Topic : Differing Sex Drives

I'm glad to see that you want to work with your wife on this and make your relationship work.  Have you considered using another type of birth control or if she insists on using the pill, having the prescription changed?  It is true that being on the pill can reduce a woman's sex drive considerably, so don't take her lack of wanting sex as something about you.  It sounds like she knows of her sex drive has diminished and will be willing to work with you to fix it.

You may want to do some research on your own about different types of methods of birth control there are, so when you talk to her you can have some really solid answers to the issue.  Good luck and keep us posted.

I was wondering why Dr. Phil says it's wrong to have sex before being married?

If anyone can help me out that would be great!

  then you would believe that you shouldn't have sex before marriage. It isn't just a drphil belief, just about every relegion states this.

  There are so many times I truly wish I would have waited until marriage. I know I love my husband and I know that the sex before marriage was a crude attempt at finding love.

SEX if viewed in such a way now that marriage is of little consequence. Too many children feel unwanted and abandoned and left alone because there is such much sex going on with no real bond with the partner in which a pregnancy occurs. Or muliple pregnancies. Ideally if the word of God were followed we would have a much healthier society, including economically.

 'YOUR' having sex and not being married often means that 'WE' foot the bill for raising the child. If more people waited to have sex and realized the impact it has on a person there would be far less unwed mothers, 'fatherless' child, welfare and low income substandard living for these babies and kids.

  Emotionally for women, they want to be loved and feel secure. There is little security in having sex with multiple partners and being unmarried.

  Not to mention that the Cervix of a women changes from being with someone that has multiple partners or being with multiple partners herself. HPV- GOD created us and this disease is a product of doing exactly what is said we should not do. Isn't that interesting?

 It does seem scarey to get married not knowing if your partner would be good in bed, however; it seems so much nicer being able to learn with ONE special person. I have spoken with quite a few women that have been with just one man, they are in their 40s and they say they wouldn't have it any other way!

When a man is adamant about pursuing something that his beloved partner is against, it can feel as though a potential rape is about to occur. There is definitely something else going on- not just a request for a different position or a new game. 

One the flip side, if you are just apprehensive about trying anal sex, or have a stigma attatched to the act, there are some products you can try to go farther with an understanding partner- knowing that porn stars use a lot of products of this nature because that particular area needs a lot of lubrication. The big thing is, if he is willing to take the time to go slowly, and if you are willing to try. Otherwise, its not going to work for you.  The products are Anal Eze and also Anal Lube. Using a lubricated condom can also make it a little easier for you.  If you need more info and don't want to hit the boards, you can email me at  opsarge@earthlink.net     Queenie  

Hi I’m new here and this is my first post 

The thing I want to ask about is a problem with my fiancé. 

We don’t have the same sex drive. 

He has admitted that he would be happy only making love once a week. 

Unfortunately I don’t feel that way, I would like the almost every day 

I don’t think he would mind if we only made love once a month. 

I’m only 21 and I was a virgin before I met him. 

He is 28 but isn’t that still to young for a mans libido to slow down? 

When I ask for sex and he says he’s to tired, I don’t push it, but I can’t help but feel like there is something wrong with me. 

And yes I have talked to him about how it makes me feel.  

I have tried offering myself in the day time but he just puts me off. 

On the weekends he likes to sleep most of the time so I don’t know what to do. 

I wouldn't say there is something wrong with you but something wrong with him that he is hiding from you.  I'm not saying it's another woman but there is something he isn't willing to discuss with you.  He puts you off and he sleeps a lot - he could be depressed or just avoiding the issue.  

I would certainly make sure this issue is dealt with before you get married.  If you are this unhappy now, marriage isn't going to be a magic wand to change it.   You may wish to see if he would agree to some pre-marital counseling and bring this issue up. 

It would be better to find out now and either be able to resolve it and move forward together or find out that it isn't going to change and both be able to move your separate ways and find what you are both looking for. 

Hi, 

I am not sure if this is the correct place to post this but it is sex related so I'll give it a shot. 

My current boyfriend is only 26 and has slept with over 100 people, men and women. 

I am rather old fashioned when it comes to numbers and have only slept with people I loved.   

It is an emotional experience almost more than a physical one for me.  I have trouble swallowing his numbers and how he could have so much casual sex. 

Our sex life is good, we do almost match drive wise and are both adventurous but I find myself falling short sometimes (he will say things like he is happiest having sex with me and that I am the best "on the whole" lover he has had and that he appreciates how I care and try but that he has had better "technical" sexual experiences with others).  Of course I won't be technically as good right away as I don't spread it around to get the experience. 

I hate how he has been with so many people.  I sort of feel like it is an expression of love and that he has shared it with so many kinds of ruins the meaning between us.  I guess that I feel its not special to us and that I could be anyone.  To add to it, he has told people he has loved them "in the heat of the moment" or because "he was horny".  That ruins that for me too.  How can I tell I am special and that he truly does love me? 

He explained that with his encounters that was really no kissing and that it is not romantic or intimate but basicaly two people relieving themselves sexually.   

Most other aspects of our relationship are great.  He is faithful to me and even gave up a life he was happy with to move so we could be together.  He said that this is how I should be able to tell that he loves me.  That he is with me now and not them.  This is the only issue that causes fights between us but I do feel it is a huge one. 

Do I get over this, am I being silly for caring so much about the past or do I take this as a bad pattern in his life and lose a guy that since we have been together has been wonderful? 

Can people change as they get older?