Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

 Run Nastassia Run!

I have never posted anything, but after seeing the show I feel compelled to because I strongly disagree with Dr. Phil's twist on this situation. 

 

I don't like how Dr.Phil portrayed Richard as controlling and manipulating. (And I also don't like how people on the post are judging this couple after an hour of show.) You're on national TV and Dr.Phil needs to be careful about what he portrays. This situation is only about the disagreement on a wedding and Dr.Phil turns it into a life forecast based on a stressful time as anyone who went through a wedding can agree. And unfortunately picking on Richard.

 

I'm sure Richard is a perfectly normal guy who is getting married to any normal woman. I have no doubt that they are both in love with each other, especially Richard since he was the one who was willing to be sensitive and come on national TV, admitting he has other issues. It takes guts to do that since he seems like a very sensitive man, always defensive about his image, and he has the right to be since every eye is on him, judging him.

 

When he says he gives Natasha other things I think he does. And it's a shame that Dr. Phil didn't concentrate about these other things, most likely love, compassion, caring which IS their life, not this bickering disagreement. 

 

On the topic of finances, in which this should all be about since it's what they are disagreeing on, and coming from a finance background myself, I feel as though Richard knows his financial stuff. He worked hard to buy the house, to provide a roof for his soon-to-be-family and he deserves credit for it. And I agree with him about staying out of debt for a day that has nothing to do with the rest of the marriage. Many couples make the mistake of going into debt for their wedding/honeymoon and later ends up arguing about paying it many years afterward, and for what?!! To have a nice time and impress people for a day? That's ridiculous and outright brainless. I understand that Natasha wants a nice wedding just like any other women out there. However, if it financially is dragging you down, then just plain don't do it. Why can't one have a cheap wedding and maybe an expensive one, once you have the money? Richard said that there is a good payoff in the future for having a cheap wedding now. And I'm sure he knows his stuff since he said he experienced it before. Because he is so strong about this belief that he may come across as controlling and that is perfectly normal, since he is doing everything he can to protect THEIR future. I think the whole situation arises because Natasha does not understand the payoff from having a cheap wedding now. Natasha, please understand this, and that Richard is only trying to protect YOUR future.

 

As for the controlling part, I would also be controlling too if my partner were going to sabatosh the money today for no future tomorrow. In fact, I don't think Richard is outrageously controlling to the point where he needs to go for counseling at all. That is pure insult. I feel as though it is Natasha who is controlling. She is the one who refuses to see Richard's point to view (since she desperately wanted her dream wedding without thinking about the financial consequences)and thus took matter into her own hands by going national about their problem so that SHE can have HER way.

 

And for the rushing into marriage stuff, the tax write off is a perk, but I'm sure there's an explanation to that than meets the eye. Perhaps kids involved, thus he wanted to form a family faster?

 

All in all, both of you are beautiful people together. Just try to see the other's perspective of things and don't take matter into your own hands, NEGOTIATE and be kind and caring about it. Once this is all over, I'm sure both of you will be a very couple with and financially solid. Best of luck!!!   

Sorry... I missed something.

 

I understand that the wedding Natasha wanted could be paid off within a few months, however the fact that Richard went through something financial similar most likely made him wanting to stay away from debt altogether. Understandable. And thus it seems as though if you save for a later date than the wedding Natasha wanted can be paid off in full and situation solved.

 

Once again, Richard I understand your motivation, but please try to be gentle with your views and Natasha please try to be open minded about Richard's sensitivity. And remember to NEGOTIATE (gently and caringly).

 

Best of wishes!!!!

 

    

I really liked what you had to say in your post. Unfortunately, I don't think enough of us are really *listening*. I'm amazed at how many viewers think they can watch a few minutes of one aspect of your lives on television and judgementally think they can know what's best for you and Richard. Anyone with a half a brain should've known there's so much more to the story but regardless, the hurtful things said about the man you love is inexcusable and uncalled for. I'd almost be embarrassed for them--if I weren't so disgusted. While I admit, I tended to side with Richard  more than with you, I didn't for one second think that you two couldn't make it together and I certainly never thought any of the horrible things that have been said about him here. My reason for siding with Richard was I, personally, would be more concerned with meeting him half way and happy that we were going to be together, realizing this is just one day of our lives. The ceremony of it all would certainly be an added bonus and very beautiful but definitely not worth possibly calling off the wedding over, in my opinion. Richard seemed like he was very concerned about your and his future and therefore, I thought he's going to make a good provider and husband, regardless of this one thing he was possibly going overboard on being....FRUGAL...about. Hey, I'm trying to be nice here! LOL I never thought you were a bad guy Richard! At any rate, those were my thoughts on this but while it really is none of my business, you WERE on national tv and we ARE going to have our opinions. I just think they could have been a little less stated and/or stated in a less judgemental, condemning way. And now, I sincerely wish you and Richard a very happy, healthy, long and loving life together as husband and wife and to heck with what others think! To heck with what WE think! God Bless!

Call me old fashioned. Call me crazy.

