Topic : Differing Sex Drives

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

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July 15, 2008, 12:37 am PDT

Am i alone ?

i have a problem that is hard on me in relationships...  I have never "fully" enjoyed sex through intercourse.   I have had orgasms using a vibrator, so i know i can have them.  Basically for the last 17 years of my sexual life i have always had to fake my orgasms during sex.  This also has given me a very low sex drive.  You know, if i am not going to get something from it, why have it ?  It is very easy for me to pretend but not any fun for me...  I would love to enjoy my sexual relationships, any advise.  Using "no" toys...  Is'nt it supposed to be a natural thing ?  Pls help....
 
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confused
July 15, 2008, 6:27 am PDT

Lacking Intimacy From My Husband

My husband and I have been married for 16 years, and now we aren't intimate anymore. Yes, he loves me, kisses me goodbye and hello, and calls me, about 5 times a day, from work, just to say "I love You".

BUT, his sex drive has gone down the drain, and he's dragging me down with him. He has all kinds of excuses, but, I know he's not cheating. I know where he is all the time. Honestly.

He's overweight, and blames it on that, but he's only 10 pounds heavier than when we first met. I'm slim, but I like big teddy bears.

Sometimes he'll take Viagra, and that works great. Any advice? I've got a lot of beautiful lingere, used to no avail.

On another note: When a guy takes Viagra, and his erection lasts too long, the television ads say to go to the emergency room. The burning question is, "What do they do at E.R., for a man with that problem? Send over a cute nurse, or provide pornography? Just wondering.

Thanks for listening

 
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July 15, 2008, 8:00 am PDT

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: aries1

i have a problem that is hard on me in relationships...  I have never "fully" enjoyed sex through intercourse.   I have had orgasms using a vibrator, so i know i can have them.  Basically for the last 17 years of my sexual life i have always had to fake my orgasms during sex.  This also has given me a very low sex drive.  You know, if i am not going to get something from it, why have it ?  It is very easy for me to pretend but not any fun for me...  I would love to enjoy my sexual relationships, any advise.  Using "no" toys...  Is'nt it supposed to be a natural thing ?  Pls help....
Most women do not achieve orgasm through penetration alone.  Most times during penetration orgasm is achieved only when there is some 'help' from you or him during pentration (ie; stimulation of the clitoris at the same time).

Don't fake it, figure out what works for you and guide him along.  You can assist yourself during penetration/sexual intercourse (with clitoral stimulation).

There is also oral which women do achieve orgasm, also google G Spot for women.  I guess what I am trying to say is educate yourself and you'll lead a happier, healthier sex life. :)




 
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July 15, 2008, 12:08 pm PDT

DIFFICULT HAVING A ORGASIM

 I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF STUFF IN MY MARRIAGE AND SINCE THEN i HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME HAVING AN ORGASIM. I FEEL IT COMING, I JUST DONT NOW HOW TO RELEASE IT. HOW CAN I GET OVER THIS PROBLEM

 
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July 15, 2008, 1:38 pm PDT

There are lots of questions...

Quote From: lilshort1

 I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF STUFF IN MY MARRIAGE AND SINCE THEN i HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME HAVING AN ORGASIM. I FEEL IT COMING, I JUST DONT NOW HOW TO RELEASE IT. HOW CAN I GET OVER THIS PROBLEM

There are lots of questions that should come first before any suggestions. First of all can you have an orgasm by your self, or manually, with a partner? Is the only time you don't have an orgasm is it during sexual intercourse? Do you have any sexual trauma in your past? If these are too private, just send me an email with DrPhil Message Boards, so I will know. If you would rather air it all in the room, have at it.
 
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July 15, 2008, 1:46 pm PDT

When a Man Loves a Woman....

Quote From: albert64

My husband and I have been married for 16 years, and now we aren't intimate anymore. Yes, he loves me, kisses me goodbye and hello, and calls me, about 5 times a day, from work, just to say "I love You".

BUT, his sex drive has gone down the drain, and he's dragging me down with him. He has all kinds of excuses, but, I know he's not cheating. I know where he is all the time. Honestly.

He's overweight, and blames it on that, but he's only 10 pounds heavier than when we first met. I'm slim, but I like big teddy bears.

Sometimes he'll take Viagra, and that works great. Any advice? I've got a lot of beautiful lingere, used to no avail.

On another note: When a guy takes Viagra, and his erection lasts too long, the television ads say to go to the emergency room. The burning question is, "What do they do at E.R., for a man with that problem? Send over a cute nurse, or provide pornography? Just wondering.

