Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Men think about sex every 52 seconds.. while us women have other things to think about.  You are not the minority when it comes to anal sex or woman on woman sex.  Your husband thinks that porn sex is good sex... because that is where he is getting the message about anal, oral and bi-sex.  Marriage is between two people, sex is between two consenting adults and what they want to do in the bedroom should be agreed upon between the two of them.  A lot of woman will do oral if they don't have to bring their partner to climax, so they don't have to swallow the sperm.  A lot of woman don't like the taste and it will make alot of woman gag, so the fact you don't want him to cum in your mouth is normal.  Your husband is wrong.

A lot of men don't know how to have proper anal sex, or even as you say "probe".. it take a lot of lube to do both so it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable.  I think its safe to say that the majority of women don't like anal sex mostly because of the fact their partners are inept in delivery... again from watching porn and thinking that all they have to do is hop in and the woman will get off..  Doesn't happen that way in real life.  The big problem with anal sex on a regular basis is that your sphincter muscle will get stretched out and you loose control over holding your bowel movements in.  When you get the slightest urge, you have no time to make it to a bathroom unless you run.  The majority of woman don't have anal sex, again your husband is wrong.

The fact that he is on sites for "hook up sex" means that he is not satisfied with having sex with you and is going to get it from someone else.  Thats just what some men do.  They don't care who or what it is they have sex with as long as they get the kind of sex they want and when they want it.  He is feeling you a line saying that it was in error and he won't do it again.  You have the emails to prove that it was not an error.  Don't let him wash this over with some BS lines.  He is going out side your marriage for sex.  He has a strong sex drive, most men do.. after all thats all they think about every 52 seconds.  Don't worry about your husband looking elsewhere, he already is.  He is trying to find someone or more than one someone to have sex with.  He will get oral and anal sex else where if you aren't doing it for him.  He has become desensitized to sex, maybe he is watching too much sex on line, video's, porn magazines? 

Men don't equate sex and love, sex is an act.  Don't dismiss this fact,its important if you want to know why your husband is doing this and thinking this way.  Sex is purely for his enjoyment, his satisfaction, his gratification, nothing more.  It feels good and he wants that feeling I would venture to guess more than once a day?  We women think of the intimacy of sex as a show of love, but that is to us.  That is how we see sex.  Not to men.

Was he into this before you got married?  Did you have clues to this before you walked down the isle?  Now that you know that he wants this kind of sex life, what are you going to do?  You can't change him, or his behavior or his wants and his needs.  This is the way he is.  Some men aren't quite so pushy and keep their feeling about their sexual needs to themselves and then the women get this big surprise when they find out their man has cheated.  It all comes down to sex, it has nothing to do with love.  You need to decide if you want to always have to check your watch and try to figure out if he is lying to you about where he has been and with whom.  Since he thinks your the minority (wrong) then he already has found the group of people on line that will share his sex activities with him and he is trying to convince you that you are the one that is not normal... its not you... its him. 

I'm sorry to say that if you don't like him, the way he is right now, you are heading for a divorce,,, he will not change...he will only hide his sex life from you and if you don't use condoms with him you will get what ever STD he brings home to you from these hook up sex sites...especially since he has a "cover" in the form of a "handy man' job to get him into woman's houses and tell you he was just there to "fix" something!  He doesn't see anything wrong with his view on sex, and its totally different than yours. Your marriage is in trouble big time.  The ball is in your court,,, let him have his extracurricular activities or find a man who isn't quite so out of control. 

My wife and i, Have been married for over 10 years.

Most of the time we have sex once or maybe 2 times a week.(great)

We both enjoy it, and we both orgasm,  me in the act, and her in the act, with help of a toy.(vibrator)

It has just come to light that my wife masterbates when i am not home.(uses vibrater or massager)

If she is off work for a day, or goes in late to work, or home early, she says she might masterbate.

she does not do it all the time, but just on the times she is home alone- maybe 2-3 time a month.

I told her, I don't care that she masterbates, but i have also told her that it makes me feel like i am not enough for her.

her responce is that it is differnt masterbating , when she is alone, and that it is none of my business.(i don't understand that, how is it differnt, same feeling))

i have masterbated on my own before, but only when my wife is not  available.(out of town)

she says she is happy with our sex, and the amount we do it,(1-2 times a week) so i don't understand why i get up, and leave for work, and she masterbates, after we had sex the night before.

I have a VERY flexible job, All i ask is for her to call me, when she has the desire. she has allways said she does not have as much sex drive as 'other women' but if she is masterbating 'on the side' then she does have more sex drive, and she is contradicting herself. she also says sex is a differnt feeling then masterbation, I understand, because she needs her clit stimulated to orgasm, so with that said, i could orgasm by watching her.

she feels like this whole thing is none of my business.

just wanted someone apinion.

Thank you

Your feeling left out, I get it. But it is different.  Having sex with you is.. well... work... she has to put her attention on you.  Having an orgasm with a vibrator by herself, is just her making herself feel good and not having to worry about you.  Do you get it now?  She doesn't have to worry about what your feeling, if your being touched where you want to be touched, if your getting off.  All she has to worry about and enjoy when she pleasures herself, is how she is feeling.. it only takes a few minutes for a woman to get off when she does it herself.  This being because we know where to touch, how strong to touch and how long to touch and bing bang boom its over done with and she can shower get dressed and go to work.  No, hot sweaty sex, no feeling involved for you, just her making herself feel good.

Don't feel rejected, if she wanted more one on one sex with you then she would ask for it or iniate it but since she isn't, then she likes what she is doing to herself and with you.  If she says she's happy, then she probably is.  Don't worry about something you can't control.  If this is the biggest problem in your marriage, then  you have the world by the tail!

Well thank you again. I do know that when we have sex, there is no preasure on her, she says that, and also she knows i will get off.i guess she just wants to get off more often,. i still don't get why she masterbates  by herself.  the only time i do, is when i cant have her.

thanks