Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Okay, this is tough.  I have a hubby that wants a skinny wife and I am not her.  For the past three years he hasn't really touched me unless I am aggresive about it.  He then asks that I perform oral and guess what happens.  Well, he gets taken care of  and I don't.  Now, he is asking me to try to find a way to swallow.  As he put it, that would be his ultimate fantasy.  But, I am now having a hard time even wanting to give him that because I am getting no reponse back.  Help, should I just keep taking care of him even though I get nothing.  Or should I lose the weight and hope that he will start touching me again?   

Well, yes, I am overweight.  I have always had problems.  But about ten years ago, due to asthma problems I was placed on Prednisone and my weight went up.  Then to top it off I was diagnosed with Lupus.  Well, the best way we have found to control the immune responses is for me to take a daily dose of Prednisone.  This is a steroid medication that suppresses the immune system, but has side effects like weight gain, depression, food cravings and an inability to lose the weight.  So, when I gained the initial weight, he slowed down on touching me.  Now I have gain up to 255.  And when I hurt really bad, I have told him no. But, that has been very rare.   

Yes, we do have kids together.  And yes, you can make babies without passion.  I know he isn't gay, he just hates the way I look.  What brought it all to a head was a comment he made the other night.  We were watching a commercial on BBC America and it was a very obese lady seducing a man.  You see her in a towel and then she removes the towel, yes, strategic covers were in place but you get the idea.  The look on her face was one of want and then it ends.  Well, my husband looks over a says 'Hey, that what you look like naked."  then he goes, 'oh I was kidding. ' Well, I know that he wasn't and I know that he is a man who says what he means.  So, now what.  I have tried for the past six months to exercise four to six times week and my gym and I have toned up some, but no drastic weight loss.  I just don't know what else to do.  I guess I just keep trying to lose the weight and try to control the eating and go on.  It just kills me inside to think that the one person I should be loved by doesn't because he is repulsed by me.   Thanks for listening. 

for better or worse. I too have lupus..a horrible disease to say the least! Prednisone is almost as bad as the Lupus itself...I gained 20lbs the first 6mths...and although I was loosing some selfesteem, my husband has been wonderful and helpful when I couldn't do up so much as the button on my blouse without crying. 

I was loosing hair, and growing it on my face, even the shape of my face changed within the first 2wks on the stuff. I finially told my Dr. enough! He cut me down to 1/2 pill a day and the food cravings stopped and I am now starting to loose weight. Now if I go into another "flareup" then I will have to go back on more prednisone to stop the pain...but for now I am doing better, emotionally and physically on the lower dosage. Have you tried Plaquinal or Methotrexate? 

Your Hubby is selfish,,, to bad, because its making your life stressfull and they say thats the one thing we as people with Lupus need to avoid like the plague is STRESS. Maybe he needs to be more involved with your disease, by that I mean, needs to be educated... whats he going to be like 6yrs from now when you may be in a wheelchair or on dialisis(sp)?? He needs to know that sex isn't all one sided and you have needs also. Time to sit him down and spell it out,,,,~good luck 

Thank you all for your support and advice.  I am down to a maintainance dose of 10mg. of prednisone a day;.  and Yes, I take the Plaquenil daily.  I am feeling better some days and then some days not.  But, I am trying.   

As far as my other half.  I have tried to educate him but I don't know if it even matters.  No, I can't leave, between kids and the fact that my family is gone.  No way possible.  But, I will keep on and I will take advantage of the good days to try and work out.  I know that I will never be super skinny.  Never was in the first place.  But, I will work on losing it and hopefully will find a way.  

My girlfriend had a baby 5 months ago and I'm not small but I'm not the the most well indowd person in the world. During sex after about two minutes neither of us are really feeling things any more. I go limp and sex is over. Now she's had a large number of partners before me but none after the baby. And before we met niether of us had any problems. This also happens during foreplay but alot less than during sex. We've never actually completed a full session of love making. She's only recieved a portion of her kicks, and I've yet to recieve any, at least with her. I love my girlfriend dearly and I'd like to be able to please her and for her to be able to please me. Does anyone know what I or she could do ? 

  I'm 27 and have been married for 6 years in dec. we have 2 children and seems to me that i have lost my sex drive,totally!!!!! i mean i could really care less,and its not that i'm not attracted to him cause he's a sexy as he ever was but the drive seems to be gone,and even when i do go ahead and do it i dont think i really enjoy it any more. think its something with hormons since i had my babies?