Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Hello,  

I am new to this page and to message posting, so please bear with me.  

My husband (32 y/o) and I (29 y/o) have been married since October.  We dated for 3 years before we got married, and lived together for the last 2 of those years.  Our sex life was FANTASTIC while we were dating, but then when we moved in together things started going downhill.   And when we do have sex now, it's still great.  (I am one of those very lucky females who can orgasm with intercourse - or I should say  I learned how to with my husband - no one else before)  But I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me. He shows me love and friendship and we laugh and goof around - but sex has become a very contentious issue.   We have sex on Sundays between 1 and 3 pm.  That's it. Along with the craziness of feeling perpetually "horny" (Sorry - I don't know a more polite word for it), it makes me feel rejected and hurt and slightly suspicious - although I know deep down inside he wouldn't cheat on me.  His excuse is that he's always tired.  Or too wound up from work.  Or when I was going through a depression he said it was because I wasn't "acting" accessible. (When all I wanted was for him to hug me and tell me everything was going to be OK, he just left me by myself....)  When we've tried to talk about this he makes me feel like a weirdo for wanting so much sex - and irrational, and like I'm just being a pain in the butt.  He told me just to ask him - which usually results in rejection.  Now, because of all this past rejection, I get so worked up and nervous before I try to ask that I get knots in my stomach and my throat feels tight.  When he comes home from work the first thing he will say is "Oh, I'm so tired..."  which, to me, transmits as "Don't even bother me with sex tonight..."  I have a high sex drive, and he used to seem to enjoy it but not anymore.  As a women, we get told men are "Always ready" for sex, and always thinking about sex.  If that is true, I seem to be nowhere in his sexual thoughts.  I feel like I am pretty good looking, and I am a cocktail waitress, so I have guys hitting on me pretty much every night I work.  This makes me feel worse because random weird guys would love to have sex with me  - but the only person I want to have sex with wants nothing to do with me and feels my advances are bothersome.    

I feel like this situation is so broken, that it's beyond the point of repair and eventually we'll just stop having sex and maybe he will leave me for a girl he wants to have sex with.  I feel like every time this issue comes up, every time I ask for sex and get rejected, my want pushes him further away.  Am I being selfish?  Is he really tired or is he tired of me?  Does he need to go to the doctor?  I   really would appreciate some help... 

Thanks.  

Hello,  

I am new to this page and to message posting, so please bear with me.  

My husband (32 y/o) and I (29 y/o) have been married since October.  We dated for 3 years before we got married, and lived together for the last 2 of those years.  Our sex life was FANTASTIC while we were dating, but then when we moved in together things started going downhill.   And when we do have sex now, it's still great.  (I am one of those very lucky females who can orgasm with intercourse - or I should say  I learned how to with my husband - no one else before)  But I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me. He shows me love and friendship and we laugh and goof around - but sex has become a very contentious issue.   We have sex on Sundays between 1 and 3 pm.  That's it. Along with the craziness of feeling perpetually "horny" (Sorry - I don't know a more polite word for it), it makes me feel rejected and hurt and slightly suspicious - although I know deep down inside he wouldn't cheat on me.  His excuse is that he's always tired.  Or too wound up from work.  Or when I was going through a depression he said it was because I wasn't "acting" accessible. (When all I wanted was for him to hug me and tell me everything was going to be OK, he just left me by myself....)  When we've tried to talk about this he makes me feel like a weirdo for wanting so much sex - and irrational, and like I'm just being a pain in the butt.  He told me just to ask him - which usually results in rejection.  Now, because of all this past rejection, I get so worked up and nervous before I try to ask that I get knots in my stomach and my throat feels tight.  When he comes home from work the first thing he will say is "Oh, I'm so tired..."  which, to me, transmits as "Don't even bother me with sex tonight..."  I have a high sex drive, and he used to seem to enjoy it but not anymore.  As a women, we get told men are "Always ready" for sex, and always thinking about sex.  If that is true, I seem to be nowhere in his sexual thoughts.  I feel like I am pretty good looking, and I am a cocktail waitress, so I have guys hitting on me pretty much every night I work.  This makes me feel worse because random weird guys would love to have sex with me  - but the only person I want to have sex with wants nothing to do with me and feels my advances are bothersome.    

I feel like this situation is so broken, that it's beyond the point of repair and eventually we'll just stop having sex and maybe he will leave me for a girl he wants to have sex with.  I feel like every time this issue comes up, every time I ask for sex and get rejected, my want pushes him further away.  Am I being selfish?  Is he really tired or is he tired of me?  Does he need to go to the doctor?  I   really would appreciate some help... 

Thanks.  

Hi all, I have posted on this site before about my lack of a sex drive and someone replied suggesting that I have my testosterone levels checked. I did that and they found my testosterone levels normal for a woman. I then went to see a natural health consultant, again it was a suggestion from someone who replied to my post. This consultant prescibed a sports supplement, wierd I know, anyway it is called ZMA, and it has a really good balance of the B-vitamins, amino acids and essential fatty acids. All natural. I have only been taking it for a week, and I already feel a change in my desires. Just this last weekend my hubby and I did it 4 times, whereas usually I have to force myself to just do it once a weekend to shut him up. He is happy, I am happy and the supplement is inexpensive and really does work. It apparently has something to do with the correct vitamins balancing and stabilizing hormone productions. Because it is all natural there are no side effects. Perhaps that could be an answer to some of you that have posted here. 

Good luck, I thought I was a lost cause!! Now I feel great, and its only been a week. 

A woman's sex drive only really kicks in towards her late 20's, early 30's (generally- obviously everyone is an individual) and a mans sex drive peaks in his late teens, early 20's by his 30's it has already started to taper. Maybe he is just reaching that stage, but all is not lost. Why not try and not put too much emphasis on actual sex for the next 2 weeks or so and instead spend time cuddling, kissing, giving each other massages, taking long relaxing bubble baths together and so on, without the expectation of it leading to sex. If your husband thinks he needs to constantly perform, he may get performance anxiety or something and then you will really end up with a problem. I dont think that he is tired of you or that he is looking elsewhere, I think that he really just doesnt feel up to the physical exhaustion of it and therefore that puts him off. Maybe you should plan a weekend away or a short vacation. Try not to make this too much of an issue and it may just sort itself out. 

Kind Regards