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Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Number of Replies: 435
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Created on : Friday, November 17, 2006, 12:52:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Contemporary weddings have turned into five-star productions, with couples pulling out all the stops to shine on their special day. But what happens when the bride- or groom-to-be starts making diva-like demands? Mike and Jamie agreed to a small Vegas wedding, but that went out the window when Jamie switched her gown three times, rented a limo to drive her one block and upgraded her engagement ring. Mike says that Jamie also made him un-invite all of his friends and cancel his bachelor party! Are Jamie’s antics a hint of what’s to come in their marriage? Then, Nastassia complains that her husband-to-be, Richard, is cheap. She says he wants her to buy bridal flowers from the grocery store, have her mom sew her gown and even schedule the wedding before year's end so he can get a tax write-off! Will Richard’s tightwad ways force Nastassia to call off the wedding?  Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 21, 2006, 10:16 am CST

what about teamwork???

The thing that struck me about both couples was the imbalance of power and the lack of teamwork so evident in their interactions.  Marriage is about forming a partnership, and that requires communication and compromise on the part of BOTH people involved.  If either partner isn't mature enough to get over their need to always have their own way, they have no business getting married.  If someone controls or openly defies their spouse-to-be over wedding plans, what are they going to be like once a baby is on the way?!  Heaven help the child who will get caught in the middle of that mess.

 

 

 

 

 
November 21, 2006, 10:27 am CST

What's marriage got to do with weddings?

I can cetainly understand the value of having a wedding and wedding reception and everything else that goes along with it, especially since it's suppose to be this couple's most important day of their lives. "The joining together of two people in holy matrimony". Isn't that sweet? I can understand why the bride-to-be would want everything to go just "perfect" and settle for nothing less. Hey, I can even go along with the groom-to-be needing to entertain his buddies with one last "extra-cirricular" funtime.

 

It thoroughly amazes me the demand that is placed on time, money, and emotional effort (you know, the blood, sweat and tears) for just one special day and for one special couple. This is suppose to be their most "important day of their lives"--well, at least that is what they've always wanted to believe. "This is MY special day," often utterred by the bride-to-be, but somehow she forgets that this occasion is a "we" venture. Or, how about the groom-to-be? He embelishes on one final, most exclusively male-bonding event with his buddies, complete with girlies of provocative nature, popping out of angel cakes, dancing on and around the groom-to-be, while the rest of the guys watch with bugged-out, volkswagen eyes. Hmm, somehow, I just cannot quite get the mentality of some of those bachelor parties. Yeah, yeah, I know, this kind of male-bonding doesn't happen at every bachelor's parties. But, ya'll understand my drift?

 

Dr. Phil is exactly right on when he (quite often) emphasizes that couples spend more time, emotional effort, and money planning their wedding than they do planning their marriage. Those ill-critical words, I think, for lot of couples-to-be, enters one ear, but bothers to makes no stop to give the brain time to comprehend, and than consequently those same words eventually exit out the other ear. DUH!!

 

C'mon, young couples on today's Dr. Phil show, and all the rest of you young couple planning your wedding and not your marriage. Get real. Get very real!! You have not yet reached the maturity level to handle the very deepness and even the darkness of marriage. Marriage is not just a word. It's not just a life-long commitment that you hope will mold by itself. Did you know that you are entering into a "union", a "parnership", a "lifetime-until-eternity" commitment. This is an understanding that you will cherish, devote, respect, and make many sacrifice time and time again. That means that you will effectively communicate (psst, ya know, talk with each other); How about the notion that you will openly express tolerance, patience and acceptance toward each other?

 

Of course, you will support and lean on each other, and show some compassion. You definitely better be honest and truthful, recognize your own character weakness and show sincere apologize to your spouse. You've got  to honor and respect each other; to continually learn more about each other, grow together as independent people, and oh yeah, to "love each other". Oh my God, there goes that word: LOVE. Ya'll know what that means? I'm not talkin' about YOUR  definition, I'm talkin' about Love's definition of love. There is something about that word, "Love" Something so innocent, so precious and so much in value. But, so often its true genuieness gets overshadowed simply because of our own interpretation of love. Sure is a shame. Go ahead, ask your fiancee to give you a complete description, a complete definition, in detail on what love means to him/her. Than, after that,  the two of you can judge for yourselves if you are ready to join together in marriage.

