Topic : Differing Sex Drives

In my marriage I'm the one with the sex drive.  My husband works long hours and is very tired most of the time.  He spends most of his time in front of the TV on the couch.  He enjoys to watch porn, but too tired to have sex.  Sounds fishy to me?  I could have sex daily, but not him.  When we got married it was the opposite.  He says my weight is an issue, but to not have any sex.  What's the deal, he can get excited watching porn, but not excited to have sex with me.  He has a lot of excuses as of why, but nothing that sounds real.  I don't know how to change him.  Any advice?  The sex is great when we have it, we just don't have it.  He has always been up for it anytime, anywhere.  How do I get him back there? 

                                                                                                                      April 

I am a healthy mom....and wife...who does not have a sex drive.   This is VERY difficult for my husband and myself.   I did go a couple of years ago and have some tests done and blood work to make sure everything seemed ok.  They didn't have any answers.
I can look at  something sexy or maybe even call it soft porn....and get arroused.
But to just get excited about sex doesn't happen.
We are both frustrated and I feel bad for my husband....and do "it" sometimes just to please him even though he KNOWS that I am not into it.
I wish I was........................what to do?  Any suggestions? 
Sometimes it's a touchy subject with just anyone....ya know?
I've never done a message board like this...but I will see what happens.  

T  

I know it can be frustrating. My ex would NEVER give me oral sex, but he was the happy recipient of hours of pleasure himself. The question is, are there other ways you can be equally satisfied?? Are you missing the physical sensation, or the complete acceptance that oral sex signifies?? When you figure that out, maybe knowing what to do next will come to you. 

angela 

I would love to tell you that things can change if you do A or B, but that is just not the case. My boyfriend and I have had periods of great sex, and occasionally have it now, but not nearly as much as I would like. He sometimes says he believes that it will get better after we are actually married, but I do not believe it for a second. Once you are married, what motivation do you have? So I have told him point blank, no marriage until this is taken care of. So I am doing what I can to be attractive and sexy, and letting things take their course. We used to have AMAZING chemistry, so much so that people around us could feel it, but....life happens. But the thing is, he recognizes that there is a problem that needs to be solved and wants to solve it. If he did not, I would end the relationship.  

Good luck,  

angela   

I think going into a marriage with this many strikes against you would be nuts. My fiance and I are having some problems in the bed, but he knows that dealing with them and finding solutions that make BOTH of us happy are the only way to the altar. 

angela 

I have to agree. We are all here to try and figure things out, not point fingers. We all know there are 3 sides to every story--his, hers, and the truth. No one here is pretending to be perfect, but we are all kind of frustrated from being on the other side of the sexual fence from our mate. So please, if you have something constructive to offer, feel free to pipe in. Otherwise, try to be more understanding. 

Angela 

Hello. . . This is my first post on this site (good subject)!   

anyway, I use to be a real active person in the sex department.  A few years back I met my 'Soul Mate' and we really clicked, but a few months later some family members got together and totally destroyed the relationship. I moved away and started over and met the guy I am with now.  BUT after meeting the one 'SPECIAL' person that clicked and made so much sense to be with, I just can't be the way I use to be!  I tried to be sexually attracted to my now guy and just seem to not be able to emotionally. He is very active and needs it alot!  So, he got on the computer and left me for another after we were together for a year and a half.  

It didn't work out for him and I had gone thru some real life trials during the few months we were apart.  It came down to me needing him and him needing me again, so after 8 months, we got back together and he has done all he can to make up for it. 

During that time, I have started my change in life and have also gone thru some antidepressant trials and such. I have all but lost all desires of wanting sex. I also think it has alot to do with me gaining alot of weight as well. 

He always makes comments to me AND others about not having sex for weeks and such. It really upsets me and makes me not to want to even more. I think I should not feel that way, but I do.  I have gotten to where I don't want to go out anywhere and not dress up for anything and just roll up into a ball and never get back up.  I know it hurts him for me knot wanting it, but I can't see myself being desireable enough for anyone to want it from me.  I don't know what I am doing here, but it is hard to ralk about it and I know I can't keep hurting him either. 

Hi!  Our stories sound very similar.  I really wish I could work out why I don't want to have sex as often as I used to.  I know it is a big concern to my husband.  He even asked if I was seeing someone else because I had lost interest.  (I'm Not by the way)  We have just gotten back together after a seperation of about 6 months.  I have 4 daughters, 1 in secondary,1 in primary, 1 in kinder and 1 at home) so I am forever running after them.  He has been promoted at work and doing different and long hours. I think it all boils down to the fact that I am just plain TIRED!  I would love to jump into bed and desire him madely!!!  but all I desire is sleep.  We also have a lot of issues still to sort out after the seperation and I think all of this is my head fills up any room for desire.  

I think another big thing for me is there is no ME time. I am so busy being mum, cook, taxi driver, treasurer etc....Saying all this to you has just made me realise that I need to put some time aside in my day to make ME feel special then hopefully I can love my husband the way I want to.  THANKS!!  

I hope things work out well for you both. Good Luck.