Topic : Homosexuality

Okay so I've been reading around these message boards and there seems to be quite a diverse group of people so I thought I'd see what you all have to say, if anyone has or is going through something similar. I want to get some feedback from some gay people to see what they think.  So a little over a year ago I slipped into bad depression and almost took my life, I finally went to get help and got put on medication. 3 different kinds later I'm doing alot better. During the beginning I started doubting that I loved my terrific boyfriend for no reason. We're going on 4 years now and I've loved him more than anything ever, the happiest time(s) of my life have been with him or because of him. Then all of a sudden for the first time in my whole life(I'm 20 and female) my brain was making me think that maybe I was gay?!??? The doctor said that's normal in this situation because I wasn't interested in anything to do with sex whatsoever and he said the condition your brain is in it's trying to make up reasons for why this is. Anyway I've been nuts over guys since I can remember. I've never once thought of being with someone of the same sex and if I do it makes me uncomfortable and I also feel uncomfortable seeing 2 people of the same sex be affectionate. It became a really scary thing to have something so foreign to me become something in my brain/thoughts all of a sudden! I never told my boyfriend that one fact and I never will. As of today I know I love him for a fact very much and there's no one else I'd rather be with. We aren't back to 100% normal and happy like we used to be. We used to be so happy it was sickening, you know where other people are like jealous. That kind of love. But there a times where I feel like I'm back there which lets me know this is where I want to be for sure and I know that deep down. I still have these 'gay' thoughts but nowhere near as much. It's pretty much become a fear that one day I'm just going to turn gay which I don't believe. I believe people are born that way and that it isn't a choice....but that's just me. Also we've barely even been intimate since the beginning of this over a year ago and he's being so great and patient. I have like no interest in anything sex whatsoever still. All I want more than anything in this entire universe is to just be where we were when everything was absolutly perfect so I get can get back on track with my life and continue figuring out what career I want and eventually getting married and having children and having our own home and all that. Some days I believe we will get there and on my crappy days I don't. But I try my best to stay positive. I've often thought about going to a Hypnotherapist if I never feel better and get rid of this gay nonsense....hoping that maybe he can just say "you're not gay, never have been and never will be" and it'll just go away forever....but I'm sure that's wishful thinking. Anyway I'm sure I've forgot some more stuff I wanted to say but thats the juste of it. Just wondering if anybody at all has gone through something really similar to this or if anyone has some advice to help me get really happy again. Any feedback would be interesting and great. Sorry it's insanely long.

I know that I am sexually attracted to other womenand fully except that about my self but.... I'm questioning how I feel about men. It's a huge turn off that they don't shave and... well, 'in certain places' can be a little dirty than women but that doesn't mean I couldn't find a guy willing to be more aware and meet me half way.. I mean, guys don't have the worst hygiene ever. 

Anyway, since it's not impossible for a lesbian to have crushes or have any sexual attraction to any men at all, I was wondering if there were any lesbians or bisexuals who could tell me were they decided to draw the line. For instance, are sexual fantasies about men a tell-tale sign of being bi, or do some lesbians have fantasies like that, too? 

OR YOU IN MY SHOES I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO

I am 24 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. When I was 5 months pregnant, he had oral sex with a 16 year old boy. My boyfriend almost went to prison b/c of this. Ok, so now he has finally decided to tell me he is bi-sexual (this comes after two relationships together). He tells me to just get over it, to just let it go, or to just shut up and deal with it. The problem is I don't know how. I love him more than anything and anyone (except my son). He says he loves me too but he wants me to be a freak. I am not that kind of girl. If he would have told me all of this stuff before I got pregnant, I could have moved on with my life. You see, he was my very first lover, and I always said I would be a virgin till I was married, but this guy just moved right into my heart and stole it a way from me about 8 years ago. So now I am asking anyone who can help me, how do I give this man what he wants without losing my heart in the process? Do I just sit back and let him have sexual relaions with men and pretend it isn't ripping my heart up inside of my body? Or do I force myself to do something I don't agree with and try to have a bisexual experince with him? Or do I bring up the courage to leave him and move out and try to find someone else to spend my life with??? Anybody who can help me please feel free to e-mail me and please only serious help only. I am tired of feeling like I am wasting my time on this situaion in my life. And also, I am not gay at all, but watching 2 chicks go at it on porn turns me on. Does this mean I am really gay and don't know it?  He says that is what it means and now I am scared that I might be agy or whatever. I have also considered asking a girl I work with (who I know is into that lifestyle) if she and her husband would be interseted in having sex with us just to make him happy. Please someone help me! I am going crazy!!!!!!!

