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Topic : 06/04 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

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Created on : Friday, November 10, 2006, 09:23:21 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/17/06) It's often said that parents find true happiness when their child finds true love. But what happens when a mother suspects that her child may be sleeping with the enemy? Gerri fears that her son-in-law, Alan, is such a danger to her daughter, Melissa, and her grandchildren, that he may kill them. She claims Alan is molesting his 3-year-old daughter, and that Melissa is in denial. Gerri says she had no choice but to call Family Services. Alan and Melissa are outraged by the accusations and say Gerri is out to destroy their marriage. Alan maintains his innocence, and Melissa stands by his side. Could Gerri's guilt as a parent be causing her to make these serious allegations? Alan takes a grueling three-hour lie detector test to prove his innocence. Who will be the one apologizing when Dr. Phil reveals the results? Is Alan a monster or the victim of a malicious mother-in-law? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 12, 2006, 5:48 pm CST

the in-laws and out-laws

As a new mother-in-law, this topic really disturbs me.  My new daughter-in-law lived with me for a few months prior to their wedding because of some serious physical, financial and emotional abuse sustained by her from her biological mother and other family members.  Reporting to the authorities doesn't always work, as those in WV will call before making a visit to the home.  The child is frequenly coached as to what to say, and refuses to tell the truth because they feel their first duty is to their so-called family.  She and my son have only been married for less than a week, there is a baby due, and her family (who she believes that every word that comes out of their mouths is true) are telling her that they need to move somewhere where they can see her every day (they live 20 minute away) and that she doesn't need to take care of herself - the baby will be OK no matter how she eats or takes care of herself.  They have already taken all of her SSI for the month and think nothing of it.  The system in this state has allowed infants to freeze to death (documented in both their system and the news) because of lack of follow through on abuse/neglect reports.  As a mandated reporter by virtue of licensure, I have experienced this many times in cases that I have reported as a part of my job.  It hurts even more when its a part of your family.  As I write this, my daughter-in-law had one of her family come here and take her to their home, where there is alcohol and illegal drugs used openly.  There are also 3 children under the age of 4 there, but nothing has been done by those who are paid by our tax dollars to protect their lives.  I firmly believe that something needs to be done so that the truly innocent of our society are protected, especially from those who should be their front-line of protection.  At this point, I'm praying for the health and safety of my unborn grandchild, as this is the only means by which I'm going to see any results.  Since reporting doesn't seem to be working to protect children, maybe its time that this goes public, before they make the news with a fatality or serious injury.

It may seem that I have droned on and on, but this is certainly a safe place to vent.  Our children deserve better.  Its time we all become involved in this in order to make our children's lives happier and healthier.

 
November 12, 2006, 8:33 pm CST

WHAT A MEAN PERSON YOU ARE

     Do you any idea what you are doing to your granddaughter and your daughter?  You don't have to like your son in law but you have no right to use his daughter to get back at him. Sorry  but I honestly feel you are just trying to break him and your daughter up.  When and if he is found innocent I hope the courts there arrest your for making a false report  and you lose all rights as you are trying to do to him and your daughter. No one has any right to destroy another person just cause they don't like them or because they are angry with them.  I know that children do get molested and it's an awful crime but to accuse someone of this falsely and cause a family to break up and a child to go through like thinking something this awful has happened is an awful thing to put a child through not to mention the teasing and ridicule they will get from other children. People like you never think ahead any further than getting revenge and there way.  You need to go get help and butt out of your daughter's life.  Do you have such a low opinion of your own daughter that you think she allow her husband to abuse her child and not do anything about it?

I'm sure you are probably a good person but you have very evil behavior. change it before you lose your daughter and grandchildren for ever.

 
November 12, 2006, 8:58 pm CST

Missy pray alot

Quote From: missyk10

Well I can in some ways identify with Gerri.   But I will have to wait and see the entire show before I make any final decision.

