Quote From: lilacmessWelcome to the board. I've said the same problem with my husband on and off. My sex drive is just generally higher than his. And, as with you and your wife, we go through phases where I want it a lot and he doesn't want it at all and only gives in it seems to appease me. I've also invested way too much time and energy into feeling inadequate and unattractive. What has helped me is first to never allow myself to run that script in my mind again. I AM attractive. I AM worthy of his love and lust! When I feel the old insecurity setting in, I just stop in in its tracks. The more attractive I feel to myself, after all, the more attracted he feels to me. Second, I keep myself busy enough with work, kids, or personal projects that there's a little bit of distance he has to cross to get to me. In other words, I play a little hard to get. I've found that if I'm not all over him all the time begging for sex, if I act like I could take it or leave it, he's a lot more likely to feel the urge all on his own. I don't know if any of this will work for you since the tables are turned in your relationship, but I wish you luck.
I am currently with someone I love very much. I can't even begin to explain. I read what you had to say and it gave me a glimmer of hope. We have been together 4 years. For the most part he is exactly what I have always wanted. I have 2 children which I have brought into the relationship. He is very attentive to them. He helps them with their homework and he plays with them. He is definitely an active dad and that is what I have always wanted for them. He and I have alot of fun together. We snowboard, play games together, play with the kids together and more. Having quality time together seems to come easy to him/us. We had an incredible sex life before we lived together. We lived almost 200 miles apart and he would visit faithfully every weekend or every other weekend and extra when he could. When he was around me he could not get enough of me. My kids and I recently moved in with him. Starting a new life and family was not easy but we both lightened up a little and its going pretty well now. Except for sex. there are several problems I wanted to pass by you because I think you successfully conquered this problem in your relationship.
First of all it seems that I can never get it if I want it. It kind of sounds like that with you also. How do you deal with that. I would love to surprise him with sexy nighties etc. But, I have been turned down several times and told several times "when I don't want it, I can't be convinced into having it" Any suggestions. Doesn't it seem slightly unbalanced that you have always having it only when he wants it.
Second does your husband masturbate like its going out of style. This is the most frustrating part. Here I am horny as hell just to find out that he is having fun on his own without me two to three time a week, sometimes even more. Which is exactly my sex drive. I would like it if we would do it 2-3 times a week. Is this happening in your relationship. My idea of your relationship is that when your husband does not want sex he is not sexually interested period. I have even told him that sexually intimacy does not need to consist of sexually intercourse. We could have fun together side by side etc. But, no luck. I have even brought it to his attention that he masturbates as least as much as I want it so why not do something together to take care of his sexual energy. No luck there either. I am so frustrated. I just want us to enjoy each other and have fun with each other.
I hear what you are saying it is not my fault. I am attractive and worthy of his love. I need to stop those tapes. But to tell you the truth, I am so scared to play hard to get. I am worried that he will just masturbate more and we will have it even less.
I could really use someone to talk to about this any thoughts or suggestions. By the way I am going to take your lead to play hard to get and act as if I could take it or leave it and see what happens. But I am scared stiff about doing it.
I am working the next couple days so wont be back to the message board until Saturday.
