Topic : Homosexuality

Okay so after the u-haul date and the 3-4 years of great sex- Do all lesbian couples just end -up roommates?

I wiuld never do anything to hurt her - or leave her I still love her- But IN LOVE does it just melt away- or am I just doing it all wrong? My sleep habits and her travel schedule leave little time for much activity on that part and the energy levels of us both are non-exsistant-

We have been together for 15 years now- and i often wonder why she puts up with me-

 Please only serious relplys and no judgemental name calling

Please help decypher whether my husband is gay or bisexual.  I recently after 18 years of marriage discovered that he has been looking at she-male hard core sights.  I would really!!! appreciate any opinions/insights/comments to help me sort this out.  I need objective thinking.

Thanks in advance.

I am heterosexual female, so I am no expert on lesbian relationships...however, my husband and I have been married for 27 years...and I think that all relationships tend to change over the years...the romance tends to mellow...however, even though my husband and I are currently not sexually active (many medical issues play into this), we are still in love...but not in the same way as when we first met...the excitement and newness has all gone away...but we still look forward to seeing each other when he gets home from work...and neither of us has ever looked outside the marriage for physical and emotional needs...faithful no matter what...and we've had our share of "whats"... (with three boys and many medical issues, the "whats" just keep on coming)...

Your partner "puts up with you" because she loves you...that's what couples do...maybe it's time to do something special for her...I put little notes in my husband's lunch box once in awhile, or make him a card, or buy him a special treat...and he does little things for me too...it is those little things that keep the spark going...and the committment that we made to each other...many years ago...

Have you considered "couples counseling"?...it can help to get the issues out on the table...is there "hurt" in between you?  (after so many years, there must be some hurt in there...it's normal)...is libedo an issue?...female hormones change over time...you didn't mention your age, but perimenopause hits around age 35 for most women, with menopause around age 50-55...and gradual hormonal changes take place that affect libedo and desire...and as the body ages, gravity takes over...it takes some getting used to...seeing the "not-so-ideal" aging body...I'm not feeling very attractive in the nude these days...and my husband also doesn't feel so attractive anymore...and hormones, and medical problems...well...sex just doesn't happen anymore...

But, that hasn't cooled us toward each other...we "put up" with a lot for each other...and much of a long-lasting relationship involves knowing when to speak up and when to hold your tongue...I'm sure you know this, having been together for 18 years...

So...do some reading...and consider couples therapy...to reconnect and both express your feelings and priorities...it could be that she has no idea how you are feeling...none of us are "mind-readers", and sometimes that is what we expect out of our partners...or we try to "read their minds"...mostly inaccurately...sometimes, I assume that my husband is mad at me, when he is in a quiet, unsociable mood...but that is usually not the case...but we are close enough after all this time that I can just ask him what's up...

anyway...I don't mean to write a book here...but that's my recommendation...from somebody who is not an "expert"...just experienced in a long-term marriage...

I see it as a problem that your husband is looking at porn...no matter what type it is...he is obviously looking for something that he isn't getting at home...and I don't mean it as an insult to you at all...maybe your husband's sexual needs aren't matching yours right now...and perhaps the lines of communication have broken down...but I'm no expert in psychology, so I can't really say what it means...

I do see a glaring problem with your relationship though, and I would highly recommend some counseling...for both of you...maybe for you to understand your husband's "need" to look at that stuff...maybe he is having some arrousal problems...you didn't mention your age, or his, but aging definitely affects libedo and ability to be arroused, and have an erection...so maybe it just takes "more" to get him excited...counseling can help him and you sort it out...

So, don't get out the divorce papers yet...the marriage contract says "for better or for worse"...

Being heterosexual myself, with no experience with matters such as yours, I'm not in a position to judge where the line is between normal and abnormal...or even what homosexuality and bisexuality entails...I just see a relationship breakdown in the making...take care of it before it gets completely out of hand...

(some here may disagree with my opinions...but diverse opinions may be helpful for you to sort things out.)

Some of you might be wondering why I am here...it is not about myself, but my oldest son...and I'm certainly no expert on the subject...just here for feedback and support...

Our oldest son thinks he might be gay...read back, and you'll see the "complete" story...condensed for a message board...

Anyway, I had a visit with my psych counselor yesterday (bipolar disorder), and I asked her about our son...she said that questioning one's sexuality and orientation is a normal part of male sexual development, usually happening around age 14 or 15...our son is 19, but the confusion is not outside of normal, since he has ADHD, which causes a delay in emotional development...so at this point, it is too soon for him to really make that determination...for now, he needs to be focusing on school...everything will become clear as time passes...and we love him no matter what...but as parents from "traditional" upbringings, we really do hope that he is "straight"...(no insult intended to anybody here)...just a natural parental response...but we don't want to push him away, so the pressure from us is off...time will tell...and the fact that he grimaced when my husband had a talk with him about gay male sex is an indicator to me that he really isn't ready to "decide" which way to go...he doesn't really know what he wants...

For now, though, we have recommended that he keep it to himself...we live in a small community, and if word gets out, and then he discovers that it isn't true, he will have a hard time "unringing" that bell...he will be coming home from school at the end of the month...he is in culinary school, and he is coming home to do his restaurant experience studen chef externship...when school is done, and he has some real-world experience, he will be better able to decide the direction of his life.

And my counselor has agreed to see him for some counseling sessions (if that's what he wants), just to let him know that confusion is normal, and that things will become more clear as he matures emotionally...with ADHD, emotional development is way behind physical and hormonal development...and herein lies the confusion...so we're not going to worry about it for now...and I hope that knowing that the questioning is normal will qwell some of our son's worries...

Our younger 2 boys are clueless on the issues with their brother...and really, it's none of their business, so that's the way it will stay...until oldest son gets it all sorted out...and the 10 year old really wouldn't understand anyway...

There are few things more beautiful than being in love with a woman that loves you and accepts you for who you are and supports your goals and dreams.  You've been together for 15 years!  Not many lesbians make it that long!  I long for that time in my life!  It sounds to me like you both support each others careers.  That's important.  Take time and make time for each other!  That's beautiful! 

A year ago I married my one true love. I had lived with her for almost 3 years. My family thought it was just a faze and all denied coming to the ceremony. Fortunately her family is liberal enough to accept our love and us.

I have been in love with men before, but never did those feelings move me so deeply as what I feel for my spouse. Never have I been more crazed, inspired and exited, in love, infatuated or open to another human being. I had to accept that even though I didn't understand it, it seemed like she was my true love. She was the one person I could not go on without and "what if" wouldn't be enough.

I believe that we don't choose who we fall in love with. Even when I was certain that I was heterosexual I didn't really have a saying in the matter. I was shocked, too, when I learned about my feelings for this woman. But what should I do? Imagine a world where the tables were turned and homosexuality was the accepted sexuality. Would the straight men and women be able to ignore their feelings and live with people of the same sex as themselves? I think not.

I don't really know if I'm gay and I don't really care. All I know is that I'm in love and have been for over 3 years.

Read your Bible. It wasn't that person just saying it, it is simply the truth.

Being gay is a choice. I wish some would come to that realization.