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Topic : Homosexuality

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:18:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Have you come out of the closet to find love and support? Or are those close to you having a difficult time accepting your lifestyle?

 
joviba
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March 2, 2006, 12:00 am PST

a families pain

Quote From: elffie

I'm sorry your son was molested as a child.  Don't you think that is worse than him telling you is he is gay?  What was your reaction to that?  I would be devestated to learn that had happened to my child, more devestated than finding out he is gay.  What I think you need to do is be there for your son, you said he has not attended church and has started smoking and can't hold down a job, don't you think that comes more from your reaction to him being gay than just him coming out?  He needs positive people around him.  If I were him, I wouldn't want to go to church either and get to listen to someone telling me that my lifestyle is a sin and that I am going to hell.  You keep saying he has to make the "right" decisions, who knows what "right" really is?  I personally think being gay is not a choice, that would be like saying heterosexuality is a choice, you can't help who you're attracted to.  I'm not Christian, so maybe that is why I have a different view on this.  I really don't think being gay is the worst thing someone can be, there are far more worse things in this world, such as murderers and molestors, which your son has had encounters with.  Maybe he needs to deal with being molested and know that it isn't his fault and to know that you, his mother, are always going to be there for him, no matter what. 

And, just because he is gay does not mean he won't marry and have children, some states are for gay marriage, and if he really wants to get married he probably will.  Adoption is also a good choice, there have been studies to show that children with same sex parents are no different than heterosexual parents.  You should check out the Gay Marriage Debate board under Current News and Events.  There have been interesting posts on there. 

Just remember that he is still your son, your little boy, he just isn't the way you particularly would want him to be, but really, how many children turn out to be who their parents want them to be? 

  
 
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joviba
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March 2, 2006, 12:43 am PST

a famlies pain

Quote From: joviba

NO ONE CAN EVER KNOW HOW MUCH A MOTHER HURTS FOR A CHILD SHE FINDS OUT HAS BEEN MOLESTED . BUT YES TO ME BOTH MY SON TELLING ME HE IS GAY WAS JUST AS BAD TO ME AS HIM TELLING ME SOMEONE VIOLATED HIM.  EVERYTIME MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO BE WITH A BOYFRIEND I FELT LIKE HE WAS BEING MOLESTED ALL OVER AGAIN.  THIS MAY BE HARD FOR GAY PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND BUT THAT IS EXACTUALLY HOW I FELT. PICTURING A MAN TOUCH MY SON IN A SEXUAL WAY MAKES ME THINK OF THE MEN WHO MOLESTED. HIM. I HAVE TRIED TO TELL THIS TO MY SON BUT HE CANT UNDERSTAND IT.  JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT REPULSES MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF.  GAY PEOPLE WANT US TO UNDERSTAND THEM AND EXCEPT THEM BUT WHAT ABOUT THEIR FAMLIES.  WE ARE HURT TOO.  WE ARE EMBARASSED ASHAMED, AND MY HUSBAND I ARE VIRTUALLY GRIEVING.  I LOVE MY SON SO MUCH IAM WILLING TO HELP HIM BE THERE FOR HIM BUT IAM NOT WILLING TO BE THE ESCAPE GOAT AND THE BLAME FOR HIS CHOICES NOW HE HAS MADE IN HIS LIFE .  I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM TO HELP HIM THROUGH THIS WHY WONT HE DO THE SAME FOR US?  I WILL GO TO ANY COUNSELING HE WANTS BUT I EXPECT HIM TO ATTEND A CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR FOR ME TOO.  I WILL GO TO A PFLAG MEETING FOR HIM BUT DONT EXPECT ME TO BEND MY BELIEFS SO HE CAN SIN AND FEEL OK ABOUT IT .  HOW MUCH DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.?  IN OUR OPINION IF HE CHOOSES TO BE GAY  HE SHOULD ALSO RESPECT OUR FEELINGS TOO.  WE HAVE ASK HIM TO PLEASE NOT TELL EVERYONE HE IS GAY BUT HE HAS CHOSE TO DO THAT . WE HAVENT EVEN TOLD HIS GRANDPARENTS YET OR ANY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS. I WANTED HIM TO TRY COUNSELING FIRST TO MAKE SURE THIS IS WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE BEFORE HE TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD.. I DONT GO ATOUND TELLING EVERYONE IAM STRAIGHT .  NO ONE LOVES THEIR SON MORE THAN I DO MINE BUT I REALLY FEEL A STRONG RESPONSIBILITY AS A PARENT TO HELP GUIDE AND REMIND HIM OF WHAT GOD TELLS US . GOD CREATED MAN AND WOMAN FOR A REASON. WHEN WE DISTURB THE PLAN GOD HAS FOR US IT DISRUPTS OUR LIFE. . CHRISTIANS UNDERSTAND THIS . IF WE WOULD ALL LIVE OUR LIFE THE WAY GOD TELLS US WE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEMS.. I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY AND LOVE AND BE THERE ALWAYS FOR MY SON , HE IS MY LITTLE BOY AND ALWAYS WILL BE       GOD BLESS 
 
