Topic : Differing Sex Drives

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"He wants it twice a day!" "She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

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April 27, 2006, 4:24 am PDT

I know how you feel...

Quote From: mykidsrpea

I have been typing and retyping trying to find the words to explain my problem.  I'm just going to come out and say it.  I am not attracted to my husband and I don't know how to tell him what I want.  I have tried to tell him that I want more romance.  I have told him that I don't like to be talked to the way he talks to me.  Example, "why don't you come over here and sit on my face" or "want to give your mouth a work out" or when I bend over to do something, "you must be looking for it".  I feel like an object not a sexy woman and I feel like I have lost a lot of my self worth because of it.  I would have sex with him just to make him happy.  There is no romance.  It never just happens.  I don't even feel that attraction anymore.  I don't know what to do.  We have so many other issues as well.  To him all he needs is more sex to be happy.  I need affection, respect, sympathy and most of all just someone I can feel comfortable being in the same room with, without feeling like I have to take my clothes off.  I thought men where the ones with the over sex problem but I have read a lot of things about men and their problems with over sexual wives.  I am ready to give up.  I love him and don't want to hurt him but I am feeling farther and farther away form him every day that passes.  I would love to speak to a counselor but he tells me if we can't figure it out then how can I expect someone else to.  He also says that we don't have the money and that a counselor isn't going to make me love him.  Love is not the issue.  I love him but is it the right love. 

the more times I have to do it just to keep him from pouting or hounding me; the less I  even want to think about it. I love him by my God the adolescent crap is so unattractive. 90% of the time he's like another child I have to take care of, then suddenly just because he's horny, I'm supposed to react to him like he is a man. PULEEZE, I'm so sick at the thought of sex that Brad Pitt couldn't get me in the sack. He'd have to clean something up or vacuum without having step-by-step written instructions first.......now that's hot!
 
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April 27, 2006, 4:25 am PDT

I know how you feel...

Quote From: mykidsrpea

I have been typing and retyping trying to find the words to explain my problem.  I'm just going to come out and say it.  I am not attracted to my husband and I don't know how to tell him what I want.  I have tried to tell him that I want more romance.  I have told him that I don't like to be talked to the way he talks to me.  Example, "why don't you come over here and sit on my face" or "want to give your mouth a work out" or when I bend over to do something, "you must be looking for it".  I feel like an object not a sexy woman and I feel like I have lost a lot of my self worth because of it.  I would have sex with him just to make him happy.  There is no romance.  It never just happens.  I don't even feel that attraction anymore.  I don't know what to do.  We have so many other issues as well.  To him all he needs is more sex to be happy.  I need affection, respect, sympathy and most of all just someone I can feel comfortable being in the same room with, without feeling like I have to take my clothes off.  I thought men where the ones with the over sex problem but I have read a lot of things about men and their problems with over sexual wives.  I am ready to give up.  I love him and don't want to hurt him but I am feeling farther and farther away form him every day that passes.  I would love to speak to a counselor but he tells me if we can't figure it out then how can I expect someone else to.  He also says that we don't have the money and that a counselor isn't going to make me love him.  Love is not the issue.  I love him but is it the right love. 

the more times I have to do it just to keep him from pouting or hounding me; the less I  even want to think about it. I love him but  my God the adolescent crap is so unattractive. 90% of the time he's like another child I have to take care of, then suddenly just because he's horny, I'm supposed to react to him like he is a man. PULEEZE, I'm so sick at the thought of sex that Brad Pitt couldn't get me in the sack. He'd have to clean something up or vacuum without having step-by-step written instructions first.......now that's hot!
 
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April 27, 2006, 11:50 am PDT

Where IS my "Sex Drive?"

Yep, that's right, I'd like to know where IS my sex drive?  You see, I'll be 23 in June, having had a period for exactly 11 years (since I was 11.75), and with a height of 5'4" and a "normal" body type (for a fatso), you could say I've never had any problems with growth, development, or puberty.  However, when it comes to my sex drive, it seems as though it FAILED TO DEVELOP!  Ever since I entered puberty, I've been covering up my femeninity with short hair and boyish clothes, so you know I've never dated or had sex (nor have I ever drank or smoked).  But the hardest thing to understand is, why is it that "traditional" sexual things do nothing for me whereas "grotesque" things, like watching people blow their nose (regardless of gender) or reading about "accidents" and potty-training problems (regardless of person/child's gender) gives me sensations that feel good yet gross in my groin?  I'd never admit it to anybody, as I tell people of my 7th grade teacher (tall and handsome with frequent colds due to his kids at home) that I still love when they ask about "my boyfriend."  (The guy probably never even knew I liked him.)  Why is this 22-year-old, virgin white female such a sicko, nasty pervert inside?
 
