Topic : Differing Sex Drives

I'm a 27 year old female and my boyfriend is 24. We have been living together for 1 year now and dating two years. I lost my virginity to him at the age of 25. Okay I was a virgin that long not because I did not have anyone wanting me, but I was just never interested.  I can say it may be partly of how I was raised. "Sex" don't even talk about it.  

But anyway to make a long story short, my boyfriend love to have sex, highly sexual. And as you can guess I'm not. I can go months without having it and it would not bother me a bit. I just don't get the urge at all.   

Mind you i have no problem if he initiates it, I don't reject him, hey sometimes that will turn me on and I would go for it. But the problem is, he does not like to be the one to always initiate. He finds himself not even wanting to bother anymore and would masturbate more often. He wants me to initiate more, but I told him  how can I initiate if I'm not in the mood or feeling horny.    

So now I find myself initiating just for the sake of initiating and making him happy.  I honestly don't get anything out of it. It is more for his pleasure. I don't even enjoy his oral sex on me anymore.  

Is there something wrong with me? or is it something deeper emotionally?  

I think that it is fair for you to ask him to use the viagra as directed by his doctor.  My husband is somewhat similiar to yours in this area.  His doctor told him he needed to use his brain and feelings to learn how to last longer.  It gets better part of the time, but I understand how your concerns fall on deaf ears, me too.  Try building his ego up and you take the lead.  Even if it doesn't work out the way you'd like, praise him and build that ego each time.  It has helped me.  Tell him what you want him to do for you...cuddling, kissing, etc.  He is probably mad at himself, like my husband gets.  Hope it helps.  I'm glad to know there are others out there with similiar problems.

Instead of looking at it as just sex have you thought of how it makes your partner feels when you don't initiate it.  Feeling wanted helps with self-esteem and feeling confident your your relationship. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe it is just the way it is approached and thought of that doesn't turn you on. Most women want to be romanced and wooed which helps to enhance those feelings of intimacy. Guys get excited with just the thought and women work on a whole different level. What if instead of grabbing a feel and kissing you a couple of times and then wanting to get something out of it.. What if he made it all about you. For example: he starts rubbing your feet then your legs and then your body then went into kissing and added imagination to it. Maybe your board with  

"wham bam now mam". You might try it and see if it makes a difference. He might just be going the wrong way with getting you to want him.   

If you do see him and know it is something he is looking for (you don't have to do it all the time) maybe you giving the effort of initiating it with imagination might help you and give him ideas and take it to a new level.    

Hope this helps.   

Dude -  she wants to break up with you because you masterbate?  Tell her if she is going to have a relationship with a any guy, ever, she's going to have to get over that!  I'm 40 years old, married and still wank it al the time.  Sometimes you just want to please yourself.  i don't know a single guy in any age group that doesn't if he is still physically able!  It's not a problem, it's nature.  Talk to her and try to make her understand it's your body and you can play with it anyway you want to...and for gosh sakes, don't be ashamed of yourself for it.  once again - we all do it ! 

Hi, I'm a 27 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and I have a huge problem. We have basically no sex life. We used to have sex frequently and now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. In utter frustration I have asked him what he would like me to change so that he would want to be more intimate with me. He replies nothing needs to change. I'm at the point that something needs to happen. I cant handle being with someone that never wants to have sex. What man never wants to have sex with the woman he loves and wants to marry? I'm pretty pissed actually. He'd rather watch tv and play on the computer than go to bed. Does anyone else have this problem?....Am I too needy....I dont know.

Stress is the first thing that came to mind. If you are putting pressure on him to have sex, that alone could cause stress about the very thing. Has his work become more stressful? Is he working more hours? Exhaustion can be another thing that could cause a drop in sexual desire. It could also be hormonal. Ask him to got to the doctor and have his testosterone levels checked. Another thing could be some medication. Some medications, even one comes to mind for heartburn can cause a drop in sexual desire. 

  

You need to talk to him about this, not in the bedroom, or at bedtime, but a "safe" time when there is no chance for sex to happen, so he won't feel the pressure. When you talk to him, you need to ensure you are not sounding like you are complaining to him, but truly interested in what has changed to cause this drop in desire. If you approach it in the right way, he may very well open up and let you know, if he knows at all. Again, have him go to the doctor and get checked to ensure it is nothing medical, and have him ask the doctor about any medications he is taking, and then, go from there. Sometimes it could be something as  simple as the two of you getting away to a motel, even in the town where you live, to liven things up.  

  

Communications is the most important thing, and with communications, comes listening, just as much as talking. Slow down, talk in a non threatening way, and do it at a time and place where he knows you are not just attempting to coerce him into sex at that moment. 

 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex! 

I was just wondering,My husband was in a auto accident last April was severly hurt 2broken legs a ripped aorta was bleeding inside @the heart broken arm, loss of memory, sounds bad it was! He recovered amazingly fast within the 6 month of accident he was back to work(no hard labor) since that time we have had sex 3xs, his doctor has givin him viagra and others to try but he has (to me at least) lost his umph his sexual drive just doesnt seem to be there any more? Prior to the accident every thing was gravy, now it just doesnt seem to intrest him,yes Ive tried the sexy clothes the no clothes the toys movies, but nothing seemes to help? Can any one help?

Mastrubating is completely normal as long as it doesn't interfere with your desire to have sex with her.  I am a 38 year old female married to a wondeful man.  He doesn't like to admit that he masturbates but I know he does.  I do and it am fully open with him about it.  This is her problem and she needs to own it.  Why does she feel threatened?? I would try to find out from her specifically why it bothers her so much but I wouldn't stop doing it.  We all do it or at least want to do it!!!!!

Do you offer romance?  Do you still hold her hand? Do you tell her she is beautiful? Do you tell her you love her? Do you thank her for helping to raise your children? I only ask you these things because as a woman I know we need this.  How old is your wife?  Has she gone to a Dr to have hormone levels checked? Are you still in love with eachother? When you try to initiate sex how do you do it?  Is is "let's get it on" or do you try to be passionate??  Just questions that need to be answered before you can find out what the root problem is.  Does she work outside the home? Is she stressed? How is your family life? How are your finances?  All these things can lead to not wanting to have sex??  What is your role in all of this??  I hope you dont' look outside the marriage. I hope you look to counseling or communicating with your wife about what you can do to help the situation.

I am 27 yrs old.  Before I start, let me just say that I have suffered a great deal of sexual abuse beginning when I was around 5..More than one family member was involved...In addition, at 18 I was raped by 2 men at gunpoint...that being said, my problem is this:  My husband and I fight constantly about sex.  I never get in the mood anymore and it makes him feel like I don't love him.  I don't think I should have to be sexual to prove my love.  I work as a district manager, he stays home with our 2 yr old (he is disabled).  When we first met, we had sex all the time and I often initiated it, now, I rarely ever even think about it.  Much less initiate it.  If he starts, I may or may not get in the mood.  I just feel like it's this big huge issue hanging over us all the time. I can't help it, I just don't think about it....sometimes, i even feel like it is just disgusting....Other times, i have these wild fantasies..like, anytime he will play out  a rape fantasy with me i am instantly ready...I feel like a pervert!!  What is wrong with me?  why am i broken?