My wife isn't interested in being sexual. Ok, from reading the forum that's nothing unusual.
Since she dreads sex, she pulls away from any intimacy fearing that it will lead to sexual expectations from me. That's nothing unusual either.
Anyway, the end result is that I don't receive the intimacy or sexual touch that I need. Notice that I wrote "sexual touch". My wife has vulvitis due to low estrogen levels which means intercourse is extremely painful. We haven't had intercouse in 10 months.
But all I want is a little intimacy. Is that too much to ask? I love my wife completely. I do most of the house work. I buy her flowers, dark chocolate, go for walks with her. I never ever press her to have intercourse. I love her and don't want to hurt her.
The best arrangement I've been able to negotiate is a hand-job twice a month on set days - she needs notice to phsyc herself up. During which she sighs and asks "are you done yet?.
We've had countless conversations about this and nothing changes. I'll admit that sometimes I have gotten so hurt and angry that I have yelled at her - and she at me. I've been to counselling which I didn't find helpful. My feelings were validated but that doesn't change anything.
I can't help but feel she is being profoundly selfish. She refuses to go to counselling. She puts our sleeping one-year-old on her lap in the evenings to - imo - keep me away. She also puts the baby in our bed between us at night. She refuses to use a topical estrogen cream that would cure her vulvitis (it has cure it in the past).
I'm hurt and rejected. I feel unloved and unappreciated. I feel the situation is totally hopeless. If she refuses to take any steps to improve the situation, what are my options? Continue with the pain and resentment, or leave. I can't help but feel that I might be happier without her.