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Topic : Differing Sex Drives

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

 
lilacmess
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July 26, 2005, 11:47 am PDT

Scheduling for a new baby

Quote From: rayvinfive

My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half and we hardly ever have sex anymore. Part of the reason is that we also have a two year old. But for the most part the thought of him just doesn't turn me on. He's a great guy, but also very lazy and sometimes inconsiderate. Our schedules are also very different. He works overnight, and I'm in college. He is usually going to bed as I'm getting up.

Between our son and school, I'm just not interested in having sex with him at all. Recently we were having some major non communication. Later, after we talked it out, he admitted to me that he had visited porn sites in the past but was real vague about when the last time he visited was. This is my second marriage, and I feel more and more like I'm trying to raise two kids instead of just he two year old. We talk about what frustrates me between my husband and I, but nothing really changes. What, and how, can this issue be worked out? Any ideas/hints? We both want our son to have siblings.

Quit school. I'm serious. Either this or your husband has to get a new job. Something to put the two of you on the same schedule. Your marriage has to be your top priority. It's supposed to outlast everything, right. It won't if you keep denying your husband. His porn use will escalate into full-blown adultery. Porn use has a way of doing this. You've obviously placed the sexual part of your relationship on the back burner and made it a very low priority. Your relationship should be your number one priority, above even your child. And honestly, I would say the last thing in the world you both need right now is another baby. You don't even have time for the sex that is necessary to make another baby. I know this all sounds very harsh but I couldn't be more serious. You're married now. Your marriage, and this goes for both of you, has to become more important than the perfect job, the perfect education, etc. And I'm a college teacher, so I understand the importance of a college education. And still, I'm advising you to put your marriage first instead.
 
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waves_1518
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July 26, 2005, 2:24 pm PDT

On The Show

I unfortunately am just like the woman on the show today who would cry during sex.  To me sex has always been about my partner's power over me when I am in a vulnerable position.  I dread sex constantly and try to avoid it.  I even avoid being intimate in other ways because of the fear that sex will be what is expected next.  It isn't fair to him and he often complains.  I know it makes him feel horrible when I turn him down but I am scared out of my mind.  Any advice that might help?
 
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emm999
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July 26, 2005, 4:54 pm PDT

help

I enjoy sex but unfortunately my husband is impotent most of the time and when he is not, he suffers from premature ejaculation.  What do I do?  We have been married for 11 years and I am at the point of calling it quits.  I have expressed my concerns but they fall on deaf ears.  He has some viagra but won't use it.  I'm sure he is concerned about the possible negative side effects of this drug.  Is it fair of me to push him to use it?  I would appreciate any advice?
 
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alainalain
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July 27, 2005, 9:00 am PDT

My girlfriend never ask me for having sex

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, we don't live together, ,we both have a child. Every two weeks our kid is with his other parent so we are alone and «free». We have both our house.

We always make love the same way and I always ask her to do it. She often tell me that she could live completely without it. I am 44 years old and she is 48. She is pre menoposed. I bought Dr Phil book, I took an appointement with a sex doctor, she does'nt want to hear nothing with both approches.

 

When we make love , once every two weeks,  she waits that I'm over with it.

 

I love her , and I would like to have an happy love life with her.

 

Excuse my english and thanks for reading.

 
 
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rayvinfive
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hopeful
July 27, 2005, 9:10 am PDT

New schedule

Quote From: lilacmess

Quit school. I'm serious. Either this or your husband has to get a new job. Something to put the two of you on the same schedule. Your marriage has to be your top priority. It's supposed to outlast everything, right. It won't if you keep denying your husband. His porn use will escalate into full-blown adultery. Porn use has a way of doing this. You'veobviously placedthe sexualpart of your relationship on the back burner and made it a very low priority.Yourrelationshipshould be your number one priority, above even your child.And honestly,I would say the lastthing in the world you both need right now is another baby.You don't even have time for the sex that is necessaryto make another baby. I know this all sounds very harsh but I couldn't be more serious. You're married now.Your marriage, and this goes for both of you, has to become more important than the perfect job, the perfect education, etc. And I'm a college teacher, so I understand the importance of a college education. And still, I'm advising you to put your marriage first instead.

