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Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Number of Replies: 1827
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

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September 29, 2008, 5:15 pm CDT

Mine is the same way

Quote From: whsrachel

MY HUSBAND OF 20 YEARS NEVER WANTS TO HAVE SEX...WE HAVE GONE 6 MONTHS AND THEN ONE NIGHT- WE HAVE SEX-GREAT SEX 3 OR 4 TIMES.  DO YOU THINK HE'S CHEATING?  HE SAYS HE DOES NOT EVEN MASTURBATE...PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.

 

ALSO, DOES A DR. NEED TO TELL A WIFE IS THE HUSBAND HAS A S.T.D.?

Same here.  I know what you're saying.  I can't say we ever have "great" sex, but it's OK when he wants it.  It's very basic and focused on himself.  He will go months and then want it 2 times in a row, then not again for a long time.  I know he's not cheating; I've spent enough time looking for signs.  He doesn't masturbate, either.  He says he has no drive but won't get help.  I've given up on him, but not on all men.

I would ask your doctor's office the question about STDs.  You can start by asking what their policy is if a husband comes in and is diagnosed with something.  Do you suspect your husband of having one?  Does he have signs?

Has he been like this all 20 years?  How old was he when he married you? 
 
October 4, 2008, 10:37 pm CDT

Differing Sex Drives

I am 19 and my husband is 27. We have been married for a little over a year. At the beginning our sex life was great, now it is pretty much non-existent. You would think that it would be great being that we are both young. I found out in January that I was pregnant and I have recently had our beautiful daughter (c-section).  Even a couple months prior to me finding out I was prego, it started going down hill. I would probably say alot has to do with me and being so shy. I am  so self-conscious about myself and I get so embarrased when it comes down to sex. Me and my husband can talk about it but when it comes down to it, I constantly think that he is always judging my body. Im not really sure how to break my shyness. Anybody have any advice. Im young and I dont want this to affect our marriage..
 
October 13, 2008, 7:58 pm CDT

Something is wrong here.

Quote From: roxy87

Hello... I am 21, and my boyfriend is 23.. I would think we would be very sexaully active but we are not! We have been together for 4 years and we had been sexually active for a bit in the relationship.. but eventually sex declined alot! I thought and blamed our problem with living at college or living with parents.. which is understandable. We just recently got our first place together in april and I thought our sex life would come alive! But still nothing.. when I ask for it he says hes tired... WHAT? we are young! I also find myself as a pretty girl and do not understand the problem.. we will have sex perhaps once a week and thats because I yell at him or make him feel as though he is not a man. I feel he only has sex with me to shut me up. Since we have moved in, I have caught him looking at porn twice.. why would he be looking at porn if he has no sexual desire towards me? I have tried sexy lingerie.. he says "what the hell are you wearing" and trying to get him the mood by touching and rubbing him.. and getting the response " can i help you? "(moody) and rolling back over. I dont understand.. what should I do? I know he loves me.. are we just destined for friendship? but I know that this problem is really lowering my self esteem and making me insecure because I feel like I am not desireable anymore.. and im only 21..... AHHHHHH

I'm 39 years old, but I remember being in my early 20's.  I NEVER refused sex from my girlfriends at that age.  Hell, I don't refuse it now!  I don't want to be the bad guy here, but you asked for advise, so I'm telling you what I think. 

 

The only way I can imagine refusing sex from my girlfriend/wife is if I have someone else on the side.  You said he's watching porn. That shows he still has interest in sex.  If he's refusing sex with you, I can only guess he's having sex with someone else. 

 

I can't say that's what is happening.  I don't know either of you.  You just have to look at that facts.  My wife accuses me a lot of cheating.  But the facts remain that I work from 8 - 5 every weekday.  I am always home by 5:30, I don't go to the bars, and on the weekends I am at home.  There isn't any time for me to cheat.  So, though her accusations are hurtful, I know I'm not so I let it pass.

 

Is there time missing in his day?  If he gets off work at a certain time but doesn't come home right away, you may want to questions that.  Are there times he's away but you don't know where?  Again, question it.

 

Someone already mentioned communication.  That is the key to any relationship;  you have to talk.  About anything..  There is no taboo subject.  You have to be comfortable talking about anything.  If he won't talk, that is a sure sign of guilt.  Move on.  You said you are a pretty woman.   Then don't waste you're time with a man who doesn't appreciate that.  There are so many others out there who will.

 
November 9, 2008, 10:20 pm CST

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: lovely08

I am 19 and my husband is 27. We have been married for a little over a year. At the beginning our sex life was great, now it is pretty much non-existent. You would think that it would be great being that we are both young. I found out in January that I was pregnant and I have recently had our beautiful daughter (c-section).  Even a couple months prior to me finding out I was prego, it started going down hill. I would probably say alot has to do with me and being so shy. I am  so self-conscious about myself and I get so embarrased when it comes down to sex. Me and my husband can talk about it but when it comes down to it, I constantly think that he is always judging my body. Im not really sure how to break my shyness. Anybody have any advice. Im young and I dont want this to affect our marriage..