Okay so I've been reading around these message boards and there seems to be quite a diverse group of people so I thought I'd see what you all have to say, if anyone has or is going through something similar. I want to get some feedback from some gay people to see what they think.  So a little over a year ago I slipped into bad depression and almost took my life, I finally went to get help and got put on medication. 3 different kinds later I'm doing alot better. During the beginning I started doubting that I loved my terrific boyfriend for no reason. We're going on 4 years now and I've loved him more than anything ever, the happiest time(s) of my life have been with him or because of him. Then all of a sudden for the first time in my whole life(I'm 20 and female) my brain was making me think that maybe I was gay?!??? The doctor said that's normal in this situation because I wasn't interested in anything to do with sex whatsoever and he said the condition your brain is in it's trying to make up reasons for why this is. Anyway I've been nuts over guys since I can remember. I've never once thought of being with someone of the same sex and if I do it makes me uncomfortable and I also feel uncomfortable seeing 2 people of the same sex be affectionate. It became a really scary thing to have something so foreign to me become something in my brain/thoughts all of a sudden! I never told my boyfriend that one fact and I never will. As of today I know I love him for a fact very much and there's no one else I'd rather be with. We aren't back to 100% normal and happy like we used to be. We used to be so happy it was sickening, you know where other people are like jealous. That kind of love. But there a times where I feel like I'm back there which lets me know this is where I want to be for sure and I know that deep down. I still have these 'gay' thoughts but nowhere near as much. It's pretty much become a fear that one day I'm just going to turn gay which I don't believe. I believe people are born that way and that it isn't a choice....but that's just me. Also we've barely even been intimate since the beginning of this over a year ago and he's being so great and patient. I have like no interest in anything sex whatsoever still. All I want more than anything in this entire universe is to just be where we were when everything was absolutly perfect so I get can get back on track with my life and continue figuring out what career I want and eventually getting married and having children and having our own home and all that. Some days I believe we will get there and on my crappy days I don't. But I try my best to stay positive. I've often thought about going to a Hypnotherapist if I never feel better and get rid of this gay nonsense....hoping that maybe he can just say "you're not gay, never have been and never will be" and it'll just go away forever....but I'm sure that's wishful thinking. Anyway I'm sure I've forgot some more stuff I wanted to say but thats the juste of it. Just wondering if anybody at all has gone through something really similar to this or if anyone has some advice to help me get really happy again. Any feedback would be interesting and great. Sorry it's insanely long.  Please please respond, I'm begging.

I read this board for the first time yesterday and decided to ask if there's anyone out there who's been in my situation. Hopefully someone who's not only been in it but has also gotten through it. I knew my younger brother was gay when he was in junior high. He came out to me when he was about 30, and I had to laugh. I didn't know I had any homophobia until I was looking at myself--at age 45. I do have to admit that when I was about 12, I heard the quote "to thine own self be true" ring in my head, though I was not aware of ever having heard this quote before. The occasion was: someone had made a comment about female homosexuals, though I don't recall any mention of the word lesbian. Until that moment I'd had no concept that women could be homosexuals. (And I never thought anything about what they "did" for another 20 years.) As an adult I've had affairs with two women and two men. All seduced me and all were allegedly in committed relationships, though I was not aware of this at first in three of them. I broke all of them off for it was obvious that none of them could go anywhere as far as long term relationships--admittedly I didn't break them off immediately because I was enjoying the attn and the sex, which was great with all of them. I think I got over a lot of my homophobia, and I got Mom to quit asking about grandchildren when I gave her the book: Straight Parents/Gay Kids, or something to that effect. Now, at age 58, I feel asexual--not attracted to anyone--which is the way I've spent most of my life. I craved sexual stimulation from about age 6, probably the result of numerous molestations, including a couple teachers, a minister and relatives. For several years now it has been too much hassle to 'pleasure myself'. I've never had a best friend, never been in any other 'relationship' than those mentioned, never dated--ie never had a life. I would like to be able to be in a significant relationship but it seems that a lot needs to happen with me before that can happen. I can't even say I have a good relationship with mysel. I'm working on this stuff with a therapist and am on anti-depressants, for depression has been a longstanding problem. I would like to have a feeling for which side of the fence I'm on before I'm on Medicare--asuming that I'm not sitting on the fence. Bisexuality somehow doesn't feel like an option for me.Thoughts, comments, questions?

In response to this and the other one, I'm far from numb because of the meds--in fact being numb sounds good to me for a relief. Without the meds I really do not function because of the intensity of the feelings. And yes, the two teachers were female--2nd and 4th grades. As far as spiritual recovery, that is a tough one. I'm active in a church I feel comfortable and the previous minister was aware of my ongoing struggle--he retired. Admittedly I have trouble believing that there is a god beyond the one that created the universe. It certainlly doesn't feel as if there is one paying attn to my life--even when I was serioiusly praying on a regular basis. This is on the list of things to address with the new therapist. She seems to be the kind of person figureitout referred to. Thanks. I'm still hoping to hear from an older person on this too.