Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Welcome to the board. I've said the same problem with my husband on and off. My sex drive is just generally higher than his. And, as with you and your wife, we go through phases where I want it a lot and he doesn't want it at all and only gives in it seems to appease me. I've also invested way too much time and energy into feeling inadequate and unattractive. What has helped me is first to never allow myself to run that script in my mind again. I AM attractive. I AM worthy of his love and lust! When I feel the old insecurity setting in, I just stop in in its tracks. The more attractive I feel to myself, after all, the more attracted he feels to me. Second, I keep myself busy enough with work, kids, or personal projects that there's a little bit of distance he has to cross to get to me. In other words, I play a little hard to get. I've found that if I'm not all over him all the time begging for sex, if I act like I could take it or leave it, he's a lot more likely to feel the urge all on his own. I don't know if any of this will work for you since the tables are turned in your relationship, but I wish you luck.

  this system does stink, I would like to reply right onto lilacs post to you but then you wouldn't know it was to you and it would have her quote there and not really a continuation of your thread, threads are dead here now :(

  Anyhow, it really does seem (from your post) that your wife needs to learn about loving making and her own body too!  Lovemaking isn't just taking and her body should react not just to you but also to herself. This does not sound like it is a problem you created. Was she more sexual before marriage? How old is she? Do you think that a sex clinic would be helpful? Or learning techniques like tantric and karmasutra? 

  I think this is terribly sad that this is happening after just a year of marriage. Do you think your wife orgasms? Can you feel contractions? If she doesn't orgasm that can be a part of the reason she is not that into it. Far too many people fake orgasming because they don't want to think they are "broken" or missing out on something or cheating their spouse, however faking is harmful. It allows someone to NOT learn about their own bodies. Would your wife be receptive to adding toys to you sex life?

  It has to be very hard to feel like you are being placated and not MADE LOVE TO.

My relationship with my husband is going on 6 years and within the last 4 yrs he has been pushing for Anal Sex. Each time I had tried it; it has hurt not only physically but emotionally. I have asked him to stop. It's to the point when ever we try to make love he brings it up asking if we can try. I feel totally turned off from sex and he feels that I do not understand his needs. Our marriage is going down hill fast because of this one issue. He has tried to threaten me into giving him anal by saying he will find some prostitutes or with holding money to buy groceries. His obsession with it has grown so much that he surfs the web for anal porn. In his past relationships he had never had anal; so I don’t understand why he just can’t give the thought of it up. I has also have a medical condition that with my rectum that he doesn’t take for serious and thinks it’s all in my head. What can I do?

what is your medical condition?

  This is a very hard subject to talk about so bravo to you for posting about it. Many people would not even want to hear about it PERIOD.  Many people would also say if it makes you uncomfortable don't do it and the problem is his not yours. In a marriage though the problem is both of yours, right? Aside from his trying to convince you to do anal, he sounds emotionally abusive. Are there other areas in your marriage that he is just not nice to you? That isn't what you psoted about though so back to anal sex...

  Anal sex can be extremely stimulating, very orgasmic. Pure Vitamin E oil is a good lubricant- Ky etc...actually seem to make it DRIER. There are other lubricants that are specifically designed for analsex with numbing ingredients. I think that would negate why you are making this type of love though. If you are gentle during penetration there really should not be any pain. I would suggest that you allow your husband to use his finger(s )first and then the two of you move into a more comfortable level by adding another finger etc...

  Of course, you shouldn't do anything rectally if you really do have a medical condition, you should talk to your primary care DR about attempting anal before this.

  You should also talk to your husband about his form of marital blackmail! Tell him you try to do this because you love him not because he is threatening you. Then, purchase the biggest dildo you can find, and tell him YOU want to try anal sex on him too!   :) hahahaha

 2 times a day!!!   WELL you know there is always the OTHER side...Try my life  with  19 yrs of nothing!!! *LOL*  Always remember  someone else can always have it worse.  The old saying...:"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."  The rest of the quote is:   "But  its just as hard to cut!!"

RELAX and enjoy what you have.  People are funny.. if there is no loving.. they complain.. if there is too much loving they complain... Too much rain.. folks want sun...Too much winter... ppl want Summer...  If they have curly hair they want it straight (and visa versa)  the list goes on.  Sad we can't be happy with what we have been given.

My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half and we hardly ever have sex anymore.  Part of the reason is that we also have a two year old.  But for the most part the thought of him just doesn't turn me on.  He's a great guy, but also very lazy and sometimes inconsiderate.  Our schedules are also very different.  He works overnight, and I'm in college.  He is usually going to bed as I'm getting up.

Between our son and school, I'm just not interested in having sex with him at all.  Recently we were having some major non communication.  Later, after we talked it out, he admitted to me that he had visited porn sites in the past but was real vague about when the last time he visited was.  This is my second marriage, and I feel more and more like I'm trying to raise two kids instead of just he two year old.  We talk about what frustrates me between my husband and I, but nothing really changes.  What, and how, can this issue be worked out?  Any ideas/hints?  We both want our son to have siblings.