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Topic : Differing Sex Drives

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

 
gottowatch
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sad
May 27, 2006, 2:45 am PDT

I am with u sister

Quote From: achyhart

Hello. . . This is my first post on this site (good subject)!   

anyway, I use to be a real active person in the sex department.  A few years back I met my 'Soul Mate' and we really clicked, but a few months later some family members got together and totally destroyed the relationship. I moved away and started over and met the guy I am with now.  BUT after meeting the one 'SPECIAL' person that clicked and made so much sense to be with, I just can't be the way I use to be!  I tried to be sexually attracted to my now guy and just seem to not be able to emotionally. He is very active and needs it alot!  So, he got on the computer and left me for another after we were together for a year and a half.  

It didn't work out for him and I had gone thru some real life trials during the few months we were apart.  It came down to me needing him and him needing me again, so after 8 months, we got back together and he has done all he can to make up for it. 

During that time, I have started my change in life and have also gone thru some antidepressant trials and such. I have all but lost all desires of wanting sex. I also think it has alot to do with me gaining alot of weight as well. 

He always makes comments to me AND others about not having sex for weeks and such. It really upsets me and makes me not to want to even more. I think I should not feel that way, but I do.  I have gotten to where I don't want to go out anywhere and not dress up for anything and just roll up into a ball and never get back up.  I know it hurts him for me knot wanting it, but I can't see myself being desireable enough for anyone to want it from me.  I don't know what I am doing here, but it is hard to ralk about it and I know I can't keep hurting him either. 

 I also am new at this and 1st time  posting but I read your letter and had to respond. I have no desire at all and have only been married 2 years. I don't know what happened to me I know my weight gain has something to do with it . But I think there is more to it But I don't even know where to begin? I  used to be a very out-going person and now I barily get out of the house, oh I go out because I have to you know Grocery store and errands that have to be done, If I had it my way I would stay home in my pajamas. I am not here to give you any advice but to let you know you are not ALONE    
 
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lynn15
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May 27, 2006, 8:08 am PDT

At Odds

Quote From: achyhart

Hello. . . This is my first post on this site (good subject)!   

anyway, I use to be a real active person in the sex department.  A few years back I met my 'Soul Mate' and we really clicked, but a few months later some family members got together and totally destroyed the relationship. I moved away and started over and met the guy I am with now.  BUT after meeting the one 'SPECIAL' person that clicked and made so much sense to be with, I just can't be the way I use to be!  I tried to be sexually attracted to my now guy and just seem to not be able to emotionally. He is very active and needs it alot!  So, he got on the computer and left me for another after we were together for a year and a half.  

It didn't work out for him and I had gone thru some real life trials during the few months we were apart.  It came down to me needing him and him needing me again, so after 8 months, we got back together and he has done all he can to make up for it. 

During that time, I have started my change in life and have also gone thru some antidepressant trials and such. I have all but lost all desires of wanting sex. I also think it has alot to do with me gaining alot of weight as well. 

He always makes comments to me AND others about not having sex for weeks and such. It really upsets me and makes me not to want to even more. I think I should not feel that way, but I do.  I have gotten to where I don't want to go out anywhere and not dress up for anything and just roll up into a ball and never get back up.  I know it hurts him for me knot wanting it, but I can't see myself being desireable enough for anyone to want it from me.  I don't know what I am doing here, but it is hard to ralk about it and I know I can't keep hurting him either. 

Hi, 

I was reading your ''post'' this morning and something hit me....Being seperated for eight months and getting back together again might have something to do with it.  I have gone through something similar and we got back together after a year, needless to say, it didn't work out. There are always questions about what went on in his life, away from you during those eight months.  I'm a romantic and I think that nothing can destroy true love.  Maybe he isn't your soul mate afterall.  I can relate to your weight gain, but if the person really loves you, he will make you feel confident and weight is of no importance.  Antidepressants may take away your sex drive, you should talk to a doctor about it - since I think you are still depressed.  I know the feeling of not wanting to get dressed or go out...it's not funny and it's hard to force ourselves to do so.  Since I like playing crib and swimming, I found a place in my town to go play crib once a week and swimming too.  It helped alot.  (Why care what people think, you do it for yourself)  Don't worry about him, start thinking and doing things that make you happy.  Wishing you all the best and God Bless you and help you during this period of your life. 
 
