Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Ive been married for 17 years. I love my wife, the problem is she has absolutely no interest in having a sex life. We have argued, talked and cried abo9ut it but nothing changes.She says she is in our marriage for the emotional love, not the physical.We basically have a sexless marriage, we may have sex 1, maybe 2 times/month, only if I intiate it.I have tried everything, from quoting exerpts from Dr Phils website,but she says we are a normal couple as far as sex is concerned.She wanted me to be more romantic, and i have tried.For example, on our last anniversary, i sent flowers, we spent the night at a nice hotel downtown, and had a fantastic dinner.I even bought her some lingerie.She never brought the lingerie to the hotel, and as i laid in bed that night waiting for her, she jumped into bed, rolled over, and we went to sleep!!! I dont expect sex everynight, in fact once a week would be awesome!Everytime i bring the sexissue up, she goes on the defensive, and it ends up in a fight.In fact, we spoke about it a few weeks ago, and she said, if you dont like it, you have a decision to make!!

I love her, and want our marrieage to work, but honestly, i dont know if i can continue, going down this road..

Id appreciate any comments....

My wife isn't interested in being sexual. Ok, from reading the forum that's nothing unusual.

Since she dreads sex, she pulls away from any intimacy fearing that it will lead to sexual expectations from me. That's nothing unusual either.

Anyway, the end result is that I don't receive the intimacy or sexual touch that I need. Notice that I wrote "sexual touch". My wife has vulvitis due to low estrogen levels which means intercourse is extremely painful. We haven't had intercouse in 10 months.

But all I want is a little intimacy. Is that too much to ask? I love my wife completely. I do most of the house work. I buy her flowers, dark chocolate, go for walks with her. I never ever press her to have intercourse. I love her and don't want to hurt her.

The best arrangement I've been able to negotiate is a hand-job twice a month on set days - she needs notice to phsyc herself up. During which she sighs and asks "are you done yet?.

 We've had countless conversations about this and nothing changes. I'll admit that sometimes I have gotten so hurt and angry that I have yelled at her - and she at me.  I've been to counselling which I didn't find helpful. My feelings were validated but that doesn't change anything.

I can't help but feel she is being profoundly selfish. She refuses to go to counselling. She puts our sleeping one-year-old on her lap in the evenings to - imo - keep me away. She also puts the baby in our bed between us at night. She refuses to use a topical estrogen cream that would cure her vulvitis (it has cure it in the past).

I'm hurt and rejected. I feel unloved and unappreciated. I feel the situation is totally hopeless. If she refuses to take any steps to improve the situation, what are my options? Continue with the pain and resentment, or leave. I can't help but feel that I might be happier without her.

If your partner was a woman I'd suggest that there might be hope since changing hormone levels can influence sex drive. However, I'm inclined to think that the situation is going to deteriorate further.

I'm going through the same situation. I have a wife and kids though, so I don't feel as though I have options. Truthfully, if I were in your situation, knowing what I know now, I'd leave.

Sounds a little like house on the prairie?? :)

I think ronbob is on, kimjon. when a man loses sexual interest, it is either an emotional thing that is going on with him and he needs to talk to you or someone so that he does not neglect you or his love relationship; but if on the other hand, he is losing sexual interest in you for other reasons, not being in love with you anymore to not be attracted physically or mentally to you anymore. Either way only he can come to you and tell you what is bothering him.

Now it could be he has a little lover on the side and is getting his needs met there.

Anytime I have been in a relationship with a man and the sex got less then good, it was either something within the relationship going sour. Sex is the first and easiest tool to use when we are not happy. So lack of it or extra amounts of it, usually speak volumes.

You need to see the reality. Stop trying to figure it out and look at the reality. Good luck.

Too much sex in a relationship is smothering and is drivin me away.

Could this be a sign that something is wrong also with him.

He keeps pushin watchin prone to spice up our sex life. We already do it once even twice a day.

Sometimes it feels like I'm takein a beating.

Which may seem like a good thng but its his way of avoiding emotions. My ex used to watch porn a few times a day, have phone sex, and want sex from me as well.  He was typical of a person that wants to hide behind the endorphine release of orgasm. Its an addiction, like anything other kind.

If you feel like you are being abused, its because you are. Don't discount emotional abuse. A person doesn't have to hit you over the head with a bat to cause pain. He has beaten you up, only the wound is your heart.

If you want to stay with him, then you need to tell him if he wants to resume a sexual relationship with you he has to let go of the porn. If he doesn't then go to the nearest porn shop, buy a few dvd's for him and wish him well with his new girlfriend, his right hand.

I know that sounds brutal but women should not feel they have to put up with male chauvenistic behaviours. Don't you know women are the rulers of sex in relationships? Don't let him knock you down and make you question your god given right as a woman to have awsome sex. If he can't understand this, then he is a loser. Good luck.