I know how you feel. I really do. but the marriage part..I don't because I'm not married. anyway when it comes to sex, don't be ashamed of it. Alot of people do those kidns of stuff. I have friends that are 13, that are pregnant. but the point is don't think that your husband is judjing your body. It's your body not his. does you husband love you because of the body?? I don't think so. does he love you because of who you are and the personality inside?? yessss. That's what you should look at. that's all I could think of at this moment. I hope at least some of this helps.

 
November 10, 2008, 1:46 am CST

Yes - I agree as well.

Quote From: coachjoeh

I'm 39 years old, but I remember being in my early 20's.  I NEVER refused sex from my girlfriends at that age.  Hell, I don't refuse it now!  I don't want to be the bad guy here, but you asked for advise, so I'm telling you what I think. 

 

The only way I can imagine refusing sex from my girlfriend/wife is if I have someone else on the side.  You said he's watching porn. That shows he still has interest in sex.  If he's refusing sex with you, I can only guess he's having sex with someone else. 

 

I can't say that's what is happening.  I don't know either of you.  You just have to look at that facts.  My wife accuses me a lot of cheating.  But the facts remain that I work from 8 - 5 every weekday.  I am always home by 5:30, I don't go to the bars, and on the weekends I am at home.  There isn't any time for me to cheat.  So, though her accusations are hurtful, I know I'm not so I let it pass.

 

Is there time missing in his day?  If he gets off work at a certain time but doesn't come home right away, you may want to questions that.  Are there times he's away but you don't know where?  Again, question it.

 

Someone already mentioned communication.  That is the key to any relationship;  you have to talk.  About anything..  There is no taboo subject.  You have to be comfortable talking about anything.  If he won't talk, that is a sure sign of guilt.  Move on.  You said you are a pretty woman.   Then don't waste you're time with a man who doesn't appreciate that.  There are so many others out there who will.

I am a 48 year old woman, and in all my life, I have never been refused sex from a guy. Its just not normal. Unless........they are getting it somewhere else. Period. And as a woman, I have never refused sex unless I was getting it someplace else. Period. If sex is slim pickin's, it can be being used as a manipulation for other things that are going awry in the relationship and sex is usually the first thing to go! Its the only obvious symptom of troubles.  Some use sex as a communicator. If it is non existant, communication is usually non existent. If communication is non existant, sex probably is too. Also, when a person is not interested in someone sexually, it can indicate a change of feelings for that person.

 

A person doesn't have to be present all the time to be able to tell if they are cheating or not, but the time spent together, will tell ALL!!!!  One thing I always say about anyone that accuses someone of something????????   Look very closely at the one pointing the finger. Blame is usually indicative of guilt. :)

 

 

 
November 10, 2008, 10:07 pm CST

Need some suggestions

hi,  I am 20 and in a relationship with a 28 yr old.  Age really isn't
a big issue, though he does have 3 children with 2 different mothers. 
I have learned to cope with this situation in my own way,  though they
still at times make me very angry.  lately I feel like I do not love
him as much as I once did.  he is the most amazing person I have ever
met.  Kind, caring, funny, treats me wonderfully, but something
lacks.   I have no physical attraction for him anymore.  I have been
sick for the last year, so sex has been painful, but even when I am
able to have sex I rarely want it.  When he is away I want him near,
but I don't get the same butterflies I used to when we first started
dating.  We have been together for only 8 months and I don't want to
lose him.  Any ideas on how I can recliam my passion for him?
 
November 12, 2008, 3:20 am CST

You are young and inexperienced.

Quote From: kiwibird033

hi,  I am 20 and in a relationship with a 28 yr old.  Age really isn't
a big issue, though he does have 3 children with 2 different mothers. 
I have learned to cope with this situation in my own way,  though they
still at times make me very angry.  lately I feel like I do not love
him as much as I once did.  he is the most amazing person I have ever
met.  Kind, caring, funny, treats me wonderfully, but something
lacks.   I have no physical attraction for him anymore.  I have been
sick for the last year, so sex has been painful, but even when I am
able to have sex I rarely want it.  When he is away I want him near,
but I don't get the same butterflies I used to when we first started
dating.  We have been together for only 8 months and I don't want to
lose him.  Any ideas on how I can recliam my passion for him?

You are in need of finding something to help you work out problems. There are coaches that you may find in your school or libraries that will guide you to find a mentor. As a young person, even though your heart is in this situation, your head cannot comprehend what is in front of you. That comes from not having experience. How could you? You are young ; life has not presented itself to you in its most fullest. At some point in your life, you will be able to figure out what these feelings are, but now, you need someone to help you.

 

Remove your fears from the fact that you may lose him. That mentality will bring those results. What does this "love" you feel for him, feel like????? Is it safe and comforting or is it fearful  and threatened? You see, your thoughts of losing him are borne out of a belief system that somehow you are defective and eventually all people leave you.  Unfortunately, this is true. Everything comes to an end.....but we can't live with a fear that it will come to an end, then we miss the beauty of the moment of actually having what it is that we want. We need to learn how to be satified with what we do have, not what we would want!

