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Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

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Created on : Friday, November 17, 2006, 12:52:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Contemporary weddings have turned into five-star productions, with couples pulling out all the stops to shine on their special day. But what happens when the bride- or groom-to-be starts making diva-like demands? Mike and Jamie agreed to a small Vegas wedding, but that went out the window when Jamie switched her gown three times, rented a limo to drive her one block and upgraded her engagement ring. Mike says that Jamie also made him un-invite all of his friends and cancel his bachelor party! Are Jamie’s antics a hint of what’s to come in their marriage? Then, Nastassia complains that her husband-to-be, Richard, is cheap. She says he wants her to buy bridal flowers from the grocery store, have her mom sew her gown and even schedule the wedding before year's end so he can get a tax write-off! Will Richard’s tightwad ways force Nastassia to call off the wedding?  Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 21, 2006, 5:43 pm PST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: singlarity

This message is for Richard and Nastassia.  Richard, I didn't think you were being made to look like a bad guy or person, although you made it clear that you thought you were being painted in a bad light.  I think you are sincere and doing the things that you believe to be right and just and in everyone's best interest.  There's nothing wrong about that.  In my experience the trouble is in your execution.  You come across with a lot of self confidence and that is good and will serve you both well.  If you add more patience to that equation I believe your results will improve dramatically.  Discuss with Nastassia your concerns about specific expenditures of the wedding plans.  Tlak about the total budget.  Does it add up to something that you will be poaying off for 6 months, 6 years, or more?  Maybe 6 months of future debt is well worth it to both of you considering what the day and ceremony will represent to you for your lifetime.  Be patient.  Discuss.  Think carefully.  Find agreement.  Be open to Nastassia's ideas, and needs.  Be patient.

 

By all means embrace the counseling.  It can really change the way you interact with the world.... for the better.  It can have a dramatic improvement to the quality of your life and for those you love around you.  You seem happy and confident and sincere and may think, "you don't understand".  Consider that you don't know what you don't know.  Also consider that everything on this earth can always be improved in some way.  Counseling can do that in your life too.

 

Good luck to you both, I know you two can do great things together.

I hope he is willing to change, because Nastassia definitely deserves better!  Also, Dr. Phil is right ~ this guy is going to KILL any passion she has for him through his endless selfishness and his controlling little ways!  Personally, I think she deserves a nice wedding and a designer dress because she would make a beautiful bride ~ Nastassia looks like Angelina Jolie!
 
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November 21, 2006, 5:45 pm PST

thanx

Quote From: singlarity

This message is for Richard and Nastassia.  Richard, I didn't think you were being made to look like a bad guy or person, although you made it clear that you thought you were being painted in a bad light.  I think you are sincere and doing the things that you believe to be right and just and in everyone's best interest.  There's nothing wrong about that.  In my experience the trouble is in your execution.  You come across with a lot of self confidence and that is good and will serve you both well.  If you add more patience to that equation I believe your results will improve dramatically.  Discuss with Nastassia your concerns about specific expenditures of the wedding plans.  Tlak about the total budget.  Does it add up to something that you will be poaying off for 6 months, 6 years, or more?  Maybe 6 months of future debt is well worth it to both of you considering what the day and ceremony will represent to you for your lifetime.  Be patient.  Discuss.  Think carefully.  Find agreement.  Be open to Nastassia's ideas, and needs.  Be patient.

 

By all means embrace the counseling.  It can really change the way you interact with the world.... for the better.  It can have a dramatic improvement to the quality of your life and for those you love around you.  You seem happy and confident and sincere and may think, "you don't understand".  Consider that you don't know what you don't know.  Also consider that everything on this earth can always be improved in some way.  Counseling can do that in your life too.

 

Good luck to you both, I know you two can do great things together.

this is richard and i want to say your comment has made us realize that there are objective people and the solution is not to run but to face the issues in a mature and loving manner. Nastassia and I say thank you for your kind words and support.
 
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November 21, 2006, 5:47 pm PST

In Defense of Richard.....

