Topic : Differing Sex Drives

i am really surprised knowing that there's other girls who have been experiencing my own dilemma.i have been married for 7 years and we already have 1 child and since first year of marriage this has been an issue for me,that is why it took me 2 years before i get pregnant. we have a huge difference when it comes to sex, not to mention a lack of display of affection. i don't want to sound exaggerating, but we don't kiss and even hold hands anymore not until if were having sex only. I've already used all forms of communication and ways to deliver it; for a while there will be changes;but he will always goes back to his old habit. his workaholic, and more likely to sleep or play computer than to have a chat with me.  i hate the feeling of being ignored, neglected and not being liked; all this makes me feel ugly and worthless.  i guess we've tried everything, and now I'm on the edge of separation. hope to here good advises, thax.

HI everyone.i'm a 2o year old boy living in iran.unfortunately or fortunately i have footfetsih.U know in iran maybe just 20% or less of thepeople are familiar with this desire,and there is no way to fullfill this desire so sorry to say that but the only way here to fullfill is to masturbate.:-((  and i'm really into feet taht now adays it's difficult for me to handle this desire bocause of not being anyway to fullfill it.now i want u to help me ,i dont dont what to do here even i vant tell anyone about footfetish because they say it's stuipid.plz help me,and specially if Dr.Phill checks this board i really want u to do me a favour and help me.

tnx

and also can u tell me the reason of haveing footfetish.

tnx

 My Husband and I have been married for nearly 17 years, we have been together for 21 years. While dating I wasn't so concerned about the difference in our sex drives, but I suppose I should have taken more time to look at it more closely. I enjoyed a sex life before I was married, I had a couple of long term partners. I am so thankful I did. I haven't had an enjoyable sexual experience since. While dating my husband, I thought his lack of sex drive was because how he was raised. A strict Catholic. He was affectionate, but never initiated sex. At this point I thought it was refreshing, most guys I'd dated wanted sex all the time. After we were married, nothing changed. In fact in the beginning I thought it was me. I tried my approach in a different way each and every time. It was always, I'm tired, or I have to get up early in the morning. I realized he hadn't had many sex partners, only one before me, but, eventually I gave up. I tried to talk about how I was feeling, but he wants nothing to do with that. I no longer try to talk to him. I also no longer initiate sex either. How do I survive such a lonely life? It hasn't been easy, I have had offers from interested men, but haven't yet, I did have an affair (very short lived) about 3 years ago, I felt so guilty, I couldn't sleep for weeks. I ended it, I do love my husband, but I don't know if I can live like this the rest of my life. Divorce isn't an option. I took vows in front of God and my family. I made a huge mistake once by having an affair, but was it really a big mistake? He doesn't want me, maybe someone else does? He will not go to a counselor, he thinks nothing is wrong. I am sick of living with a no sex approach. I can expect sex 1 time a year or so. I call it the "ornament", you only take it out once a year to admire it. Then put it away for safe keeping. The experience is less than fulfilling as one would imagine. Now what do I do?

 i assumed you have read my post message, i salute u girl, u have managed to survived 17 years yet i am only 7 years married and already in the edge of separation; divorce is not allowed in our country only annulment. i was also raised in a religious family,and marriage for me is sacred,but i cant imagine my self in your place after another 10 years of marriage; because by that time, I'm sorry to say, it might be too late to decide. i was supposed to say that your in a better position because. your husband is affectionate (according to your post) only not sex initiator, mine is_ i guess too busy to become at least affectionate,but in fairness to him maybe it is him, he may not intentionally do it,but we can't change it. but, i guess its all the same, were both suffering on our own decisions. no one can tell us what to do and when to do it, this is our choice, and we are the only one who can withdraw it, but only if we want to. I've been into affair too, and i regret it; not because i wasn't happy, but because i failed to separate with my husband before i did it. one thing I've realized, i am destroying my self by staying where i am and not doing anything. don't expect others to tell you what to do, because it us who can only tell until where we can go to be HAPPY=) hope this might help.

