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Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Number of Replies: 1827
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

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July 22, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

hi everyone

Just wanted to say hello to all the returning posters. Hope all is well. Let's get back to posting!
 
July 22, 2005, 4:00 pm CDT

Welcome Back

Welcome back everyone!  Nice to see you Lilac.  Looking forward to catching up with everyone.
 
July 22, 2005, 4:29 pm CDT

hi rsthoughts

Welcome back everyone! Nice to see you Lilac. Looking forward to catching up with everyone.

Nice to see you, too. I guess someone is going to have to suggest a topic before this board will really get going again, huh. Hmmm . . . I really don't have any complaints right now. My step-daughter has moved in with us this summer and things have changed dramatically. Sex, or how often we have sex, is just about the last thing on my mind these days . . . so my husband and I are getting along pretty well. Ha ha! Actually, I can't even remember the last time I wanted to have sex and he didn't want to as well. This used to be a be a big point of contention between us. It seems lately that our sex drives are pretty much in sync. How are things for you?

 
July 22, 2005, 5:12 pm CDT

Thank you, Steven Tyler!

If you want to reply to message, you will have to hit "reply with a quote." If you want to just post, click on "post amessage" at the top.

DrPhilBoard3

ha ha ha ha!
 
July 23, 2005, 12:44 pm CDT

A wife who has never had a normal sex life...

Hi all, this is my first posting here. It seems as if everyone is talking about the "new" system and not the subject of this board, so I hope I'm not intruding! ;-) My wife and I have been married for over a year - second marriage for both of us. Our problem is that she's never had a normal sex life. According to her, it's never been about her, and she really doesn't know how to express herself. She's not used to the way I am, which is that I like to please her first and foremost. She seems to be okay with that for the most part, but she doesn't reciprocate 99% of the time. ((By the way, this system does stink - what's up with not being able to backspace??)) She feels inadequate and self-conscious and rather than just trying to break out of it, she does nothing, hence our problem. I sometimes feel as if she doesn't have any desire for me, but she vehemently denies that. But the fact remains that things are the way they are and I'm very unhappy with this area of our life. I'll readily admit that I am more focused on this problem because of my experience with my first wife where we just let issues like this go without truly working through it. I don't want this to haunt us throughout our marriage. I'm not a cheater and have zero desire to be with anyone else - that's kind of the problem. I find my wife extremely attractive and she turns me on 24/7, but I don't feel any of that - even a little bit - toward me. I'm in a loop where she only brings up our having "alone" time after I've complained out loud to her, so it gives me the feeling of her appeasing me. But it doesn't last. Not until I complain again, so you could see how that doesn't make me feel too good. Anyone else have this type of experience?
 
July 23, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

hi bonked

Hi all, this is my first posting here. It seems as if everyone is talking about the "new" system and not the subject of this board, so I hope I'm not intruding! ;-) My wife and I have been married for over a year - second marriage for both of us. Our problem is that she's never had a normal sex life. According to her, it's never been about her, and she really doesn't know how to express herself. She's not used to the way I am, which is that I like to please her first and foremost. She seems to be okay with that for the most part, but she doesn't reciprocate 99% of the time. ((By the way, this system does stink - what's up with not being able to backspace??)) She feels inadequate and self-conscious and rather than just trying to break out of it, she does nothing, hence our problem. I sometimes feel as if she doesn't have any desire for me, but she vehemently denies that. But the fact remains that things are the way they are and I'm very unhappy with this area of our life. I'll readily admit that I am more focused on this problem because of my experience with my first wife where we just let issues like this go without truly working through it. I don't want this to haunt us throughout our marriage. I'm not a cheater and have zero desire to be with anyone else - that's kind of the problem. I find my wife extremely attractive and she turns me on 24/7, but I don't feel any of that - even a little bit - toward me. I'm in a loop where she only brings up our having "alone" time after I've complained out loud to her, so it gives me the feeling of her appeasing me. But it doesn't last. Not until I complain again, so you could see how that doesn't make me feel too good. Anyone else have this type of experience?

Welcome to the board. I've said the same problem with my husband on and off. My sex drive is just generally higher than his. And, as with you and your wife, we go through phases where I want it a lot and he doesn't want it at all and only gives in it seems to appease me. I've also invested way too much time and energy into feeling inadequate and unattractive. What has helped me is first to never allow myself to run that script in my mind again. I AM attractive. I AM worthy of his love and lust! When I feel the old insecurity setting in, I just stop in in its tracks. The more attractive I feel to myself, after all, the more attracted he feels to me. Second, I keep myself busy enough with work, kids, or personal projects that there's a little bit of distance he has to cross to get to me. In other words, I play a little hard to get. I've found that if I'm not all over him all the time begging for sex, if I act like I could take it or leave it, he's a lot more likely to feel the urge all on his own. I don't know if any of this will work for you since the tables are turned in your relationship, but I wish you luck.

