This is a very sad topic for me. My sister is 9 years older than I am. Our mother died when I was 12. It took my growing up (literally) before she and I became close. Our family literally fell apart after my mother died. My brother is 14 years older than I am, and he and my sister were always closer, understandably. Once I became grown, and married and started having children of my own, my sister an I became VERY close. We lived some distance from each other, and could spend hours on the phone. I made treks every summer to her home to spend some time. At age 38, I became disabled due to a *serious* back condition. It was hard for her to understand what life was like for me. Yet I still continued the treks.....though driving was extremely difficult. I had a baby at aged 42, and my husband and I split for good shortly after..after over 20 years of marriage. My sister hated my husband, and he wasn't welcome in her home. I even left him at home alone one thanksgiving b/c she wanted us to spend it with her. I vowed to never do that again...I figured if any of my family weren't welcome in her home, neither was I. After 3 years I started dating again, and my brother was due to make a trip "south" from Maryland, where he lives. We hadn't seen him in 10 years. He was going to spend 2 weeks in our hometown so he could see his childhood friends, etc. Then continue on to the city my sister lives in, for a few days. My sister wanted me to come for NINE days to visit. I tried to explain to her that my health simply would NOT allow me to stay that long in someone else's home. By that time, I couldn't even make the drive myself anymore. I had been seeing a great man for quite a while, and he had offered to take the last two work days of the week off to drive me down there. That would have meant a 4 day visit only....and I told her that was all I could manage to do. It wasn't good enough for her. I KNOW (in my heart of hearts) that she believed that the reason I wasn't coming longer was b/c she figured I had my nose up his butt and didn't want to leave him. ENTIRELY UNTRUE. I don't operate that way, and she knows it. I tried to explain to her my limitations, especially with a 3yo and her house with an in-ground pool and a door latch that he could easily unlock himself. I had asked her to PLEASE install a child-proof lock on that door, and her response was "oh, good grief...we can watch him, you know". "WE" shot a bear in the woods!! I already knew how that little scenario would play out. She got very angry with me for not agreeing to come for the 9 days so she said that I could just come sunday and be done with it. Then I get a call from my brother, who was due to visit that sunday...telling me to just grow up. I knew I was outgunned. So I didn't go at all. I just stayed home.
Now neither of them are speaking to me. They haven't in 3 years now. Dr. Phil says "we teach people how to treat us", and I'm living proof of that. All my life I've taught my siblings that my wishes/needs aren't to be respected or to even be given a second thought. I've always given in to whatever it was that they wanted. When I'd *finally* had enough, at 45 years of age...this is what I got for it. Her children are in their 30's..and her oldest just got married..and guess who was NOT invited to the wedding? I found out he was getting married through an email that my sister sent my oldest daughter. Yet wouldn't accept a response from her.
I just don't get it.....I feel that if they can just shut me completely out of their lives like this, without a backward glance...that I must've not had any value to them to start with. I wrote her a long letter explaining my position and it was returned.
All we had left of our original, core family were the 3 of us. We were all estranged from our father (me not as much as the rest..I stayed in contact, but didn't have what you would call a "loving" relationship with him) and you'd think we'd value our relationship more than that.
There are times I wonder if maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone on with what she wanted. If it aggravated my back condition, so be it. At least I wouldn't be left with THIS kind of sadness. I know I would have suffered terribly...but I'm suffering now. I've tried to make contact with her and my brother to no avail. They simply have shut themselves down to me...it's as if I don't even exist. This is all sooooo terribly sad.............
You’ve heard the old saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” Dr. Phil’s guests are putting that adage to the test! Colleen says her sister, April, committed the ultimate betrayal by trying to fix up her boyfriend and father of her children with another woman. April says her sibling is no angel, and claims Colleen dragged her out of bed and punched her in the face! After spending time on stage with the women, Dr. Phil sends them home with a special assignment: to watch their bad behavior on tape. Now, one month later, Colleen and April join him in the studio again. Does one sister owe the other an apology, or are they both to blame for their ongoing feud? Will the women find a way to move on and become sisters again, or is this relationship beyond repair? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
