Message Boards

Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Number of Replies: 1827
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 21, 2009, 4:30 pm CDT

The thing is

Quote From: chattycathy18

I have been married to my husband for 15 years.I work fulltime have 5 kids and do all bills I am so exhausted that i never have the energy to have sex to tired my hsuband wants it all the time i love him so much i don't wanna tell him no but yet .i do and he is geting so frustrated with not doing it that he is grouchy all the time and thinks he did something wrong i tell him i am tired but he doesn't get that.please help me.2nd my other thing is i am overweight and don't like for him to see my body because i am disgusted with it  and he keeps wanting the light on when we do actually have sex please help
If you don't have sex with him on a regular basis, he will find someone to have sex with.  If you don't want this to happen to your relationship then make some time for him and put the check book away, get him to help bath the kids or feed them dinner, or make him do something to take the stress off you.  I can guarantee you he will not wait for you.  Men want sex and they don't really care who gives it to them.  You have to make time for your marriage, it should be just as important as your children, your job etc or it will crumble before your very eyes....  Take this advice from someone who never thought it would happen and it did!
 
April 21, 2009, 4:34 pm CDT

Your not broken

Quote From: chattycathy18

i have that problem to i have never had an orgasm with my husband without a vibrator and he used to get mad and thought he did somtething wrong i told him no he is a wonderful lover but i am broken not him.help am i broken is this a big problem for alot of people?
99% of women do not have an orgasm with straight intercourse, sorry its a fact.  Women need stimulation to the clitoris to really have the big O.  Be it manual stimulation or with a vibrator, it doesn't matter...as long as you get there.  If you try the woman on top position, some women can have an orgasm that way,,but don't fret it, your hubby just has to learn what females need to be sexually satisfied and get over himself.
 
April 21, 2009, 4:36 pm CDT

It could be hormones

Quote From: dollieona

yes me and i know its not normal i keep thinking mayb its hormones or thyroid bcause of my age, I'm 48, but I'm beginning to think alot of it is mental.  I'm just over having sex because I'm supposed to, its expected of me , it is my role of being a wife.

 

but whatever the reason, unless your willing to let your husband go have sex with someone else, you need to find a way to get back into the role of loving wife.  If your tired of that role, then just tell him and let him go do what men do with your permission, cause he will do it without..
 
April 27, 2009, 7:08 pm CDT

I'm there

We have been having some financial problems, I know, who hasn't.  But my husband runs away, he goes to a Casino and now he's back in Massachusetts.  There's more to the "story" than that but because of the stress we've been under I'm not in the mood.  I guess once a week is about right but he would want it at least 3 times a week.  It's hard to feel romantic with him, we're both retired Air Force.  He just doesn't know what to do with hisself.  He really doesn't want to work, he wants to finish school and be a teacher but the process is taking a long time.  This is my second marriage and I don't want to lose him, he's fantastic in bed and very loving but I have a hard time getting in the mood when he lounges around the house with nothing to do, not shaven, and stinky breath.  I try to give him hints without hurting his feelings but he's extremely sensitive and insecure.  Now he's in Massachusetts trying to take care of his Vocational Rehab stuff with the VA and I'm not so sure he'll want to come back.  How do you get in the mood or satisfy your spouse when he isn't happy where he is?  I'll do whatever I can to keep this marriage and keep him in it!
 
April 27, 2009, 8:12 pm CDT

well

Quote From: cplusb

We have been having some financial problems, I know, who hasn't.  But my husband runs away, he goes to a Casino and now he's back in Massachusetts.  There's more to the "story" than that but because of the stress we've been under I'm not in the mood.  I guess once a week is about right but he would want it at least 3 times a week.  It's hard to feel romantic with him, we're both retired Air Force.  He just doesn't know what to do with hisself.  He really doesn't want to work, he wants to finish school and be a teacher but the process is taking a long time.  This is my second marriage and I don't want to lose him, he's fantastic in bed and very loving but I have a hard time getting in the mood when he lounges around the house with nothing to do, not shaven, and stinky breath.  I try to give him hints without hurting his feelings but he's extremely sensitive and insecure.  Now he's in Massachusetts trying to take care of his Vocational Rehab stuff with the VA and I'm not so sure he'll want to come back.  How do you get in the mood or satisfy your spouse when he isn't happy where he is?  I'll do whatever I can to keep this marriage and keep him in it!

with the limited info you posted, what comes to mind is your husband isn't a great communicator so he runs away... could be he is suffering from some depression.  Maybe he wants to provide for you but feels that he has let you down.  Men usually don't like to fail, especially at providing.  If you show distain at him lying around  with just comments... you need to come right out and having a heart to heart and just spelling it out, comments or dirty looks could be pushing him away.  You don't want to push too hard, or your right, he may not want to come back...

 

Try, even though it may be difficult right now,to make him feel like a man... tell him you appreciate him...what ever to make him feel like you still want him around, even if for right now, its just lying around the house.  See if you can get him to set a time line of when he will do something that makes him feel good about himself again.. usually if you reach out and try to hold it together, then he will too. All the best.

