Message Boards

Home

Message Boards

Topic : 03/07 When Too Much is ... Too Much

Number of Replies: 423

New Messages This Week: 0

Last Reply On:

Created on : Friday, November 10, 2006, 09:20:25 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/15/06) Imagine discovering that your next-door neighbor owns over 200 cats. Ray and Dennis never thought their neighbor, Kristy, would let her pet collection get that big. Once friends, the three are now in a nasty and vindictive war because of the felines. Ray and Dennis say Kristy's property is one big, disgusting litter box, and they want Kristy to get rid of her cats. Kristy says she'll never part with her "cat sanctuary." Are Ray and Dennis playing dirty in order to run Kristy out of town? When is it too much, and where do you draw the line in the litter box? Then, Mike says his wife, Lori, keeps everything from used envelopes to empty food jars and medicine bottles, because she "might need it" in the future. He is ready to take desperate measures to put a stop to this. Lori says the thought of throwing her stuff out is her worst nightmare. Is Mike guilty of making nasty bribes to get his wife to change? What's really behind Lori's habit for hoarding? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

More March 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

( Subscribe to this Topic )

pdpjd1

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
frustrated

November 16, 2006, 7:17 am PST

Re:Too many Cats.

I was at work in the breakroom watching Dr.Phill during dinner break. How Dr. Phil ended the session with Kristy and her dilima was wayyyyyyyyyyy of of control. We were all shocked at his tone. I dont even care for cats and 200 IS way too many.. but the woman is happy and does need guidence. You (Dr. Phil) were brutal with her at the end!!! She simply stated that her cats were happy and you went off on a furry of comments of how you wanted to help her and if she didnt want the help... Good grief!! WHAT was your problem. Hello,... yes.. we know you are human.. but you really suprised a lot of people and frankly lost some respect. THEN you treated the next woman who had her house in a uproar as if she were a princese!!! They BOTH need help... maybe in different ways... but still VERY similar ways. Yet.. you were way rude to Kristy. I felt ashamed of your reaction. You were worse than her neighbors. You're human.. but chill out! -and treat every one equally. If we need help. Then we need help. But as they always say:IF we ALL thought the same way.. then there would be no wars. Life aint that simple...

Read Replies to this Message

sanbojody

User Mood
Good

Message Emote
confused

November 16, 2006, 7:27 am PST

Dr. Phil, What Are You Thinking?

Dr. Phil, I really enjoy your show and watch it almost every day, but yesterday you shocked me! It seems like finally the legal system is taking this problem out of the hands of all involved and attempting to settle according to the law. Why would you offer to provide an animal activist attorney at this stage of the game? These neighbors should not have to deal with a problem that should be handled according to the law! Putting an animal activist attorney in the mix will only prolong everyone's agony! You know that any time an attorney is involved, things just get held up in the system forever. It should not take this amount of time to resolve this conflict and the people involved should not have to be involved if the legal system was doing its job. What about the neighbors? Did you offer them legal assistance too? You admitted this lady had a problem, but you're only aiding her? I hope she doesn't relocate to your neighborhood!

Read Replies to this Message

pdpjd1

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
quiet

November 16, 2006, 7:31 am PST

I disagree with you

Quote From: flrat69

You have lost all semblance of perspective. She does NOT love them. She loves the idea of them and being viewed as their savior. She could not be more false if she tried. Try a reality check here. There are far more dogs and cats in this country than there are true pet lovers to care for them. You cannot truly care for that many cats. It's a sham and so many people have bought into this dog and pony show that it's shameful. She is a fraud who cares nothing about other people. HER wants come before everyone. That's right, HER wants, not the needs of these cats. I have really got some swampland to sell you!

I do agree that she has too many cats... but you are wrong my friend. People can actually love that many pets. Its not a sham.. or being in love with an 'idea'. Its ok that you can not and do not see it this way..I mean.. if we all thought the same- then there would be no wars...but unfortunately we do not all think the same. There fore.. even with your beliefs.. you cannot possibly know what she feels in her heart. What she needs is guidence and help.But.. she is not a fraud who cares nothing about other people. I do not know her... but I do understand how she thinks and feels.. even though it might not be my choice. In ALL of the problems we have in the world this day and age......... her obsession is the least of our worries.Let her get the help and guidence that she needs.. and ease off .. and honey.. if you've got some swampland to sell... nowadys they can actually fill it in with added soil and make it usable. So see.. nothing is worthless... we just need to look outside the box and see what really is there and see the true potential rather than what we simply think. We really need to ease up on this lady. Help her obtain a medium of what she wants and what agrees with her neighors as well as the law. You don't always have to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Read Replies to this Message

faeryedark

User Mood
Good

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 7:31 am PST

11/15 When Too Much is ... Too Much

Quote From: westonsteph

I agree, the antifreeze was not just accidently "left out" in a large open bowl - not even a container with a lid! Who has that laying around???? and if they really do leave stuff like that around, they must be "messy and umkempt" as they said she lived like. The neighbors are bullies and want her out. Poor lady , I feel for her. She is onl y taking care of the unwanted and doing a good job too.