  In my opinion, Richard seems more clueless (about how to have a healthy , meaningful , mature relationship) than he seems malicious. He seems immature and inexperienced in this arena (as are a lot of folks before entering into a serious, committed relationship). Perhaps some of the negative reactions to his behavior, were because this clueless man was truly caught off guard by Dr. Phil's confrontation, and he felt backed into a corner.  I see this as an important wake up call for Richard.

  I don't see him as a bad guy, just an uninformed and unaware one . The compliant and overly tolerant nature of his partner at the present time, is also a major red flag and helps perpetuate Richard's "bad" and controlling behavior. Wouldn't we all be tempted to control more relationships in our lives if no one stopped us from doing so? Richard was stopped on the show.

   The measure of this man, this woman,and this relationship is where they go from here. Counseling and a lot of hard work  from here on out ,could possibly result in a strong and happy marriage. Without that, I see no chance of anything positive coming out of this union. They are fortunate to have this huge wake up call prior to their wedding. My hope is that they postpone their wedding for at least a year while they go through pre-marital counseling.

   A follow-up show would be of interest. After Richard has time to recover from this confrontation, and digest it all, I am hopeful that we would get a glimpse of his admirable traits, and not merely his flaws. I don't see him as an evil guy, just a guy that is not very far along in his journey toward mature, and committed love.

 
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November 21, 2006, 5:48 pm PST

Natassia

Quote From: rockymtnhrsgrl

 You are a beautiful woman and Richard treats you like dirt. I was married to a man just like Richard, self centered and controlling. He thought none of what I wanted mattered. It ended up with physical abuse after we got married. These kind of men are dangerous. They think they can do no wrong and that their good looks will allow them to act any way they want. I was in this abusive marriage for 6 years before I had the guts to get out. You deserve so much better and his verbal abuse is beating you down and making you think his abuse is what you deserve. I too think you look like Angelina Jolie and you are way to good for him. Go and find a man who will appreciate you for you and put your wants and needs ahead of his own. I have been happily married for over 12 years now in a 2nd marriage with a man that treats me with respect and kindness on a daily basis. We have a joyful life so I know it does exist and you can find that too.  I have never written in before but feel so strongly about this, it gave me chills! I went online and registered just so I could try and help you from making a huge mistake and ruining your young life. He is not worth it. He was smirking the whole time, it made me sick.

I also felt chills down my spine when I saw the show--I never posted before today.  My sister and I were watching the show and were creeped out.  I registered and posted a message for Nastassia, too.  I had a scary feeling about Richards controlling behavior and other comments he made to Natassia. 

People--this issue is not about money; it is about love and respect for your life mate.  Bullying and dominance is not love.

I hope I am so wrong.  I hope Richard was just nervous and he really is a great guy like isrealmom insists he is. 

I would like a follow up on this show to make sure everyone is okay.

 

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November 21, 2006, 5:50 pm PST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: fluffyfat

I'm amazed at the amount of Natassia love going on here.  Does looking a little like Angelina make a girl  perfectly wonderful? 

 

I saw a pouting girl who seemed way into herself.  She didn't crack a smile the whole time she was on air , instead she acted like her little wedding problems were the biggest tragedies in the whole wide world.  At no point did she seem willing to compromise any of her desires for someone else.  It had to be her choice, of music, flowers, dress and honeymoon.  If I had once heard her say that she might be willing to give in on one of those points, if she had smiled or said a single word that sounded like she cared about Richard -- then I might be willing to think she was a sweet caring person.  I think she's passive aggressive and very, very selfish.

 

If he's the one in control and she's so innocent ;ask yourself just who it was that called Dr Phil to help her get her way.

No one said she was perfect (no one is perfect).  Did you really watch the show???  This has nothing to do with her being pretty, ugly, fat, thin, etc.  You totally missed the point of the show.  It is NOT the fact that things are not going her way in terms of the wedding but the behavior of this controlling man.  Let me give you one example just so you get the point:  1) No birth control because she may gain weight... SERIOUSLY!  If you are a bit jealous of her beauty and because of this you failed to seriously understand the underline problem in this relationship, do yourself a favor.  Watch the show over again, pretend this girl is someone in your family and then make an opinion on what should this girl do and not do. 

