Topic : Differing Sex Drives

It can be the alcohol, itself, but since it's onging and he doesn't really seem to have an interest, it sounds like it's something psychological that he is trying not to face.  When he drinks, he numbs himself and doesn't have to deal with the psychological problems.  He may not have learned to have close relationships with people.  Were his parents loving?  Was he molested?  How about going to counseling together just to talk about general things and then keep going until his issues come up.  Then, maybe, he can go on his own and get help for whatever is blocking him up.  It could take a really long time, even if he is wiling to do the work. 

The other possibility that comes to mind is that there are men who are gay but don't want anyone to know, so they marry and then try to forget they are gay.  Some drink to forget.  It might not be that obvious, either.  What do you think about that idea?

What does he say when you talk about it?

With either of these scenarios, there isn't a whole lot you can do to solve the problem.  I don't think it's you.  If he doesn't find women attractive, there isn't anything you can do.  If he won't let anyone into his space, you can't coax him in.  He would need help to learn to do that on his own.  Good luck.

I did this to my ex husband, not proud of it but I would use it to get backrubs, not have to do the dishes ect.   Women look at intimacy way different then men do. When we don't feel sexy which happens allot after having children, and lots of other things come into play. The meds can be fixed by her talking to her DR. She has a sex drive she has just forgotten how to wake it up. Your issues with no sex go allot further than her desire. You have put in there that she is being selfish. So I would have to ask myself what else are you doing to kill that part of your life? Doing things like back rubs ect. with sex as the expectation only makes her resent you more. She feels like you are pushing and that’s all you want from her. I am pretty positive you make her feel like a piece of meat. That will never get you any result you want, it by no means makes a women feel sexually active. You said allot in your last few statements that makes me think that you may not be so kind to her. You have called her selfish, but yet you actions are exactly that. You say she’s holding you hostage but you are the one who is doing that by putting yourself there, also you point out that other women are looking great, that in its self is a treat. (give me sex or I’ll cheat) I am sure this is sugar coated for the board so How do you really respond to her? I find it hard to believe that all this has come from meds and having a child. How are you responding to her emotional needs? If she’s not secure with you then you need to build that back up. Sex is not a negation, its an act of love. and both need to feel loved for that to work. I would suggest looking at what you can do to yourself to make thing better, (taking out the treats and bargaining) and work on getting you back on track, she will follow. The only way to change your partner is to change yourself. You need to sit down and just listen to her and find out where the trust bond was broken. Listen to her with out resentment and anger and she will tell you. Don’t be defensive. Because by doing this you’ll have an understanding on where to start to get your sex life back. This is not going to happen over night but it won’t take long if you know what is bothering her about your relationship.

I am going through the same thing myself.  I never reject him because we make love so seldom that I like to get it when I can.  I get the same back messages, is this something ever guy does to get what he wants.  Are we so transparent?  I've tried the losing weight , dressing sexy,  walking around the house nude and much more.  He calls me a nyphomaniac, and disgusting.  Is it disgusting to want to make love to your husband?  I am a 41 yr old and my husband is 57, when I look at my husband I want to just rip his clothes off, I am so in love with him and it hurts me so much to be denied a pleasure that I am entitled to as his wife.  Is there something we can do to turn our husbands on with or change their sex drives?  I thought we were the ones that could use the old line that "I have a headache".  Is this something men of this age do?  If there is some advise out there I would sure like to have some, pleeease.