 

Just think, if a successful marriage could be gauged or measured by  all of the work and effort put into the planning of a wedding, than there would be lots of married couples still happily married to each other.    Peace to y'all young couples ready to marry

 
November 21, 2006, 10:30 am CST

Shallow

Mike and Jamie's relationship is proof that looks are paramount to men in a relationship. Mike would rather put up with Jamie than find a better woman- who may not be as good looking but will treat him well and not make ridiculous, self-centered decisions.

 

I don't feel sorry for Mike.

 
November 21, 2006, 10:36 am CST

You'r only out just once, girl

Quote From: afraid

ive been married 3 times and not one of the weddings was about me, i always thought the wedding was about the bride,maybe that explanes why ive been married 3 times hahaha, wow maybe its about both the bride and groom, 50-50 hmmmm could be

You've got three strikes on ya, girl. But, you're only out just this time. You've got another time at bat, only this time watch the pitch and swing only at the good pitch. Weddings, marriages, relationship is a 100 percent effort from both parties!

 

 

Good luck on your next time at bat.  You just might hit yourself a home run!        Peace to ya'll

 
November 21, 2006, 10:56 am CST

THE REAL DEAL

I know some of you out there may think Jamie is shallow and selfish but I know first hand that she loves Mike very much and would do anything for him.  She may have been self centered planning the wedding and may have got caught up in the planning but she is probably not like that now and they are probably enjoying a happy life together. Sometimes  brides want everything perfect and they want to look perfect for their groom.  Maybe she loved him so much she wanted to be a beautiful bride for him. I know they are in love and very happy together.

 
November 21, 2006, 11:19 am CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: btrflyck

I know some of you out there may think Jamie is shallow and selfish but I know first hand that she loves Mike very much and would do anything for him.  She may have been self centered planning the wedding and may have got caught up in the planning but she is probably not like that now and they are probably enjoying a happy life together. Sometimes  brides want everything perfect and they want to look perfect for their groom.  Maybe she loved him so much she wanted to be a beautiful bride for him. I know they are in love and very happy together.

Are you Jamie? I wonder cause of your user name.
 
November 21, 2006, 11:39 am CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: losinend

I can cetainly understand the value of having a wedding and wedding reception and everything else that goes along with it, especially since it's suppose to be this couple's most important day of their lives. "The joining together of two people in holy matrimony". Isn't that sweet? I can understand why the bride-to-be would want everything to go just "perfect" and settle for nothing less. Hey, I can even go along with the groom-to-be needing to entertain his buddies with one last "extra-cirricular" funtime.

 

It thoroughly amazes me the demand that is placed on time, money, and emotional effort (you know, the blood, sweat and tears) for just one special day and for one special couple. This is suppose to be their most "important day of their lives"--well, at least that is what they've always wanted to believe. "This is MY special day," often utterred by the bride-to-be, but somehow she forgets that this occasion is a "we" venture. Or, how about the groom-to-be? He embelishes on one final, most exclusively male-bonding event with his buddies, complete with girlies of provocative nature, popping out of angel cakes, dancing on and around the groom-to-be, while the rest of the guys watch with bugged-out, volkswagen eyes. Hmm, somehow, I just cannot quite get the mentality of some of those bachelor parties. Yeah, yeah, I know, this kind of male-bonding doesn't happen at every bachelor's parties. But, ya'll understand my drift?

 

Dr. Phil is exactly right on when he (quite often) emphasizes that couples spend more time, emotional effort, and money planning their wedding than they do planning their marriage. Those ill-critical words, I think, for lot of couples-to-be, enters one ear, but bothers to makes no stop to give the brain time to comprehend, and than consequently those same words eventually exit out the other ear. DUH!!

 

C'mon, young couples on today's Dr. Phil show, and all the rest of you young couple planning your wedding and not your marriage. Get real. Get very real!! You have not yet reached the maturity level to handle the very deepness and even the darkness of marriage. Marriage is not just a word. It's not just a life-long commitment that you hope will mold by itself. Did you know that you are entering into a "union", a "parnership", a "lifetime-until-eternity" commitment. This is an understanding that you will cherish, devote, respect, and make many sacrifice time and time again. That means that you will effectively communicate (psst, ya know, talk with each other); How about the notion that you will openly express tolerance, patience and acceptance toward each other?