 
May 19, 2009, 11:29 am CDT

Am I a minority?

 Here's the deal. My husband is OBSESSED with oral sex. Plus he wants to do anal sex. And if that's not enough... he wants me to share him with another woman! Excuse me?!? I am strictly straight and I DO NOT SHARE!!!  I've tried both oral and anal sex with him. And I didn't like oral sex at all. The other was just plain painful and I will NOT go there ever again!!! I am willing to give him oral sex as long as it doesn't reach completion. We are both overweight and he isn't very flexible which makes it hard for us try different positions. He keeps telling me that I'm in an extreme minority of women who don't like oral and/or anal sex. He also says that it's my moral obligation as his wife to give him what he wants. Then he tells me I'm a dominatrix in the bedroom because I refuse to 'swallow' or get 'probed'. I'm afraid our relationship is crumbling because of this. I've compromised as far as I can go. I've caught him using on-line (loose) singles sights for 'hook ups'. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a thoughtless error and promised not to do it again. Then I noticed him getting e-mails from these singles sites where he had his picture plus profile posted. He claimed his brother somehow got into is e-mail and is trying to sabotage our relationship. His brother claims no knowledge of such act. I'm afraid my husband will start looking elsewhere. I'm also afraid that he's using his handyman service as a 'cover' for meeting with such 'hook ups'. Do I have cause to worry?
 
May 19, 2009, 11:33 am CDT

You're not alone

Quote From: redneon

99% of women do not have an orgasm with straight intercourse, sorry its a fact.  Women need stimulation to the clitoris to really have the big O.  Be it manual stimulation or with a vibrator, it doesn't matter...as long as you get there.  If you try the woman on top position, some women can have an orgasm that way,,but don't fret it, your hubby just has to learn what females need to be sexually satisfied and get over himself.
I have had orgasms with my husband without a sex toy but I've also gone through many times without having one. I just tell my husband that I just plain like being with him intimately. That I don't need a physical  high in the sex department to enjoy what we have.
 
May 20, 2009, 3:41 am CDT

Do you have cause to worry?

Quote From: amyvachon

 Here's the deal. My husband is OBSESSED with oral sex. Plus he wants to do anal sex. And if that's not enough... he wants me to share him with another woman! Excuse me?!? I am strictly straight and I DO NOT SHARE!!!  I've tried both oral and anal sex with him. And I didn't like oral sex at all. The other was just plain painful and I will NOT go there ever again!!! I am willing to give him oral sex as long as it doesn't reach completion. We are both overweight and he isn't very flexible which makes it hard for us try different positions. He keeps telling me that I'm in an extreme minority of women who don't like oral and/or anal sex. He also says that it's my moral obligation as his wife to give him what he wants. Then he tells me I'm a dominatrix in the bedroom because I refuse to 'swallow' or get 'probed'. I'm afraid our relationship is crumbling because of this. I've compromised as far as I can go. I've caught him using on-line (loose) singles sights for 'hook ups'. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a thoughtless error and promised not to do it again. Then I noticed him getting e-mails from these singles sites where he had his picture plus profile posted. He claimed his brother somehow got into is e-mail and is trying to sabotage our relationship. His brother claims no knowledge of such act. I'm afraid my husband will start looking elsewhere. I'm also afraid that he's using his handyman service as a 'cover' for meeting with such 'hook ups'. Do I have cause to worry?

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES.YES.YES.

 

There! I said it.

 

He is a manipulator and maybe even a sex addict. Seek counsel for yourself. YOu are going to need it. Kimi

 
June 1, 2009, 1:06 pm CDT

amyvachon

Quote From: amyvachon

 Here's the deal. My husband is OBSESSED with oral sex. Plus he wants to do anal sex. And if that's not enough... he wants me to share him with another woman! Excuse me?!? I am strictly straight and I DO NOT SHARE!!!  I've tried both oral and anal sex with him. And I didn't like oral sex at all. The other was just plain painful and I will NOT go there ever again!!! I am willing to give him oral sex as long as it doesn't reach completion. We are both overweight and he isn't very flexible which makes it hard for us try different positions. He keeps telling me that I'm in an extreme minority of women who don't like oral and/or anal sex. He also says that it's my moral obligation as his wife to give him what he wants. Then he tells me I'm a dominatrix in the bedroom because I refuse to 'swallow' or get 'probed'. I'm afraid our relationship is crumbling because of this. I've compromised as far as I can go. I've caught him using on-line (loose) singles sights for 'hook ups'. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a thoughtless error and promised not to do it again. Then I noticed him getting e-mails from these singles sites where he had his picture plus profile posted. He claimed his brother somehow got into is e-mail and is trying to sabotage our relationship. His brother claims no knowledge of such act. I'm afraid my husband will start looking elsewhere. I'm also afraid that he's using his handyman service as a 'cover' for meeting with such 'hook ups'. Do I have cause to worry?