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joviba
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March 2, 2006, 12:55 am PST

A FAMILIES PAIN

Quote From: loxidogic

It might help you to understand your son and his "choices" if you attend some PFLAG meetings. This is Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. At least it would give you the opportunity to talk with other parents and learn about their experiences with this challenging situation.
I HAVE BEEN ASKED BY MY SON TO ATTEND A MEETING.  I DID AGREE IF HE WOULD GO TO A MEETING FOR ME. NO DEAL .  I AM NOT A LIBERAL  AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ATTEND THESE MEETING FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND ARE.  I WOULD BE WILLING TO HEAR THEM BUT IAM A CHRISTIAN AND DONT INTEND TO BEND MY MORALS . I THINK I WOULD FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE . I DO NOT INTEND ON ACCEPTING MY SONS SEXUAL PEFERENCE SO WHAT WOULD THE PURPOSE BE.?? 
 
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crazybunny
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March 2, 2006, 9:24 am PST

I feel sad for your son...

Quote From: joviba

I HAVE BEEN ASKED BY MY SON TO ATTEND A MEETING.  I DID AGREE IF HE WOULD GO TO A MEETING FOR ME. NO DEAL .  I AM NOT A LIBERAL  AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ATTEND THESE MEETING FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND ARE.  I WOULD BE WILLING TO HEAR THEM BUT IAM A CHRISTIAN AND DONT INTEND TO BEND MY MORALS . I THINK I WOULD FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE . I DO NOT INTEND ON ACCEPTING MY SONS SEXUAL PEFERENCE SO WHAT WOULD THE PURPOSE BE.?? 
 Religion or not, a mother is the one person a child expects to receive unconditional love from. 
 
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ramdass
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March 4, 2006, 2:50 pm PST

its okay

Quote From: crazybunny

 Religion or not, a mother is the one person a child expects to receive unconditional love from. 
most people including homosexuals dont know what homosexuality is about,it is blindly accepted as being natural by many,whether it is natural or not we should not judge the person ,but make every effort to better understand the bahaviour and care about the person in a genuine way since we all have something to learn from each other. All of the reasons i have heard for homosexuality being natural are flawed.One perspective is that  homosexuality is a result of a disfunctional heterosexual society,because as a society we are ignorant about what love is,we are obsessed and addicted to pleasure,we are selfish and to proud to think we have anything to learn, if we were a wise and smart society  we would see that love has nothing to do with sex,sex is not required for love to exist,if people understood the reality of love they could be content with the fulfillment that it brings, a man could love a man and a man could love a woman and true caring could be shared without the sex,but when there is an imbalance, people think that sex is needed,if love and who we are was understood there would be no homosexuality or heterosexual sex for pleasure,Investigate this for yourself,if you dont have sex you feel disturbed,you feel disturbed because your not at peace with yourself,people use sex ,food,drugs and so on,as a way to run away from getting to know themselves.It is in facing these things that you will aquire the insight to help yourself and others.we shoudn't assume that we know what unconditional love is about,it is better to assume we dont know so that we are open to learning more then what we do,this is an issue that says something about everybody not just homosexuals,and homosexuals dont know much about homosexuality they are as confused as anyone else,there is more going on then what meets the eyes,i say this because when you are in the middle of something it is difficult to see the big picture,and that is a skill that has to be wanted to be learned.There is much more i could share but this is enough for now.
 