Thanx lilac,

 

It's not harsh.  After I posted that message my husband called his work and found out that he might be getting a promotion as early as today (7-27) and he won't be working overnight anymore.  As crazy as it sounds, we're both going to school to try and make more time for our family.  He and I need to talk to each other more, but when I try, he doesn't seem very receptive.  About the only time it works for us is right before he leaves for work.  Not the best time.

 

Sigh, maybe I'll take all my books he's reading and hid them (as well as  the TV remotes) so all we have to do is talk and spend time with each other.  Hmm. . . . I'll ponder that one today.

 

Thanx again.
 
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lilacmess
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July 27, 2005, 10:24 am PDT

"Forget" to pay the cable bill!

Quote From: rayvinfive

Thanx lilac,

 

It's not harsh.  After I posted that message my husband called his work and found out that he might be getting a promotion as early as today (7-27) and he won't be working overnight anymore.  As crazy as it sounds, we're both going to school to try and make more time for our family.  He and I need to talk to each other more, but when I try, he doesn't seem very receptive.  About the only time it works for us is right before he leaves for work.  Not the best time.

 

Sigh, maybe I'll take all my books he's reading and hid them (as well as  the TV remotes) so all we have to do is talk and spend time with each other.  Hmm. . . . I'll ponder that one today.

 

Thanx again.

Just kidding. Ask and you shall receive. It sounds like things are turning around for the two of you and that you have an opportunity now to really get to work on your marriage. The two of you need a date night. Get a sitter once a week and leave the house: no television, no books, no internet, no nothing but the two of you and whatever fun activity or environment can spark conversation and get the two of you relating to each other as best friends and lovers. Good luck. Sounds like things are looking up.
 
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moome1

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July 27, 2005, 3:02 pm PDT

whats wrong with me?

i am never in the mood for sex. i have a very handsome husband.i don't get the urges like i should. i am numb.i can go for weeks, months without ever having the urge. is there anyone else that feels the same way?
 
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rayvinfive
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giddy
July 28, 2005, 12:28 pm PDT

Forget about the cable bill!!!

Quote From: lilacmess

Just kidding. Ask and you shall receive. It sounds like things are turning around for the two of you and that you have an opportunity now to really get to work on your marriage. The two of you need a date night. Get a sitter once a week and leave the house: no television, no books, no internet, no nothing but the two of you and whatever fun activity or environment can spark conversation and get the two of you relating to each other as best friends and lovers. Good luck. Sounds like things are looking up.

Lilac,

 

I just got a message from my husband, he starts his new position today!!!!
 
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bella1
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July 29, 2005, 6:55 am PDT

What's wrong with me?

I need help!  I am 22 years old and I have no sex drive.  I am currently in a serious relationship with a great guy, but my problem is causing major problems for our relationship and I don't know how much longer we will last because of this.  I am not cheating and never have and I find my man attractive, but to be honest I'm really starting to hate sex because it is causing so much tension bwtween he and I.  I don't want to feel this way and I want to please my man.  I read something in an earlier post about testosterone testing?  What is this?  Are there any medications that women can take to increase their sex drive?  Help!  Please!
 
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davidoff54
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July 31, 2005, 5:02 am PDT

Help!

I'm 25 years old and married a wonderful woman that I met in college. She's smart, beautiful, talented. The only problem in our marriage is that since she's been on birth control, she has NO interest in any kind of physical contact with me. Having her around even is simply killing me, she's too gorgeous to even look at. It's getting so frustrating that I have to stay away from her to even keep my head on straight. She's metioned her lack of drive to me, but acts like it's just the way things are going to be. I've never cheated on her, and love her more than I love myself. I just can't live this way. I work so hard to bring home a good income, and we're working now towards her achieving her goal of becoming a stay home mom once we have kids. I've had some weight issues in the past, which she never has, so she doesn't quite understand why her never wanting to touch me is making me feel horrible about myself. I just don't know what to do.
 
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