 

I have for a very long time believed that my ex DIL has been verbally and emotionally abusive to my granddaughter who is 4 1/2.  There have been times when I have been talking to her on the phone that she will start screaming and cussing at my granddaugher.  She has a really bad attitude and treats others badly.  When confronted with her behaviors and asked why she does some of the things she does, she will tell you "because I can". 

 

5 days ago my granddaughter had an ear infection and was vomiting the night before.  I called her mom to see how she was feeling and then talked to my granddaughter and then to her mom again.  Things seemed ok except my ex daughter in law' s voice sounded a little strained.  She also has a 2 year old son that is a handful. 

 

I asked if I could come by and see my granddaughter and I was told yes you can come over but you have to be here before 12 noon.  This was at 9:45am.

 

I showed up at 10:45am and as soon as I stepped out of the car I could hear my ex Daughter in law screaming, yelling and cursing to beat the band.  I walked up to her front door and stood there a moment or 2 and she was on a tear.  I can't even repeat the language she was using here towards my granddaughter.   I knocked on the door and she continued her tirate when she opened the door and gruffly told my to "lock the door".  Her 2 year old was standing behind her.  She turned around, snatched him up by his wrist and carried him into the livingroom dangling his full weight by his arm.  My granddaughter said "Cody did..." and was immediately cut off by her mom stating that she needed to worry about Makela not Cody.  She then went to state that Cody squirted a bottle of dog shampoo on the bathroom floor and Makela didn't stop him she just watched him do it.  And boy was she ever mad.

 

She tells Cody that now he had to have a bath and left the living room and went into the bathroom with Cody trailing behind her.  Cody falls in the bathroom and she goes HeHe that's what you get for making a mess.  His is crying and she is just  made (fyi the bathroom floor is ceramic tile as  is the livingroom, hallways and kitchen/dining area).

 

While she is bathing Cody, Makela quietly tells me that she was going potty, Cody came into the bathroom and started to squirt the shampoo on the floor.  She tried to tell him to stop but he wouldn't and the she tried calling her mom.  I guess my ex daughter in law just wanted my granddaughter to  cut it off, get off of the toilet and tend to her baby brother's needs.  I don't think so.

 

All the while my ex daughter in law continues to rage.  She had told my granddaughter to pick up her markers and as a matter of fact pick up all the toy.  She of course was yelling and cursing at my granddaughter when she told her to do those things.  I helped my granddaughter to pick up and she finally came to me so I could hug her and tell her I love her.  She then sat in one of her little chairs and said "Mommy yells at me all the time".  I was heart broken

 

I offered to take Makela with me then and there since her mom also accused her of not being sick.  She refused to let me take her, but said to come back at exactly 2:30 and I could pick her up.  At 2:10 my ex daughter in law calls me and states that my granddaughter wanted to tell me something.  She goes grandma I wanna stay here cuz Milton is coming over to take care of Cody and I wanna see him, but will you come and pick me up.  Uh no don't come and you can hang up now.....click.

 

My ex daughter in law had been in a total rage earlier that day and was unable to turn it off.  Now I have been forbidden to come to where she lives anymore by her step dad.  They are just afraid that I will accidentally witness more outbursts of uncontrollable rage.  I was accused to trying to get Makela for my son to have full custody.  That is not true and even her own mother admitted to my son that her daughter is verbally and emotinally abusive but they are afraid to tackle the issue for fear that she will leave with the kids and they will never get to see them again.  You see she has been living there for 5 years.  Those children are like their children too and we all know that that grandma and grandpa really are the ones who are raising my granddaughter.

 

I know she has threatened to do just that because of some of my granddaughters play acting with her dolls.  Threatening to move and not letting anyone know where they are.  I've asked her where she could have heard such a thing and she told me at home.  I asked her now who would say such a thing?  She says my mommy.

 

What's a grandma to do?  My son has been informed of what happened and he did read her the riot act and had her crying by  the time she got off of the phone.  He told her to get off of her lazy ass, get a job, support her kids too and get off of the drugs.  She claims to have been clean for 4 months now and she had the gall to cut down my son because he was addicted to methamphetamines and didn't quit when she found out she was pregnant.  My son was ultimately arrested for the drugs and did 3 years in prison with another 11 years left to go on parole.  Which he has always been "clean" on drug testing.  Has held the same job since he got out of prison and pays regular child support for his daughter.  The other child's father doesn't pay child support because she has not persued it.