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ramdass
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March 4, 2006, 2:53 pm PST

Homosexuality

Quote From: joviba

I HAVE BEEN ASKED BY MY SON TO ATTEND A MEETING.  I DID AGREE IF HE WOULD GO TO A MEETING FOR ME. NO DEAL .  I AM NOT A LIBERAL  AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ATTEND THESE MEETING FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND ARE.  I WOULD BE WILLING TO HEAR THEM BUT IAM A CHRISTIAN AND DONT INTEND TO BEND MY MORALS . I THINK I WOULD FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE . I DO NOT INTEND ON ACCEPTING MY SONS SEXUAL PEFERENCE SO WHAT WOULD THE PURPOSE BE.?? 
most people including homosexuals dont know what homosexuality is about,it is blindly accepted as being natural by many,whether it is natural or not we should not judge the person ,but make every effort to better understand the bahaviour and care about the person in a genuine way since we all have something to learn from each other. All of the reasons i have heard for homosexuality being natural are flawed.One perspective is that  homosexuality is a result of a disfunctional heterosexual society,because as a society we are ignorant about what love is,we are obsessed and addicted to pleasure,we are selfish and to proud to think we have anything to learn, if we were a wise and smart society  we would see that love has nothing to do with sex,sex is not required for love to exist,if people understood the reality of love they could be content with the fulfillment that it brings, a man could love a man and a man could love a woman and true caring could be shared without the sex,but when there is an imbalance, people think that sex is needed,if love and who we are was understood there would be no homosexuality or heterosexual sex for pleasure,Investigate this for yourself,if you dont have sex you feel disturbed,you feel disturbed because your not at peace with yourself,people use sex ,food,drugs and so on,as a way to run away from getting to know themselves.It is in facing these things that you will aquire the insight to help yourself and others.we shoudn't assume that we know what unconditional love is about,it is better to assume we dont know so that we are open to learning more then what we do,this is an issue that says something about everybody not just homosexuals,and homosexuals dont know much about homosexuality they are as confused as anyone else,there is more going on then what meets the eyes,i say this because when you are in the middle of something it is difficult to see the big picture,and that is a skill that has to be wanted to be learned.There is much more i could share but this is enough for now.
 
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jenoc99
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March 5, 2006, 8:56 pm PST

"CHRISTIAN" WOMAN??

Quote From: joviba

I HAVE BEEN ASKED BY MY SON TO ATTEND A MEETING.  I DID AGREE IF HE WOULD GO TO A MEETING FOR ME. NO DEAL .  I AM NOT A LIBERAL  AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ATTEND THESE MEETING FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND ARE.  I WOULD BE WILLING TO HEAR THEM BUT IAM A CHRISTIAN AND DONT INTEND TO BEND MY MORALS . I THINK I WOULD FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE . I DO NOT INTEND ON ACCEPTING MY SONS SEXUAL PEFERENCE SO WHAT WOULD THE PURPOSE BE.?? 
What kind of a Christian can't, or rather, won't, accept her own son for what he is? Put your religion aside just for a moment and consider your son as a basic human being with needs. One of those needs is acceptance and validation from his family. Its a shame that you refuse to go to a meeting just because of what you think you will encounter there, not because of anything you know about it. There are some people who hide behind their religion so that they don't have to accept or acknowledge things in the world that they are scared of, is this you?
 
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joviba
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March 6, 2006, 12:00 am PST

a famlies pain

Quote From: jenoc99

What kind of a Christian can't, or rather, won't, accept her own son for what he is? Put your religion aside just for a moment and consider your son as a basic human being with needs. One of those needs is acceptance and validation from his family. Its a shame that you refuse to go to a meeting just because of what you think you will encounter there, not because of anything you know about it. There are some people who hide behind their religion so that they don't have to accept or acknowledge things in the world that they are scared of, is this you?
excuse me but if you would have read my reply carefully i said i would go to a pflag meeting for him if he would go to a meeting for me but he wouldnt.  first of all please let me make myself clear.  i love my son very much and i have been there for him and will always be.  i do not have to except my sons lifestyle tho.  would you expect me to except him if he was a thief, a murder, a molester, etc. etc. ????    my son is also a christian too but you cant be a christian and pick and choose your sins.  i dont have to put my religion aside to know that my son is a basic human being with needs but i do not have to accept his sexual pereference. his sexual peference is not WHO he is. gay people have a problem with making their sexual peference their whole life and making it who they are and what their about. and thats not true.  if gay people would put as big an effort into finding out why they feel the way they do about the same sex as they do prmoting it and defending it they just might find they could change.  ive done some research myself and only 30 percent said thay thought they were born that way. that tells me something happens in a childs life to male them feel this way that thay were not born that way but became that way.  through thearpy it can be changed and lots of gay people have changed.  its always easier to stay the way you are then try to change.  my son has these feeling for a reason ive already seen what it has done to his life.  i must say i havent seen anything positive yet.  please understand christians dont hate gays they love them just like anyone else we just dont have to except their lifestyle. 
 