I am married two yrs now. My husband told me before marriage that sex is not an everyday thing for him because he has lot of work pressure, and he is tensed most of the time. We were only into weekend sex. I found my husband more interested in porn than me. I couldn’t really understand this. On my honeymoon he was happily enjoying porn while I lay quietly in bed beside him... I was mad ... On average we have sex 3 times a month...many times even less... Now days,  most of the times I don’t initiate sex..just to see if he does so ,but no way.Not even on weekends. We r in our early 30's . Sometimes I wonder if I am actually testing him or is my sex drive fading away. Sometimes while watching porn he gets turned on and he initiates sex. Another funny thing I noticed about him is that he doesn’t allow me to touch him intimately unless he is aroused. Sex is usually very monotonous, same position...same way with absolute no pre-play. I tried to talk to him about it....but he won’t go into a dialogue on the issue. If I complain about it, he simply tells me he did not get time to actually sit and discuss about it because he was busy studying or under work pressure.

I know there is no 'other woman ' involved, because all the time he is at home with me..he avoids all parties or after office activities unless I am involved in it too. He loves to spend all his time with me when not working. He keeps calling me at regular intervals from office. Now I am getting very disturbed by all this and I am so cranky all the time. We keep fighting for petty things...when I know where the core problem lies.

Few months back we decided to have a baby. Now it’s such a big deal for us to have sex on the right days. It is actually creating a mental pressure on us...Sex has turned into a job which we need to do on the right days... it’s very tough as we r not enjoying it...it’s a duty... I NEED SERIOUS HELP. WE LOVE EACH OTHER. I DONT WANT THIS TO DESTROY OUR MARRIAGE.

 

 Hi, this is my first time doing this but I'm desperate for advice! I saw the last discussion was that a womans husband would want sex twice a day if he could but that she could go a month without it. Well, I am the total opposite. I don't neccesarily want it twice a day but my husband never asks for it! I am always the initiater! We get along well except when it comes to sex!We've never had much of a sex life and it's really starting to affect me. I don't understand why? It breaks my heart because I don't understand why or how to fix this problem. But it doesn't seem to bother him because I'm the only one who ever talks about it. I don't know what to do! Any advice?

My biggest issue is men and thier sex drive.  In my experiences they always assume having sex is normal in the beginnings of a relationship.  I'll say something like "lets get to know each other before becoming sexual" a mans reaction usually is "whats a better way to get to know each other than having sex?"  Whats a girl to do?  I feel like noone knows how to court anymore. This leaves me thinking. Have we all been having sex too soon for too long?  I hear all the time from friends and others how thier husband or boyfriend doesnt show them enough love.  Ladies have we desensitized our men?  With how corrupt society has become, maybe were all confused with whats normal.  Have we all given in.  Is it o.k. to  accept it or should we all be telling our partners what we want from the beginning and then stick to it?

Hi Dr. Phil,

 

My name is Jackie and I am 43 years old.  I am divorced with 2 children, one 19 from my marriage and one 5 years old who is from the relationship I am in now.

 

I love my partner very much but we have has sex 3 times in the last 3 years.  For some reason, when having sex with him, he looked like he was in pain and not enjoying so I just stopped having sex with him.  He stopped making advances and so did I.

 

I have never thought about swinging but after seeing your show, with the relationship I am in, it may be something to think about. 

 

Not sure if it is something to recommend or should I just forget it.  And if I should forget it, what should I do about us?

 

Needing some stiff advice (sorry for the pun)?

 

Respectfully,

Jackie

I'm with you on this. I don't think I'm "highly sexed" or anything, but I could go for it at least once a week. He could do without it for months. And, no, he doesn't have any physical problems. He loves to cuddle and hold me, just no sex. When I ask him about it he says he just doesn't think about it. I've long since given up initiating it because he always turns me down. It makes me sad.