Topic : Differing Sex Drives

I'm a littl embarassed to talk about this, but I don't know what else to do.  My husband and I have been married 24 years and while I understand that it is not easy to keep sex interesting after so much time, I wonder if he is into women.  The only reason I say this is because several years ago, he went through a "confusing time" (his words) and I found out that he was looking at gay porn and even posting messages for "discreet liaisons."  I know many people would say "Get out," but it is never that easy and uncomplicated.  I am like most women, I question whether or not it's me...too fat, too old, too boring, whatever.  He does find other women attractive, I can tell by the way he looks at them or comments he makes.  But I wonder if he is more into men and only chose to stay with me because it is easier to hide behind the marriage.

I think you can see there are quite a few of us here. I always thought it was men that wanted sex and women that were denying it. I thought menopause was an issue but apparently it isn't always. I've discovered that men do loose a little - can't think of a word or phrase' something as they age but ... there are alternatives if they want to please their partners and well ... I thought that was the BIG part of being married and in love. Wish I had answers for you but all I have is compassion to offer. I think Dr. Phil needs to address this more.

I have been married for 5 months now and we were together for two years before we got married. I had a boob job before we even started dating he always seemed to be very into me and my boobs. Now he claimes to hate my fake boobs and not only that, he is unattracted to me. I am not over weight at all I look the same as when we first met. His sex drive how ever is quite different I am lucky if I get twice a month and when we do have sex he makes it like I am getting some kind of special treat. He will sometimes even talk about past sex partners and how big and great their real boobs were. On Christmas eve we were having fun trying on new clothes we had just gotten when he blurts out I really wish you didn't have fake boobs I hate them. What a mood killer and a terrible way to make me feel after working so hard to not gain holiday weight in fact I lost 5 pounds. Please help I feel hopeless.

I have been married for 5 months now and we were together for two years before we got married. I had a boob job before we even started dating he always seemed to be very into me and my boobs. Now he claimes to hate my fake boobs and not only that, he is unattracted to me. I am not over weight at all I look the same as when we first met. His sex drive how ever is quite different I am lucky if I get twice a month and when we do have sex he makes it like I am getting some kind of special treat. He will sometimes even talk about past sex partners and how big and great their real boobs were. On Christmas eve we were having fun trying on new clothes we had just gotten when he blurts out I really wish you didn't have fake boobs I hate them. What a mood killer and a terrible way to make me feel after working so hard to not gain holiday weight in fact I lost 5 pounds. Please help I feel hopeless.

I have been living with my boyfriend for almost 2 years.  I am 43 and he just turned 44 (we are 6 months diff in age.)  I would say about 6 months or so ago we used to have sex all the time and now I am lucky if I get it every two months I have to ask and beg for it.  My boyfriend says his penis is broken or it doesn't work

At first I thought it was me but he will rent porn every once in awhile, he will ask me if its ok and I tell him yes as long as we have sex, I don't mind the porn cuz I don't think he is addicted to it but even with the porn

he can't get an errection or if he does its slim and none.  I get very frustrated I know relationships is more than just about the sex but I think its important and he won't go see a doctor sometime he does joke about it maybe he should see one but he won't and I know all guys look at other women when the are around but I don't feel too threatened only cuz the fact is I know inside he has this sexual problem thing.

Something doesn't sound right.  You've been with him for 2 years and had sex "all the time" till about six months ago and now he says it's broken?  Huh?  I would be wondering if he is taking a drug that makes him impotent.  Does he use any illegal drugs?  Are you sure?  Is he drinking a lot?  Has he had addictions in the past?

 

Are you sure that he isn't getting an erection when he uses porn?  I mean...do you see him use it?  Sorry, had to ask.  Also, this type of thing can be used as an excuse when a guy is cheating.

 

I agree with you that sex in a relationship is important--unless, of course, both partners are OK without it.

Your husband sounds very shallow, self-centered and just plain mean.  Whether he likes your breasts or not, there is no excuse for his behavior.  It is not the way a loving man treats his wife.  He is married to you and needs to grow up and learn to communicate in a tactful and loving manner or you will be stuck with a nasty husband--or you could divorce him.  It's probably too early to talk about that, isn't it?

 

The guy has a problem and it isn't your breasts.  If he was my husband, I would insist on marriage counseling.  If he refuses and continues to be a jerk, it's up to you to stay or leave.  I have a feeling you could keep doing things to make your body acceptable to him (risking your health at the same time) and he still would have the nasty attitude--unless he gets help understanding and changing his attitudes and behaviors. 

 

Telling you how great someone else's "real" breasts are is a way to hurt you.  Does he say other things to hurt your feelings?  What's awful is that he's choosing to criticize something that is very difficult to change--maybe possible, but it means surgery, pain, etc. 

 

Believe me, it's not your weight or your breasts.  In my opinion, he is either bored with you and is cheating (or wants to) or he is just immature and tactless.  What do you think?  Is there any reason to think he's seeing someone else?

 

This won't go away by itself.  Have you told him how much it hurts your feelings?  If so, what is his response?

 

Maybe my ideas are way off base; let me know.

 

Oh, how old are you guys?

Hi I would like to know ,what do i do I am living cominlaw with some one but we have been together for 16 years .to long for me i think ,but any ways he would like sex all the tme but i dont what do i do .Shorty I lossed 3 love ones and i am not the same as be for he wants be back then we meet that wont happen .In way he"s not my soulmate he thinks I am his ha ha .We lived in BC I want to move back but he dont ,what do i do .My kids are here but I want to move back there.He is controling and it has to be his way only he has cheated on me once .He said he just wants me and only me ,and evry thig I have been thought I fell I dont love him and he knows it .I hope some one has the right answer for me or at least some I cant do or sa to him I know I need big help on this Thanks for reading this Donna

I say if you do not love him and do not think you are meant to be together then why in the world are you still with him. He sounds very selfish and controling. If he loved you then he would not act this way. Get out of the relationship and get happy.