I'm so sorry

Quote From: jandlb

I am writing this on the second day of my sister's death.  She died yesterday (Friday) and I already miss her so much.  We did not always get along and she made choices that were not the healthiest or the smartest, but she was my sister.  I could always count on her to give hugs that were a little too long, her capacity to love with all of her heart and the knowledge that we loved each other.  When I found out that she was in the hospital, in the ICU unit, I opted to wait to call her the next day (Friday), however that call was never made because she past away in the early morning.  I will always have that regret that I didn't get the chance to acuse her of wanting attention or just trying to get out of house work(with a smile).  My family (mother, father, brothers, husband) and I knew that she was sick but didn't realize how ill she was. 

Quite honestly, I thought that "Sisters at War" was a silly topic when I saw the preview, because all of us have disagreements with our siblings but I would give anything to be "at war" with my sister right now instead of having to plan her memorial service and help her kids get through this.

The most ironic part  is that this episode is scheduled to air on her birthday, she would have been 37.

I just read your entry and wanted to tell you how sorry i am for you and your family.  i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  i lost my brother 4 yrs ago to suicide and my father 2 months ago so i know what you are going through.  just remember that God will not put more on us than we can bear.  Bless you and your family

 

Misty

 
November 14, 2006, 7:33 am CST

dr phil it seems to be time for

you to just break out the boxing gloves and let these two just duke it out  hahahaha,
 
November 14, 2006, 7:39 am CST

Hugs and Kisses

Quote From: dustymarie

I am so sorry for your loss, she will always be with you, watching over you...
I really hate to hear what you're going through. God Bless.
 
November 14, 2006, 7:42 am CST

hugs and kisses

Quote From: jandlb

I am writing this on the second day of my sister's death.  She died yesterday (Friday) and I already miss her so much.  We did not always get along and she made choices that were not the healthiest or the smartest, but she was my sister.  I could always count on her to give hugs that were a little too long, her capacity to love with all of her heart and the knowledge that we loved each other.  When I found out that she was in the hospital, in the ICU unit, I opted to wait to call her the next day (Friday), however that call was never made because she past away in the early morning.  I will always have that regret that I didn't get the chance to acuse her of wanting attention or just trying to get out of house work(with a smile).  My family (mother, father, brothers, husband) and I knew that she was sick but didn't realize how ill she was. 

Quite honestly, I thought that "Sisters at War" was a silly topic when I saw the preview, because all of us have disagreements with our siblings but I would give anything to be "at war" with my sister right now instead of having to plan her memorial service and help her kids get through this.

The most ironic part  is that this episode is scheduled to air on her birthday, she would have been 37.

I really hate to hear what you're going through. God Bless.
 
November 14, 2006, 7:50 am CST

11/14 Sisters at War

This is a very sad topic for me. My sister is 9 years older than I am. Our mother died when I was 12. It  took my growing up (literally) before she and I became close. Our family literally fell apart after my mother died. My brother is 14 years older than I am, and he and my sister were always closer, understandably. Once I became grown, and married and started having children of my own, my sister an I became VERY close. We lived some distance from each other, and could spend hours on the phone. I made treks every summer to her home to spend some time. At age 38, I became disabled due to a *serious* back condition. It was hard for her to understand what life was like for me. Yet I still continued the treks.....though driving was extremely difficult. I had a baby at aged 42, and my husband and I split for good shortly after..after over 20 years of marriage. My sister hated my husband, and he wasn't welcome in her home. I even left him at home alone one thanksgiving b/c she wanted us to spend it with her. I vowed to never do that again...I figured if any of my family weren't welcome in her home, neither was I. After 3 years I started dating again, and my brother was due to make a trip "south" from Maryland, where he lives. We hadn't seen him in 10 years. He was going to spend 2 weeks in our hometown so he could see his childhood friends, etc. Then continue on to the city my sister lives in, for a few days. My sister wanted me to come for NINE days to visit. I tried to explain to her that my health simply would NOT allow me to stay that long in someone else's home. By that time, I couldn't even make the drive myself anymore. I had been seeing a great man for quite a while, and he had offered to take the last two work days of the week off to drive me down there. That would have meant a 4 day visit only....and I told her that was all I could manage to do. It wasn't good enough for her. I KNOW (in my heart of hearts) that she believed that the reason I wasn't coming longer was b/c she figured I had my nose up his butt and didn't want to leave him. ENTIRELY UNTRUE. I don't operate that way, and she knows it.  I tried to explain to her my limitations, especially with a 3yo and her house with an in-ground pool and a door latch that he could easily unlock himself. I had asked her to PLEASE install a child-proof lock on that door, and her response was "oh, good grief...we can watch him, you know". "WE" shot a bear in the woods!! I already knew how that little scenario would play out. She got very angry with me for not agreeing to come for the 9 days so she said that I could just come sunday and be done with it. Then I get a call from my brother, who was due to visit that sunday...telling me to just grow up. I knew I was outgunned. So I didn't go at all. I just stayed home.