 

Of course, you will support and lean on each other, and show some compassion. You definitely better be honest and truthful, recognize your own character weakness and show sincere apologize to your spouse. You've got  to honor and respect each other; to continually learn more about each other, grow together as independent people, and oh yeah, to "love each other". Oh my God, there goes that word: LOVE. Ya'll know what that means? I'm not talkin' about YOUR  definition, I'm talkin' about Love's definition of love. There is something about that word, "Love" Something so innocent, so precious and so much in value. But, so often its true genuieness gets overshadowed simply because of our own interpretation of love. Sure is a shame. Go ahead, ask your fiancee to give you a complete description, a complete definition, in detail on what love means to him/her. Than, after that,  the two of you can judge for yourselves if you are ready to join together in marriage.

 

Just think, if a successful marriage could be gauged or measured by  all of the work and effort put into the planning of a wedding, than there would be lots of married couples still happily married to each other.    Peace to y'all young couples ready to marry

Well done!!!!   Now that's what I call helpful. Peace indeed.
 
November 21, 2006, 11:50 am CST

?

Quote From: btrflyck

I know some of you out there may think Jamie is shallow and selfish but I know first hand that she loves Mike very much and would do anything for him.  She may have been self centered planning the wedding and may have got caught up in the planning but she is probably not like that now and they are probably enjoying a happy life together. Sometimes  brides want everything perfect and they want to look perfect for their groom.  Maybe she loved him so much she wanted to be a beautiful bride for him. I know they are in love and very happy together.

But how did buying a $600 purse and not telling him about it show Mike that she loved him. I think it's very possible they are in love and happy...I think the point is that even if she isn't a shallow and selfish person in general there were several actions that were selfish and shallow. And it seemed like Jamie did not even understand what it was that she was doing that was so inappropriate...like she felt like since all the bills were paid that it was okay for her to spend the remainder of the money however she felt like...the point wasn't whether they were okay financially, the point is that this is the beginning of a partnership and that is not the way you treat your partner. I don't think she would've liked it if she went to get some money to buy lipstick out of the account and it was empty b/c he bought a $600 set of golfclubs...
 
November 21, 2006, 12:28 pm CST

The wedding is not the point. Marriage is.

 I am so tired of hearing about how women dream of their wedding from the time they are 5 years old and, therefore, they should be given whatever they want.  Instead we should demand that women move their focus from one big party to the marriage. 

While I am a woman, I did not spend my whole life dreaming about being princess for a day.  To me, the wedding is the one day when the bride and groom’s families and friends mix.  In this day and age when people move all over the country, the wedding may be the only time this happens.  So it is an important day. 

But the point of the wedding is the marriage.  This means the day is about both of the parties equally (sorry brides, you have to share the day equally).  This also means the wedding event itself should have the stamp of both the bride and the groom (sorry grooms, you have to be equally involved).  It is a major test of how you will behave as a couple – whether you look out for each other's wants, whether you will be a responsible manager of the family's budget and whether you have the same priorities.  It should be treated it as such.

And Dr. Phil and Robin, please stop acting like it is okay for brides to make this day all about themselves.  Admittedly, it has become acceptable, but it isn’t right.  It is a shame, and we don’t need to encourage it.  

 
November 21, 2006, 12:34 pm CST

Third Time

Quote From: losinend

You've got three strikes on ya, girl. But, you're only out just this time. You've got another time at bat, only this time watch the pitch and swing only at the good pitch. Weddings, marriages, relationship is a 100 percent effort from both parties!

 

 

Good luck on your next time at bat.  You just might hit yourself a home run!        Peace to ya'll

I am in my third marriage.  I have to say, this is it.  I finally got it right.  What was the diference?  I met someone for whom the relationship really is a partnership and not just a GIMME! situation.  Neither of us asks for anything from the other (material things), so we each do our best to please each other because both of us feel the other deserves it.
 
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