Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Hey everyone. I know i've posted here before but i can't to seem to find my messages.  I was wondering if it's normal for someone to be in a relationship and kinda want sex all the time? My boyfriend and i are both sixteen ( i know how bad that may sound to alot of people) and we usually are able to have sex maybe once or twice a month. Three times is rare. We both ask each other if we both think we want it all the time. I personally don't think so. I think we're completely normal. I sometimes think tthat he's a little insecure that i think he wants it too much. I never think about us wanting it all the time. Just to let everyone know, we are keeping ourselves protected. I try to let him know that i don't think he wants it too much but he's a little resistant to the fact. Thanks for your time. Tiffany.

Hello all:  

   

I know exactly what is said there. I just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship cause he was wanting it all the time and I just didnt. It started making me angry to be asked. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me.  

I love my wife very much and we hardly ever have sex.  Once or twice a week would be ok but it is only about once every 2 months.  I dont no what to do I wonder sometimes if she is getting it somewhere else.  And sometimes i think about getting it somewhere else but i dont want to do that because i have seen that tear a family apart.  This morning I said something about sex and man did i get it she just started crying and said i dont even ever get the urge anymore what should i do.  We are young i am 32 and so is she.  we have 2 kids and we have been married for 7 yrs.  We do things together as a family but her and I never get anytime to ourselves.  I have even tryed to initiate sex and she will do it but its like hurry up and get off me man does that have an effect on ones ego. I have even quit iniating sex I masturbate about 3 times a week I have wants and needs and I not getting it.  Just tonight she was setting next to me rubbing her foot on my leg and i thought well maybe she is feeling it but then she jumped up and said i am wore out im goin to bed.  So what should i do I am at roads end and I am affraid my marriage is goin to fall apart and sex isnt everthing but we have no passion what so ever and we never fight we get along great and i love her dearly and i have a great family.  She is even off work every weekend and still no sex and we even have a house keeper and still no sex so if anyone has any idea what i should do plz tell me.  Is there any drug and will help a womens sex drive?  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Doctor Phil. Differing Drives Sex is totaly outrages and not accable at all. But however if peoples----- 

want a sex thing then it would be okay by me except for one thing and that is becarfull who you------- 

are going out with. See you tomorrow Afternoon. Well Ihad better close now. Sincerley Your.---------- 

Russell Vlaanderen.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 Hi!  First of all, I think it's wonderful that you are concerned about your relationship on such an intimate level.  I have a great sex life that was recovered from fading away.  I had the same problem your wife did, where I just wasn't "feelin' it" hardly ever.  My boyfriend took initiative, much the way that you are, to ask me what I needed to "get going".  I know this is cheesy, but sometimes, we need the romance to feel it.  People often get stuck in such a rut, that everyday is just the same, and boredom isn't the greatest aphrodisiac.  So, if you can, try to do something really romantic and unexpected.  Maybe recreate what it was like the first time you had sex, or even try a night where you just try to please her without penetration.  If she is hesitant at first, and tries to evade your advances, be sweet with her, not short with her, and explain that you love her, and you love the intimacy and closeness that sex brings, not just the physical pleasure.  Let her know that you want to have sex from love, not from lust.  Sometimes that can be sexy for a woman, and a lot of times, once we actually get into foreplay, the desire for sex comes with it. 
Also, birth control pills can be a culprit in decreased sex drive in women, if your wife is currently taking them, you should discuss it with her, an find an alternative birth control method to see if that could be part of the problem.

Hope this helped!

Hi all, I have posted on this site before about my lack of a sex drive and someone replied suggesting that I have my testosterone levels checked. I did that and they found my testosterone levels normal for a woman. I then went to see a natural health consultant, again it was a suggestion from someone who replied to my post. This consultant prescibed a sports supplement, wierd I know, anyway it is called ZMA, and it has a really good balance of the B-vitamins, amino acids and essential fatty acids. All natural. I have only been taking it for a week, and I already feel a change in my desires. Just this last weekend my hubby and I did it 4 times, whereas usually I have to force myself to just do it once a weekend to shut him up. He is happy, I am happy and the supplement is inexpensive and really does work. It apparently has something to do with the correct vitamins balancing and stabilizing hormone productions. Because it is all natural there are no side effects. Perhaps that could be an answer to some of you that have posted here. 

  

Good luck, I thought I was a lost cause!! Now I feel great, and its only been a week. 

  

HI, i'm 37y old my boyfriend of two years is 45y old we have sex like once every two to three weeks.  I'm thinking that this is not normal when I mention it to him he says that he likes it in the morning and that he doesn't want to wake me up cause I like to sleep, he doesn't even try.  He will find every excuse to say why we don't have sex. I'll walk around naked in front of him from the shower to the bedroom and the guy doesn't even look or if he looks he doesn't pursue me into the bedroom.  It's pissing me off, and above all that he does not show is emotion towards me or harldy come over and hug and kiss me......i'm there thinking to myself ''this is my boyfriend he doesn't love me '' and i'm questionning my own behavior.  Does anyone have anything to say that would help understand my boyrfirriends behavior I feel like is roomate more then is girlfriend. 