 

Desperate in Texas.

 

Missy

      I feel for you Missy. Does Texas have Grandparents Rights Law? If  they do get court granted visitations then you at least monitor your granddaughters health and well being but if you report it to  the law then I'll bet she is the sort of person that will never let you see you granddaughter again.

      My son's x-wife won't let me or any of my family see my 2 grandson but she sure has a fit if the child-support payments are one day late.  I would go for Grandparents rights but here it cost $3,000.00 per child and I'm disabled and can't afford it.  I'm hoping when they are adults they will look us up and ask why none of us never came to see them. I think when that day comes I'll just tell them the "why"  no longer matters as much as now that they are adults they can come and see grandma  every day if they want, and that most importantly Grandma and the rest of the family never stopped loving them and never stopped praying for or trying to contact them and finding them. My x- daughter in law never pursued child support from her other 2 kids dad's either and when he tried to get visitation she accused him and his father and his brother of molesting her daughter so the dad had a choice....go to prison or sign over total custody. He gave up the kids rather then go to prison.

     Keep your chin up but remember to think it over carefully what ever you do. do what's best for the child...always... God Bless

 
November 13, 2006, 3:55 pm CST

dr phil will we get to see the results?

lol  i do hope your not going to give us another cliff hanger,
 
November 13, 2006, 6:26 pm CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

I am telling my story to mabey help someome eles.  My birh mother abandoned me and my sister when I was just 2 months and my sister was a little over a year, a neighbor found us, that's when we were then thrown in the system we ended up in a foster home(where we were later adopted) with five older brothers, they were atleast 10 years older one who is in prison now for murder molested both of us then there was anoter who molested me, I remember being about six or seven, and my mom would leave him to watch us, when she would leave, he would take me to his back room and rape me, I remember it burning so bad, later I would tell my adopted mom it hurt between my legs, she would doctor on me her self by using creams, between my legs like noxema(why I don't KNOW) I do know that it left chemical burns that I can still see till this day(I'm sorry being upset, but no one belives this lady that told here story in red, this stuff realy happens, to peole like you and ME) besides my bother there was this guy who my mom callled her bother who would always buy us candy he tried to touch me onece but I had a big mouth and my birh fater lived with us, so he never tried againg but he molested my sister I also recently found out from my sister that my birh father molested her.  As children we told our mother who WE LOVED with all our heart, what happened she conviced us that we were dreaming and for a while we believed it then we went to the schools who aventually had us investigated, before they came to the house our mom, told us that if we didn't want her to go to jail And We Didn't that we would say it was  all a lie and we did, she is now 80 and me and my sister confronted her 3 years, she cried and appologized.  This year after I got out of jail and got pregnant,  the same brother that molested me as, a child she called me and told me that he really wants to help me get out of my situation and that he will give me money if I needed it,  why would I wan s**t from him, I guest she forgot againg what he did to me.   E ven with what she did to me and is still  doing to me I hate/love her WHY?  I don't know,  onece I graduated high school I joined the military, when I got back from training I started a downward spiral with drugs and alcohol that  nearly  took my life, and landed me in jail several times.  Bad things happen to good people.  I pray every day now and I am still recovering.  My son who was born 10/10/06 changed my life. 
 
November 14, 2006, 9:20 am CST

Yell it from the treetops!

Quote From: Paintdoodles

It is no big deal for the pediatrician to check  this little girl has been molested as she will not understand what is going on.  The doctor simply takes a look.  If the hymen is intact and there is no evidence of anal molestation, that is it.  If there is evidence, then that is another thing.  So, don't worry about the little girl being "traumatized" by some exam.  It is less traumatic for her than for us to get our annual's. 