 

If you have any questions or need help finding groups, let me know. I'll be glad to help.

 
November 12, 2008, 6:12 pm CST

Still horny at 64 but no one else is interested.

Hi, I am wondering how many millions of married men who still love there spouses but are trapped in a sexless marrage. I for one am one and I am dam mad about it.  I have spent years with no sex with my wife because she had a historectamey , spelling aint that good lol, and refusses any contact or response of vibale or physical nature.  So what the heck am I supposed to do? I still love her and she loves me but sex is important and I am tired of porn. How do i get her to come around and not walk away when she won't even talk about it???? Im at the end of my rope and still don't know what to do. Any advise out there.
 
November 13, 2008, 2:32 am CST

Unfortunately, sex is different for each person.

Quote From: jimmy55

Hi, I am wondering how many millions of married men who still love there spouses but are trapped in a sexless marrage. I for one am one and I am dam mad about it.  I have spent years with no sex with my wife because she had a historectamey , spelling aint that good lol, and refusses any contact or response of vibale or physical nature.  So what the heck am I supposed to do? I still love her and she loves me but sex is important and I am tired of porn. How do i get her to come around and not walk away when she won't even talk about it???? Im at the end of my rope and still don't know what to do. Any advise out there.

I met a man the other day, he's about 70, and recently had prostate cancer but has been treated and his life saved. He complained about having no sex drive now; or at least, no feeling or things just aren't the same, smaller erection, no sperm, etc. These are things that play a lot on a person psychological makeup. He said his "manhood" has been tempered with. I would think in your wife's situation, the feeling might be similar to this man's. There is a loss. Where there is a loss of sorts, we need to find something to replace that lost, something equally as stimulating, exciting, and enjoying. This man seems depressed so I told him that it is possible that sex was "too" important to him and now that he has lost it, he is realizing how much emphasis he put on sex. In your case, your wife may be experiencing the loss and looking for a way to fill that void, sex is not going to be on her list, understandably.

 

Sex has been important to you too. So what are you to do? Tired of porn? I can only imagine. :( A very tough place to have to stand. I am sorry. When we get to spend a certain amount of years with someone and all is good, do you think you can find a safe alternative to finding intimacy with her ? that does not include penetration? Is there any possible way to connect with her on a level that does not involve sex? Like what are the things that make her smile? Laugh? You must know. You have been married toher for a long time. If you have spent years trying to help her come around, and she's not budging, then it very well could be after the hysterectomy she became depressed, like my friend. She then needs to go to a therapist if she is depressed. You can't help her unless she helps herself.

 

I give you kudos for reaching out and I wish you happiness and I wish your wife finds her way back to feeling intimate again.

 

 
November 13, 2008, 8:57 am CST

not responsive.

Quote From: kimikomine

I met a man the other day, he's about 70, and recently had prostate cancer but has been treated and his life saved. He complained about having no sex drive now; or at least, no feeling or things just aren't the same, smaller erection, no sperm, etc. These are things that play a lot on a person psychological makeup. He said his "manhood" has been tempered with. I would think in your wife's situation, the feeling might be similar to this man's. There is a loss. Where there is a loss of sorts, we need to find something to replace that lost, something equally as stimulating, exciting, and enjoying. This man seems depressed so I told him that it is possible that sex was "too" important to him and now that he has lost it, he is realizing how much emphasis he put on sex. In your case, your wife may be experiencing the loss and looking for a way to fill that void, sex is not going to be on her list, understandably.

 

Sex has been important to you too. So what are you to do? Tired of porn? I can only imagine. :( A very tough place to have to stand. I am sorry. When we get to spend a certain amount of years with someone and all is good, do you think you can find a safe alternative to finding intimacy with her ? that does not include penetration? Is there any possible way to connect with her on a level that does not involve sex? Like what are the things that make her smile? Laugh? You must know. You have been married toher for a long time. If you have spent years trying to help her come around, and she's not budging, then it very well could be after the hysterectomy she became depressed, like my friend. She then needs to go to a therapist if she is depressed. You can't help her unless she helps herself.

 

I give you kudos for reaching out and I wish you happiness and I wish your wife finds her way back to feeling intimate again.

 

I thank you for your kind words , but it seems there is very little I can do.  She refuses to talk about it  or to go to any theropy of any kind.  Well I still love her and guess I will get what I can, it doesn't seem like there's much out there for an older fellow, other than paying for it. We are going abroad soon and that may lead to some relief. Thanks again for you comments and kind advise. i would like to find a way to comunicate to some females some where to talk a little sexy fun, if you know what  I mean.  That would give me some relief. Do you know of a web site that doesn't require money or credit cards that I could comunicate with, it would be just a relief to talk to someone about this problem. Thanks again
 
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