Now neither of them are speaking to me. They haven't in 3 years now. Dr. Phil says "we teach people how to treat us", and I'm living proof of that. All my life I've taught my siblings that my wishes/needs aren't to be respected or to even be given a second thought. I've always given in to whatever it was that they wanted. When I'd *finally* had enough, at 45 years of age...this is what I got for it. Her children are in their 30's..and her oldest just got married..and guess who was NOT invited to the wedding? I found out he was getting married through an email that my sister sent my oldest daughter. Yet wouldn't accept a response from her.

I just don't get it.....I feel that if they can just shut me completely out of their lives like this, without a backward glance...that I must've not had any value to them to start with. I wrote her a long letter explaining my position and it was returned.

All we had left of our original, core family were the 3 of us. We were all estranged from our father (me not as much as the rest..I stayed in contact, but didn't have what you would call a "loving" relationship with him) and you'd think we'd value our relationship more than that.

There are times I wonder if maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone on with what she wanted. If it aggravated my back condition, so be it. At least I wouldn't be left with THIS kind of sadness. I know I would have suffered terribly...but I'm suffering now. I've tried to make contact with her and my brother to no avail. They simply have shut themselves down to me...it's as if I don't even exist. This is all sooooo terribly sad.............

 
November 14, 2006, 7:56 am CST

I am here for you

Quote From: jandlb

I am writing this on the second day of my sister's death.  She died yesterday (Friday) and I already miss her so much.  We did not always get along and she made choices that were not the healthiest or the smartest, but she was my sister.  I could always count on her to give hugs that were a little too long, her capacity to love with all of her heart and the knowledge that we loved each other.  When I found out that she was in the hospital, in the ICU unit, I opted to wait to call her the next day (Friday), however that call was never made because she past away in the early morning.  I will always have that regret that I didn't get the chance to acuse her of wanting attention or just trying to get out of house work(with a smile).  My family (mother, father, brothers, husband) and I knew that she was sick but didn't realize how ill she was. 

Quite honestly, I thought that "Sisters at War" was a silly topic when I saw the preview, because all of us have disagreements with our siblings but I would give anything to be "at war" with my sister right now instead of having to plan her memorial service and help her kids get through this.

The most ironic part  is that this episode is scheduled to air on her birthday, she would have been 37.

When I saw your posting I could only pray for you.  I don't know if your into God or not but he can help you through anything especially in your time of such sorrow. It says in the bible in Psalms23 yeh,though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death I shall have no fear for thou art with me.  God was with your sister and he is here for you.  I too lost a loved one, my aunt passed away in October and I have had a hard time dealing with it.  But with lots of prayer I am "dealing" with my feelings.  If you need someone to talk to I am here for regardless if we don't know each other.My email address is desmokim@yahoo.com

 
November 14, 2006, 8:03 am CST

11/14 Sisters at War

These two care more about being right and nursing their victim status than they do about each other.  Until they develop their very immature empathy skills this strife will never be resolved.

 

What a waste of time.  I'm betting one day they will live to regret having squandered their valuable, but limited, time.   

 
November 14, 2006, 8:05 am CST

wow i missed the last 15 min of the show

my only friend i have called and i missed the end of the show can any one tell me what happened? i was making thanksgiving day plans with my friend, i am wondering if Dr Phil got through to the two sisters on the show.
 
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