Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

The thing that struck me about both couples was the imbalance of power and the lack of teamwork so evident in their interactions.  Marriage is about forming a partnership, and that requires communication and compromise on the part of BOTH people involved.  If either partner isn't mature enough to get over their need to always have their own way, they have no business getting married.  If someone controls or openly defies their spouse-to-be over wedding plans, what are they going to be like once a baby is on the way?!  Heaven help the child who will get caught in the middle of that mess.

I can cetainly understand the value of having a wedding and wedding reception and everything else that goes along with it, especially since it's suppose to be this couple's most important day of their lives. "The joining together of two people in holy matrimony". Isn't that sweet? I can understand why the bride-to-be would want everything to go just "perfect" and settle for nothing less. Hey, I can even go along with the groom-to-be needing to entertain his buddies with one last "extra-cirricular" funtime.

It thoroughly amazes me the demand that is placed on time, money, and emotional effort (you know, the blood, sweat and tears) for just one special day and for one special couple. This is suppose to be their most "important day of their lives"--well, at least that is what they've always wanted to believe. "This is MY special day," often utterred by the bride-to-be, but somehow she forgets that this occasion is a "we" venture. Or, how about the groom-to-be? He embelishes on one final, most exclusively male-bonding event with his buddies, complete with girlies of provocative nature, popping out of angel cakes, dancing on and around the groom-to-be, while the rest of the guys watch with bugged-out, volkswagen eyes. Hmm, somehow, I just cannot quite get the mentality of some of those bachelor parties. Yeah, yeah, I know, this kind of male-bonding doesn't happen at every bachelor's parties. But, ya'll understand my drift?

Dr. Phil is exactly right on when he (quite often) emphasizes that couples spend more time, emotional effort, and money planning their wedding than they do planning their marriage. Those ill-critical words, I think, for lot of couples-to-be, enters one ear, but bothers to makes no stop to give the brain time to comprehend, and than consequently those same words eventually exit out the other ear. DUH!!

C'mon, young couples on today's Dr. Phil show, and all the rest of you young couple planning your wedding and not your marriage. Get real. Get very real!! You have not yet reached the maturity level to handle the very deepness and even the darkness of marriage. Marriage is not just a word. It's not just a life-long commitment that you hope will mold by itself. Did you know that you are entering into a "union", a "parnership", a "lifetime-until-eternity" commitment. This is an understanding that you will cherish, devote, respect, and make many sacrifice time and time again. That means that you will effectively communicate (psst, ya know, talk with each other); How about the notion that you will openly express tolerance, patience and acceptance toward each other?

Of course, you will support and lean on each other, and show some compassion. You definitely better be honest and truthful, recognize your own character weakness and show sincere apologize to your spouse. You've got  to honor and respect each other; to continually learn more about each other, grow together as independent people, and oh yeah, to "love each other". Oh my God, there goes that word: LOVE. Ya'll know what that means? I'm not talkin' about YOUR  definition, I'm talkin' about Love's definition of love. There is something about that word, "Love" Something so innocent, so precious and so much in value. But, so often its true genuieness gets overshadowed simply because of our own interpretation of love. Sure is a shame. Go ahead, ask your fiancee to give you a complete description, a complete definition, in detail on what love means to him/her. Than, after that,  the two of you can judge for yourselves if you are ready to join together in marriage.

Just think, if a successful marriage could be gauged or measured by  all of the work and effort put into the planning of a wedding, than there would be lots of married couples still happily married to each other.    Peace to y'all young couples ready to marry

Mike and Jamie's relationship is proof that looks are paramount to men in a relationship. Mike would rather put up with Jamie than find a better woman- who may not be as good looking but will treat him well and not make ridiculous, self-centered decisions.

I don't feel sorry for Mike.

You've got three strikes on ya, girl. But, you're only out just this time. You've got another time at bat, only this time watch the pitch and swing only at the good pitch. Weddings, marriages, relationship is a 100 percent effort from both parties!

Good luck on your next time at bat.  You just might hit yourself a home run!        Peace to ya'll

I know some of you out there may think Jamie is shallow and selfish but I know first hand that she loves Mike very much and would do anything for him.  She may have been self centered planning the wedding and may have got caught up in the planning but she is probably not like that now and they are probably enjoying a happy life together. Sometimes  brides want everything perfect and they want to look perfect for their groom.  Maybe she loved him so much she wanted to be a beautiful bride for him. I know they are in love and very happy together.

 I am so tired of hearing about how women dream of their wedding from the time they are 5 years old and, therefore, they should be given whatever they want.  Instead we should demand that women move their focus from one big party to the marriage. 

While I am a woman, I did not spend my whole life dreaming about being princess for a day.  To me, the wedding is the one day when the bride and groom’s families and friends mix.  In this day and age when people move all over the country, the wedding may be the only time this happens.  So it is an important day. 

But the point of the wedding is the marriage.  This means the day is about both of the parties equally (sorry brides, you have to share the day equally).  This also means the wedding event itself should have the stamp of both the bride and the groom (sorry grooms, you have to be equally involved).  It is a major test of how you will behave as a couple – whether you look out for each other's wants, whether you will be a responsible manager of the family's budget and whether you have the same priorities.  It should be treated it as such.

And Dr. Phil and Robin, please stop acting like it is okay for brides to make this day all about themselves.  Admittedly, it has become acceptable, but it isn’t right.  It is a shame, and we don’t need to encourage it.