Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

I'm sorry but the idea that you told Dr. Phil that your husband was a "hindrance to a perfect wedding. "I had a vision. I wanted everything to be right, but he’s cheap,"  is just outragious.  You told him he couldn't go to his bachelor party because you didn't want him around half naked women & is that because it would be humiliating to you?  Imagine how humiliating it is to be called cheap & a "hindrence to your perfect wedding?  On top of that it wasn't your place TO cancel the party.  To ask him not to do it & express how upsetting it is to you I can see but for you to cancel it is controling.  You're not his mother & he's not your child.

You had a "low key" Vegas wedding planned & marrying your best friend & lover shouldn't have been "stressful" that's the whole point of having a low key wedding.  Mean while back at the ranch you spent over $6,000. & asked him to uninvite friends?  That's the most self centered thing I've ever heard & certainly mad "your day" anything but perfect.  I'm glad to hear that your communication is much better now & I hop that that communication started with you apologizing for all the pain you cause on a day that was really suppose to be his too. 

My ex-stepson is so much like Richard that it's scary. They even have the same grin that he

had when Dr. Phil offered them counseling. The difference is that he is already married and

they already have children. In the last 10 or so years, he's broken her nose, beaten her up,

threatened to kill family members and thrown temper tantrums a 2 year old would be proud

of, just to get his way. He does control through intimidation if he can't control through

charisma. He believes he is always right, he has to always be in control and if you don't

do things his way then it's the highway. He seems at times to be bi-polar and refuses to

get help because he's afraid of what people might think. Nastassia, take it from someone

who has seen this type of behavior in the family.......RUN!!!!! You are too sweet, beautiful and

intelligent to be manipulated by a self-centered, egotistical man with an anal-retentive

personality.

the first woman that would not "allow" her husband and best friend a bachelor party of their choice, I'm like Wow! Your future husband wasn't going out and hiring prostitutes or something he was going to a public place to watch a show, and enjoy his last night as a bachelor with his buddy. He was celebrating with a close friend an ending and a new beginning.

You got  mad at him for not telling you of the "surprise" honeymoon, because you spent the money on a ,crappy looking, purse. I laughed when I seen you proudly presenting that piece of junk  that you paid "650 dollars!" for.

Maybe I'm being rough but gee the way that poor man was treated I felt so angry that you were so intent on meeting your wants that you were totally oblivious to his needs =(.

just like women men need the support of their family and friends especially when going through something that will change their lives forever. gee .

I do think you really do feel bad about the fiasco, and you know what I feel bad for you too.

I guess just take this as an emotionally expensive learning lesson, and put to use what you learned. For me I think the learning would be "I am not the only one who needs to be considered here".

You said you were going to make it up to your husband and his friend, i believe you will, but for Pete's sake  if you plan something special for them, make sure it is for them not what you think you would like for them to do lol.

A little  saying my mom used to say was BUTS are for sitting on period. LOL good luck with your future =)

Yes Dr.Phil had got this one right on the money Hun =(. Thats a tough thing to hear the truth does not always turn out to be what one hopes it will be, but Dr.Phil told you the truth.

when i seen the list of your hopes and wishes being so callously crossed of like that my heart broke.

It brought an image of a little girl dreaming of white fluff and sweetness and being told she will have burlap and lemons =(.

Callous. insensitive, and uncaring, thats the words that came to my mind when I listened to your story and the story of your fiancee.

I don't believe in breaking the bank, but i sure as heck don't believe in breaking hearts either!!!

Every Bride and their family and the groom and their family deserve to make a special day really memorable within their means. It sounded to me like you family was more than willing to put up more that a 350 dollars to make that day special for every one.

but you know what it wasn't really the money that mad me so angry with that young fella it was his cavalier attitude to how breaking your spirit was such a triviality in the face of how much he would save.

Not worth the pain Hun not worth one penny of that 350 dollars!

Take the counseling for yourself and work on your own self worth which cant be estimated by dollars but how you are treated by your "significant" other.

Hopefully you will come to realize that you are worth being treated with respect, dignity, and above all else Love.