It has been over 5 decades since everything happened. Me and my brothers have suffered so bad for what our parents ........ previous quote. (jwiz512)

 

 

Paintdoo.. Your messages are cruel.  When dealing with abuse and neglect it is self centered for the listener to discount a persons cry for help.

It is "those" like you, who turn children away.... when they do 'tell'.

 

These children who were turned away in their youth, are now adults. Some are educated, some are not. Both are valuable. I hope this gal who wrote in here for help... continues to tell her story until someone "hears" her. She will be a strong advocate for others in the same situation, and a light for those who are in the dark.

 

Theresa: (jwiz512) What happened to you was "wrong", and It was not your fault. Please contact your local social services office, or local hospital and see what services (counseling) are offered in your area at low or discount cost(s). Please be strong, and teach your children to be strong, by getting some help (for yourself). Let your children see you "get help"  so they are not learning to be victims too, When they "see you" rise up and take control they will have the tools!

Keep your chin up. ;)

 

 
November 14, 2006, 4:26 pm CST

Innocent son-in-law

Quote From: Paintdoodles

It is no big deal for the pediatrician to check  this little girl has been molested as she will not understand what is going on.  The doctor simply takes a look.  If the hymen is intact and there is no evidence of anal molestation, that is it.  If there is evidence, then that is another thing.  So, don't worry about the little girl being "traumatized" by some exam.  It is less traumatic for her than for us to get our annual's. 

Too true.  If the little girl is fine, I'd be all over that mother-in-law too.  I'm wondering where this wife is going when this is all over.  Either way, she is screwed.  Her mother has put her in a precarious position.  If I were the son-in-law and he is innocent, I think I'd be asking for a divorce with full custody of the child.  Because?  Something is making that mother-in-law make those accusations--and it may not be the son-in-law!  It could be the daughter----or, it could be her, making some Machiavellian accusations.  You know, attack before your attacked type thing. 

 

My thing is that I always want to think the worst when it comes to child molesters. 

 
November 14, 2006, 5:35 pm CST

Hi there

Quote From: hotmomma79

hello all!  i'm wondering about just how acuate lie detectors are.  how do you all feel about it?

From what I have seen, they are about 92% accurate, personally for me NOT GOOD ENOUGH, but if they were 100% we wouldn't need courts then.

The fact of the matter is, they can be fooled that's why they are NOT admissible in court as HARD EVIDENCE.

I always think to myself, I tend to be a nervous person when cornered, innocent or not, but ANYONE of us could find ourselves in that 8% for something HORRENDOUS that the polygraph gets wrong either way imagine being among that 8% and going to prison for MURDER, and you are innocent, but the Polygraph said you did it, so therefore you did, so no 8% is not good enough.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could come up with some type of truth serum ( wouldn't that be fun at family gatherings, hehe ) .

 
November 14, 2006, 7:33 pm CST

My Prayers and My Deepest Empathy go out to you,Sincerely another Recovering Victim Of Child Abuse!God Bless

Quote From: jwiz512

It has been over 5 decades since everything happened. Me and my brothers have suffered so bad for what our parents and family did to us. I am waiting for a 96 year old woman to die to tell what 5 out of 8 of her sons did to us when we were babies and small toddlers. Also what she did to us was almost as bad if not worse. We were rapped by her sons and she beat us and abused us so bad it sent us running to the streets. She is going to be 96 now and with her health and age I am finding it hard to come forward with all that happened. I have recorded my story but I don't know what to do. If I don't tell what happened back then my brother may end up dying in prison waiting for the truth and proof to come out. Yet I know she can't stand in court and it would upset her when he five sons go to jail for rapping us with a weapon. Please someone help me. I have suffered along with my brothers all these years and the abuse never stopped after we left her home. My first husband beat me so bad every day because I was not a virgin when he married me. When I told him what happened and why I didn't bleed when we had sex on our wedding night he never let me live it down and it was the cause of me loosing my children to him because I didn't want the public to know. The beatings from him were so bad and at times he would point a gun at me. I didn't want to have sex and never dreamed when I married him that I would have to take my clothes off. Oh my God this whole thing is such a mess and I need help bad. Please someone help me before my brother dies with this in prison and what they did to us. Our parents and our family destroyed our lives and my brother has been in prison for 37 years. I tried to speak to the Governor but he doesn't have time for people like us who have nothing.

