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Topic : 06/04 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

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Created on : Friday, November 10, 2006, 09:23:21 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/17/06) It's often said that parents find true happiness when their child finds true love. But what happens when a mother suspects that her child may be sleeping with the enemy? Gerri fears that her son-in-law, Alan, is such a danger to her daughter, Melissa, and her grandchildren, that he may kill them. She claims Alan is molesting his 3-year-old daughter, and that Melissa is in denial. Gerri says she had no choice but to call Family Services. Alan and Melissa are outraged by the accusations and say Gerri is out to destroy their marriage. Alan maintains his innocence, and Melissa stands by his side. Could Gerri's guilt as a parent be causing her to make these serious allegations? Alan takes a grueling three-hour lie detector test to prove his innocence. Who will be the one apologizing when Dr. Phil reveals the results? Is Alan a monster or the victim of a malicious mother-in-law? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 15, 2006, 12:02 pm CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: ladybird6

I firmly believe once our children are adults, we need to butt out.  We can love and give advice when we are asked.  But we are not to condemn their choices and we are not to raise their children.  If this woman truly believes her son in law is molesting the grandbaby, she better have good reason (proof) or she is just a busy body.  I can't wait to watch this show!!
Thank you...THANK YOU. Yes...I can't agree more. (On the board issue, when the show airs I will know more of course.) But on the board issue, yes, Grandparents are not parents of anyone anymore. They have raised their kids and they aren't in charge of their grandkids.
 
November 15, 2006, 5:48 pm CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: purplepenny

Thank you...THANK YOU. Yes...I can't agree more. (On the board issue, when the show airs I will know more of course.) But on the board issue, yes, Grandparents are not parents of anyone anymore. They have raised their kids and they aren't in charge of their grandkids.

I have to agree, to a point.

I think if you can PROVE, prove being the key word here, there is abuse going on, then it HAS to be reported.

We'll find out Friday I guess, is he an abuser, or is she just vindictive but I really don't put a lot of faith in the Polygraph myself, why has the Good Doctor gotten on this kick anyway ?

 

 
November 15, 2006, 10:07 pm CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

I don't know who is right and who is wrong in this situation but clearly something is not right in the situation.  If the mother-in-law even ponders the idea for a minute her son-in-law is molesting her grandaughter there is somethign that is not right.   Maybe he is not, maybe he never has, but he must be doing something inappropriate for her to feel this way about him.  The daughter should seroiusly consider her mothers accusations, assuming the mother has valid reasons to believe (not just a whim).  Children come first, they can not take care of themselves, they need to be looked after and if the child's mom is not taking a family members opinion seroiusly, especially when it is about molestation, there is a big problem.  This child's life is in danger.  Maybe it is not, but I would believe if it was my daughter/child her life would be more importatnt to me than making a false accusation.

 
November 16, 2006, 4:43 am CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: addacat

There is so much violence in homes that is hidden.  If you have reason to believe there is violence in your child's home, even if they are adults, try to help.  My daughter was in total denial and I wish that I had been more of a busy body, I could have helped her escape at least two years of seven being abused.  I agree it is a fine line and their decisions are their decisions but when it comes to violence the dynamics are such that the person being abused is often conditioned not to see it, or to believe they have caused it.

 I agree, my child is my child forever whether 3 or 33. If some punk is hurting my kids (husband/wife) whatever I'm going to take issue and you can be sure i'm gonna step in.My children are little yet but I've been thru this w/ my friends and I have stepped in. At one time, i was at a friend's house when her (then) boyfriend was drunk and abusive. I got the phone and called 911... he grabbed the phone and tried to hit me with it... I managed to shove him out the door and lock it. The police came 'round and not only got him for domestic violence but ...LOL! public drunkness because Mr. Brilliant  decided to hang around screaming.

 I remember telling him as they put him in the car... I was her friend from way back and I'll be here when you're long gone. Turns out it wasn't very long before he was gone.

I wouldn't do any less for my kids. Call my a busybody I don't care,but my kids aren't going to be easy targets for an abuser.