Aren't there laws against just leaving "Hazardous materials lying around? As it can get into the ground. Maybe she should contact the authorities over that. They talk about property values. Well, i'm not sure I'd want a property where the previous owner left out hazardous materials carelessly.

Read Replies to this Message

gymfriend

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 7:38 am PST

11/15 When Too Much is ... Too Much

Quote From: sooztunes2

Dear gymfriend,

I'm sorry for your loss. As a hoarder myself, I just want to tell you that hoarding like this is a compulsion. That means there is no logical equation that works, such as "I love my daughter and care for her health, therefore I will no longer hoard." Also, the opposite sentence is not true, "I love my things more than I love my life or my family."

I have tried many times to change my behaviors with such logical equations. To someone who does not have the skewed compulsive thinking or brain wiring or whatever that comes with hoarding, the choice to love things or to love people makes sense, and is probably an easy one to make.

But to someone with a hoarding issue, no amount of thinking about someone you love or something you enjoy or the benefits of a clean house seems to overcome the compulsion to hoard. When I attempt to take action or make a decision to take action, the fear and anxiety and apathy that come up freeze me to the sofa. The shame of friends or strangers seeing the mess I have created keeps me from accepting help from anyone. It's a real mind-bind thing that goes on.

So if it's any comfort to you, consider that your mother was dealing with a mental health issue in her hoarding, not a question of whether she valued her family.

May you and your family have all the love and support you need as you go through this time of grieving.

Susan

Dallas, TX

Thank you for your response. It was helpful to me.

I hope that you get the incentive somewhere to deal with this issue while you can. Change almost always brings anxiety. Because we are creatures of habit. And to make a change breaks the habits we hold dear to our heart.

I know that during times of real change, I help myself with a little Xanex. I believe in talking a lot and also medicating your way into comfort.

My mother was proud. She never wanted to admit weakness. I admit weakness. And I believe that is the biggest difference. She would never reach out for help that she needed. I openly reach out because I feel that life is difficult, and nobody can live to perfection.

My mother also would never seek help for a "mental disorder". Where I will go without hesitation.

"Shhh, don't tell people" was always my mother's way of dealing with an issue. Where I will always be willing to admit my problems to a roomful of women.

I don't believe that my mother and I were different in the amount of anxiety that we felt. I was heavily sexually abused as a child and shook for two years straight from the anxiety that I felt facing it all. I still shake at times for various reasons. My mother would rather stuff things and ignore her need, rather than feel the anxiety needed to chance.

I always compare it to throwing up. Nobody likes to throw up. I know I hate it. But fighting it only prolongs your sickness. If you just allow yourself to feel the sickness to its fullness, and go with the throwing up experience, no matter how unpleasant, the health finally returns. You often have to go through it in order to get to the other side.

I hope that for you. I hope you just take the bull by the horns and change. Otherwise your future will be much darker in the end. And those you love ultimately suffer.

Stuff is simply that; stuff. And life is life. The loss of one is worse than the loss of the other.

Gina
New Jersey

Read Replies to this Message

mk67026

User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 7:40 am PST

11/15 When Too Much is ... Too Much

Quote From: afraid

rabies from a cat come on get real now if a animal has rabies you wont have to worry about trapping it, lol it will trap you and also there are laws that say you do not have the wright to remove your neighbors animals from your property you have animal controll do it of you have the police go and inform the owner there animal has strayed, get real now, if you are so scared of getting something from a cat you wouldnt even be putting your self in harms wat to start with, your just trying to ease your guilty sole for getting rid of a elderly couples cats, thats down rite mean shame on you,!!!!! rabies hahahahahaha get real

Cats do carry rabies, as well as a number of other very nasty diseases. Contact the CDC or your state's veterinary office if you have any doubts- I'm not here to argue that point of fact.

I live in an area with no- repeat NO- animal control. "Animal control" in my rural area means either a .22 or a shotgun. Livetrapping & hauling them to a shelter might not be "nice" but it beats being shot on sight (well within the law in my area, I might add). If I were to call the overworked sheriff's dept about stray cats, they'd tell to quit wasting their time. And quite frankly, they do have more important things to worry about.

Furthermore, why should I have to put up with the stench, noise, and other problems associated with a horde of unwanted trespassing feral cats invading MY property? Again, a responsible pet owner will ensure their animals are on their property at all times. If you (editorial 'you') cannot or will not control your animals, do not gripe at someone else who will.

Sorry, your "logic" doesn't wash.

