Topic : 06/04 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed

This young couple needs to move even farther from the wife's mother.

 

I have been watching this show, and can't believe what a piece of work this mother-in-law is.  SHE is the one - not her son-in-law - who has been guilty of "controlling" behavior toward her daughter.  She failed to protect her daughter from very real sexual abuse inflicted by a family member, yet was very sanctimonious about reporting the "abuse"  of her daughter's child. 

 

When her son-in-law PASSED the polygraph test, she did not even have the decency to apologize to him - until Dr Phil mentioned it. 

 

She needs take care of her OWN unfinished business , and stop inventing reasons to suspect her son-in-law of "abuse"  (or potential homicide!)  A good start might be to confront the "family member" who molested her daughter years ago. She might want to make amends to her daughter for the sexual abuse her daughter suffered years ago, and the recent emotional abuse she herself has inflicted on her daughter. 

 

That truth serum thing though might bring the Doctor more gusests than he could handle.

So the Polygraph said he was innocent, and now MANY ( not all) of the gusests are ready to jump all over the grandmother, okay, what she did was WRONG, the information was given to her SECOND HAND, by a realitive who was abused herself and so may be hyper sensitive to EVERYTHING that she could construe as abusive.

I thought the father was smug, but that being said, I don't think he's an abuser, I think he's a man that is FED UP with his MIL, she obviouslty can't stand him, but what I wonder is why ? It could be as simple as he took her baby away, but I wonder, was her own husband abusive and controlling, and is she HERSELF hypersensitive to the things he says and does ?

Just playing armchair psychologist, but unlike what people get on the shows, I like the WHOLE story before I like to cast stones, after all like everyone else I too live in a glass house.

The world has made it that way for FATHERS.

My sixteen year old daughter LOVES going with her Dad when he's towing cars on the weekends, and she LOVES going to lunch just she and him, nothing wrong with that in my eyes, and THAT should be all that counts RIGHT ? Wrong apparently.

Another mother had actually said to me " Don't you think your daughter and  her father spend a bit too much time alone together?"

Imagine that, I was SHOCKED to say the least about that, I would NEVER think of anything inappropriate going on with my husband and daughter, DISGUSTING!!!!  But if I'm spending alone time with my fourteen year old SON nothing would EVER be said.

Seems to me fathers are allowed to be the walking wallets and admire their daughters from afar, heaven forbid they touch them in ANY way ( and I'm afraid that means diapers) that someone could accuse them of anything, you know I have a friend going through the same thing, I did to an extent when my daughter was a baby, the cleaning dosen't get done as well because MEN ARE SCARED, I'd like to see men on this board responding, and I'm sure you'd see the prblem.

 "Life will be very different when the Feminine comes back into power and when the masculine (intellect) learns to serve her rather than dominate her."

What??? Are you kidding me? Are you implying that the intellect is mainly prominent in males only, whereas women are mainly ruled by their intuition and "emotional wisdom?"

Give me a BREAK, lady! And I will bet all the tea in Sri Lanka that you're a lady, and maybe you just took a class in Women's Studies, and that while you think you're advocating feminism and the rights of women, you're simply REINFORCING STEREOTYPES with this nonsensical spiel.

Women and men are not inherenlty better than each other. Grief only comes when people like you think the two sexes should be pitted against each other. That is hugely absurd and destructive. Women and men are all human beings, and complement and need each other. Don't confuse the crappiness of individuals with the crappiness of an entire sex. There are bad men out there, AND there are also plenty of bad women, too.

Why can't the MIL let her daughter live her life, he didn't molest his daughter, she was just trying to hurt him because she didn't like him.

Tried several times to put Dr Phil on the spot!

 

"I dont know what is right Dr. Phil  when is the right time to report abuse  etc etc etc  BLAH BLAH BLAH....

 

I am sooo glad he is a professional and saw right thru that!

 

Second the daughter was stuck between Mother and Husband  and she corrected her behavior by saying I should have said we instead of he.....

