Topic : Differing Sex Drives

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half, we live together and have what we both consider to be a good and loving relationship but recently I have found a big change in our sex drives.

When our relationship was relatively new we would have sex several times a day, but than over time dwindled down to a few times a week and then to weeks going by with no sex. I find her very attractive, sexually as well as all other aspects and she says she finds me the same but she rarely has any interest in sex these days and when we talk about it she cannot put her finger on WHY.

These message boards make it hard to follow a conversation, don't they?

did you ever leave your husband?

Did you ever leave your husband?

I find the entire site is hard to navigate.  Ive been looking for the "current" message board and finally found my way to this post, lol... I don't like how the message board is seperated into catagories... and way too much "flash" crap, imo.

Hello everyone!  I hope someone can offer advice on my situation.  I'm as confused as a baby in a strip club, about my girlfriend of two years.  Her sex drive is off the charts, and it is driving me crazy!  My ex wife was a no sex zone, so I wished for a woman in my life, to have a high sex drive.  Great ~ now I have her and I don't know what to do.  She is not satisfied unless we horizontal boogie at least once or twice a day.

I'm 47 and she is 44, so my focus is on making money more than it is on sex.  Sometimes, I'm just plain tired!

 

The problem is that when she does not get it, her behavior is unpleasant to say the least.  She is the Queen of passive - aggressiveness.  It seems to be an all or nothing thing with her.  If I do not want to have sex she takes it personally, thinking I do not love her, or find her attractive, or I want out of the relationship.  Lately she has been shutting down emotionally.  She says, that if she does not get it, she will not want it ever, and we should break up.  Her past relationships have ended for this reason.  She is also afraid that when she reaches menopause she will no longer have a sex drive, so she wants to get it all in now!  Is this true about menopause?

 

I don't know what to do!  I love her dearly and we have gotten recently engaged, but I can not stand feeling like a sex monkey on a leash!  Do I need Viagra or is she a Nymphomaniac?  Help!

 

 

Hello.  I have been dating my girlfriend for just over 6 years now and we've recently moved in together.  For the past three years we've had a growing problem with regards to sex.  I have a normal sex drive, I'm 34 and would be happy with once every 1-2 weeks because I know how crazy busy we both are.  Her sex drive is almost non-existent.  She seems to be perfectly happy going 1-3 months at times without.

 

Our relationship is actually pretty healthy.  We laugh, we hang out and are good friends.  She shows me she cares in tons of small ways, and I'm a big romantic so i try to surprise her with things, dinners, dates, just for the hell of it with no ulterior motive.  I do my fair share of chores too, no dead beat here!  I cook, i help clean, try to have a glass of wine waiting when she gets back from work and every night make sure she does none of the cleaning, but instead relaxes while I putter around cleaning etc. ( she works a more stressful job, so I know she needs more down time)

 

The one area of my relationship that drives me nuts however, is that there is 0 sexual intimacy ever initiated on her part.  Whe we first started dating it was there, she calls it the "La La" stage.  Then it dried up.  2 years ago we broke up for 5 months but continued to hang out, and suddenly she pulled out all the stops.  she was more open talking about things, she worked hard at being more romantic when we were almost getting back together, and the final evening, she literally seduced me!

 

I came over and instead of hanging out on the couch, she was waiting in the bedroom with the lingerie i bought her our very first valentines day!  with candles and wine, and we had fantastic sex!  The key is that she tried!  Now I believe she tried because she knew that being the more extraverted one, there was a good possibility that i would move on and start dating, and she was worried about losing me forever.

 

BUT, almost as soon as we "got back together" things went right back to where they were before.  She never initiates, foreplay is a thing of the past, she doesn't even try to communicate about it.  what's happened is that I start to fight with myself over the conflicting emotions, bitterness, resentment, worry, love and friendship etc.

 

I work my butt of in the relationship because i love her and want, and she makes me smile in a million ways.  I don't pressure her ever and I rarely bring it up anymore.  I've practically given up the idea of being a father to be with her (not sure if we'll have kids as she is now 39), which is something i've always wanted.  I'm doing my best not to let things kill us, but I feel like I've taken a monk's vows, or had them forced upon me.

 

I just need help understanding why she would be hot one day, and cold immediatly after we got back together.  I need advice on what i can do to open the doors of communication without making her feel bad or pressured or angry etc.

This is my first post and I'm very frustrated, so bare with me please :)

You have no idea how relieved I was to read that another woman is frustrated with her sex life in the same manner that I am. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 yr now. The first 3-4 months were great, but not so much since then. I moved in with him about 5 months into the relationship, but it started shortly before that. I think subconciously I thought by being there all the time would make it more frequent. I have talked to him about it several times, I've told him that I don't feel that he's attracted to me and that hurts. I've told him that I feel more desired by guy friends and even strangers than I do by him. This is such an issue for me that it bothers me when he gives ANY attention to other women, becuase I feel that I don't get enough myself! I've told him this too, and he insists that he is attracted to me, that doesn't desire any other women and that all he wants to do is be with me. He says that, because he works long hours, when he gets home he is tired and just having conversation and hanging out together and"cuddling" means more to him than having sex. Which, I can appreciate this to an extent, but sometimes I'm left feeling alone. Then when I feel like that I get frustrated with myself becuase I know that once again, it's going to bother me to the extent that I start treating him differently; most of the time I just shut myself off from him, I won't talk to him and I go read or clean or something to keep myself busy. But by the end of that I'm usually crying becuase I'm so mad about the whole situation. I don't think that it should be an issue for us at all, we're 27 & 29 yrs old! I agree with what you said about keeping yourself busy and playing hard to get. I read a part in Dr Phils advice about working on yourself rather than trying to work on them, if you're happy with yourself then they'll be happy with you. I'm going to try both of these, although I work 1 FT & 1 PT job and go to school PT and feel that I stay pretty busy and physically, I've very happy with myself, I obviously have some self conscience issues to work on. And when I get those straightened out and decide if it's just me or if he just can't make me happy in that dept, I'll move on from there.

I totally understand what your dealing with. I've never cheated on anyone and to my knowledge never been cheated on, I'm not that kind of girl either. But my situation now has me wondering if maybe I am. My bf and I have been together for a year and I've been struggling with this for 6 months. I've talked to him about it, and it has gotten better to a degree, but it's still not enough for me. He's happy with once a week, I could do it every day! I hear the same excuses you do, which is frustrating to say the least! He told me that the more we talk about it the more pressure he feels to do it, therefore he has less desire. That made my heart hurt when he said that. But I thought to myself, I KNOW that there are several guys that would love to be in his position (not trying to be conceited), so why do I stress myself out over him, wondering if it's something I'm doing wrong. What I fear the most out of all of this is that I will cheat, becuase the thought has already crossed my mind. I'm not ready to give up on our relationship becuase for the most part I'm happy with all the rest, it's just frustrating that we have this issue this early on in our relationship and that we're only 27 & 29 yrs old! I wish you the best of luck, the only advice I could give you is to keep him aware that this is still an issue for you. That way, when/if you do stray or if you decide that you don't want to deal with the frustration anymore and you leave him, you had made him well aware of the issue more than once and stuck around to see if things got better. That's what I"m doing--I just don't know how much longer I can take it...

I am 40 years old and for the last 2 years I have put my husband through the same thing, He also loves me dearly, we have been together  for 6 years married 3.  I used to want and initiate intimacy all the time now I never want to be touched. My hubby used to ask for more but has since stopped. I think it may be the onset of menopause. I am getting tested because it is frustrating for both of  us.  Maybe this is her problem also.