Read Replies to this Message

jennyda

User Mood
Nervous

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 7:46 am PST

Actually I do know what its like to get bit...

Quote From: flrat69

I am with you 100% on this. Well said.

My cat Sunny, whom I wrote about in my own post, bit me once. He was running from some dogs, in the back yard, and when I got the dogs away from him, I picked him up to coddle him. WAY WRONG THING TO DO! He bit me on my face, and hand, and YES it hurt like HELL! I went to the ER and they told me to wash the wounds and gave me some soap to do that, as well as some antibiotics. But I never wanted to get rid of Sunny or Dump him, let alone leave poison out to kill him.

Read Replies to this Message

faeryedark

User Mood
Good

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 7:49 am PST

11/15 When Too Much is ... Too Much

Quote From: chris1gill

My Husband has been cleaning out my Mother-in-law's first homefor several years. At the time she moved into her second house, therewere no path's left through the first home. Piles of stuff from floorto ceiling. My Husband over the course of eight years has cleaned outtwenty 20 yard dumpsters & the house isn't finished. She'snow gone on to fill the second house so there are no paths left... atleast it's a smaller house. Now she lives with us in an in-law suite,and you guessed it, she has started on IT.... My Husband went in therethis week, cleared out four contractor bags of garbage & itdidn't even show... I have threatened to call the fire marshall on ourhouse and the second house if she fill's ours up.... I don't care if weare all homeless in the process of cleaning this stuff up, I am tiredof the time it takes, and the family time it takes away from us.... Iam just tired from it... My Husband will never stop trying to help hismother, it's just all so disturbing.... These pictures are after the first five dumpsters were taken.... Just remember there's another house just like this one stacked up :( I find the whole situation overwhelming, and I'm not the one that can even clean it....

My husband tells me his house growing up was like this. He said they were lucky if there was a path. When I first met him he was about as bad.

Now I, on the other hand,grew up w/an obsessive compulsive mother and our house was neat as a pin and extremely organized to the point of silliness.

Imagine us together, Felix and Oscar. I put stuff away (organized) and he throws stuff wherever and keeps junk. Although, he's not as bad as his mom and I'm not as bad as mine. So, I guess sometimes we have an "organized mess" LOL!

Seriously, good luck on your endevour

Read Replies to this Message

flrat69

User Mood
Weird

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 7:58 am PST

Getting Real

Quote From: afraid

and all i do is walk up and tell them ok guys the sleep over is finished the cats streatch and politely jump off so i can start the car with out worring about scratches, you see its all in how you handle a situation,and as far as getting a desease from a cat my friend i would be more worried about getting one from another human being,my neighbors cats visit my yard on a regular basis, but i dont run them down or try to trap them or even go over and complain to my neighbors, a cats nature is to prawl thats what they do [yeah if you go up to a cat and catch it and it dosent know you hell yeah it will claw you and bite you as well you scared it the animal dosent know you and it dosent know if you intend to harm it or not and its not goin down with out a fight lol, people make too much of a big deal over a cat or a few cats coming in there yards,by the way i dont owne any cats, but im not going to be mean to other peoples cats cause i dont have one myself, now still want to get real with me?

LOL - You have a way of always cracking me up. I know you are sincere and I do not just dismiss your opinions as groundless. No, I have never purposely hurt an animal, nor would I. But I would also be very angry with that number of cats on my property all the time. The reason for my anger is that it is just not necessary. Thankfully I don't have to deal with that. Sure, I get the occasional cat in the yard or on the car, but that is a huge difference. I have trouble comprehending a neighbor with over 200 animals of any kind. You are, of course, correct about the handling of animals. I have been lucky enough to work with wild animals as well as domestic. I understand the desire to help injured animals. I even spent a good bit of time working with injured owls and feeding them until they healed. What this woman is doing does not compare to that though and I am still very highly critical of her. None the less, I not only respect your opinions, I look forward to them.

Read Replies to this Message

flrat69

User Mood
Weird

Message Emote

November 16, 2006, 8:01 am PST

Me Too

Quote From: jennyda

My cat Sunny, whom I wrote about in my own post, bit me once. He was running from some dogs, in the back yard, and when I got the dogs away from him, I picked him up to coddle him. WAY WRONG THING TO DO! He bit me on my face, and hand, and YES it hurt like HELL! I went to the ER and they told me to wash the wounds and gave me some soap to do that, as well as some antibiotics. But I never wanted to get rid of Sunny or Dump him, let alone leave poison out to kill him.

I have also been bitten. This was a case of some friends of mine keeping a mostly feral animal around their house by leaving food for it. I didn't harm that cat either.

Read Replies to this Message

First | Prev | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | Next | Last

Recent Shows: Dr. Phil Family Returns: ... | Cut the Cord | "Will My Mother-in-Law De... | Shocking School Sex Abuse... | P.I. Moms: The Truth Behi...