Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Wow!!  Thank you so much, I thought I was the only one going through this.  I am 48 also and having a very hard time understanding him.   I am also feeling cheated and hurt.   I have tried everything and nothing works.  I have given up on thinking it will ever get any better.  thank you again for sharing your life, we are not alone I see. 

                                 guin1960

Hello to everyone.  My husband and I have been married one year this past Valentine's Day.  We both were previously married and have children from these relationships; mine are grown adults as for my husband he has custody and guardianship over his child.  I'm eight years older then my husband (he's 45 and I'm 53).  He often told me he considered himself over sexed (is how he viewed himself during his previous relationship)but during our courtship he told me how much he wanted me in every way including sexually...but right after our marriage I started to notice a change in our relationship. 

I never tired to make love/ have sex however you want to call it on the days he works (he works 12 hour shifts he is a good provider there isn't anything he won't do for me and buys me gifts I am not a material girl.  Its nice but I keep telling him what I want is for him to make love to me once a week .........twice would be Real nice but I'll settle for once a week) out of respect for him but on his days off it wasn't happening either.  I can count on one hand how many times he's allowed me to touch him in the year we've been married and NO I've never cheated on him nor did I in my previous relationship.  He never initiates having sex and when I do he says "tomorrow we'll make love"but when that night comes hes says "what I was kidding or you better give me a quick kiss cause I'm going to fall asleep."  But when we (which is so ........rare its all one sided) he just wants me to touch and taste him and he never try's to know me this intimately(I love how he tastes and his scent but he doesn't  know me; I have the impression he doesn't want to know me so intimately). 

I have shown him how I want to be touched by him and have asked him but he won't.  I bathe twice daily and I take care of my appearance for a woman my age...I love taking care of my home we don't live in filth I cook, bake, garden etc I enjoy it its not a chore.  I get so upset and I find myself crying over this by his continual rejections and broken promises...there's times and I have even asked him "is this why I am here to cook clean and wash your dirty laundry...he'll say "NO that he loves me is why."  It hurts,  his continual rejections we have argued about it ...(what a silly thing to argue about its not about money; but of all things to argue about ...Sex).  He's told me that he has a low libido and I have suggested that we go and see our family doctor but he's flat out refuses and even marriage counseling whatever it would to get us past this but again the answer is a big fat NO. 

I'm at my wits end...my heart is breaking I love my husband deeply...friends have suggested that I find a lover but that is not the answer it would only make matters worse not better...and I would be hurting him...us. I could understand if he suffered from an injury or from and illness but this is not the case and I would be completely understanding and would not for what it seems like to be forcing the issue.  But he won't cuddle or touch me... nothing.... its as if we were roommates not husband  and wife ....who should be lovers.   

It is sad to see that there are so many of us out there in this vast world being rejected by our partners for one reason or another.  By partners who are unwilling to be intimate with us and unwilling to investigate finding a solution to the situation.  Sex isn't everything but it is an intricate part of a couples life together.  So...what I have are Broken Promises that I live with from a man who I call my Husband. 

To all take care ...Sunstone

Dr. Phil,

I'm a 57 year old women with a slight sex problem.  I love my fiance' and love having sex with him but because he works out of town during the week, then he comes home horny as "H....L" and we have sex so much that by the time he leaves on Monday morning, I'm exhausted.  I actually sleep most of the day and relax the rest of the day.  I've talk to him about it and he's tried not to touch me when we go to sleep but he can't help himself and I give in because it'so good and when we first got together five years ago I made him a promise to never say no, unless one or both of us were really sick or in the hospital.  So I've kept my promise.  I love sex with him, in fact he has taken me where no man has taken me before.  But how do I tell him enough is enough.  He goes for 3-5 hrs a night on the weekend.  He loves sex with me too, says I'm what he's been looking for all his life, that things we do together are totally unbelieveable, but I'm afraid he's going to put me in the hospital wearing me out.  I'm a small woman anyway, only 112 lbs. and it seems like I am losing weight because of that and not enjoying to eat.  I sent Robin a message on that as well.  I don't want to disappoint him, because he's just an over sexual man, and might go elsewhere if I do.  He does have the freedom to stray because he works several hours away and I would never know.  So what do I do?  Getting married this spring.