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frustrated
April 27, 2006, 6:47 pm PDT

Very Low Sex Drive

I'm a 27 year old female and my boyfriend is 24. We have been living together for 1 year now and dating two years. I lost my virginity to him at the age of 25. Okay I was a virgin that long not because I did not have anyone wanting me, but I was just never interested.  I can say it may be partly of how I was raised. "Sex" don't even talk about it.  

But anyway to make a long story short, my boyfriend love to have sex, highly sexual. And as you can guess I'm not. I can go months without having it and it would not bother me a bit. I just don't get the urge at all.   

Mind you i have no problem if he initiates it, I don't reject him, hey sometimes that will turn me on and I would go for it. But the problem is, he does not like to be the one to always initiate. He finds himself not even wanting to bother anymore and would masturbate more often. He wants me to initiate more, but I told him  how can I initiate if I'm not in the mood or feeling horny.    

So now I find myself initiating just for the sake of initiating and making him happy.  I honestly don't get anything out of it. It is more for his pleasure. I don't even enjoy his oral sex on me anymore.  

Is there something wrong with me? or is it something deeper emotionally?  

 
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April 27, 2006, 9:23 pm PDT

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: emm999

I enjoy sex but unfortunately my husband is impotent most of the time and when he is not, he suffers from premature ejaculation.  What do I do?  We have been married for 11 years and I am at the point of calling it quits.  I have expressed my concerns but they fall on deaf ears.  He has some viagra but won't use it.  I'm sure he is concerned about the possible negative side effects of this drug.  Is it fair of me to push him to use it?  I would appreciate any advice?
I think that it is fair for you to ask him to use the viagra as directed by his doctor.  My husband is somewhat similiar to yours in this area.  His doctor told him he needed to use his brain and feelings to learn how to last longer.  It gets better part of the time, but I understand how your concerns fall on deaf ears, me too.  Try building his ego up and you take the lead.  Even if it doesn't work out the way you'd like, praise him and build that ego each time.  It has helped me.  Tell him what you want him to do for you...cuddling, kissing, etc.  He is probably mad at himself, like my husband gets.  Hope it helps.  I'm glad to know there are others out there with similiar problems.
 
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April 28, 2006, 12:00 am PDT

Differing Sex Drives

Quote From: inhisimage

I'm a 27 year old female and my boyfriend is 24. We have been living together for 1 year now and dating two years. I lost my virginity to him at the age of 25. Okay I was a virgin that long not because I did not have anyone wanting me, but I was just never interested.  I can say it may be partly of how I was raised. "Sex" don't even talk about it.  

But anyway to make a long story short, my boyfriend love to have sex, highly sexual. And as you can guess I'm not. I can go months without having it and it would not bother me a bit. I just don't get the urge at all.   

Mind you i have no problem if he initiates it, I don't reject him, hey sometimes that will turn me on and I would go for it. But the problem is, he does not like to be the one to always initiate. He finds himself not even wanting to bother anymore and would masturbate more often. He wants me to initiate more, but I told him  how can I initiate if I'm not in the mood or feeling horny.    

So now I find myself initiating just for the sake of initiating and making him happy.  I honestly don't get anything out of it. It is more for his pleasure. I don't even enjoy his oral sex on me anymore.  

Is there something wrong with me? or is it something deeper emotionally?  

Instead of looking at it as just sex have you thought of how it makes your partner feels when you don't initiate it.  Feeling wanted helps with self-esteem and feeling confident your your relationship. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe it is just the way it is approached and thought of that doesn't turn you on. Most women want to be romanced and wooed which helps to enhance those feelings of intimacy. Guys get excited with just the thought and women work on a whole different level. What if instead of grabbing a feel and kissing you a couple of times and then wanting to get something out of it.. What if he made it all about you. For example: he starts rubbing your feet then your legs and then your body then went into kissing and added imagination to it. Maybe your board with  

"wham bam now mam". You might try it and see if it makes a difference. He might just be going the wrong way with getting you to want him.   

If you do see him and know it is something he is looking for (you don't have to do it all the time) maybe you giving the effort of initiating it with imagination might help you and give him ideas and take it to a new level.    

Hope this helps.   

 
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April 28, 2006, 4:30 pm PDT

Seriously?

Quote From: einherjar

Hello, im a 26 years old guy and me and my 22 years old girlfriend have been together for 1 year now. Im extremely confuse and without answer about a problem we have. Well, its more MY problem...