          

             First and Foremost I would just like to tell Jwiz512,That what you are doing today is all that matters,it must have very difficult for you to manage to compile as much as you could of very extreme Abusive childhood into 1 meezely Paragraph,where it must have been almost impossible to get out all that you wanted to,as for me,and this is not to take it off you,but to even emphasize the fact that I understand your frustrations,and I am feeling such strong emphathy for you,my point here is that for me to tell everyone about my abusive childhood and how today I am a Survivor of being raped and molested as a child,and I know i could personally write a book or 2 on all that I had to endure growing up!The 1 Thing That I learned Not all that long ago either is That Predators and Molestors ,Like the ones we had to endure,it's through there threats of hurting us or even a closer family member if we were to talk about it,as well,as we have empowered our abusers Through Our Silence.I can't believe that we are living in the year(s) 2006-2007 and STILL Today,Abuse of all shapes and forms Continues in almost every other household,whether it be verbal abuse like some of dr.Phils Viewers who responded very Cold-Heartedly,without thinking thier thoughts out before they even spoke them not thinking or realizing that it has taken you 5 decades to just compose enough from the life you have had to endure,to say what you felt at the time to be enough to get heard,and I will pray for you that Dr.Phil is able to read this and can offer you some help.

 I can't for the life of me Imagine that  someone could really believe that a person has nothing better to do and is willing to expose thier True Identity to being exposed on National Televison to be heard and get whatever help,that could possibly be offered to them.I may not know your entire story and it would be extremely hard to tell here online when your limited to a certain number of words,so you are asked to keep it brief,so how can one possibly understand completely the extent of your pain if they have not walked a mile in your shoes.The same would apply to How do you know or believe that there is a higher power than ourselves ,is there A GOD,if you can see him,even though we have bibles and books that clearly state that there is a God,If a Tree Falls in the Forest does it make a sound,How do you know if you are not there to see it?These are just some examples of what I am trying to say about some of these Ignorant readers who are heartless,cold cruel,and truely did not think through what they were about to say to you,without thinking it through,or re-read what they wrote before they clicked send.here after 5 decades and such trauma you and your brothers went through as children,you should be comforted and rewarded,even if its only through self talk,and praiseing yourself for finally breaking that circle of silence thatkeeps that tight hold on our lives and to the point where its hard to Trust  anyone with such Fragile Information,Look at what you had to endure in like You stated during your FIRST marriage and the loosing of your children,because of the guilt and shame you were made to feel at the hands of your husband.Also as Victims,we have a tendancy to attract other abusive people into our lives,its as if we have an invinsible sign rapped around our neck or a invinsible sticker stuck to our head that Reads I am a Victim  Please come nd Abuse me more.Pay no Attention to those other Dr.Phil Viewers,who Have said Nasty things to you or called you a Liar,They should be Ashamed of themselves,they should have asked themselves Is this how Dr.phil would have talked to you,I personally think Not,as He is a Strong,Assertive yet very Compassionate man from all of his books that I have Read as well,as I watch him everyday,and thats not how he appears to me.

I believe that you have come a long way,and I'm pretty sure that this hasn't been the first attempt at reaching out for help,but I think you shouldn't quit and i would suggest that you pursue speaking to Dr.Phil,as well as show him you are also trying,by trying to find a womans clinic in your area that will help you to find the proper kind of councelling that you need,There are many free clinics,if you do like the other viewer suggested by contacting social services and tell them you need to speak with a Physcologist or even a Phyciatrist,to begin the process of healing.I think that its very sad that in todays society and it really doesnt matter where you live,but that Abuse is still something that we are brought up to not talk about,and its responses like the few you were left where If I had any control,over this web site,Those specific individuals and you know who you are,I wont mention your nicknames,as its not up to me,to determine if what you said to this lady who after many of years finally tried to come out and speak up,and you may have even sent this Victim many many steps backwards instead of encouraging her to continue to go forward and do the right things,it wont be easy,but just know that every step you take,you will have people like myself to turn to and talk with whenever nessasary.I strongly Feel That the producers of this web site should really look into what you had to say and the replies you recieved and the certain few should be banished from here.I believe in freedom of speech but I also believe there are limitations to what should be said.Many people from all parts of the world come here for help,not to be critisized,judged,or condemed for why they are here asking for help,tht in itself takes lot of courge and I commend you for all you efforts and I will pray that Dr.Phil reads your post himself,and that he is able to guide you in the right paths.

