Topic : 03/15 Starving for Perfection

If you want I will talk to your daughter, I have 29 years in recovery, you never fully recover you always have it.  I think knowing that is the first step in recovery. You always have to be aware of this disease but you can overcome it. 

I have a wonderful family, a stay at home job and no scales or full length mirrors!

If you, or she, needs to talk, let me know....

I unfortunately missed most of the program, but I wanted to take a moment and relay my biggest prayers for these women.  God Bless Us All and may they find the courage and strength to get better.  I know God hears my prayer for them, I know his acknowledgement in my heart.  I hope to hear of happy recoveries. 

My heart ached to see them so small.  I can't begin to understand but I can only imagine it started very young.  I wish we could all realize how important and special each of us are and how important each of us are to each other. 

Share moments of kindness and acknowledgement with you family and friends but also with strangers.  Big city or small country.  I come from both and in my thirty years have learned so much.  Open hearts and minds nurture others.  We all can benefit.

God Bless

Ami Jo

I struggled struggled with an eating disorder from around 11 yrs. old until I was 19 yrs old, but I had issues with food for as long as I can remember. I was a purging anorexic. Unfortunately I did not receive any help until my condition was dire. At that time I went into a treatment facility. Although my parents only knew about my condition until I told them that I would be going to a treatment facility, I do remember what it was like. They knew for about 3 weeks before I was admitted. Some of the things that were most helpful were: talking about it with other people, writing in a journal, realizing how my life would be different without an ed and the things I lost because of my ed, confessing or writing down all of my secrets and rules, learning about nutrition ( I did not have any idea what a normal meal looked like), and talking to people that were recovered. There is also a book that has helped me to stay in recovery that book is Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer. It may be difficult to find, but it did help. If you want to try and understand the disorder a little better I would suggest reading the Anatomy of Anorexia by Steven Levenkorn and The Best Little Girl in the World by Steven Levenkorn. My greatest suggestion would be just try being a friend to her, because that is one of the things that helped me most. About three months before I went to treatment I began dating my current fiance Brandon, and having him and my sister as friends really helped me. Before that time I was not close with anyone because of my disorder. Talking with other people with an eating disorder also helped me in recovery, because I could finally see that I was not alone and that there were other people out there that struggled with the same things I did. One person on treatment was very helpful, because she overcame incredible odds and had a very string will to recover and live. Seeing her overcome her disorder after 30 yrs and see how positive she was about recovery made me feel like if she could recover I could too.

During the short time that my parents knew about my disorder they did many things that made things worse. Pushing the food and weight issues all the time make it worse. They would also say all the time we think you are pretty or beautiful just the way you are. People making comments about what I eat and how or how I looked. An eating disorder is not really about the way you look. It is about the way you deal with emotions. I overly controlled how much I ate at one time because I felt like I had no voice or opinion in my family. I was also very angry at my parents. I also used food to deal with any problem in my life I would purge two or three times when writing a paper or before a test because it made me less afraid of getting a bad grade. I would not eat all day before a party or something, because it made feel better about not being accepted or embarrassed in front of people. I was also suffering from depression for a long time. I would say the best thing to do is try and understand. Each eating disorder is different, but an eating disorder is definitely not about looks or about being pretty. Why someone develops an eating disorder is different for every person. The best thing you can do is be a friend and listen without judging. I believe recovery is possible and I hope that she will recover. I hope this helps and may God be with you.

I was hospitalized 7 times and attempted suicide before spending a month at The Renfrew Center.  While there I worked and fought.  I have mostly symptom and behavior free for 6 months.  However, after seeing the show and reading about the Center for Change and eating disorder recovery statistics I am saddened.  Everyone is measuring recovery in behavior and weight.  I am miserable, depressed, and hopeless; however, just because I'm not using eating disorder behaviors, I'm recovered and I would be considered a success story.  I did have the after treatment high, but I just don't feel any better.  Though my behaviors are different, my feelings and thoughts have not changed much.  I got real Dr. Phil.  I gave up control of the eating disorder.  I listened to therapists, doctors, family and friends.  I made the choice.  What have I gained now?  I have a life not worth living.  Now I don't look like I need any help and I will suffer alone.  Now not even my eating disorder comforts me.  Though healthy, I am still trapped inside my body.  I want to crawl out of my skin.  What more can I do now?  I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and I stick to my recovery plan.  However, I'm just standing still, I'm not moving foward.  How can I get anywhere from here?  Is there anywhere to go?  Or is this as good as it gets now?