I think our relation is pretty good compare to what other relationsI see except for the one d*mn thing that I do wich is killing the relation and I dont want it to end! I really love her with all my heart :) I think the hardest part is actually figuring out if i do have a REAL problem and need clinical help or im just a an *sshole. The problem is that in this year long relation ship I have hidden to my girlfriend that I masturbate when shes not around, this is extremely offending to her and wont accept it on any level. I understand that and I would stop doing it to ameliorate our relation but it seems once in a while a certain occasion arises and it just seems like it STRONGER THEN ME and do it again... Could I be obsess with certain kind of porn/women? I think its really sad that I have this problem cause otherwise our relation is kick*ss!!!

The first time I got caught she told me that if I do it again she would break-up with me and stupid as I am, I DID IT AGAIN!!! So on second time she told me the same thing. Everytime I do it, I kick myself in the *ss afterwards!!! And today after having another disccusion about it with her I did it a 3rd time... Could it be possible that I need to see a psychiatrist???I really hate hurting her with this and i feel like sh*t everytime I do it. Now I know that If Ido go foward and tell her the truth this will ultimatly end our relation... I DONT WANT THAT. What should I do? Is what Im doing THAT BAD? What can I do to make it better... Our relation is technically over right now but if there a chance to save it ill do it and in either case, I dont want this to follow me in my next relation... :(

(Also, this as been my only girlfriend and only real love... its really hard to accept what ive done for a 3rd time,im under the impression im too weak to fix it BEFORE i screw up everything with her)

Dude -  she wants to break up with you because you masterbate?  Tell her if she is going to have a relationship with a any guy, ever, she's going to have to get over that!  I'm 40 years old, married and still wank it al the time.  Sometimes you just want to please yourself.  i don't know a single guy in any age group that doesn't if he is still physically able!  It's not a problem, it's nature.  Talk to her and try to make her understand it's your body and you can play with it anyway you want to...and for gosh sakes, don't be ashamed of yourself for it.  once again - we all do it ! 
 
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frustrated
April 29, 2006, 10:59 am PDT

Whats Sex?

Hi, I'm a 27 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and I have a huge problem. We have basically no sex life. We used to have sex frequently and now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. In utter frustration I have asked him what he would like me to change so that he would want to be more intimate with me. He replies nothing needs to change. I'm at the point that something needs to happen. I cant handle being with someone that never wants to have sex. What man never wants to have sex with the woman he loves and wants to marry? I'm pretty pissed actually. He'd rather watch tv and play on the computer than go to bed. Does anyone else have this problem?....Am I too needy....I dont know.
 
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April 29, 2006, 7:36 pm PDT

There can be many different reasons for a drop in sexual desire

Quote From: girlonfire

Hi, I'm a 27 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and I have a huge problem. We have basically no sex life. We used to have sex frequently and now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. In utter frustration I have asked him what he would like me to change so that he would want to be more intimate with me. He replies nothing needs to change. I'm at the point that something needs to happen. I cant handle being with someone that never wants to have sex. What man never wants to have sex with the woman he loves and wants to marry? I'm pretty pissed actually. He'd rather watch tv and play on the computer than go to bed. Does anyone else have this problem?....Am I too needy....I dont know.

Stress is the first thing that came to mind. If you are putting pressure on him to have sex, that alone could cause stress about the very thing. Has his work become more stressful? Is he working more hours? Exhaustion can be another thing that could cause a drop in sexual desire. It could also be hormonal. Ask him to got to the doctor and have his testosterone levels checked. Another thing could be some medication. Some medications, even one comes to mind for heartburn can cause a drop in sexual desire. 

  

You need to talk to him about this, not in the bedroom, or at bedtime, but a "safe" time when there is no chance for sex to happen, so he won't feel the pressure. When you talk to him, you need to ensure you are not sounding like you are complaining to him, but truly interested in what has changed to cause this drop in desire. If you approach it in the right way, he may very well open up and let you know, if he knows at all. Again, have him go to the doctor and get checked to ensure it is nothing medical, and have him ask the doctor about any medications he is taking, and then, go from there. Sometimes it could be something as  simple as the two of you getting away to a motel, even in the town where you live, to liven things up.  

  

Communications is the most important thing, and with communications, comes listening, just as much as talking. Slow down, talk in a non threatening way, and do it at a time and place where he knows you are not just attempting to coerce him into sex at that moment. 

 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex! 

 
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frustrated
April 29, 2006, 9:39 pm PDT

After The Accident

I was just wondering,My husband was in a auto accident last April was severly hurt 2broken legs a ripped aorta was bleeding inside @the heart broken arm, loss of memory, sounds bad it was! He recovered amazingly fast within the 6 month of accident he was back to work(no hard labor) since that time we have had sex 3xs, his doctor has givin him viagra and others to try but he has (to me at least) lost his umph his sexual drive just doesnt seem to be there any more? Prior to the accident every thing was gravy, now it just doesnt seem to intrest him,yes Ive tried the sexy clothes the no clothes the toys movies, but nothing seemes to help? Can any one help?
 

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