  

Thanks......Nad 

Well, this is a difficult thing to discuss.  I am a healthy 37 year old woman in love with a 40 year old virgin.  About three years ago,  I went on my first computer dating service date.  He was charming, funny and good-looking.  I thought, "I really deserve a great guy in my life."  My abusive ex-husband of 18 years left me with very low self-esteem issues and finding someone decent was a priority for me and for my children.  This was a very interesting evening of dinner and a gallery exhibit.  We hit it off.  Every weekend after that one, we were together.  He said, "I love you,"after the third date.  "Wow," I thought, and we haven't even made love.  This man must really care about me.  Then the night  "it" was supposed to happen, didn't.  He kissed me and held me close, but his hands were shaking.  We kissed even more and suddenly he stops, leaving me floating.  Then he says he's sorry he couldn't get an erection.  Understandingly, I said it was alright and we could try again some other time.  I secretly cried, thinking, "What's wrong with me?"  Well, it's nearly three years later and we still haven't made love and every time I mention it to him, he snaps with, "I'm sorry I'm not the sex machine you were looking for."  I love this man dearly.  My children think he's a great guy making them laugh, taking them on vacations and buying them gifts, but most of all giving his time to them and to me.  I had to lock him out of his car so I could have a conversation with him about sex.  He finally told me the truth---he is a virgin.  He's spent so much of his life dedicated to a thankless job all for the sake of money and has only had one other girlfriend besides myself-----she was 14 years ago and they didn't have sex either! He's a great guy, but it seems he doesn't want to look for help.  He thinks erectile dysfunction is fine and not having a healthy libido is O.K. and that I'll love him anyway.  He even says he would like kids of his own someday-----HOW!  He refuses to go to a doctor for advice and now I feel broken hearted. I thought I wanted to someday marry this man, but how can I if he doesn't want to invest in our future together.  Should I give him an ultimatum or should I just break things off with him or should I just stay with him--he respects me?   

   

Frustrated in Los Angeles   

Please send some constructive advice-thank you.  

I think it is great that the sports supplement has had such an effect on you so quickly.  Sometimes it is just about something lacking and the medical approach is not always the most appropriate.    

   

I thought I would offer some comment about the effect of herbs and a man's lack of drive as I have had similar with my husband and his lack of libido.  After many years of a marriage becoming more and more sexless he finally got his hormones checked and was found to be very low in testosterone.  Our GP who also is a Chinese  herbalist suggested a herbal approach rather than drugs which often have undesirable side effects.  He suggested Saw Palmetto and Tribulus, my husband was also low in zinc.  He took the herbs daily to begin and there was a huge change in his sex drive within 2 weeks, it was just amazing how different it was.  He then started to forget to take them and now after nearly 4 months we are back to where we were and he gets angry if I speak to him about not taking them.  I just don't understand why he doesn't want to fix this, he doesn't seem to care about our lack of intimate relationship.     

   

It makes a huge difference if you want to fix it, unfortunately for me my husband does not feel the desire to fix things and it took me nearly a decade to even get him to admit that there may have been anything wrong with his libido.     

   

Sometimes here is an answer and sometimes it can be as simple as a supplement or a few herbs.   

   

Have a great day.  

I hate to be the first to suggest this but I think you really need to reassess your relationship with this man.  You have to realize that you will never change him.  He is this way now and possibly will be always.  Differing sex drives don't sound like much of an issue but believe me they are!  I have been married for 19 years this June and my husband and I have had sex drive differences for all of that time.  I am not fond of sex - really never have been.  Large source of problems for both of us.  He feels that I don't respect him, find him attractive etc. and I don't want to feel that he wants sex every time he touches me.  Thankfully he is very patient and we are both attempting to work on this but to be honest most of the sacrifice is on his part.  I am the one who initiates sex - he does not for fear of rejection.  Not a good situation.  Please don't let yourself in for these problems.  If you can accept never having sex again then stay with him but if you can't do not marry this guy.  If he was willing to go to counselling or a doctor maybe it would be worth continuing the relationship but not from what you have said.  Sex becomes a huge issue when one partner or the other is not being satisfied - it is a minor one when both partners are.  An ultimatum is maybe not a good idea but have a discussion and be firm about him at least seeing a doctor and give him consequences if he does not - for example that you can be friends and still interact with each other but you need to find a life partner that shares your feelings about sex.  You have to look after your needs too. 

  

Good luck