 
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November 21, 2006, 5:57 pm PST

Gotta represent Israel

Quote From: airassault71

I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up.

First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions.

I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.

I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends.

I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.

 

 

  I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.

 

I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures.

We love you guys soooo much and I know how you are feeling.  We will always be your soft place to fall (I LOVE YOU DR. PHIL!!!!).  I will be looking for my invite on the good paper Rich....lololol.  Nuf said.
 
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November 21, 2006, 6:02 pm PST

I absolutely LOVE Dr. Phil

I was extremely impressed with the way Dr. Phil handled Richard. Dr. Phil has a gift. Yes, he is educated but he sees so much more than what education can give a doctor, and see into and really through people,  and is still able to restrain himself when he could really blast a guest into embarrassment's hell. Dr. Phil doesn't take a person's dignity and hones in so well, it's clear why he has a show. My goodness. Richard is clearly a control freak and a charmer and doesn't seem to be the type of person who wants to change. He seems to be comfortable with being a bully and the 2 seem attracted to one another based on their pathologies and not strengths. If they ignore Dr. Phil's counselling and do not put brakes on this wedding, a few years from now she will be the perpetual victim and Richard will be the typical abusive husband, verbally and possibly physically. At the end, Phil listened and gave back such a professional response I had to come to this message board and type this. Man oh man. Dr. Phil and Oprah have shows that edify those watching, something impossible to do as an employee. Thank God for free enterprise.
 
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November 21, 2006, 6:09 pm PST

Pride comes before a fall

Quote From: israelmom

We love you guys soooo much and I know how you are feeling.  We will always be your soft place to fall (I LOVE YOU DR. PHIL!!!!).  I will be looking for my invite on the good paper Rich....lololol.  Nuf said.
Yeah, it's embarrassing but look at the issues, which aren't love, and act in your own best interest, as did Dr. Phil. That's all. YOUR own best interest. Richard will be fine.
 
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November 21, 2006, 6:11 pm PST

Natasia and Richard

Quote From: norrislp

Nastassia better seriously rethink marrying someone like Richard!  Of course it is only going to get worse!  There is nothing wrong in saving money.  Also I don't believe in putting big money on a wedding, unless you are rich, but please, buying her flowers from a grocery store.  Nastassia better slow down and maybe even consider putting off the wedding for now!  I don't know how long she has known Richard, but he sounds just a little strange.

NCHorseLady

 

Yeah he does seem a bit strange, and a bit controling, and could possibly later if she marries him become abusive,( he seems like that type; Been there done that)..  I think the ONLY reason he wants to marry her is for a tax right off.   I believe that is also the only reason, that he doesn't want her going on birth control, so he can have MORE tax right off.   The only thing he sees in her is $$$$.  I KNOW he said it was because he was afraid of her gaining weight.  He just said that cuz of Dr. Phil with his diet plans, so he figrued it would sound better to Dr. Phil, (I'm sure Dr. phil can read through this turkey!)    You could see is in Richards eyes and the way he was twitching and that sneer he made, that it was a total lie.   I would of love to  say it to Natassia to run girl RUN.  And don't look back, just run, while she can. Cuz if she looks back she's a gonner and she'll weaken and give in to his ways.   While she was on the show, right there where she had all the protection in the world, she should of told him where to take a hike. 

I know it's easier said than done. But that is just my thoughts.

 
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November 21, 2006, 6:28 pm PST

think

I think you should rethink why you want to marry him?  Do you love him? Does he love you? Or is it controlling all the time? If he is you don't want to marry him because if you think he is going to change you are nuts! You must dump him right now!  I have a ex-sister in law who was controlling and not as bad as him but she and my brother only lasted a year and half.  I think you should rethink everything before too late and you affect kids...etc.
 
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