 So,PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP-it Took so much for you to come forward.I also Believe That Money as sad as it is determines who will listen and who won't,and I am referring to the legal aspect of what you mentioned in regards to your brother.I only know that he has been in prison for 37 years,and you feel guilty for this,that if maybe you hd come out sooner with this that he may have either been released or have recieved a leaner sentence,but I don't know the Crime he committed,or if he deserves to be where he is or not! However,if the information about the abuse you endured as children would atleast get him an appeal based on some new evidence,thatwill atleast help him with a physcological assesment,and maybe even an overturn of the original sentence.I can't tell you anything is 100% but,if you feel this strongly that if you were to come forward that it may help,than continue to believe in the positive aspects of this,and continue with your journey,Think Positively from here on out ,Know that you were a victim here,and as you recover,and begin to understand that you have no reason to feel guilty about something you had absolutely No control in,and those whether it was Immediate Family or Not,They should still be held accountable,and their is power in Numbers,so try to get your other siblings to come forward with what took place when you were children an how it impacted your lives,the choises you made,and the overall Impact it has taken on each of your lives,I have listened to your story and I believe in you,I know how hard this is for you,and I know others will continue to listen also.what I do Understand that because it was your own Family that has hurt you so badly,but to you and me and many other victims of abuse,we are made to feel guilty that somehow if i was a better child,if I just did what I was told,if I was prettier,or stronger they wouldn't have done this to us,But the bottom line is that they are and will still be your family,but you need to let all that stinking thinking go once and for all,and finally move forward,I wont lie I am still struggling everyday,however,I am not able to FORGET but I FORGAVE them so that I could become a better person,a better wife, a better Mother to my children,and If I could do it,You Can to,Let the old ways go once and for all,be strong,dont take no for an answer,be assertive and begin to live in Today,Not Yesterday,and Not Tomorrow,Say the serenity prayer every morning when you open your eyes,and Thank your higher powerGod,if thats who it is,for helping you get through another day.Unfortunately i want to keep writing to you,I strongly feel you need to feel heard,but you can reply to what i said or if you just need someone to talk with in the meantime Ok,I will B here for you both spiritually and emotionally!my fingertips are freezing,I am diabetic and pregnant ,I know this what they call a high risk and stress isnt the best,but I am doing everything I should be,I know my Limits,even though I may push them at times,Keep me updated if you can,Sincerely your New Distant Friend,from Ontario Canada here,God  be with you.I will try to be here for you whenever you need someone. Please EXCUSE any Misspellings I have made as again I am diabetic and my hands are very cold and i need to raise my Blood-sugars.Take care in the meantime

 
November 15, 2006, 5:44 am CST

Don't Butt Out

Quote From: ladybird6

I firmly believe once our children are adults, we need to butt out.  We can love and give advice when we are asked.  But we are not to condemn their choices and we are not to raise their children.  If this woman truly believes her son in law is molesting the grandbaby, she better have good reason (proof) or she is just a busy body.  I can't wait to watch this show!!
There is so much violence in homes that is hidden.  If you have reason to believe there is violence in your child's home, even if they are adults, try to help.  My daughter was in total denial and I wish that I had been more of a busy body, I could have helped her escape at least two years of seven being abused.  I agree it is a fine line and their decisions are their decisions but when it comes to violence the dynamics are such that the person being abused is often conditioned not to see it, or to believe they have caused it.
 
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