Thanks for listening

When a man loves a woman, under the influience of Viagra, and the erection last that long, there is a possibility of he losing his erection on a permament basis. The blood runs to that area, giving the erection, and blood vessels and such can burst and there is no cure, othe than the tongue.

 

What they usually do, to my understanding, it has never happened to me, is the give a shot in that area, which sounds tterrible, but not as bad as never getting it up again.

 

There are medical reasons for a man's sex dring to go in the toilet. Certain medications can cause a drop in sexual desiers. Two that come to mind are some acid control meds, and a big on is anti-Depressants. There are ohers and he should talk to his doctor about the situation. Obviously he has talked some, as he had the prescription medication. Another thing would be some sort of "new" stress in ones life. It is difficult to feel romantic when your nerves are shot, and you are worring about some situation. Drinking can make one more loose, but hender the actual act. A change in job or some life experience is anotheir thing that could "get in the way"

 

I Hope this gives you a little food for thought. Good luck, and keep us posted

 
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July 16, 2008, 7:21 am PDT

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: juballl

There are lots of questions that should come first before any suggestions. First of all can you have an orgasm by your self, or manually, with a partner? Is the only time you don't have an orgasm is it during sexual intercourse? Do you have any sexual trauma in your past? If these are too private, just send me an email with DrPhil Message Boards, so I will know. If you would rather air it all in the room, have at it.
I can have it by myself but with a partner no. And I have been sexually abuse in my marriage. 
 
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July 17, 2008, 1:18 pm PDT

Sexual Abuse Can

Quote From: lilshort1

I can have it by myself but with a partner no. And I have been sexually abuse in my marriage. 

Sexual Abuse can cause emotional problems not allowing a woman to reach orgasm. Sometimes a woman has not has a sex partner that gives the time for a woman, and is sexually selfish. Many men are more interested in their sexual gratification than that of their partners. I don't know if this applies to you or not. Getting close, but no cigar could also be the stress of you knowing ahead of time, that this difficulty occurs,  and then your focus goes on worrying about not having the orgasm to the point of it becoming a self fulfilling prophesy. Men, sometimes having a problem of obtain or maintain an erection and the next time they attempt sex, they worry so much about not getting an erection, they too wind up with a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

It is difficult to know where you fit in this situation, as there are so many variables. This is a small amount of food for thought. You may want to talk to a doctor or therapist if you think this is something emotional due to your sexual abuse. I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex!

 
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hopeful
July 21, 2008, 8:10 am PDT

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: juballl

Sexual Abuse can cause emotional problems not allowing a woman to reach orgasm. Sometimes a woman has not has a sex partner that gives the time for a woman, and is sexually selfish. Many men are more interested in their sexual gratification than that of their partners. I don't know if this applies to you or not. Getting close, but no cigar could also be the stress of you knowing ahead of time, that this difficulty occurs,  and then your focus goes on worrying about not having the orgasm to the point of it becoming a self fulfilling prophesy. Men, sometimes having a problem of obtain or maintain an erection and the next time they attempt sex, they worry so much about not getting an erection, they too wind up with a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

It is difficult to know where you fit in this situation, as there are so many variables. This is a small amount of food for thought. You may want to talk to a doctor or therapist if you think this is something emotional due to your sexual abuse. I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex!

I do understand what you are talking about and I do Thank you for the advice

 
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July 21, 2008, 10:36 am PDT

Time to get out.

I've never posted on a message board before, so here goes.

 I have been with my husband for 14yrs. Married 8yrs.

My husband and I have not been intimate for almost 7yrs. He had a removal of his prostate, due to Cancer in 2001. And was left important. I am 52 he is 61. We have a 11yr old son together. I've been married once before. It lasted 15 yrs. He's been married twice before, his not lasting over 3yrs. We do not get along. He tries to control everything in my life. And has been mental, verbal, economically, and physically abusive. I also have been verbally towards him. But,  it's just retaliating for the hurt he's caused me through the years. I recently found out a month ago, he is going to have surgery for a penile Implant. He has not mentioned this to me. He doesn't know I know. And surgery is scheduled for 22nd July. He has told me he has no interest in me sexually. So, I think we all know his intentions? This is the last straw for me. I want out the marriage, but I'm so scared to have to start over. And how it's going to affect my  11yr old. He tells me, he will leave the country before he will pay me any kind of money (child support) I am so stressed over this. Don't know what to do. Help!!
 

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