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tootalljcb
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March 7, 2006, 2:26 pm PST

My story is different

Quote From: cuteboi21

Well I dont know where to begin really. This is my first message.  I am 21 and 2 weeks after my 19th bday my dad had enough with my so called chosen lifestyle. So, the christian counseling didnt work out the way he wanted, so he took my house key and my new car at the time away from me thinking  that would chage my feelings and make me straight.  OMG Well little did he know that I had another thing coming. I am doing better . I still have my moments. Holidays are pretty tough. My first Christmas ...not getting nothing at all...just a card basically telling me im going to hell doesnt sound to loving if you aske me....and not a thing for my bday was even harder. I just never thought that something like this would ever happen to me.  Dad and I have not talked in 2 years.  Mom isnt thrilled but she tells me that it would have been different if she had some say so in what to do with my sexuality. My brother that is 25 is not having anything to do with me either. A month after coming out, my brother says he is called by god to preach!!  How ironic is that. So fake lol. The family just laughs about it still to this day.  I would love to here from anyone out there ...their story or if they have anything to ask me or commits about my little life story.      One thing i have learned....sometimes in order to gain something. you have to lose something
It is very disappointing to me when a parent chooses to use religion to reject their own child.  The rejection is not Biblically based or supported.

My story is different from yours in this way.  I did not come out to my parents until I was 40.  I was raised in a very strict family and my father is a preacher.  My upbringing would have made Southern Baptist look like liberals.  When I came out to my parents, there was no judgement or anger.  There was love and support and understanding.  My parents have welcomed my partner (when I had one) both to their home and treated him as a member of our family.  He was also welcome to attend church with my parents and was introduced as my partner to others at church.

Just because the religious beliefs are very strict, still when the pattern of life is based on the Bible, rejection is not an option.  Acceptance, love, and understanding without judgement is the only path that can be taken.

Remember this, the rejection by your partents and siblings are their issue and not yours.  
 
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susan822
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March 8, 2006, 11:38 am PST

How do I react to my daughter that tells me she is gay

My daughter is an absolutely beautiful 23 yr old with a beautiful voice and has so much to give.  All of her life she never gave any indication she was gay.  When she was 18 her father and I went through a difficult divorce and during this time she seemed to turn to drugs and another girl for support.  The two of them have gone through their drug stage and done many things that have disappointed the family.  At this time they seem to be drug free for the most part with the possible exception of pot.  They live in a house that they share with a young man.  I have supported her emotionally and been there for her through these difficult times yet she continues in this co-dependent relationship with this girl.  Even though I do not beleive her to be truly gay I could except it if I felt she was in a healthy positive relationship.  This relationship is abusive and dependent.  Even if this girl was a guy I wouldn't like her.   

I love my daughter with all of my heart, I continue to pay her school, insurance, and car.  Am I just enabling her?  Should I tell her I am cutting off the finances unless she gets away from this girl.  It is not the sexuality, it is the bad relationship.  I think she has gone to someone that treated her as her father treated her, dominated and controled her.   

My heart is broken over this.  She is doing well on all other fronts, well in school, well at work, however, her social behavior when in the presence of the girl is backwards, whereas when she is without her she is the old daughter we know.  Even her sister dislikes this girl and the way she treats her sister.  She agrees when alone they get along fine but when in the company of the other tension exist.  None of us knows what to do or how to handle.  We even go to counseling and  she refuses to discuss why the relationship exists so we focus on other issues. 

I need someone to help me understand how I should deal with this, I am very confused. 
 
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