 
November 16, 2006, 7:40 am CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: faeryedark

 I agree, my child is my child forever whether 3 or 33. If some punk is hurting my kids (husband/wife) whatever I'm going to take issue and you can be sure i'm gonna step in.My children are little yet but I've been thru this w/ my friends and I have stepped in. At one time, i was at a friend's house when her (then) boyfriend was drunk and abusive. I got the phone and called 911... he grabbed the phone and tried to hit me with it... I managed to shove him out the door and lock it. The police came 'round and not only got him for domestic violence but ...LOL! public drunkness because Mr. Brilliant  decided to hang around screaming.

 I remember telling him as they put him in the car... I was her friend from way back and I'll be here when you're long gone. Turns out it wasn't very long before he was gone.

I wouldn't do any less for my kids. Call my a busybody I don't care,but my kids aren't going to be easy targets for an abuser.

Here's a thought....If you raise your children to make good possitive choices and set a good examples for them when their young, you wont have to worry about them getting mixed up with a loser in the first place...It's important to have good role models around your children and talk to them and show them how to make appropriate decisions...

If in fact your child grows up and still ends up with a loser, after all that, then it's their decision and you cant step in and "save " the situation unless they ask for your help and want it....If not, you have to let them go so they can learn for themselves and mind your own business....You cant fix it if they don't think it's broken...

 
November 16, 2006, 9:32 am CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: rsm123

Here's a thought....If you raise your children to make good possitive choices and set a good examples for them when their young, you wont have to worry about them getting mixed up with a loser in the first place...It's important to have good role models around your children and talk to them and show them how to make appropriate decisions...

If in fact your child grows up and still ends up with a loser, after all that, then it's their decision and you cant step in and "save " the situation unless they ask for your help and want it....If not, you have to let them go so they can learn for themselves and mind your own business....You cant fix it if they don't think it's broken...

 I beg to differ, if (and I do doubt I'll ever have to worry about this) I walk in and find my child or grandchildren are being hurt, I will contact the authorities. I would rather they be mad at me or think of me as a thorn in their side, and be alive and have a chance to wake up and see the truth-than be beaten to death.

 

 
November 16, 2006, 12:15 pm CST

Been There Done That

I have read these messages and agree. But we were busybodies and did get involved and reported things but unless someone confesses or the abuse leaves fresh marks , most will be found to be unfounded. Then you have a daughter that can't see past the trees and ignores the facts. Our 5 year old granddaughter even  told her mother of abuse and still she did nothing. Through out all our trying to get them help any way we can, we are still getting the blame for all the stress and fighting. As things stand now we have to spend the money to travel to Missouri, where our daughter and granddaughter ran off  with the babies biological father to  check to see how she is doing.  These two adults are not even married. All this happened after we raised the 5 year old for the first three years of her life, and then MOMMY got encouragement from others to tell us that "I'll Take my child out of your house and you will never see her again, If you don't accept the fact that I'm living with her father." We live every day praying that our granddaughter can defend herself and be safe. His inlaws do nothing except incourage her to keep the granddaughter away from us. Sad all we did was love our children.
 
November 16, 2006, 1:46 pm CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: purplepenny

Thank you...THANK YOU. Yes...I can't agree more. (On the board issue, when the show airs I will know more of course.) But on the board issue, yes, Grandparents are not parents of anyone anymore. They have raised their kids and they aren't in charge of their grandkids.
I meant to say "broad" not "board"..sorry.
 
November 16, 2006, 8:26 pm CST

Freedom

I have been holding a secret for 20 years. I was molested by my older brother in law when I was 13 years old. When I was 14 I tried to kill myself. When I was 16 years old I told one of my big sisters (she is 4 years older). Thinking she would save me.  She told me to keep it a secret for it will kill my older sister.

 

So I did! I buried far down inside of me and became numb, but it still always haunting me especially around holidays when I had to face him. It was like sending him the message it was OK what he did to me, when in-fact it was not OK he is an IDIOT. He was also accused about 21 years ago for raping a mentally challenged girl, but he got off because he had an alibi of the night in question. 

 

 When I was 29 I had a stroke, my stroke was a bleed in the brain the doctors said It was caused by fluctuating blood pressure.

 

My Dad died 2 years ago. Since then I notice the trees, sky the world.

