Topic : Differing Sex Drives

I am 26 years old and I have never had a sex drive!  Sometimes, like 2 times a year, I might get the urge.  Mostly I would rather just please myself instead of having to deal with a man.  I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now and he is not pleased with the feeling that he has to drag it out of me.  I have read MANY books on the subject and it is hard for me to understand what women feel and mean when they say that they look forward to sex and desire it.  I know that there are more people out there like me.  What have you done to deal with and fix the problem?

I am 31 yrs. old and my husband is 43.  We have been together for 6 yrs and married for 3.  I am very frustrated about our sex life.  He works out of town alot and when he is home sex is not important.  I told him I have to do without when he is out of town I shouldn't have to when he is at home.  I have tried talking , begging and finally told him I was not asking anymore.  Since then we have not had sex.  So I feel emotionally alone,  and single .  So if I feel single should I take the plunge   AFFAIR OR DIVORCE. 

Lovemenot 

Okay 27 yr female, vs 45yr male.....only problem I have is my drive is quite in over drive......but his is not.  a week for him is fine, I could do it eve4ryday...sometimes twice...so what we do is we start messing around, and stop short to finish later, this makes him turned on all day asnd appeases some of my labido....any other suggestions or comments?

when it comes to sex and compatibility. The key here is compatibility, if your on overdrive then thats because of your age. He is on stall because of his age as well, he's had his prime, and probably just isn't up for it any more. Normal for his age. 

  

Becareful though, you are going into your prime from now till well who knows when it will end. I'm 49 and still like it daily. Don't get tied down to a man who isn't going to match your sex drive, you will regret it in another yr or so. You will be soooooooo frustrated that you'll chew your arm off!! Re think your relationship before you wind up angry and resentful at him. ~Red 

to him anymore? He is only 43, and if he is out of town and not getting any sex(?) then he should still be coming home and jumping your bones!! 

  

Something just doesn't jive, there has to be a reason. If he won't tell you what it is, then you need to deceide if you want to go without sex for the rest of your life. Hard choice, but it seems like he has made a choice not to have sex with you?! So if that is out of the question for you, then a divorce is the way to go, an affair will not solve the problem your having with hubby and only make it worse. Once your divorced then you can have as many sexual partners as you like(being careful of cource). 

Good luck, hope you find out what hubby is up to and why he is treating you this way...~Red 

for all of you out there without sex drive, there is hope. I have been with the same man for 18 yrs and after boring, quicky, 4 times a yr. sex, I thought that was it for me, a life of blah sex. After giving thought to divorce, I met a man who has awakened every fiber in my body, I want him 24/7. I had never felt this way. So far, we've kept this affair only "emotional" because we know if we do have sex, we might not be able to keep it secret and things will get complicated. My point is just because you don't want it now, you can have a great drive if you find the right chemistry (guy).

  

  

For me I think an "Emotional" affair would be harder to break off  than a "Physical" or sexual one.  

Once you get to need the emotional attachment of someone it is hard to go through the day without  

needing another fix!  When you add Chemistry well you have bigggg problems.. So do you plan on keeping your husband and your "Emotional" affair?  I am asking because I am riding the fence Divorce or Affair 

About 5 months ago, I went back to my hometown in Mississippi and reconnected with my highschool sweetheart after 17 years.  We had a great week together....so much in fact, that he decided to move to CA to be with me. Okay, here's a little history. We were each other's first kiss and lovers.   When we were younger, we made out all the time. I LOVED IT!!   

  

Now, he's living with me and after 4 months, there is no intimacy. He stated that he moved 2000 miles to be with me and that should be enough. I asked why he doesn't even pursue me and he stated that was highschoolish and immature. I told him that romance and intimacy doesn't end after highschool. Since he's been here, we have had sex once and he's only passionately kissed me a handful of times.  

  

After a month of him being here, I knew something was horribly wrong and asked him to see a therapist. He went for 2 sessions and felt like he was being ganged up on. The therapist agreed that he is a good man but has a lot of issues.  

  

I personally don't feel like he is into me. He states that he is but doesn't understand why there has to be sex involved. The therapist and I were like, "There doesn't have to be sex..but, there has to be intimacy."  It's hard knowing that the first guy I ever kissed and had sex with, won't do it with me now. He is very sweet in the fact that he always holds my hand and cuddles with me. But, even when he is doing this, i feel lonely because I want more. I need more.   

  

I brought up the issue with him again 8 weeks after therapy and of course, it turned into a fight.   He stated that he is depressed and needs to find inner peace before he can move on in a relationship. He wants me to be patient because he really wants a relationship with me. But, I want one now. Is that selfish?  Is it selfish to want the person you call a boyfriend to be intimate with you?  I told him that he was more my best friend than a boyfriend.  

  

I even asked him to leave twice and he begged me to let him stay and that all our dreams and plans will be shattered if I just can't be patient.  He stated that he sees a life being married to me and having children.   Right now, I'm feeling played.  I'm 34 years old and need a loving romantic relationship.  He's 32...too young to be going through this.   The therapist was worried about his sex drive. He is a good lover; however, he just won't have sex.  The part I don't understand, is why he won't passionately kiss me.  I often wondered if he was gay..but, he gets really ticked off if you bring that up.  

  

Apparantely, this is pretty common. What do you do about it? 

Hi.  I just want to say that you are not alone in this.  Six months ago I moved in with my boyfriend, who prior to this live-in situation was such an excellent partner.  Of course, we were having a long distance relationship so when we did manage to find time together there were fireworks.   

  

I do not want to make this too long, but I do want to let you know that you are not alone.  Since living with him our sex life has been limited.  I have voiced my thoughts about how much I desire sex and got some response.  However, for the past three months we have not had sex at all--nor have we kissed passionately.  He is only 29 and I am 30.  We are young and supposedly in love--it just seems strange to me that we are not being intimate.  We cuddle and hand hold throughout the night--which is wonderful and I know that most women wish they could have more of this, so I do not want to take it for granted.  Still, we have no sex life at this point.   

  

I'm glad you went to see a therapist.  That was definitely a step in the right direction.  We are not there yet.  We can barely communicate about our differences.  Just so you know, the thought that he might be gay has crossed my mind several times.  Even early in our dating life I questioned his sexuality.  Anyway, I'm at a loss, but still want to continue to engage in conversation with him about our sex life.  I am not sure what will come of it, but I hope everything works out for the best for both of us.