Good luck in your future and it is my hopes for you is that if not all your wishes and dreams come true, that the ones that do are so memorable the rest just don't matter =) hugs.

why so defensive Richard?

Everything they showed was what you said and even when you watched it on the screen you were aghast. Count your lucky starts young man that the woman you love didn't throw in the tea towel.If I am raising your hackles ask your self why. Accepting the help that Dr.Phil offered you is huge and for that young lady's sake I am thrilled that you choose to try to save something worth saving.

I don't doubt for a minute that you have quality's that are endearing and kind. I don't think Natassia would love a man that is "Bad to the Bone".

However, pointing fingers at people that choose to voice their opinions and attack their relationships is immature. You know what you have a choice take what is useful to you and leave the rest.

I like the Dr.Phil show and even if i don't like all the guests I can be grateful that they choose to speak on his show. I then in turn can be grateful that Dr.Phil has allowed us to make a community were we can discuss our opinions and views, right or wrong, and in turn learn something about ourselves and humanity in general.

I don't really think "you" are as self important as you would like to believe lol. Many people probably post just to present their views, and opinions for the community possibly for feed back or to see how close it is the the moral climate, simple as that young man.

Good luck to you and your wonderful young wife, I wish a happy and content future for both of you . Richard one last thing, I really do appreciate you posting what has become of you and you young wife thank you for posting.

I agree with you but you know some times when someone like this gets their grip on someone they're got them so convinced that they're "really trying" & all the while they just keep turning it around to what everyone is doing to them.   "they made me look like a monster on the show, "please ladies don't compare me to the men in your lives" & "I've worked so hard" blah blah blah.  Not one word of how grateful he is that his fiance has stood by him or how lucky it was that is was her that he was engaged to.  Never once on the show did he say he felt bad or didn't really mean it when he gave her ultimatums & then after he did say "it's my way or we're done" he's got the nerve to say he'd lost a bit of respect because she didn't stand up to him?  So no matter *what* she does she's done it wrong.  When Dr. Phil addressed her and asked "This has given you reason for pause"  She wasn't even allowed to finsh speaking without Richard interupting her, because he had to make sure she knows that "he's had reason for pause too" The abuser always paints themselves as the victim.   You're right he's controlling, manipulative, and self centered and these are signs of an abuser............. They always start on breaking the spirit & convincing the victim that they're not worth much, no one else will want them & that them marrying them is this huge sacrifice.  And they NEVER trust their spouse/partner & that's why he was checking emails etc.  I had a BIL just like him & he use to check the mileage and gas gage in my sisters car.  They don't trust because they can't be trusted & think everyone else is just like them.  Notice how he'd come here to "defend" himself even after all this time & yet this poor woman still isn't allowed to speak?  

You're right this has nothing to do with the plans for the wedding & the fact that her parents were going to pay for it & I thought it was her father that said they don't have their blessings to marry to me is a HUGE flag that he's at the place where he's starting to tear her away from family & friends.  This is classic for an abuser & he'll start to tell her that they're just trying to break them up & he'll play the victim once again "they just don't like me & they've got it in for me" etc. etc.  & this way when they break away from her in frustration he's then got her isolated from family & friend & now stuck with him & of course he's holding the purse strings because "she's not as good at handling money".   You see she said that "she's paying for the wedding" & he replied "well everything that comes from you comes from us"?  That so that when she comes home with a pay check he can take it for "their" bills & he'll handle it for her & she'll be working & STILL not allowed any of the money.  And as for counseling if you go to any board where there are abused women they'll tell you that these abusers are *masters* at manipulating counslers.   I think in the name of not wanting to humiliat anyone Dr. Phil didn't say it on air but that's why he was so adimant about them not marrying in Dec. & until they've gotten a LOT of counseling, so maybe someone else would see it.  There were 2 other posts that I'd seen from this show today that have seen (I'm sure they'll be many more going back through the posts) & recognize this as abuse & I hope that this fiance reads here & heads these warnings because as hard as it is to get away now it'll be so much harder later on.

Run away honey & RUN as fast as you can................