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July 19, 2006, 2:14 am PDT
Try this...It's harsh, but effective.
Quote From: nursebevI am engaged to marry the man I've dated for the past 3 years. We bought a house together last year and moved in together. Before we lived together we had sex 2-3 times a week, which he often initiated. Now it appears he has no interest. I am the only one to initiate, and actually I have given up on that as he will often fall asleep mid-initiation. When I ask him why he is not interested in more sex, his reply is either, "We don't have time," or "If we do it too often it will get boring." I often try to get him into the bedroom earlier to make the time and I have shopped at sex toy parties in an attempt to make things a little more exciting. He will either just watch TV when we go to bed early (there's always "just one thing" he has to see), and he is totally uninterested in the sex toys or x rated videos I've bought for us. I was humilitated to be the only one at the last toy party who did not have their significant other calling to inquire with interest what they had bought and when they would be home to try it. The interesting part of this situation is that he has his own stock of porn movies, and he has made trips to the adult stores to meet the porn stars when they visit and have his picture taken with them. He also finds the time to look at the pics of naked women his friends send him in his email, even having the time to forward them on to other friends. This is of course in the after work time when he is "too tired" for intimacy with me. He became defensive when I voiced concern about all the time he spent on the pictures, stating he "can't help what others send him." He has agreed multiple times to stop receiving and sending this mail, but I also know he is not always honest with me. I wouldn't feel threatened by this if he showed some interest in me. I must also say he is known at work as "the king of porn." It is now into the second week since I have decided to not initiate sex, and we have had no sexual contact. He even lost a bet and promised me two nights of sex in a row, but he didn't make good on that, as I expected. Am I expecting too much to ask for him sto show some kind of sexual interest in me, and for us to have sex 2-3 times a week? We are in our early 40's.
There is nothing wrong with your request(s). I really don't know his personality. All I can tell is that you both like porn. Nothing wrong with that because you're both mutually into it. Seems he's too preoccupied with other porn, than what you like and he is too busy showing off his porn and living fantasies with porn stars. Most guys love their wives, but want that slut in the video doing what they want. Here is where you can either ignore me or listen and learn a little about us guys. But, first a guestion.. Have you gained a lot of weight or added a lot of pressure to your lives, say a new job, spending more money, a new pet? Believe or not, new responsibilities do not help make time for a sexual relationship. Does he allow you to go to these shows by yourself to take picture with male porn stars. If he doesn't, there's the problem: control. He controls you by sex and attention. Every spouse deserves as much attention, affection and romantic action they want, within reason and within the boundaries that we have to earn a living each week. If you don't work out now, start. If you don't wear make-up, do so. If you don't dress sexy, do so. Get some girl-friends together and plan a weekend of dinner and after dinner dancing. You're not hunting guys, just saying to him that your life is not going to be put on hold while he dates porn stars in his head and make love to them in his heart. You and your friends have fun, dance together, take pictures and share your party pictures online. Heck, make sure he sees how much fun you're having. Make sure a couple of guys sneak into the picture, not grabbing you or nothing, just in the picture. Refuse to be intimidated by these slutty porn stars. You can be the biggest star in your husbands life. You can play dance for him on the kitchen table with edible undies, in whipped creme and refuse to give him any till he kisses each of your toes. Then, give him the best oral copulation you can possibly give and other pleasures like he's a guy your cheating with. Then, get dressed and walk out the house and don't call till late in the evening. Next, make sure you're on the phone all the time, and ignore his porn stars. Use your money for fun with the gals. Make sure that you look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful, sexy and intoxicating you are and that any guy would kill to have you. Tell yourself that 100 times a day. Live it. If you don't have the clothing, buy them. If you don't have the body, get off your butt and work out each day. Ignore him like crazy. Are you still fixing dinner? Why? You don't have time for that. You're going out with the girls for dinner cocktails and dancing. He will get the message so fast I promise you that this will make him explode. If he doesn't respond, divorce him, he is already seeing someone. Trust me. A normal, faithful husband will pop his cork. Oh, did I tell you flirt with cute guys. Yes, I don't care. Do so. Let him know that you are beautiful and that he is losing you. To be nice, once in a while, get super cute and seductive and give him the best sex of his life. Then, cut him off for weeks. Nothing, not even a kiss.
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