Topic : Differing Sex Drives

  

 have you looked at were you are at in your life lately, you and your wife work and raise 2 children, when in all the time it takes to work and feed, bath, do homework, get kids to bed, do you really have the time to worry about sex? Trust me i know, I am a 25 yr old stay at home mom of 3( 7,5,2) and I still don't have time,. As a mother weither you work at home or at a business, your job is never done, there are always cooking and cleaning and taking care of everyone else that has to be done. Most days i am lucky just to get a shower or to use the restroom without a child up i my face, much less think of trying to have sex.  It is almost like they can smell it, or have a radar of when you are in the mood, cause it never fails when you start something one pops up wanting or needing something, so to answer you question in a womans perspective, its normal and don't complain to your wife. Why don't you try sharing the load of responsibilites with her, and help out and maybe she will appreciate your help and generosity and you will get lucky in love. don't mean to sound hateful, I just had this conversation with my husband, and he didn't get none either 

 

Good luck! and Be nice! 

ahunt7 

Hi there,  

  

I'm confused...i have always wanted intimacy more than my husband. I think its normal to have sex at least 3 - 4 times a week.  My husband has been "just fine" with once a month.  This has caused a lot of friction over time leaving me feeling completely unattractive because of the constant rejection. At first, the excuse was his job, then if we have a disagreement he is too upset to have sex. I feel like he uses this as  a weapon to deprive me of something i want. 

I have tried not to pressure him into sex, by asking for it less...which has now upset him because he thinks I dont want to have sex with him anymore... A few weeks ago, he suddenly, wants more sex more often and gave me an ultimatum that he would "go somewhere else" if he didnt get it!!! I am TOTALLY CONFUSED as i have only refused sex 4 times over several years and i dont want to be bullied into sex... 

Does anyone out there have an idea on how to deal with this? 

hi ahunt, thanks for replying. I know having kids and keeping a family together is very hectic but I get off work early enough to pick them up, I mostly cook dinner and do more than my share around the house (laundry, dishes, bathing kids, etc) We even have a maid that comes twice a week. I just dont think she has a sex drive anymore. I don't know what to do and it is very frustrating. It has been 2 weeks now with nothing. I find my self getting cranky and moody right now and I really don't want to bring it up. She told me that when she was ready then I would know. My fear is that she is never going to be ready. I think sex is a big part in a marriage and I think she thinks differently. What's a man to do? 

d 

I am controlling, I will admit that and yes I take over the bills and household chores when I move in with a guy, cause it drives me nuts if things don't get done.
I am not working right now so I mean I shouldn't be to tired for sex. plus I am 22 I should be full of energy. I can however see how yoga or some aerobics class could help with feeling better. I don't feel good about myself or my body.
On the other hand I cant seem to get turned on and it causes friction with my boyfriend and I cause he feels like its him like I am no longer attracted to him, which isn't it. Its really me, I have always been like this, its like I get board of sex, I see sex more of a chore than anything and it really sucks cause I've seen how sex can be incredible and then.......nothing.
I will explain that when we do start foreplay that its short, but its normally me who stops it to just have sex because I just want to finish and get on with my daily duties. I have a really hard time relaxing and just letting things run their track.

Hi,  

I'm sure this question has been answered before, but here goes:  I heard that birth control(depo) and antidepressants can alter sexual desire.  I am on both.  I have been doing a lot better than some of the other meds I am on, but I am noticing a lack of desire.  My partner is more than willing to satisfy, but I feel like I have to fake an orgasm in order to appease his ego.  He doesn't understand that women (I guess me in particular) don't have an orgasm every time.  He takes it very personal.  Is is wrong for me to do this?  I can't go off the antidepressants at this time.  He insists on the birth control as he doesn't want to wear a condom or get a vasectomy.  He has no interest in having children.  I guess it's a man thing. 

  

any advice? 

Ok here it goes... I sure feel for a few of you, cuz I am in the same boat.  My husband and I have only been married for 8 months and he hardly touches me. If I didn't bitch, I would probably be lucky to get it once a month and this last time, I told him I am not bitching for it anymore.  I feel like I am the most unloved, unattractive, uncared for individual in this world.  He always uses reason's like, we are fighting(he said to me the other night, why would I want it when we fight), I told him, I guess I shouldn't want you at all because you are always bitching about something or lying to me.  Or he is tired, but just like today, he starts playing with my butt and kissing on my neck, but then he leaves you hanging and didn't come to bed until 2:15am.  I maybe should just come on the Dr.Phil show.  I maybe have my standards set too high.  Our marriage has been hell from the beginning because I catch him lying to me and yeah, it involves calling other women, and I blow a gasket.  Im just so confused and am ready to bail, cuz nothing seems to change. We went to counseling and he does nothing the counselor said to do.  I am always the one apologizing when we fight, not him, even if it's his fault.  I don't know..does anyone have any idea's????Brenda

Hello utahinbc, 

I have been in almost a simular situation. I personally don't think it is wrong to fake, to this day i still fake with my husband... but i don't have a huge sex drive and sometimes i just want it over with. With my experience, men don't tend to have an orgasim until the woman shows she is enjoying herself. And if you want to please your partner, faking may be the way to do it. I would advise not to fake all the time... or you may stop being pleased. Another thing is you can do expieriences by yourself or with your partner, to find what you like now that your hormones have changed. I hope this helps. let me know how it goes. 

good luck, 

Country_ma  

I have been  married for  quite sometime and our sexs when we were young was great,but as we got older, atleast for me it died,but not for him.  About  one week ago, all of sudden my sex drive kicked in and I can't seem to get enough, what is going on?  My husband hasn't had it for awhile and then all of a sudden I have to have it, sometimes 3 or more times a day?  I'm 54 .Help?

  

     I am a female who has been in a loving relationship for 10 wonderful years. My problem is this. My boyfriend is having a problem getting an erection. We have used Cialis, Viagra and there was one other one we used. It sort of helps but not to the extent of having intercorse. We found out he is a diabetic and that is probably the cause of it but I miss him. I miss the closeness we once shared. We are able to please each other orally and manually but  not threw intercorce. I know he gets upset because when we do try to make love he can't do it. I never make it a big deal and tell him that it is okay and we can find other ways to please each other but it really makes him insecure. He makes coments like someday you'll find a young guy who can make love to you and you won't need me anymore. I try to assure him that that will never happen and I mean what I say. He has done a wonderful job of controling his blood levels and the doctor has even cut his medication down to half the medicine he originally had been percribed. We have an appointment with a urologist the end of the month. I will never cheat on him but how do I get back what i'm missing? How do I go threw the rest of my life with out having intercource? How do I have that kind of closeness with him without having sex vaginally? I know he is as frusterated as I am. If anyone has advise I sure could use it.  

Diana