 

I decided to go to counseling because I could no longer deal with this, I was so depressed. I have been in counseling since last November. I have a great husband and 2 beautiful girls. I felt like my husband should know. I told him in counseling in June of this year. I had so much anger inside of me that it is not fair for me or my children to have so much baggage.  

 

I finally told My older sister  on Oct 28th what her husband did to me. She took it well the night I told her. Now she is acting like I suffer from metal illness. She even said that he wants to speak to my counselor one on one! "Unbelievable"! Meanwhile she knows I told our other sister when I was 16.  He is a great manipulator. A sweet talker. So she is listening to his BS.

 

The rest of my siblings are very supportive, there is 5 of us kids in total. I am the youngest.

I have not talked to my older sister since Oct. 30.

 

The moral of my story is that you should never hold on to other people's crap. I held on to HIS secret. I did nothing wrong. When you are 13 you think very differently. I took on the responsibility that I was so big and I did blame myself, when in fact I WAS only a child. I feel so much lighter now that I said!

 

I will no longer keep it a secret, it is what it is, he did what he did. Nothing can change that.

 

Now I know that I probably lost a sister but I have myself back. We can't control situations or things that happen to us but we can control one thing and that is our REACTION to situations!

 

We all have choices in life, and I chose not to be the victim!!!!!

 

IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!

 

And this is why I am FREEDOM2006

 

 
November 17, 2006, 4:51 am CST

11/17 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

Quote From: freedom2006

I have been holding a secret for 20 years. I was molested by my older brother in law when I was 13 years old. When I was 14 I tried to kill myself. When I was 16 years old I told one of my big sisters (she is 4 years older). Thinking she would save me.  She told me to keep it a secret for it will kill my older sister.

 

So I did! I buried far down inside of me and became numb, but it still always haunting me especially around holidays when I had to face him. It was like sending him the message it was OK what he did to me, when in-fact it was not OK he is an IDIOT. He was also accused about 21 years ago for raping a mentally challenged girl, but he got off because he had an alibi of the night in question. 

 

 When I was 29 I had a stroke, my stroke was a bleed in the brain the doctors said It was caused by fluctuating blood pressure.

 

My Dad died 2 years ago. Since then I notice the trees, sky the world.

 

I decided to go to counseling because I could no longer deal with this, I was so depressed. I have been in counseling since last November. I have a great husband and 2 beautiful girls. I felt like my husband should know. I told him in counseling in June of this year. I had so much anger inside of me that it is not fair for me or my children to have so much baggage.  

 

I finally told My older sister  on Oct 28th what her husband did to me. She took it well the night I told her. Now she is acting like I suffer from metal illness. She even said that he wants to speak to my counselor one on one! "Unbelievable"! Meanwhile she knows I told our other sister when I was 16.  He is a great manipulator. A sweet talker. So she is listening to his BS.

 

The rest of my siblings are very supportive, there is 5 of us kids in total. I am the youngest.

I have not talked to my older sister since Oct. 30.

 

The moral of my story is that you should never hold on to other people's crap. I held on to HIS secret. I did nothing wrong. When you are 13 you think very differently. I took on the responsibility that I was so big and I did blame myself, when in fact I WAS only a child. I feel so much lighter now that I said!

 

I will no longer keep it a secret, it is what it is, he did what he did. Nothing can change that.

 

Now I know that I probably lost a sister but I have myself back. We can't control situations or things that happen to us but we can control one thing and that is our REACTION to situations!

 

We all have choices in life, and I chose not to be the victim!!!!!

 

IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!

 

And this is why I am FREEDOM2006

 

 I'm glad to see that you're dealing w/ this. Stand your ground w/ that sister who's in denial. I too was sexually abused, by my mom's best-friend's son. It's a very long story ... to make it short I never told her and by the time I was ready she'd died. I've had the chance to speak w/ his younger brother and found I was not the only one (which I knew because, my best friend growing up also had some "secrets' regarding the same guy) It's amazing how the shame can keep you a prisoner and how free you can be when you do get to tell your story.

It took me a long time to forgive what was done to me (speaking w/ the brother helped as I gained insight) It by no means makes it o.k. but the forgiveness gave me back my power.

I too, refuse to be a victim. what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

God Bless~ F.D.

 
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