Men think about sex every 52 seconds.. while us women have other things to think about.  You are not the minority when it comes to anal sex or woman on woman sex.  Your husband thinks that porn sex is good sex... because that is where he is getting the message about anal, oral and bi-sex.  Marriage is between two people, sex is between two consenting adults and what they want to do in the bedroom should be agreed upon between the two of them.  A lot of woman will do oral if they don't have to bring their partner to climax, so they don't have to swallow the sperm.  A lot of woman don't like the taste and it will make alot of woman gag, so the fact you don't want him to cum in your mouth is normal.  Your husband is wrong.

 

A lot of men don't know how to have proper anal sex, or even as you say "probe".. it take a lot of lube to do both so it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable.  I think its safe to say that the majority of women don't like anal sex mostly because of the fact their partners are inept in delivery... again from watching porn and thinking that all they have to do is hop in and the woman will get off..  Doesn't happen that way in real life.  The big problem with anal sex on a regular basis is that your sphincter muscle will get stretched out and you loose control over holding your bowel movements in.  When you get the slightest urge, you have no time to make it to a bathroom unless you run.  The majority of woman don't have anal sex, again your husband is wrong.

 

The fact that he is on sites for "hook up sex" means that he is not satisfied with having sex with you and is going to get it from someone else.  Thats just what some men do.  They don't care who or what it is they have sex with as long as they get the kind of sex they want and when they want it.  He is feeling you a line saying that it was in error and he won't do it again.  You have the emails to prove that it was not an error.  Don't let him wash this over with some BS lines.  He is going out side your marriage for sex.  He has a strong sex drive, most men do.. after all thats all they think about every 52 seconds.  Don't worry about your husband looking elsewhere, he already is.  He is trying to find someone or more than one someone to have sex with.  He will get oral and anal sex else where if you aren't doing it for him.  He has become desensitized to sex, maybe he is watching too much sex on line, video's, porn magazines? 

 

Men don't equate sex and love, sex is an act.  Don't dismiss this fact,its important if you want to know why your husband is doing this and thinking this way.  Sex is purely for his enjoyment, his satisfaction, his gratification, nothing more.  It feels good and he wants that feeling I would venture to guess more than once a day?  We women think of the intimacy of sex as a show of love, but that is to us.  That is how we see sex.  Not to men.

 

Was he into this before you got married?  Did you have clues to this before you walked down the isle?  Now that you know that he wants this kind of sex life, what are you going to do?  You can't change him, or his behavior or his wants and his needs.  This is the way he is.  Some men aren't quite so pushy and keep their feeling about their sexual needs to themselves and then the women get this big surprise when they find out their man has cheated.  It all comes down to sex, it has nothing to do with love.  You need to decide if you want to always have to check your watch and try to figure out if he is lying to you about where he has been and with whom.  Since he thinks your the minority (wrong) then he already has found the group of people on line that will share his sex activities with him and he is trying to convince you that you are the one that is not normal... its not you... its him. 

 

I'm sorry to say that if you don't like him, the way he is right now, you are heading for a divorce,,, he will not change...he will only hide his sex life from you and if you don't use condoms with him you will get what ever STD he brings home to you from these hook up sex sites...especially since he has a "cover" in the form of a "handy man' job to get him into woman's houses and tell you he was just there to "fix" something!  He doesn't see anything wrong with his view on sex, and its totally different than yours. Your marriage is in trouble big time.  The ball is in your court,,, let him have his extracurricular activities or find a man who isn't quite so out of control. 

 
June 6, 2009, 8:33 am CDT

WIFE MASTERBATES

My wife and i, Have been married for over 10 years.

Most of the time we have sex once or maybe 2 times a week.(great)

We both enjoy it, and we both orgasm,  me in the act, and her in the act, with help of a toy.(vibrator)

 

It has just come to light that my wife masterbates when i am not home.(uses vibrater or massager)

If she is off work for a day, or goes in late to work, or home early, she says she might masterbate.

she does not do it all the time, but just on the times she is home alone- maybe 2-3 time a month.

 

I told her, I don't care that she masterbates, but i have also told her that it makes me feel like i am not enough for her.

her responce is that it is differnt masterbating , when she is alone, and that it is none of my business.(i don't understand that, how is it differnt, same feeling))

 

i have masterbated on my own before, but only when my wife is not  available.(out of town)

 

she says she is happy with our sex, and the amount we do it,(1-2 times a week) so i don't understand why i get up, and leave for work, and she masterbates, after we had sex the night before.

 

I have a VERY flexible job, All i ask is for her to call me, when she has the desire. she has allways said she does not have as much sex drive as 'other women' but if she is masterbating 'on the side' then she does have more sex drive, and she is contradicting herself. she also says sex is a differnt feeling then masterbation, I understand, because she needs her clit stimulated to orgasm, so with that said, i could orgasm by watching her.

 

she feels like this whole thing is none of my business.

 

just wanted someone apinion.

 

Thank you

 
First | Prev | 177 | 178 | 179 | 180 | 181 | 182 | Next | Last