 
July 24, 2005, 2:07 am CDT

Thanks

Welcome to the board. I've said the same problem with my husband on and off. My sex drive is just generally higher than his. And, as with you and your wife, we go through phases where I want it a lot and he doesn't want it at all and only gives in it seems to appease me. I've also invested way too much time and energy into feeling inadequate and unattractive. What has helped me is first to never allow myself to run that script in my mind again. I AM attractive. I AM worthy of his love and lust! When I feel the old insecurity setting in, I just stop in in its tracks. The more attractive I feel to myself, after all, the more attracted he feels to me. Second, I keep myself busy enough with work, kids, or personal projects that there's a little bit of distance he has to cross to get to me. In other words, I play a little hard to get. I've found that if I'm not all over him all the time begging for sex, if I act like I could take it or leave it, he's a lot more likely to feel the urge all on his own. I don't know if any of this will work for you since the tables are turned in your relationship, but I wish you luck.

Thanks for your reply. You have no idea how many women I've heard that are in my position. What's wrong with this picture? Why is it so strange that a husband is attracted to his wife? It's just unfortunate for me that my wife does not have the same affliction - that would kind of solve everything for us, huh?
 
July 24, 2005, 12:00 pm CDT

When Anal sex hurts

My relationship with my husband is going on 6 years and within the last 4 yrs he has been pushing for Anal Sex. Each time I had tried it; it has hurt not only physically but emotionally. I have asked him to stop. It's to the point when ever we try to make love he brings it up asking if we can try. I feel totally turned off from sex and he feels that I do not understand his needs. Our marriage is going down hill fast because of this one issue. He has tried to threaten me into giving him anal by saying he will find some prostitutes or with holding money to buy groceries. His obsession with it has grown so much that he surfs the web for anal porn. In his past relationships he had never had anal; so I don’t understand why he just can’t give the thought of it up. I has also have a medical condition that with my rectum that he doesn’t take for serious and thinks it’s all in my head. What can I do?

 

 
July 24, 2005, 1:46 pm CDT

Goodness~!

 2 times a day!!!   WELL you know there is always the OTHER side...Try my life  with  19 yrs of nothing!!! *LOL*  Always remember  someone else can always have it worse.  The old saying...:"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."  The rest of the quote is:   "But  its just as hard to cut!!"

 

RELAX and enjoy what you have.  People are funny.. if there is no loving.. they complain.. if there is too much loving they complain... Too much rain.. folks want sun...Too much winter... ppl want Summer...  If they have curly hair they want it straight (and visa versa)  the list goes on.  Sad we can't be happy with what we have been given.

 
July 24, 2005, 9:18 pm CDT

Terry

My relationship with my husband is going on 6 years and within the last 4 yrs he has been pushing for Anal Sex. Each time I had tried it; it has hurt not only physically but emotionally. I have asked him to stop. It's to the point when ever we try to make love he brings it up asking if we can try. I feel totally turned off from sex and he feels that I do not understand his needs. Our marriage is going down hill fast because of this one issue. He has tried to threaten me into giving him anal by saying he will find some prostitutes or with holding money to buy groceries. His obsession with it has grown so much that he surfs the web for anal porn. In his past relationships he had never had anal; so I don’t understand why he just can’t give the thought of it up. I has also have a medical condition that with my rectum that he doesn’t take for serious and thinks it’s all in my head. What can I do?

Touchy subject. I had never been willing to try anal before my husband. I had also never been interested in toys before him. Something is just different with my husband, though, and I'm willing to try just about anything with him. I suppose it has a lot to do with with the love I know he feels for me and that I know he would NEVER want to do anything sexually that would hurt me or make me feel demeaned. He's all about pleasing me, and if something doesn't have that potential, he's not into it. Your husband sounds very self-centered. I don't know if you've considered this, but the porn is a big problem, too. He probably wouldn't be so intent on having anal sex if he weren't looking at porn all the time. In my opinion, he shouldn't be looking at porn at all unless it's with you and the content meets your approval. It is not okay for him to waste his sexual energy on images of other women. This act alone is incredibly disrespectful to you. No wonder you don't feel safe trying something new with him. I wouldn't either. I just finished writing an academic paper about internet pornography. Studies have shown that porn has the ability to act on the brain the same way herion or cocaine do. In other words, it can be addictive and, as with drugs, the addicted individual needs more and more and more of it to get his fix until the porn alone isn't enough and he needs to act out what he sees. I would take the porn thing more seriously if I were you. The fact that he now wants to do something to you that would make you feel degraded says it all. Good luck.
 
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