Topic : Differing Sex Drives

I had a problem too, my sex drive decreased significantly and I thought that it was the pill that was on then I thought this and that  the Dr. had no explinations yadda, yadda,  yadda. I am pretty young still and there was a dead end everywhere I turned. I have very low self esteem and I think that 's what it was. Then at work there was this book being passed around between all of the girls and I really think it helped me out. It's called " A Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex" It sounds horrible and perverted I know but it really helped me in how I dress, walk and feel about myself. Maybe he'd like it too! Kristi

She may be stressed out, it could be her diet, it could and most likley be her self esteem. But be very careful how you go about this. I would pamper her and do anything in your power to make her love herself. Make her feel like a queen. Listen to her for clues. A day at the spa or her hair done or something to make her feel better about herself. But be careful it may be deeper than that. Ask questions get in tune with her. This is a sensitive issue so be careful. Good luck =)

I know you havn't gone outside the marriage but has he?

We usually have sex 3-4 times a week; he wants it every night!  And if I say no, he is rude to me when he gets home that night.  I'm 42 and he's 47; I'm home all day with our 3 year old daughter and am exhausted many nights and just want to relax.  I hear that many couples "only" have sex a couple of times a month!  I think we're doing pretty good!!  Or at least I thought we did...

DR. PHIL, I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP (FAIRLY NEW) AND HE HAS THE STRONGER SEX DRIVE. I TALKED TO HIM ABOUT MINE, AND HE HAS BEEN PATIENCE WITH ME. IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS, AND I FEEL BAD BECAUSE HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS SEX DRIVE IN ONE OF OUR FIRST CONVERSATIONS. AM I BEING SELFISH? 

  

SIGNED: TOO LITTLE SEX? 

do not quit school. i can't believe a college professor would ever suggest that. friends, lovers, husbands may all come and go...have you seen the divorce rate? what you own and can truly never lose in life are your body and your education. if you both care about each you should be able to fix this without having to give up your education and your future. jeez.

I thought that if I lost weight that my sex drive would increase. Actually it has come to a halt. I have even been to counciling and to my Dr. I have tried medications. Nothing seems to work. I used to have a great sex drive. I have been married for 24 years and we have been together for 26 years. I do not want to touch him at all. I feel really bad because of it. My husband is getting low self-esteem because of this. By he way he is now obese. He loved me the way I was and the way I am. I think my weight loss makes him insecure also. My stress level to tremendous. I know that has alot to do with the problem. We both have fulltime jobs.             

It seems that the person I have been dating for about 3 months and I differ in at least one area.  He tells me that I am a very sexual person.  I am trying to get "it" more than one time a week.  Does that make me very sexual?  Who knows.  I asked for him to be the one to initiate instead of "oven tend"  you know, rub a bit here and see what the response is?  It would be so nice to be reached out to.  If you want me, don't just hint, come right out and floor me with it.  Just tell me.  Then, do it.  It is so frustrating to constantly be told, "maybe next time" when I ask for a simple passionate kiss on the lips or neck.  Or, I am told that, "It's just not that big of a deal to me.  I have had relationships that were very sexual and they did not work out."  Could this one be a little more sexual?  What is so wrong about wanting to touch somebody, be close to them in a way that no one else can?  You would think this would make a person happy.  I am thinking out loud.  We had a big fight recently about this and all at once, "like a switch," it changed.  He is now a more initiative person.  When I asked for him to explain the switch...no real explaination was given.  If I wasn't confused before....now I really am.  Don't get me wrong, I am not looking the gift horse in the mouth after having sex 3 times in one week.  Other things just don't fit.  We work really tight schedules during the week so we usually only see each other on the weekends.  We are both in the same line of work.  It is just really weird to me that you can't pick up a phone more often than once or twice a week and just say hi for a few minutes.  Guys sure have a lot of things to learn when it comes to getting what they want from a woman.  Where is Dr. Phil when you need him to make them understand that they need to pull their head out of their tucas?

my story is not the usual one. i have an extreme sex drive even more so than a man. my husband bless his heart is 11 years older than i and his sex drive is lower than a woman going through menopause. i'll be 25 in a few days so i haven't even hit my prime yet.. oh help!!! even his smell or his name sends me up the wall. i have to have him but that poor baby has a hard time getting in the mood more than once every two weeks!! we're under tons of financial stress and i know that has a lot to do with his inability to ya know but for the last three years?!!? give me a break please!!!  sincerely, going nuts

Ok I need some feedback please!!! Hubby and i have been going through a dry spell. we're together about once a week. It used to be more but life is taking it's toll on me. I have 4 kids oldest 7 years old youngest 19 months old. The baby still wakes up 3 times a night and will only go back to sleep in my arms (he's actually running around right now!). I am severely sleep deprived and am not in the mood often. At night I'm too tired and during the day it's just hard, (as much as I would love it)to get my motor running in a house full of kids.Hubby has been complaing a lot and wants to talk to fix this. It is getting very frustrating because I know there is no quick fix. we need to get the baby in his own room and sleeping through the night. I am starting to resent my husband because it seems like every 20 mins or so he hints to sneaking off to be together. 

what really has me concerned is that in our talk about how things are now it came up that before when i thought things were great...we were together 3 sometimes 4 times a week he didn't think that was enough either. He says he doesn't expect it everyday but why not 4 or 5 times a week? I told him that it is not that I am opposed to that but realistically, with life as busy as it is, with 4 small kids 3 or 4 times a week is as much as I think life will allow. I said maybe down the line when the kids are bigger and more independant but while they're young between just being a mom and a wife, caring for the house, looking after a developmentally delayed woman, being a daughter, a sister a friend a volunteer at the kids school....etc I thought 3 or 4 times a week was good. He said if that is all I can offer he'll take it and hope that life allows for us to be together more often down the road. My dilema is that I feel like a failure as a wife because I am unable to fulfill my husbands sexual needs. When we're together it is great, amazing but it is really bothering me that he is just not satisfied (and hasn't been even when I thought it was great) with the frequency. Is my sex drive that low? Is 3 or 4 times a week that bad? This has knocked my self esteme way down (trust me it was low enough before). He says I should be flattered that he wants me so much, and I tell him that him asking over and over again when I've told him no (usually because the kids are running around) makes me feel bad. It's not that I don't have interest in being with him more but the situation doesn't present itself often right now where the kids are not around, and i've got energy. Not to mention that I take a little more to go from Mommy or house cleaner mode to wife mode than a hug from behind or cute smile and a "lets go upstairs"  I'm frustrated we're not together more now, I'm frustrated it wasnt enough for him before, I'm annoyed that he askes me over and over again, and i'm tired. I find this last week or so since I found out that 3 or 4 times wasn't enough that my mood has been worse, I don't feel as close to him, I'm more insecure and honestly I feel less like being intimate. Any advice or comments would be welcome.....please