 

Third can you imagine how this guy must feel?  The couple has beautiful children  a life out in this world and no matter what  no one is perfect.  There is NOT a handbook they give new parents as to what is right or wrong....Its just what each come to the tabel with from there own family of origin....good bad or indifferent.

 

Finally this "grandmother"  is in serious need of a CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP.   Work on resolving her OWN ISSUES  and apologize  to her daughter and her husband  and beg for forgiveness  or expect to loose  all of them forever!

That woman is soo much my mother....finding fault with the SIL...nothing he does is good enough for her...my mother has done something similiar..she tries to say my baby's daddy sprayed bug spray in our son's mouth on purpose and tried to kill him...she is now trying to terminate my parental rights because of this...and so she can draw a social security check on my son...It is a never ending battle with her....

I did not watch the show but reading it made me cringe, I did not believe the mother in law at all, seemed to me that she had it out for this guy before the two got married and was trying to find a way to get them apart. I read where the guy was innocent according to the polygraph which of course is not 100% but I happen to believe that he is innocent and those doing the accusing needs to be ashamed of themselves and some spologizing needs to be done and if he is guilty then he needs some serious help and he had better change his way for the sake of his family or it will be him, not the mother in law to destroy his family unit.

I come from a very disfunctional family and had a mother who was a professional liar and this woman reminded me of her, I think it was out of guilt that she felt the need to lie, she wanted to punish some one for hurting her little girl and becuase of the guilt she ws trying to step in to "save" her little girl from harm which of course was a bit too late. I think the lady has some mental issues and needs professional help, believe me, if this is the case, it isn't gonna change, I have lived with it and I have witnessed the consequences. Hopefully, whatever the truth is, these people will get the help that they need, do the work and figure out how to be a team instead of working against each other, in my case, I don't have a whole lot to do with my family because of the warped ways of thinking, My first priority is my family meaning my husband and my children, When it comes to visiting and coming in contact with my children, it is all under my terms or it does not happen, The rules and boundaries must be made and stuck with, and in time, things can be different.

I think the first thing this woman needs to do is to apologize, then she needs to approach the real abuser and get him out of her life, I am figuring it is too late to press the charges but she needs to stand up to him. The husband and wife needs to get in to counseling as well and learn to get beyond this, they need to put each other as wella s their daughter as top priority and work togehter on their marriage. I know it ican happen cause regardless of the crap that went on in my life, I am a survivior and I have a great family

She shows all the symptoms of a borderline.  Everything is black and white, denial of her own actions, sexual preoccupation, projecting her own behavior onto another person.  My step-mother is one - I should know.

Melissa - you have to cut her out of your life, this never gets better.  They do not get better when they are convinced they are right.  Borderlines can heal, but ONLY when they fully accept their own actions.  She showed NO signs of this.  You really have no choice here - she will never stop.  But Melissa - you MUST be the one to walk away.  Don't let your husband influence you - do it on your own.  Just because she's your mom, doesn't mean you have to take this from her.  Everytime you interact with her you pull yourself into the same mental illness because borderlines generally pass that behavior on to their daughters making them into what they hate the most.  If you want your emotional heath to grow strong, you must push her out and you need to let go of the guilt of doing that. 

Your man is a big gruff and a little bit of a bully, but if you get strong - he'll balance out.  I think he is innocent of these accusations.  But if you see something that is bullying to the children, call him out on it privately and let him know it is enough.  I've got a husband who acts like that and I put him in his place when he starts to go to far...he backs down and apologizes.  You can do this woman - I see the seeds of power in you - you are a good person who has been betrayed and abused by your own mother, but you survived - now you must thrive. 

Setting aside all the bs you put your daughter's family, I just want to say one thing to you Gerri.  You were a bad mom not to protect your daughter from harm.  You owe her a lifetime of kissing her butt for your betrayal.  Then you make it worse by not acknowledging her pain.  You suck. Leave her be and start acting like a loving mom.  What you did was really really really wrong.