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messagrl21
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May 27, 2006, 8:35 am PDT

too beaten down

My sex drive used to be wild. I can honestly say I had a lot of fun in my day.The problem is that My husband does not share the same feelings and we have gone to sex maybe twice a month, to maybe twice a year. I am 27 years old and I can't see living the rest of my life like this. I'm hurt from the rejection, I don't feel attreactive anymore, and I have gained weight.  I feel lost because in parenting, marriage, career, I am so busy taking care of everybody else I've forgotten who I am and neglected to take care of my own needs.
 
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messagrl21
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May 27, 2006, 8:49 am PDT

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: brionazmom

This is my first message here. I really need some advice, I have been living with my pheonce(?) for six months now and he never wants to have sex. It seems to me that if you love someone and are attracted to them that you would want to have sex with them. Am i wrong? It has gotten so bad that he will stay outside or downstairs until he thinks I am asleep to avoid sex. I don;t understand and when I talk to him about it he denies that it has anything to do with me, that he loves me and wants to be together. If this is really true would he not care about my feelings and needs? Can anyone give me some advice? I really love him but I am tired of feeling unwanted.  I don't think I can go through with a marriage that will be like this. Please Help!!
Here is my advice....Don't put yourself in my position. Please take some time, write down your needs and desires. in a couple months see how many are neglected. I am in a pretty much loveless marriage. I have been so beaten down by rejection that I am not sure if I can do any better. We have been married for 7 years, and I am now in a position where I only get intimacy maybe twice a year! Stop and think for a while, is this what you want FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE??  Don't picture it getting better or worse because it might not, but the way it is right now....is that something you can handle, and be honest with yourself, sugar coating will do you no good.
 
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ergrl2004
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May 27, 2006, 9:10 am PDT

Differing Sex Drives

I have been diagnosed with lichen sclerosis which is a thing of the vaginal walls and sex is very painfull.  My husband keeps telling me its all in my head and feels that I should want to be as intimate as I once were back when we first met.  I keep explaining to him that it is painful and I cant.. I feel awful that this has happened to us and that we are now seperated.  I love him but I know he should be with a woman who can be as sexually active as he wants.. Is there any one who is suffering from this and can shed some light on this
 
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bso1201
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May 27, 2006, 10:10 am PDT

Dont think that way!

Quote From: ergrl2004

I have been diagnosed with lichen sclerosis which is a thing of the vaginal walls and sex is very painfull.  My husband keeps telling me its all in my head and feels that I should want to be as intimate as I once were back when we first met.  I keep explaining to him that it is painful and I cant.. I feel awful that this has happened to us and that we are now seperated.  I love him but I know he should be with a woman who can be as sexually active as he wants.. Is there any one who is suffering from this and can shed some light on this
 I read your post today and I want to say I am sorry to hear about your physical problem. I have Diabetes and neuropothy in both legs. My sex drive is absolutely gone and I am a 35 yo male. There is on thing that I have learned, is that when you don't feel good it is hard to contribute sexually and emotionally to your partner's needs. If he truly Loves you, he will understand that you really do hurt and will be by your side no matter what. There are other ways to be intimate with each other that can satisfy his and your desires. You both shuold talk about alternative methods of intimacy  and please do not think that he should be with someone else or that you are not good enough for him. Marriage is wonderful and I know you both didn't say "I do" just because of Sex. I pray that your marriage stays fruitful and that both of you can work this out.
 
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achyhart
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chillin'
May 27, 2006, 10:21 am PDT

Thank you all. . .

Quote From: achyhart

Hello. . . This is my first post on this site (good subject)!   

anyway, I use to be a real active person in the sex department.  A few years back I met my 'Soul Mate' and we really clicked, but a few months later some family members got together and totally destroyed the relationship. I moved away and started over and met the guy I am with now.  BUT after meeting the one 'SPECIAL' person that clicked and made so much sense to be with, I just can't be the way I use to be!  I tried to be sexually attracted to my now guy and just seem to not be able to emotionally. He is very active and needs it alot!  So, he got on the computer and left me for another after we were together for a year and a half.  

