Quote From: cherry62We have been together since April 29, 1990. At first we had sex every night that he could get it up, He was a big drinker.(he hasn't drank in 8 years, or not that I know of) But over the years it has been gettting worse and worse, the last two years, maybe we have had sex about 6 times. He works all the time, and when he isn't working he is tired. He is a painter, runs his own business. He works all hours so hard to know what he is doing all the time, just kind of have to have faith. But I am getting so frustrated at being not wanted that my self esteem is in the toilet, and when I tell him how I feel, he just saids it is not me it is him. He tells me that it just won't go up. We have viagra, but we have not tried it yet, he has not found the time. So please if anyone can offer any suggestions, masterbastion is gettin old and lonely, I need warmth and contact. I just feel so empty inside, my girls are getting older(they are his girls too). He just doesn't seem interested at all in sex or doesn't want me, I know I am not the best looking thing around, but he doesn't have to stay. I need to feel wanted and loved with out being asked... It is hard to get him to play with my hair, or even hug me, how much time does that take.. I just don't feel I am a priority in his life. Not sure where to go from here.. Thanks for any help t hat you can give me....
Hey Cherry! I'm sorry you're feeling so down. It sounds like your partner is not terribly confident with himself. Maybe work isn't going so great, he's not confident with his body, etc. If my boyfriend doesn't feel successful out in the world, his self-confidence is shot when he gets home. Maybe he just really needs some emotional support. Try to get him to talk about his day and let him know how interested you are in him, his experiences, and his feelings. Don't push too hard, because he might feel you're suspicious of his behavior, especially since he works so much. Someone once told me that interested is interesting. So be really, really interested.
You, yourself, sound down, like you don't feel you have a purpose anymore not that your girls are growing up. Find something you really love to do, something that you're confident in. Eat delicious foods, go for runs, and take long baths. Indulge yourself. Mothers tend to spend their lives in service to their families. Thus, when their children grow up, they feel a void. Your girls will need you for the rest of your life! I call my mother all the time asking her advice. The point is that if you feel good about yourself, you will glow. Men are attracted to that confidence and youthfulness!
I think your relationship has PLENTY OF POTENTIAL! You've been together almost 20 years, so of course you'll hit a rough patch. The key is sticking together and talking about your problems honestly, as you did in your post. You could start by having a “play date” with your man, as my mother calls it. Just go out and have fun: go to a game, wrestle, cook cupcakes, go go-cart racing. Men often see this type of play as fun and romantic! Build up your trust with one another again, and remember the fun you used to have and can have again! Ease back into your sexual relationship once you’ve re-established your friendship.
There is a book called “For Women Only.” It describes how men feel about certain things that we women have a hard time understanding, even if our men have explained them a thousand times.
