Topic : Differing Sex Drives

Thanks for the advice,but I did the pros & cons along time ago.After awile meditation seems to be what you do to get through each day,and it gets tiring.I guess I know what the logical thing to do is,but the love for him makes the decision difficult.I stay at a level of reasoning and unhealthy feelings.There is no chemistry left at this point.I know what to do but lack the courage for change.

Good Morning,  I too was caught in a place of not knowing what to do years ago during my first marriage;under different circumstances then the one you speak of.  But it took me time...along time to find the courage to make a change and walk away... seeking out counseling helped me find my courage to leave and I commend you for doing  the same for yourself. 

Trust me, like you I was afraid of the unknown I had four children and one infant it was my fear on being alone with five children and how would I raise them that frightened me the most and the thought of my children coming from a broken home.  I like so many other women for what ever reason found they could not stay in a loveless and at times a violent marriage...we found our inner courage.  Looking back I don't regret leaving it was the best thing I could have done for my children and myself, I raised all five on my own for nineteen years before I recently remarried.  By all accounts I should have failed by societies standards...I didn't have one teen pregnancy, no trouble with police, drugs and all of my children graduated and are leading productive lives as adults with families of their own.

Children are very intuitive little people, on what goes on in their homes between their parents and don't kid yourself  that it "doesn't affect them" because it does.  The tension the auguring between the two most important people in their lives is tearing at them in ways that could affect them later on in their adult lives.  They may start to act out in ways that are not what you have come a custom too.  Changes in their behavior towards others and themselves.  I think for myself which I believe was our saving grace  as a family was that once I made and followed through with my decision to end my first marriage I not only continued in my own counseling but I started my children in counseling and integrated it as a family  unit which the six of us attended together.

I want to reiterate no one including myself can tell you what decision to make in "your life" as to whether to stay or leave...but I thought I would let you know you are not alone in your quest to finding the courage in making a decision that will affect your and your children's lives! 

I commend you on doing your list of pros and cons and meditation isn't for all, its time and a commitment on ones part. In the meantime, may I suggest  that you try and find something within yourself that will stimulate your inner peace aside from the counseling secessions you are attending.

Blessings Be and Do Take Care...Sunstone

I am 22 yrs old and my boyfriend of a year and a half is 36. I have always been attracted to older men. I did not have my father in my life growing up, but I did have my grandfather there as my role model. I am guessing because I look at my grandpa as more of a father figure, I don't have that big of an issue with dating much older men. I have always been a very sexual person. I could be considered a slight nympho. I would love to have sex everyday (allday if possible), but my boyfriend is a little bit different. Sure when he takes his "energy pills" he can go and go and go!! But when he is not taking them, I don't get it as often. I was really horny the other day before work and I started playing with him. He started to get really hard, so of course he gets on top of me and almost as soon as he puts it in, it goes limp. So he is doing me with a limp dick for about 20mins before I just ask him to stop. I am not sure if it is because I was too tight or we didnt use enough lube and it was too dry, but it was just mind blowing. Maybe we have been having too much sex lately, although I dont call every other day a lot. Can someone please give me some advice?

I am chunky!  He is more athletic!  I am sooo in love with this man I can't stand myself! I know he loves me too.  He wants sex maybe if I am lucky once a week!  When we have it.  IT is AMAZING!  Beyond amazing... the best I ever had.  I don't think he has issues between the sheets with me.  I am willing to do anything.  I am vocal about my concerns.  He laughs and tells me to find him a couple that has it more then once a week.  Am i being to needy?  Is it really all about his sex drive lacking?  Ackkkkk!!!!!

I don't know how current your profile is, but if you are pregnant, that could be one of the problems. Sometimes a man is afraid of hurting the unborn baby during sex. If you are still pregnant, this could be half your problem. You also say you have at least one child. Again, some men have the "Madonna Effect" where once their wife has a child the have a more difficult time seeing them as a sexual being. I have no clue if any of this fits in your situation, but it's something to consider.

Next let me tell you a Nymphomaniac craves sex, but NEVER gets pleasure from it, so I doubt you would fit that category. As far as his "energy pills" go, if he didn't have an attraction to you, it still wouldn't get up. It only works if you are becoming excited. Next thing would be as far as he going limp during the sex you described, if there was a possibility of him being late for work, he could have been thinking of that, and that could be why he went limp. These are just possibilities. I am not saying any of these things are it, but it is something you could think about.

If you are not becoming sexually gratified during sex, maybe you should try some different approaches with him. Get in to role playing, that sometimes gets the blood running to the proper head. You could try different positions, even going to a motel locally, being a change of what is normal can cause sex to become more gratifying. Since you have at least one child, try picking an evening where you could send the children away for the night with grandparents or something so neither of you would have to worry about being heard by children. All of these things could help. Also if he has started any new medications such as some stomach acid meds or anti-depressants can cause a decline in sexual desires. All of these could contribute to your situation.

This may not help, but it is at least some food for thought. Good luck, and keep us informed, as it could always help someone else, or at least let someone know they are not alone.

Talk to your doctor, as you may have a reason for not wanting sex. He/She may recommend a cream or medication to help in this area. Also some medications you may be taking could cause a drop in sexual desire. I know you said you have never had the desires, but discuss this with your doctor, and make sure they remember all the medications you are presently on.

Another thing that comes to mind is if you are a survivor of sexual abuse, this is a major symptom of an adult what was abused as a child. When the child grows up, they can go either way, extremely promiscuous or never wanting sex whatsoever. Only you know this, and again it would be professional help in that area.

Another thing you need to do is talk to your husband about your feelings. I don't know anyone that is being pressured who wants to have sex, and that would go double if you have been abused. A lot of your problem could be the way your husband treats you, especially in a sexual way. If he is not  taking into consideration your needs, and ensuring you are being satisfied, it would make you feel like a piece of meat, and who could be wanting something like that?

I don't know if any of this will be of any help to you, but I hope it will at least get you thinking in that direction. Good luck, and please keep us informed, as you could help someone else with your story.