Quote From: audi2002Hello,
My husband is only 7 years older than me, but our sex drives are completely different. He could be content with sex once a month...if ever. He only initiates sex if I say something about how long it's been, or how I would like to make love, or say why don't you ever want to have sex? He is a wonderful partner in life, so I feel guilty when I mention that I am disappointed in our sex life. I know part of it is because he works hard & is always tired or doesn't feel good, but I work hard & I still want it! I want the intimacy and the feeling of closeness in our relationship, that sex does. Should I just be happy we love each other, and just learn to live accepting that we will have sex rarely & that he is indifferent? He enjoys it when we have sex, and he tells me I turn him on, and that is not the problem?! So what is? Just because he is 58? Does anyone else feel like me????? Thanks!
I am finding that this is more common than people realize. While we hear so much about women who lose their drive/desire, we don't hear as much about men who do. I am finding that many of the women I know have had little to no sex drive until they reach their 40s. Maybe it is because the kids are finally out of the nest and we have more time to reconnect with our sensuality and sexuality, maybe it is hormones, I don't know WHY, but I am finding more and more women who are having this issue. I know in my first marriage he was the one with the high drive, and I just didn't want anything to do with it. I now know it was a combination of things, including I just didn't want anything to do with HIM. Now I know that I am not as bad off as some women I am reading on different message boards, I do get at least WEEKLY sex, but I could go for DAILY - I am in a fairly new (second) marriage, and I made it very clear to him from early on that I was highly sensual and had a high sex drive, and that it was VERY important to me. He says the same things, that I am very desirable, I turn him on, but he just doesn't "crave it" like I do on a daily basis. He is in a fairly high stress job and is also often "tired", or distracted - spends way too much time in front of the TV, etc. His last marriage was totally sexless for at least the final 7 years out of 17, and before that it was slim pickings after the first few years. I am wondering if he was the culprit, or if his low desire levels now are a result of him having repressed his urges in his last marriage? We have had some pretty doozy arguments about the subject, and the lack of romantic gestures, nonsexual affection, etc., and he always says he doesn't know why he has this problem, that he will try harder, etc. From everything I am learning at this age (we are both 49) arousal doesn't just happen as often spontaneously, it has to be consciously pursued, and if you don't make sex a priority in your life you will always find something more important or whatever, you have to take the time to make the time, and make it a habit. Just like a habit of turning on the tv..... Hope that makes sense. I find that the longer I go in between the more frustrated and ANGRY I get, and it interferes with everything else in my life. In my brain I know it isn't me, but I still get those feelings of "what is wrong with me that I can't turn on my man"? I often feel like I'm not pretty enough, sexy enough, loved enough - and like what am I not doing right? **sigh** I vowed to never live without passion in my life again, so this has been a tough one for me to deal with so far...
PS: I have a friend who just turned 70. Her husband is 74. They have FREQUENT sex of one kind or another, at least every other day if not daily, so it is NOT an inevitable part of aging. Yes, certain health issues can contribute, but it is not just aging itself. They have had to learn to adapt a little to certain changes, but the desire is still there, the passion is still there and YES, the SEX is still there. She is my hero. **smile**