It didn't work out for him and I had gone thru some real life trials during the few months we were apart.  It came down to me needing him and him needing me again, so after 8 months, we got back together and he has done all he can to make up for it. 

During that time, I have started my change in life and have also gone thru some antidepressant trials and such. I have all but lost all desires of wanting sex. I also think it has alot to do with me gaining alot of weight as well. 

He always makes comments to me AND others about not having sex for weeks and such. It really upsets me and makes me not to want to even more. I think I should not feel that way, but I do.  I have gotten to where I don't want to go out anywhere and not dress up for anything and just roll up into a ball and never get back up.  I know it hurts him for me knot wanting it, but I can't see myself being desireable enough for anyone to want it from me.  I don't know what I am doing here, but it is hard to ralk about it and I know I can't keep hurting him either. 

I want to thank you all that responded to my message.  I have never thought I was alone but I have talked to my therapist and have not been able to find a solution to the problem.  I know I am depressed, but I gave up on the drugs that are SUPPOSE to help me because all they were doing was causing me more problems by gaining more weight.  I use to be in the mid 100's and now I am over 300 and I have a big problem with that.  The gain has caused me more health problems and I am just more depressed from it.  And in turn, it just takes my desire out of the fun of any sexual activity. I now do it every once in a while just to keep him happy. If it wasn't for that i more than likely wouldn't do it ever again.   

In one of the responses, it seemed like the person thought that the guy I am with was my soulmate, he is not the same guy.    BUT, I can tell you one thing; once you have been with your 'Soulmate' no one EVER touches your heart like that again.  I can't ever forgive those involved in ripping that relationship apart.  Even after 5 years without him, my heart aches from it.  (that is where achyhart came from).   

Anyway, thank you for the answers and may God be with you all! 
 
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wldflower
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May 27, 2006, 10:37 am PDT

me of somethng wrong

what do you do if someone you are with sex drive is not there and sometimes you feel like its you or there something wrong with him ,,,   
 
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vibeoh
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May 27, 2006, 11:22 am PDT

sex

Quote From: bso1201

 I read your post today and I want to say I am sorry to hear about your physical problem. I have Diabetes and neuropothy in both legs. My sex drive is absolutely gone and I am a 35 yo male. There is on thing that I have learned, is that when you don't feel good it is hard to contribute sexually and emotionally to your partner's needs. If he truly Loves you, he will understand that you really do hurt and will be by your side no matter what. There are other ways to be intimate with each other that can satisfy his and your desires. You both shuold talk about alternative methods of intimacy  and please do not think that he should be with someone else or that you are not good enough for him. Marriage is wonderful and I know you both didn't say "I do" just because of Sex. I pray that your marriage stays fruitful and that both of you can work this out.
i feel for you.  I seem to know exactly what you are going through.  I am 24 years old.  My husband and I had a great sex life.  Then, I got pregnant and that was the end of my sex drive.  He wanted sex all the time, even when I was pregnant and I didn't.  But, I always gave in.  I think that because I had an emotionally rough pregnancy, that I resent him now.  Then, I ended up with a c-section.  After our daughter was born, the sex drive did not return for me.  All we fight about is sex.  Before we were married, he wanted anal.  I agreed and we tried it, but I didn't like it.  Since the birth of our daughter, I have tried it several other times, but I still do not like it and do not want to even discuss it.  We fight about this ALL the time.  Sex hurts me.  It hurts all the time.  I end up with yeast infections frequently.  Our sex life is going to be the end of us.  If it wasn't for our daughter, we wouldn't be together now.  I know that shouldnt' be a reason to stay together, but it is holding us together for now.
 
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riverdooin
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upset
May 27, 2006, 1:06 pm PDT

Low sex drive

I have had a low sex drive since I had a hysterectomy over 20 years ago at the age of 34.  My husband and I have been together for 27 years and I know it's very frustrating to him that I can sometimes go 3 or 4 weeks without sex.  I don't know what to do to change it!
 
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