But the whole living together thing has me stumped. If you live together and share a new house and are already "playing" married..isn't it a bit ridiculous to have a huge wedding service? If this was a big deal for the bride to be..then she should have thought about all of that before living with her boyfriend.

Today's society really has everything "bass-ackwards" and can't understand why marriages fail at the rates they do. They "play before they pay" and simply jump off the ride(no pun intended) when it gets boring or difficult.

I feel sorry for the young adults of today as they have very few adult mentors who push values and morals..look at Hollywood (most young adults do as their role models..SHEESH!) Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Talk about putting the whole thing out of whack. First comes pregnancy, then comes love, then comes baby, then comes HUGE ceremony! What a joke!

 

<stepping off my soapbox>..again, my apologies to those I have offended. I just pray that our society starts turning back to some degree of moral compass and can again look at marriage as a refuge and sanctuary..a place of honor and stedfastness. Instead of a temporary thing. Best wishes!

 

(Married almost 21 years to my high school sweetheart!..and have 5 children)

i am living with my boyfriend, we've have a child together who is 4 1/2 years old, but i would still love to have a big wedding when we decide to get married. as far as it goes with the first couple, most people expect the bride to be a little controlling, but switching her dress 3 times, and turning into a completely different person is a bit much. but the couple worked through things, so it must not have been too much of a problem for either of them. but with richard and nastassia, i could not believe the way he was acting. saying that he didnt want nastassia taking birth control pills because she would gain weight...and people wonder why more and more women are developing eating disorders...look at what we have to put up with!!!

i think richard is just plan cheap and a complete jerk. i mean, only wanting to spend $30 on a wedding.....its not like its was going to put him in debt just to let her buy a wedding dress, or spend more then 10 on flowers. this is an important day to most women...and yes, men sometimes dont care as much as we would like them too....but most women dont mind too much as long as they can still have atleast some things they want. whats it going to be next...hes already completely controlling over the wedding, who knows what else he wants control over. its seems like he believes that whole the man decides thing...i dont know many people who still live like thta..but it seems like he is a lost cause.

i completely agree that u can have a beautiful wedding for a good price, i mean yours sounds like it was perfect for less then $5000, which is right around what i would spend on a wedding, family minister and the idea he had of family and friends doing the cooking is a good idea as well, which is what i want to do. but with richard, wanted the flowers from the grocery store, and his mother to make the dress..to me the dress is the most special thing to the bride...and the pictures...i wouldnt give in to that one, professional all the way. i personally would have my wedding outside on family property...my boyfriends family has a huge plot of beautiful land, and make alot of food myself, because i love cooking, and my cousin is a minister and has been doing weddings for years now for the family, so i wouldnt get married unless he could do it for me.

so yes richard does make some good arguements....but there are some things he was a complete jerk about.

Natassia came across as a shallow person. The way she treated his friends and cancelling the batchelor party says lots. The marriage won't last and neither will her second marriage.

Dear Nastassia- I realize you love him, but RUN GIRLFRIEND. RUN LIKE THE WIND! 

Here is a quote from the Dr. Phil website:  "Richard defends his actions. 'Not that I’m cheap or a tightwad, it’s just I don’t want to be in debt. My idea of a budget is to get everything free first, and then we’ll spend a little for the things we have to have,' he says."

I BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS HE WANTS EVERYTHING FREE AND YOU'LL "SPEND A LITTLE" LATER.  WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT? HOW "LITTLE" WILL HE SPEND ON YOU AND YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN? AND WHAT THINGS WILL HE EVER AGREE WITH THAT YOU "HAVE TO HAVE"??  OF COURSE IT'S GREAT TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE WITH A BUDGET. BUT I BELIEVE HIS IDEA OF A BUDGET WILL PROBABLY NEVER CHANGE. 

WHEN HE SAYS HE IS NOT CHEAP OR A TIGHTWAD,  I SAY BALOGNY!!

IF HE IS THIS CONTROLLING NOW, HE'LL BE TWICE AS CONTROLLING AND CHEAP AFTER THE WEDDING! 

 

Dear poor Richard:  YOU BLAMED DR. PHIL FOR HIS ALLEDGEDLY VICTIMIZING YOU ON THE SHOW.  AGAIN BALOGNY.  YOU COULD HAVE SAT THERE WITHOUT DR. PHIL AND LOOKED ALOT WORSE. YOU HAVE SOME "ISSUES". duh.  PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELF AND QUIT TREATING YOUR FIANCE LIKE A CHILD.

 

It's pretty obvious you come from a finance background but that doesn't make you any less brainless than the next person.  What makes you think that Nastassia wants to sabatosh the money today for no future tomorrow? The girl wants to have a wedding that isn't downright "cheap", and I don't see a problem with that. Nor should she expect to spend a fortune and go into debt but I didn't see where she was dumb enough to want that either.  Richard should NEGOTIATE and stop controlling the finances before they're even married.

p.s. If he isn't controlling, then why is he telling her not to get on birth control? So he can control her weight as if she doesn't know how. Many control freaks start out less bossy than this, and end up abusing their spouses. He already acts like her daddy, and he DOES need counseling.